RIPTIDE | Rafe Cameron

43. 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩

When we arrived in Poguelandia a month ago, it felt like the chance for a reset, to move on from everything that was holding me back in the Outer Banks, my family, my addiction issues, and Rafe. But this last week, I've never felt so internally conflicted.

I'm happy most of the time, of course I am, but the bad moments are the ones that linger in my brain the longest. Even though I'm here with my best friends, I often find myself consumed by loneliness. Everyone has 'their person' and now that there's seven of us, I often end up feeling like the odd one out.

Like right now, Pope and Cleo are in the forest foraging for berries, John B and Sarah have collected a pile of coconuts between them, and I'm currently sitting on the beach watching JJ teach Kiara how to catch fish. I know that they see it in me, all of them, especially Pope and JJ, they do their best to check in on me, but I hate the idea of burdening them with my thoughts.

Especially when most of my thoughts are occupied by one of the people they all hate most in the world. All I can think about is Rafe. I often wonder what he's doing, if he's looking for me, if he misses me too. If he's looking up at the same blanket of stars as me at night time.

"You okay Sid?" Pope sits down beside me, snapping me out of my daydream and internal emotional spiral.

"Mmhmm," I nod, glancing down at the cluster of stars that I've been mindlessly drawing in the sand, realizing that I've drawn about thirty, "It's just not how I imagined spending my eighteenth birthday."

That's another thing that's made this week worse, the looming date of my eighteenth birthday, which is today. I went to sleep last night wondering whether Rafe would remember, and then I struggled to sleep, wondering what it would be like for the two of us to celebrate my birthday together.

"How are you feeling?" Pope asks, watching as I continue tracing stars in the sand between us.

"Empty," I sigh honestly, hating myself for admitting it, "And I feel awful for saying it because look at where we are."

"What's making you feel empty?" Pope asks, even though I think we both know the answer to that. Ever since we escaped the Coastal Venture, I've been replaying my last moments with Rafe again and again in my head, feeling guilty for wondering whether I made the right decision.

"It was never easy trying to get over Rafe when we were living on the same island, but somehow being on this island in the middle of nowhere, with no clue of where he is or what he's doing, that's so much harder." I explain honestly, knowing that after a month on this island, Pope can see straight through my lies.

He looks at me with a sensitive smile, "You never got proper closure, Sid, I think you're probably always going to feel like that book was never completely closed."

"It was one hell of a book," I smirk, lying back in the sand, staring up at the clear blue sky, "I'm not sure there's an ending that could ever do it justice."

"Birthday girl!" JJ's shrill voice rings through my ears as I look to my left to see him walking up the beach towards Pope and I, closely followed by Kiara, "How does skate for your birthday feast sound?"

"Sounds perfect," I smile, holding my hands out for him to pull me up off of the sand.

"You okay?" He mutters, noticing the hesitation on my face as he pulls me back up to standing.

"I'm getting there," I nod, squeezing his hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, letting go of my hand.

"Not today," I shake my head, already unsure of how to feel about celebrating my birthday on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere.

"Well, we've got the perfect private island birthday planned," He tells me with a chipper grin, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, "This way, madame."