lisa's pov
It was already dark in our room when I got in, and from the light peaking in when I opened the door, I easily saw that there was only one person on the bigger bed.
Even when her back was on me, it was no brainer that it's Jennie just with the way she's sleeping like a baby, her back and legs slightly bent.
When I closed the door behind me, it turned pitch black inside.
I quietly went to my bed... although I know she's awake.
"I can't sleep," she says in almost a whisper.
Why is my heart aching?
Maybe because I'm wishing I could hold her to sleep. Being in the same room as her, with just us two, is torturing me even more. Where the hell is Jisoo?
"Why'd you gone to bed early, then?" I asked, lying on my back. My eyes are wide open even when I see nothing in the ceiling.
"I've always slept early, you know that."
"You're on a vacation though... who gets to bed early?" I teased, trying to ignore the elephant in the room.
"You and me, maybe?" she lets out a strained chuckle.
"I'm kinda tipsy, that's why I went to bed early. But you're earlier."
"I couldn't find you, that's why."
Only she could make me feel this way with just her words.
"Why?" my breath hitched.
She took in a sharp intake of breath, "I feel like I just fucked things up."
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"You have to figure things yourself, Jen... because as much as I'd do everything to win you over..." I couldn't finish it, because how would I word it?
That I'm grateful for the chance, but upset that she gave the same to someone else? Do I have the right to feel this too?
"I will," it sounded like a promise, but not a guarantee that she will choose me.
"Goodnight, Jennie."
-
The next morning, I got up earlier than anyone else. Seems like everyone's tired. Maybe they went to bed late.
When I heard the door creak open, my eyes were met with Jennie's sleepy ones.
"Good morning," I threw her a smile.
"H-Hey, good morning to you too."
Instead of only one, I made two cups of coffee quickly.
"Coffee and bread for you, hun," I placed the cup of coffee as well as the bread on the counter where she's standing in front of.
Her eyes widened a bit, her cheeks a pink tinge.
I asked for this chance and I wouldn't waste it.
"Why?" I propped my elbow on the edge of the counter opposite her side, my chin on her face as I leveled hers and smiled, "Falling for me already? It's just bread and coffee, hun."
"Are you still..." she bit her lower lip, "I mean... I thought you're upset..."
"Maybe. But that wouldn't make me love you any less, just because there's tight competition," I shrugged.
I grinned when she blushed harder.
-
Junmyeon woke up a bit later. I watched as his eyes searched for Jennie, until it landed on her while she was busy taking pictures of the beach from the veranda.
"Good morning, beautiful."
My mood turned sour hearing that. Good thing he didn't touch her. Good thing she looked just as awkward to him like she was to me earlier, but without the blush that was on her cheeks earlier.
-
We were all probably tired that no one wanted to take a dip anymore before we go home later today. We just opted to watch a movie in the huge television in the living room.
Jisoo and Sejeong were looking at me weirdly, probably noticing how I raced towards the spot beside Jennie, leaving Junmyeon looking annoyed as he sat on the floor below us instead.
Beside him are Bogum and Somi. Hyeri is on Jennie's other side, and Jisoo and Sejeong were on a separate couch.
Jennie seemed to be wary of both Junmyeon and myself all day, probably worried of how the two of us were acting towards her. Only Sejeong and Somi seemed to be weirded out while the others seemed to be amused and knew what's happening.
"That ended better than expected," I heard Junmyeon say when the male lead chose his current girlfriend despite the story revolving on his feelings for his ex and vice versa.
I snorted and said nothing. At least I'm sitting beside Jennie.
"Jen, you're still sitting beside me right? I'll drive," Junmyeon suddenly blurts while we were busy putting our stuffs on the van to get home.
I looked at him while he matched my gaze, none of us seeming to back down.
Good thing it was just us three. The others were still in the villa.
"You can sit beside Sejeong, Lis," he smiled tauntingly.
"Let Jennie choose where she wants to sit, Junmyeon," I said pointedly.
"Stop it, you two," Jennie seemed to be in distress, making me feel guilty.
Even Junmyeon seemed to realize it.
"Maybe I should just sit beside Jisoo again..."
How do I even do this when it feels more like a competition than just.. simply loving her?
-
Bogum took the wheel when Junmyeon also took off at Jennie's place.
I know I don't have the right but I can't help the disappointment when Jennie agreed to hanging out with him after we dropped them at her house.
Junmyeon's really stepping his best foot forward when it comes to her.
"Take care," I gave her a tired smile.
I just need to rest it off.
They'll just hangout. I can ask her out some other time.
