"You're drunk," Jisoo tells me drunkenly, even if she's the one who kept walking in circles so I decided to assist her. On her other side is Junmyeon.
I think... the most drunk of us all tonight is Sejeong.
"Lili," Sejeong kept trying to act cute while her arms are wrapped around Lisa. "You're my savior."
I tried to focus on my steps instead.
Meanwhile, Bogum, Hyeri, and Somi chose to stay behind to drink some more.
"Jen... can we talk?" Junmyeon asked right after we got Jisoo settled in our bed.
My body felt tired and I'm really sleepy already, but he seemed to have something serious to say so I nodded.
"What is it?"
Just then, the door opened and in came Lisa. I was just starting to wonder what's taking her so long.
"Can we talk about it outside?" he asks, fidgeting.
A yawn escaped my lips, but still, I nodded.
Lisa was just quietly moving to her bed while I clumsily walk towards the door, a little tipsy... when I almost tripped in front of Lisa but she caught my arm to stop my face from planting straight to the ground.
"Hey, are you even still awake?" she chuckles. "Be careful."
I nodded, leaning a little to her touch while looking at her. "Thanks hon."
I wonder why her eyes widened and her cheeks... reddened?
Wait... oh.
"Uhm, seems like... it's not the right timing. I don't want you to wake up tomorrow forgetting what I'm about to say," Junmyeon blurts, making me turn to him.
Right. Junmyeon is talking to me.
Focus, Jen.
"Okay..." I was starting to get sleepy so I didn't argue.
"Tomorrow, okay? Goodnight, Jen."
"Nightt Junmyeon!"
When he left, I brought my gaze back to Lisa, who's snow staring at me intently.
"You're a dangerous woman, you know that?" Lisa says, helping me stand on my own, her hands now off me.
It made me grin. "Am I putting you in any danger?"
"You've drank too much," she says instead, dipping on her bed.
I blinked slowly, wondering if I just tried to... flirt. Maybe I've really drank too much.
"Sorry..." I blurt out in embarrassment.
"It's okay. Go sleep," she says, peeling off her sheets and getting under it. I was about to turn off the lights, knowing she hates sleeping with even the littlest form of light in her sight, when she suddenly spoke. "I should be the one apologizing still. Unless I get rid of this damn feelings, we'll keep having this kind of problem if we want to continue being friends."
My throat dried up.
"Lisa..."
"It's okay, Jen. You were just drunk. I wouldn't overthink it."
I was brought back to that stupid spin the bottle game and how she refused to answer if she likes someone among our group.
My shoulders slumped when Lisa's back turned to me, knowing she doesn't want to talk about whatever with me anymore.
I just decided to switch off the lights and sleep it off, hoping tomorrow things could work well between us... as friends, or whatever.
But of course, I was proven wrong when I woke up a little past 9 in the morning and only Jisoo and I were left in the villa.
I woke her up, greeted by her curses, but I somehow managed to convince her to not waste this day away in bed.
All of our friends except Lisa and Sejeong went back a little while later.
"I think it's Sejeong," Somi tells me with a sigh, "The one Lisa likes but wouldn't admit last night."
"Yeah, me too," Junmyeon agrees. He came to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders briefly for a hug, "Good morning. We all just went out for a morning walk. I didn't wake you because you seemed tired since last night."
"Let's talk tonight?" he adds in a whisper, which I nodded to.
"Right? Why else would Lisa ask her for breakfast and not m—" Somi's whining got cut off when Bogum filled her mouth with a sandwich he just finished making. She glared at him while chewing, "Y-Yah!"
I left them bantering like that.
And my mind wandering to wherever the fuck.
Jisoo must have overheard our conversation because she gave me a look of pity when I sat beside her on the kitchen stool, which I didn't like.
Hyeri joined us outside when we decided to scuba dive. I was nervous as hell, but it helped ease my mind from whatever it is that's bugging my mind. It's really beautiful under the sea.
When we got up, though, I saw Lisa riding a jet ski with Sejeong seated behind her, hugging her tightly with huge smiles on their faces as Lisa drove really fast.
