Next Morning
I clean up the dishes after Jack finished his cereal and I give him a kiss on the way back out to his second day of school. He had returned early in the morning after the sleepover to say good morning to me and gave me the biggest hug. Jack had so many friends already that he made through Melody's pack connections. He was great with other wolves and loved to play nonstop all day.
Afterward all the kids have run off to school, Melody is left in the house with me and she's got me a surprise waiting in my room that she told me to look at afterwards when I was getting ready for the meditation class.
I walk into my mess of a room and I see a shopping bag from Denbark on my sheets. It's a wolf fashion brand, but it's top quality. I open the bag and a beautiful white dress unfurls in my hands, with material that feels spelled to be weightless. There's also a necklace to go with it, with blue beads and bangle bracelets. It's very simple but far too nice for therapy.
"Do you like it?" Melody bounces in and sees the nervous look on my face, "No?"
"I love it, it's too dressy though?" I'm insecure about showing up so nice.
"Maybe you can save it for another time, but I thought since you like Seth so much..." Melody cocks a brow.
I had told her last night, in a bit of daze, before I went to bed that I hoped to dream of Seth. I was just making a silly little joke where we both laughed and I dozed right off without delay after phoning Jack's friends parents to double check he was having a good time.
One thing I'll say about wolves – everyone was family. At least, that's what it felt like in the Elmwood Pack in this part of town. It spread across half a city, and the pack was massive. They had intricate networks into suburbia, and even special schools for all the werewolf kids and college kids.
It brought me some peace that Jack had so many to lean on when I couldn't be there for him all the time, although I tried my best. It was a lot harder when I became house bound.
I'm almost ashamed how quickly I left my fear behind in the presence of a stranger – Seth Woodburn. Shouldn't I have had the courage to go to the local playground for my son?
But my son was small, and I was small too, for a woman.
Seth, being so tall and naturally a leader, had me gravitating to him like a magnet.
I dare say... it was almost like... love at first sight?
I can say I hadn't stopped thinking about him since meeting him yesterday afternoon.
Now I imagine Mr. Woodburn seeing me show up in this white silky dress with the jewellery and I can't say no. I also don't want to disappoint Melody.
"I'll wear it," I tell her.
"I have a matching black belt, which will go nice with the white," Melody runs off to fetch it, while I change into the dress.
It fits like a glove, although I am able to see how malnourished I've become. My skin is phantom white and I can see the veins protruding on my hands. My hair is freshly washed and I'm going to make an effort to straighten it today. I had thought about cutting it but I think it actually looked nice so long.
"You look fabulous," Melody returns and puts the stretchy belt on for me and it snags into place.
"Thank you," I grin, "What do you know about Seth Woodburn? Like do you know anything about his past?"
"He comes from Firwood, but their pack is very isolated in the woods," Melody explains, "Back-to-roots pack building, they call it. To be honest, us city wolves don't know much about Firwood. They keep to themselves, grow their own fruit and vegetables, make their own clothes. Very off-grid. Occasionally the young ones visit the city but not very often. I'm sorry I don't have more to share, perhaps you can ask Seth about his pack and his home?"
"Maybe one day, feels a little weird asking him questions when I'm the one in therapy," I joke and turn on the straightener.
Melody finds a few clips with different features and butterflies and tries pinning them in my hair. Nothing suits except one feather with a white and black pattern that matches the dress.
"You look like a moon goddess," Melody squeezes my shoulder, "You're so beautiful, Eliza, I wish you could see it the way we can. I saw the way Seth beamed when he saw you, he was falling immediately."
"Oh, be quiet," I blush and hide my smile with my hand, "That's ridiculous, I looked like a package being picked up, I was wearing so many layers."
"Not today... hm, a package, that's actually quite funny," Melody and I laugh about that for awhile and she offers to help straighten my hair at the back.
Before long, the meditation class is due to start soon and Seth will be coming to pick me up any minute.
"I'll come?" Melody asks me, "Just to be sure."
"This time? Hm... no, no... I'm not wasting anymore of your time, you've done more than enough," I wag my finger at her, "Stay home, I'll be fine," Melody nods, her jaw moving with emotion as she struggles to hold back tears, "Don't cry or you'll make me cry!"
"Just happy for you, Eliza," Melody whispers and runs past me to the door, "I see him! Oh my... gosh."
"What?"
"He didn't bring the van."
"What?" I turn and follow her gaze out the fly screen which is still shut in front of the open door. Seth is hopping out of a fancy red sports car, with a spoiler and everything, and matte black rims, "No way," I purse my lips, "He's rich."
"Duh," Melody ogles it with dreamy eyes, reverting back to schoolgirl, "You're sooo lucky," she squeaks with excitement as she turns to me, giving me two thumbs up.
Seth is approaching wearing black slacks and a tight white shirt – matching me, ironically.
I can actually see his eight pack and now I'm staring a little too hard.
He was straight out of a sports magazine.
He looks up from the flowers growing on the sidewalk to the door and he looks at me staring out through the fly screen.