"Text me when you get home," she says, as if walking on egg shells.
Forcing a smile, I nodded. "I will."
-
I've been turning in bed for a couple of minutes now. Why can't I fucking sleep?
I ignored the buzzing on my phone when I saw that it's a text from Somi, thanking me for that trip and for dropping her home, as if we didn't drop all of them home.
Sejeong also texted me something similar earlier.
How come Jennie's liked two other people whereas she's the only one I've ever liked? Love, even.
How come she was hanging out with Junmyeon in her house? Did she introduce him to her family?
It was my fault I refused to meet her family before.
Now I wonder... was Andrew also close to her mom and brother?
I was a bit down that night. On the next day, I was still not feeling it even at work... but maybe Jennie was feeling worse, physically.
My frown deepened seeing Hyeri's message.
Hyeri: poor jenjen :( did u know she's sick?
Hyeri: i was asking her to send over my pics since last night but she just responded
Hyeri: said she's dying with her flu so she also didn't come to work today
"Shit..." I mumble.
"Don't be a chicken now," Taecyeon looks at me from the car's mirror, chuckling, "Come on, Lalisa. You've managed to come all the way here."
I'm still sitting at the backseat of my car. Taecyeon drove me all the way here... nearby Jennie's house.
He looked like he was holding his laughter. Maybe I look like shit right now.
"What if her family are there? What will I tell them?"
"That you're worried about Jennie," he said simply, "Aren't you?"
I frowned, "Badly."
His encouraging smile helped me muster the courage. My hesitations slowly faded the more worried I become. I just hope Jennie's not that sick.
So I got down the car and walked along their neighborhood, all the while shaking off the nervousness before knocking on their door a couple of times.
The gate briskly opened and then a familiar-looking woman appeared. She looks a lot like Jennie, but more mature. She's someone I've seen a lot before but only in the pictures.
I remember finally having the courage to meet Jennie's family years back. That was the same day Jennie asked if our relationship was still going somewhere.
"I already told you we don't have the money-" she stopped talking once she saw me, recognition in her eyes. Maybe she initially thought I was one of those sales people who promote products along the neighborhood. I'm wearing a gray suit, after all.
My heart was racing so fast.
"G-Good day Ma'am... I-I'm Lisa..." Well. Shit.
"I know.." she nods a little. "What are you doing here, Lisa?"
She looked calm, but wary. I'm her daughter's ex, after all. The ex that never got the courage to meet her until now.
"I heard... I heard Jennie's sick, uh..." I looked into my empty hands and almost squeezed my eyes shut in frustration. I ran into here without even thinking to bring some food or medicine.
I was so eager to see Jennie and make sure she's okay, that I stupidly ran off during my lunch break without bringing anything.
"Is she expecting you?" she asks carefully.
That made me look down on my feet as I shook my head, my hands gripping tightly on my pouch.
"I'm sorry to meet you this way..." I mumble. "I should have called before coming..."
"I wish you showed up years back," she gave me a tight-lipped smile, but surprisingly opened the door wider, "But it's fine. Welcome to our humble home."
I blinked in surprise, but then she already turned her back on me so I hurriedly followed her inside and closed the door behind me.
Their house seemed homey, actually. I was looking around as I was lead inside. It's nice and clean. There were some small pots of plants lined outside the wooden door. When you go in, the living room walls are full of framed pictures of them. A lot are pictures of Jennie and Hyunsuk from school ceremonies.
Jennie showed me those pictures before, of course... but it still feels nice to actually see these frames up close. She looks so happy and endearing on her graduation picture.
Jennie's mom cleared her throat when she came back, making my cheeks heat up because I was caught smiling.
"I just brought her soup a little while ago but she still hasn't eaten it yet. Can you make sure she finish it? I'll go do errands in the market while you're here. I couldn't leave her earlier..." she says, grabbing an eco bag.
I nodded quickly. "Of course, Ma'am..."
"Good. Thank you, Lisa."
I only nodeed. Honestly, I can't figure out if she hates that I'm here or if she's glad. But I know it's reasonable if she ever hated me for hurting Jennie before.
When she left, I proceeded to the room where she said Jennie was in... I made sure to knock first.
"Come in!" I hear her say, her voice hoarse.
Opening the door, I slowly let myself in and saw her getting up on a sitting position, her fingers running on her hair. Looks like she has just woken up.
But I can't get mistaken with the horrified look on her face when she saw me, her lips parting. It made me stop on my tracks.
"Lisa? Why are you here?" she suddenly seemed conscious, tucking her hair behind her ear awkwardly. "I thought Jisoo... or Junmyeon..."