"Jennie, what are you doing?" Hyeri suddenly asks, making me jump.
I quickly put down the equipment and looked at her, "Sorry, do you need this?"
The corner of her lips lifted up, "No. I'm asking what is it you're doing, wasting this chance when you seem to hate seeing her with someone else?"
"Yah, she hates it when someone's being brutally honest to her," Jisoo playfully bumped her first on Hyeri's shoulder, then stumbled a little because of the wave hitting our boat, "Shit. Am I still drunk or am I still under the sea?"
As the jet ski was nearing us, Hyeri suddenly whistled and jumped a little while waving her arms in the air, "Lisa! Boss!"
Jisoo cursed her for rocking the boat some more.
I was wearing a shirt over my bikini, but then I felt Hyeri tugging my shirt. "Take this off," she whispers teasingly, "Show off a little, Jen. That body deserves to be shown off to the world... and to whoever."
"It's already a huge deal that she isn't wearing shorts!" Jisoo scolds her.
The jet ski slowed down as it neared us. I realized that they have noticed us already. The hair at the back of my neck prickled with Lisa's eyes going down my body quickly. She just checked me out, didn't she?
I don't know what got over me when I pulled over my oversized white shirt and threw it on the boat.
"Holy shit," Sejeong cursed. "Lisa's end is coming."
"Sejeong! Want to dry scuba diving? Jisoo's treat," Hyeri excitedly offers, having Jisoo shover her away. Hyeri elbowed her then whispers, "Can't you see? Lisa's basically drooling. Let the poor girl spend some time with her ex."
My God, this two...
I just tried to look as confident as I can, despite the cold and too much of my skin being exposed in public.
I tried not to linger my eyes on Lisa's because I'm probably already a blushing mess and I don't want to risk making it worse.
"But I'm scared!" Sejeong shouts, "Shit, Jen, you're sexy as fuck!"
"Bitch, it's not scary! Come on over here!" Jisoo suddenly urged her too, "I'll pay! Now come here before I change my mind."
"How 'bout Lisa?" she asks.
"It's okay I've already tried it before," I hear Lisa tell her, bringing the sunglasses down from her hair to her eyes. "It's fun, you try it."
She looks cool... and hot. She's wearing the same shirt and shorts as last night, with an orange lifevest over her shirt.
The boatman helped Sejeong get up to us, who slapped my but when she got close. "Junmyeon will go crazy if he sees you like this."
"Shut up," I looked away, feeling my cheeks heat up again.
"Want to go for a ride?" It's Lisa... asking me shyly. "I still got a few minutes."
"Yes she does," Hyeri basically shoves me, I glared at her when I almost lost my balance.
But I silently agreed, anyway. Just don't ask me why.
I felt Lisa's eyes on me as the same boatman held my hand and guided me to the jet ski after I wore a lifevest... where Lisa's hand awaits.
Long, slender fingers firmly wrapped on mine when she helped me up. She seemed stiff, but still smiled.
"Hold on tight," she tells me, still holding my hand which she placed around her waist.
From the corner of my eyes, I can see the other two's cheeky smiles as Sejeong bid us goodbye before screaming how nervous she is.
I went stiff too as Lisa started the ride, my arms firmly wrapped around her.
I saw her smile.
When we got far enough, she slowed down a little and tilted her head to the side, "I'm just... pushing my luck, just for today. Do you want to go for a swim?"
We're somewhere not too deep but far away from the shore. I'm not that confirent in swimming in the beach, but I have my lifevest on and I have Lisa with me.
For some reason, I just wanted to agree to everything she asks of me. Just for today?
Even if I freeze to death.
"I mean, it's okay if you don't want to—"
"I guess I can't say no to that."
She probably noticed my frown when removed her lifevest, so she tilted her body a little to face me, "You know I'm a good swimmer, right? I prefer swimming without it..." she bit her lip, watching my reaction as it didn't change, "But okay, if you want me to wear it—"
"You can do what you want," I said, feeling guilty and awkward again. I smiled at her, "Don't you drown on me!"