Seth smiles immediately, "...Elizabeth?"
"Seth," I open the door, Melody has promptly disappeared into the house, scuttling off in a rush – I heard her bang her toe a moment ago and swear loudly, hopping the rest of the way into her room.
I purse my lips so I don't burst out laughing.
Now that I've opened the fly screen, Seth's eyes immediately roll over me so quick, he seems to catch himself by the time he's reached my painted toes, that he does a double take and catches my eye, "...the van needed a repair, so I hope you don't mind me bringing my personal ride to pick you up," Seth says as professionally as possible, his deep voice straining with the need to say something more... I gulp as I wait, I know what he wants to say, and then he does, after he blinks and blurts out, "You look – really lovely, Eliza," Seth sounds funny, trying to compliment me while trying to sound business like. I find it incredibly endearing.
"Melody's gift," I take a step closer toward him, using his presence to feel safe. I love staring up at him, "We match."
Seth pivots around me and he looks at the feather, leaning down, I swear his nostrils flare as he sniffs my head, reaching up a hand to feel if the feather is real – he touches a finger-tip to it, testing it out, "...ah..." Seth catches himself again, dropping his hand and stepping back, holding a hand out, "Nice feather. Not sure why I touched it. Sorry."
Seth is almost blushing at how he couldn't control himself in getting closer to me. I'm glad he did, I got to smell his cologne and I wanted to press my whole body to him.
Not that I would.
Like – that was a bit much? Where was my brain at?
Nervous by our chemistry, I quickly walk to his car and he follows to open the door. I slide in quick smart. When the door shuts, I put on the seat belt and relax in the comfortable yet angular seat. Seth hops in the driver's side and makes sure the climate control is set right.
"It's a short drive," Seth pulls off, the engine purrs and my tongue twists in my mouth.
Words evade me as my mind starts to race, and I fumble my fingers together in my lap.
I told myself a thousand times not to look back at the house when I went in the morning – knowing it would make the distance all too real.
However, I give into the intrusive thought and I look over my shoulder at the house as it disappears and I start to feel panicked.
With Melody, she gave that sense of home being close.
I didn't realise without her I'd feel more far away from my safe space.
I feel myself tense up, and I end up saying nothing the whole ride.
I'm so embarrassed by the time we park right out front the yoga building that I'm barely holding back tears. How could I go from feeling so down for this, to suddenly feeling completely incapable?
The moment the car parks, I've barely registered it because I'm so far back in my head.
I do hear Seth say my name very softly, so I reach for my seatbelt and I unbuckle that.
"Hey, don't rush, wait, just breathe," Seth says a little louder and I turn to see him holding out an open palm across the middle console, "Hold my hand as tight you as want... try it," Seth seems sure this will help. I reach up my hand and I press it over his, squeezing onto his fingers – I'm thinking he'll just keep his hand like that, but he closes his hand around mine and returns the favour, a light squeeze in return, "Tell me what happened?" Seth asks.
"I just started to freak out," I speak to both our clasped hands. I look nervously to Seth, "I literally have no idea why. I was fine yesterday."
"There doesn't have to be a reason. It's okay to feel strong one day and want to fall apart the next," Seth hesitates before he says, "...are you confident to join us today, or do you want to go home?"
I close my eyes, "I want to stay," I grind out the words, "I want to do it," I whisper that, then I quickly wipe away two tears that squeezed out of my watery eyes.
I reach for the door with my other hand but Seth gently says, "Wait," and he reaches into the back to bring out a tissue. I look at the tissue, confused, I wasn't crying anymore, but Seth gently dabs it to my cheeks, "Ready?" he tosses the tissue aside and lightly unfurls my hand from his, "Hm?"
It's funny how the action of Mr. Woodburn touching the tissue to my cheeks, puts a band aid over my panic real quick. I guess he has all the tricks. It was his job, after all.
"Yes," I don't know why it took me so long to answer, but Seth is already hopping out of the car and moving around to open my door and he offers me his hand again.
He always allows me time to reject or accept his hand.
I take it now, and this time I feel more comfortable with his strength as he hauls me up to stand next to him.
"Would you tell me about the Firwood pack one day?" I ask him, catching Seth off guard.
Once again, I see that anxiety show in the grinding of his jaw.
He quickly looks down into my eyes and says, "Not today."
"Sorry," I immediately apologise.
"It's just a long story, love," Seth manages a smile for me, before we go in, he says one more thing, "...you're really, really beautiful, Elizabeth. And your heart is so warm."
"Wolves can smell that, can't they?" I ask, thinking of Melody, "What hearts are like?"
Seth nods, winking, "Must be the mother in you."
I feel the blush reach my ears as he turns and I walk with him in now, not commenting on that.
I wish I was a better mother, I wanted to be more present in Jack's life.
That's another reason I was doing this.
To heal – I had to take the first steps myself.
I had many hands held out to me over the last five years.
I only accepted two. Melody was number one. Seth was number two.
It was a slow trajectory upwards, but it was improving, one small step at a time.