So her mom didn't tell her it's me. She would be more comfortable with Junmyeon, then?
"Hyeri told me you're sick," I bit the insides of my cheek, "Can I come in?"
She nods, looking embarrassed, "You can sit here," she tapped the space on the bed beside her. I noticed there's no other chair inside her room.
Slowly, she moved to the side to give me more space. "Have you eaten, Lis?"
I sighed as I came closer, "Jennie, I came here to check on you. Not for you to entertain me here as your guest. So don't worry about me. I know you're not feeling well— what's wrong?"
"Did you..." she wasn't exactly listening to me earlier since she looked side-tracked, then she looked at me with wide eyes, "Meet my mom?"
"Hm," I nodded as I sat beside her.
"Did she say anything? Ask you anything?" she seemed worried.
"No, she just let me in then said she'll be back in a while..." I frowned, "Why?"
She took in a deep breath then sighed slowly.
"Are you okay?" I faced her completely. She couldn't look me in the eyes.
"Y-Yeah..."
"Are you hungry? Your mom told me you haven't eaten much."
I didn't wait for her answer as I reached for the tray on the table beside her. "Eat it while it's still hot. Is there anything else you want? I'll have it delivered."
She was quiet, but I felt her shaking her head while I was busy holding up the bowl closer to her face. I scooped using the spoon and finally looked at her, bringing it close to her mouth.
"I'm not hungry," she says weakly.
"Please?" I urged her again.
She pouted while nodding, making me smile triumphantly.
I noticed her trying not to smile with my reaction.
So I just fed her in silence. It took a while but she managed to finish her food and drink her medicine.
"Want to lie down?" I asked her.
"I'll fall asleep on you," she shakes her head.
"I don't mind. You should rest, Jen."
"I don't want to fall asleep on you," she frowns a little. "I miss..." she coughs a little, "I miss talking to you."
My heart beated rapidly. It's already fast since I saw her. Now, it's even harder to tame.
"You're clingy when you're sick," I gave her a small smile.
"I don't want you to catch my cold... but..." she pouts again.
It's only really beating for her. My heart.
"But you want me close, is that it?" I asked to make sure.
"Yes," she said, almost making me laugh because her face lit up. She sounded so sure and eager, even meeting my eyes.
Only she can make me feel this happy after being sad over her. I think I get why they say love can be both a curse and a blessing.
Jennie can destroy me. Only she can. But I can only love her alone, and no one else.
"Good thing I already cancelled my appointments then," I placed the tray back on the bedside table, then looked at her. "Go sleep. I'll stay close."
She obliged, laying down without removing her gaze on me. "Closer," she murmurs, tapping the space beside her demandingly, but also weakly.
I wonder if she wants me closer, even when she's no longer sick.
I hope so.
"Okay, Jen..." I whisper, caressing her cheek. She smiled, the kind that makes me warm.
I removed my coat to be more comfortable, then went to lie beside her. I gave us some space, just to make sure she isn't uncomfortable.
"I said closer.." she scoots closer, lying on her side with her head falling on my chest.
I swallowed hard, managing to place my arm under her head. We were a natural at this. This still feels so familiar.
She sighed in content.
"Don't ever push me away again, please?" I murmur when she fell asleep, her breathing now calmer and even. I gently pressed my lips on her forehead. "Let me stay closer, Hon. Please."
Her fever isn't that high anymore, so I was able to fall asleep without worrying too much.. aside from worrying about her feelings.
-
"Y-Y-Yah!"
I grunted with the noise. With the heaviness on my chest, I am reminded that Jennie's head is resting on it. Jennie... who was also startled, so she raised her head abruptly, hitting my chin.
"Aw," I whimpered.
"Oh God, I'm sorry," she gently stroked my chin. "All good?"
I nodded, still a bit taken aback with how close and gentle she was with me.
"Noona, why is she sleeping beside you?"
We were reminded that we're not the only ones in her room. Her brother, Hyunsuk, is staring at us from the door scandalously and his mouth wide open.
"Aw, Mom!" he whines when their mom suddenly appeared, flicking his forehead.
"How many times did I tell you to knock first?"
"I did!" he rubs his forehead, then pointed at me, "Are they back togeth— ouch, ouch, Mom!"
"Lisa, come out and have dinner with us okay? I'll bring Jennie her food here," Mrs. Kim tells as she dragged Hyunsuk with her through his ears.
Jennie quickly sat up. My eyes widened too as I got nervous.
"Want to eat your dinner here in my room instead?" her face turned red.
I gently placed my hand on her forehead, sighing in relief because her fever is really down now.
