I never knew that love could tear me apart the way it has, maybe if I'd have known then I would never have let myself fall in love with Rafe Cameron. I would've kept my distance from the boy who has made my friends' lives hell.
We pull up outside the police station, and John B is practically itching to hand that tape over to the cops. I know that they're out looking for Rafe, and I know this is only going to add fuel to that fire so I just need it over and done with.
"I'll just show the tape to Shoupe, then I'll be back." John B announces as he takes the recorder from JJ.
"I'm coming in with you, I want to hear the tape." I tell him in the heat of the moment, not entirely sure that I'm aware of how difficult this might be.
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea." John B sighs.
"I'm not going to relapse hearing something I already know," I sigh as he stares at me blankly, "I need closure."
"Okay," John B nods as he climbs out of the twinkie, opening the door for me, "Lets go."
I glance back at the twinkie to see JJ offering me a reassuring smile before I follow John B up to the police station entrance, hoping that we can get this done quickly, so I can attempt to stop hating myself for loving a man who's capable of murder. John B holds the door open for me and I immediately see Shoupe talking to another officer.
"Shoupe," John B calls out, "We've got something to show you, it's about Rafe and Ward."
I feel anxiety building in the pit of my stomach but I do my best to stifle it, breathing slowly and cautiously as Shoupe approaches us, "What's that?"
"I think it's best we go somewhere quiet," John B tells him, holding up the tape recorder.
"My office," Shoupe sighs, looking over his shoulder at an SBI officer, "Bratcher, these kids have something for us."
Shoupe leads us into his office, letting us sit on one side of the desk, while he and Bratcher take the other, the minute the door is closed my palms become sweaty. I just need to get through this, and then maybe everything will be okay. John B presses play on the tape and I wait with baited breath for the sound of Gavin's voice.
"When I got down to the tarmac, I saw the Sheriff lying dead on the ground, and Ward asked me to fly the gold to Nassau and dispose of the gun. He's protecting his son, it was Rafe Cameron who killed Sheriff Peterkin," My heart plummets to the bottom of my stomach hearing those words, despite knowing it already, hearing those words make it even more real, I grab John B's hand, just needing some sense of reality to steady my sanity, "I've gotta be honest, I'm terrified, if anything happens to me, I'm telling you it was Ward Cameron, he's the one that did it."
"I told you Shoupe, Ward killed my father and Gavin, and now you know Rafe killed Peterkin." John B tells him as he drops my hand.
"Yeah, I know kid," Shoupe sighs, "You should know we arrested Rafe Cameron earlier, and we have him in a holding cell."
They have him, he's going to be charged with murder, they'll put him on trial, they'll tear him apart and scrutinise every flaw, they'll hate me for when I believed him. And then he'll either spend his entire life behind bars, or they could give him the death penalty.
"Can I see him?" I ask, fuelled by panic, and the part of me that still cares about him, just wanting to know that he's okay.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Shoupe sighs, "It goes against all the rules we have here."
"Respectfully, you and your team failed to see that Ward is the reason my sister went missing because she knew what he was capable of, so I think the least you can do is give me this," I reply, ready to play resentful victim, "We wouldn't want such negligence slipping into the press would we? Have everyone scrutinising the integrity of your team?"
"You can have five minutes." Shoupe sighs, standing up.
"Are you sure about this?" John B asks me with a concerned face.
"No," I smile, standing up, "But I need to do it."
Shoupe leads me out of his office and through one of the staff entrances through the area I recognise from when I gave my statement after the shooting, "Just wait here." Shoupe instructs me, leaving me in the waiting area before speaking to Officer Plumb and gesturing towards me.
She approaches me tentatively, with a small smile, "Come with me, Sidney."
She leads me through a basic door, and we walk down some steps to another, heavy locked door. She unlocks the door and walks through it, calling out, "You've got a visitor, Rafe."
"Who?" I hear him shout as we walk around a corner, my hands trembling as I lay eyes on Rafe behind bars.
"You've got five minutes, I'll be outside." Plumb tells me as Rafe looks up at me in disbelief, staying close to the back wall, and even from here I can see the grazes on his skin.
As soon as we hear the door slam he rushes to the bars to be as close to me as possible, despite me standing about a metre from his cell, "You're here."
"Yeah, I am." I whisper, my heart racing as I attempt to navigate this conversation.
"Your hair, it's different," He replies, observing my freshly dyed hair.
"Yeah," I nod, looking down at the floor, "It kind of felt like time to bring some of the old me back."
"Are you okay?" He mutters, holding onto the bars of his cell, "The hospital let you go?"
"I didn't tell them, I discharged myself." I reply, fighting the desire to rush towards him and let him back into my life.
"But what if you're not ready? What if something happens to you?" He asks.
"Don't act like you care." I exhale, driven to destruction by what I heard in that tape.
"What do you mean? Of course I care about you!" He exclaims, startling me slightly.
"You know, Rafe," I sigh, folding my arms across my chest, "You're such a good liar, that I struggle to understand what was real and what was fake between us, because lying is something that seems to come so easy to you."