She chuckles, nodding. Then she got down first after leaving her sunglass on the jet ski. She shouted while laughing, pulling back her hair away from her face. "Damn, it's cold."
"I'm not sure why I agreed to this suicide mission."
When I'm assured she's not drowning, I swung my other leg and slowly jumped down the water with eyes squeezed shut.
I screamed, shivering with the ice cold water. Yet despite the coldness, I couldn't call this a bad idea.
I automatically floated, while I felt her hands on my waist, "Gotcha," she says, grinning. "Relax your body, move your feet a little."
"Stop being bossy," I joked, trying to distract myself from this feeling of being so close to her again.
She scrunched her face, lifting her hand to sprinkle my face with water.
"Lisayah!"
I placed a hand on the jet ski. My body is slowly adjusting to the temperature.
"Yes, hon?"
I placed my other hand on top of my heart, then to the jet ski as well, now my back slightly on her.
"Did you just..." I frowned at her when she giggled.
"What? You said it first last night?"
"I was drunk!" I defended myself, still embarrassed, "And I thought you got upset hearing that."
"Of course I was. Because you were drunk and you were making me hope again. Maybe I was also tipsy last night so," she shrugs. "But now that I've thought it over... I know we've talked already before about us but.. I haven't addressed what I feel for you yet."
My heart was beating so fast.
"And it's unhealthy, trying to be friends with your ex whom you still have feelings for," she adds.
I swallowed my cowardness and slowly faced her again. She looked breathtaking, even when looking that serious.
"But I know how to put a stop to this. I can be happy for you being happy with someone else," she says sincerely.
I don't know why I'm feeling this.... upset?
"I just need to ask you one thing."
I nodded, urging her to continue although I am scared.
She let out a shaky breath while looking at me with those fearful doe eyes, "Is there a chance that you still have any feelings left for me? That you still want to try with me?"
If she asked me this months ago, I would've said no because of Andrew. If she asked me this years ago, I would've said no because I was scared of being hurt again.
And I am still scared...
But saying no also is scary.
I looked at her and felt both fear and hope coming from her.
These past few days, it's a push and pull within me too. I wanted her to be close, but not close enough to hurt me again. That's why I was able to work on admitting that I want her friendship even after denying her that before.
"Y-You can take your time answering that question," she quickly adds, probably seeing how hard it was for me to even react to her question. She treads on the water lightly, keeping her distance, "I know it's too much to ask you that but you don't have to answer right now or anytime soon. If you'll let me, I want to prove that I would do everything to assure you that this time, I'll try harder. I'll love you harder, harder than I've been loving you all this time. I'll wait until you find it in yourself to love me... again."
"Lisa..." I muttered her name, as if it would help me decide.
"I didn't mean to corner you like this..." her eyes welled up a little, and I really felt her frustration... her love... and affection. She took a deep breath, still looking me in the eyes, "It's stupid, asking you this when you're struggling to keep afloat, literally."
I almost laughed, but she was so serious and it was melting me.
"And I'm really grateful you're hearing me out. I promise I wouldn't be mad and leave you floating here if you choose to reject me right now... but I'm begging you to please don't. Please let me prove my love for you. It just scares the shit out of me that I'd miss this timing, or never get the right timing at all to ask you this. Shit, what if there's no right timing at all? All these years, I couldn't forget you... so I knew that I would regret not asking for this chance."
"Lis..."
It was a lot, but I couldn't say it's a bad thing to hear that she loves me and she wants to do everything.
"I swear this is the last time I'll bug you about this. I'll respect whatever your decision is, and I want you to be sure—"
"Lalisa!" I interrupted her blabbing. She looked like she's about to run out of breath. I felt bad when she looked more nervous, so I quickly added, "I'll... I'll think about it, okay? I just need a bit more time."
It wasn't a yes, but she looked relieved and happy with it.
I've decided to really take my time just like she said, to be sure of my decision.
She got shy a little as she looked down, "Can I stop, you know, pretending that I'm not in love with you anymore?"
I raised a brow, "Like, you're gonna flirt with me?"
"I was thinking of being convincing that I'll be be a promising great girlfriend, but yeah, that too..." a cute smile appears on her lips.