"No, it's okay. How can I refuse your mom when she wants to eat dinner with me?" I said jokingly to lighten the mood, although I was really nervous.
"Then I'll also eat in the dining area. I'm perfectly fine now."
"Are you sure?"
"I said I want you close.. Didn't I?" she said softly, her eyes were very telling. Her hand went up to my forearm, caressing it with her thumb, "Thank you for taking care of me."
"Always," I told her, although my throat was dried up from her touch. "Now I need to know... Does your mom prefer silence when eating or should I talk non-stop to win her?"
Jennie grinned. Her eyes were sparkling.
"She already likes you, Lisa. You just have to remind her that."
"But she never met me before," I frowned.
"You were all she talked about before, how can Mom not know you?" now, that's Hyunsuk's snarky remark when Jennie and I came to the dining area and I re-introduced myself again as Jennie's... I didn't know what to say, and that was when he butted in.
"Don't be rude now, Hyunsuk-ah," their mom was gentle. She smiled at me. "You couldn't even throw away the shoes she gave you when they broke up."
I almost choked on my food.
"My shoes has nothing to do with their relationship... speaking of which," he raised his brows at us. "Noona, did you really get back with her? What about Andrew?"
"Hyunsuk!" Jennie glared at him. "Shut up."
"I'm just asking..." he sighs, glancing at me, then to his food again while murmuring, "Just make sure she wouldn't hurt you again."
"I can't promise that because I never intended to hurt her in the first place but still..." I pat the corner of my lips with a napkin, my eyes slowly lifted to meet her gaze, "I learned my lesson. I just wish it didn't cost me that much."
Jennie's eyes darted to her plate. I wish she'd look at me when it gets hard for her, just so I'd have a chance to know what's running on her mind.
"I-I was just asking, okay?" Hyunsuk looked guilty.
My brows furrowed, so when I looked carefully again just like Hyunsuk, I realized that Jennie's eyes were teary, so she hastily wiped it.
I swallowed hard, not know what to do. It's like I'm frozen, seeing Jennie get emotional.
"How's the food, Lisa?" her mom suddenly asks, her eyes solely on me.
"Um.." I glanced at Jennie again, conflicted. But then, she raised her head to give me a tight-lipped smile, as if telling me not to mind her. I looked at her mom, "It's very much to my liking, Ma'am."
"I'm very glad, then..." It's obvious that she tried not to chuckle.
But Jennie did.
I looked at her in confusion.
She leans closer to my ear, "Relax, Lisa. You don't have to be so formal."
I let out a deep breath, scratching my forehead in embarassment. The two women are now smiling so I'm a little relieved. Well, Hyunsuk is smirking now. I guess that's better too.
"So, I've seen you in newspapers that Jennie kept before so I have a clue of how good you are in business, but I want to hear from you more about it..." her mom looks intrigued. And although I'm a bit nervous because it's like meeting your girl's family for the first time, although Jennie isn't really my girlfriend... I'm still glad the topic shifted this way. At least, it isn't as heavy anymore.
-
"Jennie, no..." I firmly shook my head, my hands on both sides of the door frame, "It's cold outside and you're still sick."
"I just want to walk you to your car. I'm already wearing a jacket, Lis!" she sulks.
I looked at her closely. My eyes went from the crease on her forehead, to her perfect brows and the mole below it. I almost said gave in with the may her pretty eyes were looking at me, and her pouty lips.
"Next time, Jennie. Okay?"
"Next time?" she raised her brows, genuinely surprised with the thought.
I bit my lip. "Only if you'll allow me."
A smile spread on her lips.
I'm taking it as a good sign.
Everything's suddenly going so well. It's unbelievable.
To think that I was losing hope just earlier...
"I mean, yeah... you can visit anytime," she says, seeming shy. "But I really want to walk you to your car because I have something to say."
"Hyunsuk's already in his room," I whisper, looking around, "Your mom too."
"Fine," she sighed, "There's lots of things to talk about, actually... which we can do some other time. But right now, Lisa, I just want to thank you for being here for me."
"It's nothing."
"And also," she quickly adds, "My family likes you. I'm sorry if it was uncomfortable during dinner. But they're just cautious, especially Hyunsuk."
"It's very much understandable," I assure her, letting my arms fall to my sides. I want to take a step closer and hold her, but I don't want to rush and mess things up.
She let out another deep breath, looking at me with such vulnerability when she spoke, "Let's talk soon, okay? But for now... stay close? Please?"
My stupid heart is beating like crazy. Always, for her.
I let a foolish smile control my lips. "There's nowhere else to go."