"The way I felt, feel about you is true, all of that is real." He attempts to reassure me as I blink away the tears waiting to escape from my eyes.
"It was real, was it?" I scoff, "Are you sure you weren't just hoping that Daddy dearest would finally take notice if you were fucking a pogue?"
Growing up, I quickly learnt that anger is an incredibly effective mask to disguise grief and upset. It will also make it a lot easier to let Rafe go if he despises me the way I despise myself, I can't continue to be the version of me that he says he loves.
"Do you think I enjoyed hiding this from you?" He attempts to reason with me.
"I don't know, because I don't know you anymore." I mutter.
"I was trying to protect you, Sid." He exclaims, smacking his hand against the bars of his cell.
"I didn't need protecting from anything except what you did!" I shout, finally let all the pent up anger explode, turning to face the wall behind me as I recompose myself.
"I hate what this has done to you, Sid." He sighs.
"So do I," I turn back to face him, approaching him slowly, "But at least you taught me to grow a fucking backbone."
"You already had one, you just didn't know you were capable of using it," He mutters, like he's proud of me for getting angry at him, "And I'd rather have you hate me then lose you completely."
"But you don't have me anymore, Rafe," I reply, glancing down at my hands to see the one thing still tying me to him, "And I won't lie for you."
"Sid," He pleads as I approach the bars of the cell.
"Give me your hand." I tell him and he complies as I slip his ring off of my finger.
"No, please don't do this." He begs, clinging onto the bars of his cell.
"We need to let each other go, so that we can heal," I whisper, taking his hand, his tight grip on the bar breaking at my touch.
"I'll be a better man for you, Sid," He pleads as his eyes begin to well up and I have to tear my gaze from him as a tear rolls down his cheek, "I'll get help, I'll get clean, and I'll do it for you."
"Don't be a better man for me, don't be a better man for your dad," I whisper, placing his ring in the palm of his hand, "Be a better man for you."
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My heart is hollow without Rafe in it. I still adore him, that doesn't just switch off, but to move on from what we were, I need to start leaving us in the past. That hollowness causes an indescribable ache that I never knew would hurt so much.
Since finding out what Rafe did, and what he's truly capable of, I've been asking myself whether I'd erase the time we had together for the sake of the pain he caused me. And I wouldn't, I would do it all over again, even knowing the pain I would have to endure.
I don't believe that people are born bad, I think sometimes it's a result of our environment, and other times I think it's the way we're raised. But for Rafe, I believe both of these were contributing factors.
Would he have done such wicked things if he grew up on the cut? Would he appreciate his family for the love rather than the inheritance? Would he have done these things if he hadn't spent his entire life competing for his father's affection? Maybe we would've all been friends, maybe we would've ended up having a proper life together. Maybe we would have been happy.
But that's just a fantasy world, and if these last few months have taught me anything it's that reality is simply a disappointing version of what you want it to be.
When I left the police station, my friends sent me a message to say they'd meet me back at the chateau. I've walked all the way back to the cut, my body aching, as I had just hoped they'd wait for me, but I suppose they assumed I'd be talking to Rafe longer than five minutes. Maybe they assumed he'd manage to get inside my head and get me back on side.
I reach the chateau, greeted with the familiar sound of the boys celebrating something as I walk around the back of the house, spotting Sarah and Kiara on the porch. I open the door which catches their attention as the three boys sit inside the house, toasting to Ward's demise.
"Hey, you okay?" Kiara smiles gently as I approach the girls.
I beeline for Sarah, bending down to where the girls are sitting and wrapping my arms around her, "I'm sorry," I whisper as she hugs me tightly.
"They're coming for Rafe and Ward aren't they?" She mutters as I sit beside her.
"Yeah," I nod.
"How was it?" Kiara asks me.
"Horrible," I exhale, running my fingers over my ring finger where Rafe's signet ring was sat just a couple of hours ago, "I hated seeing him like that."
"Well at least now that he's behind bars you can move on with your life." Kiara replies naively. I glance at Sarah, her face covered with more empathy than Kiara's, probably because we're both battling similar emotions.
Sarah's phone rings so she takes herself to the side to answer it. Whoever it is that's calling her, the topic of conversation isn't a good one as the look on her face goes from bad to worse.
After about two minutes she ends the call, looking at Kiara and I with anxiety in her eyes. I'd recognise that sort of expression anywhere, she is no doubt terrified of something.
"Sarah?" I mutter, approaching her slowly, "What's wrong?"
She holds onto my hands, blinking away the tears that are hoping to escape her eyes, "They've signed a warrant for my Dad's arrest, I think I need to see him before the cops get to him."
"We can do that," I assure her before looking over my shoulder at the boys, "Boys, get the twinkie ready, we'll explain on the way."
We made our way to Tannyhill, John B putting his foot down on the pedal as we reach Figure Eight. Several cop cars spread past us as we reach a junction, Me, Kiara and the boys share a concerned look in the back of the car.
"Can you please hurry?" Sarah pleads, "I need to be there for Wheezie."
"You think I wanna miss this?" John B scoffs under his breath, and if I had more energy, I'd be pulling him up on his choice of words.
"It's going to be okay," I assure Sarah, even though I know neither of us truly believe me.
As we get closer to Tannyhill multiple police cars speed past us, just a few days ago they were in pursuit of John B. And now they've got Rafe, and they're coming for his father. I suppose that's a plus that Rafe won't be taking the hit alone, he'll have his father by his side.
We spend the next five minutes of the drive in silence, none of us really having the right words to say for what has happened. I don't think any of us know how to talk to Sarah about the demise of her family.
Eventually we pull up alongside the back wall of Tannyhill, the last time I was at this wall was to sneak in so I could spend the night with Rafe. I didn't think things would ever change so drastically.
We all jump out of the van, rushing towards the wall, watching as cops swarm the grounds of the Cameron estate.
"Holy shit," Sarah whispers.
"You're okay," I assure her, taking her hand in mine.
"Screw it, I'm going over." John B tells us, pushing himself up onto the wall. I understand that this means a lot to him, to see justice for what Ward did to his dad, but this is not what Sarah needs right now, she needs support, she needs us to be her family.
"Right behind you." JJ nods, helping John B over the wall, before crouching down to do the same for each of us.
He helps me up and over the wall first, I land on Tannyhill soil and hold my arms out for Sarah, "I've got you, alright."
Once all of us have climbed the wall we head up the garden towards the house to see Rose and Wheezie on the patio, "Wheeze, Wheezie."
"Why are the police here again?" Wheezie asks in naive confusion as Sarah wraps her arms around her.
"Go inside and don't come out." Sarah whispers as the rest of us watch on, she guides Wheezie towards the door, letting Rose take her inside.
"I think they're down on the jetty, Sarah," I whisper, squeezing her hand gently.
"Let's go then," John B nods.
The six of us run around the back of the house, heading straight for the water. The thing about the owners of these houses is they can afford the biggest boats, meaning they need adequate docking space. So as we run down the wooden decking it feels as though we'll be running forever.
"Dad!" Sarah calls out as we reach the end of the decking where Shoupe and his team are standing.
"That's Sarah Cameron, let her through!" Shoupe instructs his team as they move to the side to allow us through.
"What are you doing here, Sarah?" Ward shouts from the Druthers which is anchored several metres from where we are on the decking.
"Dad, what are you doing?" Sarah panics as we walk down to the end of the decking.
"Vic, you need to get her out of here!" Ward pleads, "She can't be here right now."
I hate to think how Rafe would react if he were here right now, he would try to reason with his father, I'm sure of that. But this is the Cameron men through and through, running away from all their problems until they can't run anymore.
"Just come on in, and you can talk to her!" Shoupe assures him.
"Sarah, I'm so sorry baby," Ward shouts as he lifts the anchor.
"He's gonna make a getaway," I whisper to JJ as he squeezes my hand.
"I don't think they'll let him get that far," JJ replies.
"What are you doing, Dad?" Sarah shouts.
"Ward! This won't end the way you want it to!" Shoupe tells him as two police boats begin speeding towards Tannyhill, "She doesn't need to see this!"
We watch as Ward climbs down the ladder, making his way towards the interior of the boat, "Dad, don't leave! Where are you going?"
"I love you!" Is all that Ward can seem to muster as he slips inside.
"Ward, turn that boat around and get back in here!" Shoupe shouts as Ward disappears inside the boat.
"Please don't! Please!" Sarah screams, knowing that if he tries to flee, the cops will have no qualms about shooting him.
Before I can approach Sarah to comfort her, and maybe tear her away from seeing this the boat explodes, bursting into flames as rubble flies off in every direction.
At first you hope it isn't real, that it's your mind playing cruel tricks on you. But as you look at your friends' faces and then back at the scene in front of you, you realise this is more than just a nightmare.
We all watch in shock as a cloud of viciously dark smoke engulfs the space. My heart is racing so fast I fear it could burst through my chest. I look at Sarah who is sobbing uncontrollably, while John B just stares at the scene of the demise of the man who killed his father.
I stand beside JJ, watching as Topper runs down the decking towards Sarah, of course he's always there when a crisis occurs. He reaches Sarah, wrapping his arms around her as she crumbles to the floor. John B obviously doesn't know what to say as he stares at Sarah, when all she needs right now is comfort.
Pushing past him, I crouch beside her, trying to put myself in the shoes of a girl who has just seen her father die in an explosion. I sit beside her, taking her hand in mine as Topper continues to cradle her.
"We've got you," I whisper to Sarah as her sobs become even more guttural, tears streaming down her cheeks.
I look up at the boys and Kiara, mouthing, "She needs us." But none of them react, whether it's pure shock or resentment for what Ward did to Big John or for the torment he's put us through. There's nothing, and apart from Topper and I, Sarah is alone, and I know that feeling, I know the way it numbs you first and then tears you apart from the inside.
Rafe is going to fall apart when he finds out about this.
authors note: thank you for all the love on riptide so far! hope you enjoyed this chapter <3
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