Girlfriend.
It made me giddy in the inside.
My God.
"Depends. How do you plan to flirt?" I teased. I like this new side of us.
Carelessly teasing each other.
"I'll probably run to get the seat next to yours in every table. To make sure I'm the one beside you," she says, her tone joking but I don't know... she swallowed hard, "I hope I'm not too late. Junmyeon is a great guy but I selfishly need you back."
She's saying all these things that's making me want to have her closer, to have her arms wrapped around me, and miss the old us.
She's the most vocal she's ever been. And she is in love with me.
She's been brave, showing me that she loves me unlike what happened years back...
"Lisa, you won't treat Junmyeon unfairly as his boss, right?" I said with a bit of worry, although I know Lisa wouldn't go that low.
"Of course," she answers. She chewed on her lower lip, "Can I ask if you like him?"
"I'm.. I'm not sure. I think so..." I looked away. Maybe if Lisa wasn't in the picture, there's a higher chance I'd be sure I like him.
Shit.
3 years and I still feel something for her. Though they said that you can't ever unlove someone you really loved... It's hard to say that it's just that. It's more than just regrets, that, I can finally admit.
Because I was relieved to know that she still loves me and she needs me back.
But there's Junmyeon...
My stomach dropped, thinking of how I might lose him in the process. He's so good to me, he's perfect. I liked having him close.
"I'll work harder," she says, determined. "I don't care about competition. I'll continue loving you 'til you see that it's worth trying with me again."
It felt so surreal hearing her say those... I was left speechless.
"It's cold..." I blurted out.
She blinked, "Okay, let's go back? Do you want to swim in the warm side of the pool later?"
"Later..." I swam closer, having my one hand let go of the jet ski to reach out to her.
A smile broke into her lips, accepting my hand. She guided me to her, that now both my hands are on her shoulders.
"Now the cold is more bearable..." I sighed, feeling her arm wrap on my waist. "Let's stay for a few more... seconds."
Just seconds, or else I'd easily give in.
-
"I'm fucking dying," I couldn't help but curse as we ran to the shores. It was damn cold getting up from the beach and riding that jet ski. But we were laughing and shivering and running back to the villa.
"I'm fucking happy," she says. I laughed at her adorableness.
At the same time, I was also fucking happy.
When we got back, Somi, Junmyeon, and Bogum were swimming in the warm side of the pool.
Lisa visibly frowned when Junmyeon waved his hand at me, smiling from ear to ear.
It worried me how I'd deal with this kind of situation... tonight, Junmyeon will talk to me about something I'm not entirely clueless of, but I don't want to assume things so it's better to wait and see where this goes.
I took a quick shower at the side before coming in on the pool. Lisa was following me around like a puppy, making me laugh which only she notices.
"Do you want me to be subtle?" Lisa asks, the hot shower water running down her skin and shirt that's sticking to her skin thinly.
I looked away and turned off my shower. "I honestly don't know what I want.. just.. let's all enjoy this vacation, okay?"
She hums, following me to the pool. I removed my shirt first, which Lisa also did unlike when we swam earlier. I avoided looking at her, because I don't want my stare to linger like before.
Somi whistles. She herself is wearing a tiny white bikini.
When I dipped in the water, a topless Junmyeon swiftly swam to me. His marble skin makes it seem as if he's a very charming vampire.
"Hey, I missed you..." he murmurs sweetly, gently tugging my forearm with his hand until it slipped down to mine.
Out of instinct, I let myself be pulled closer.
At the corner of my eyes, I saw Somi's eyes getting wide and I heard her giggle. "You two are cute."
"I know," Junmyeon grinned. He turned his back on me, "Hop on, my princess. I'll take you to the deepest part of the world."
"Lisa, I'm so jealous of them!" Somi playfully clings to her too, which I only saw on my peripheral view.
"Then hop on me, my princess," Bogum copies Junmyeon's tone jokingly, while Somi smacks his arm.
I couldn't help but glance at Lisa for her quietness and found her staring at me... but when our eyes met, she smiled.
"She's been swimming in the ocean with me earlier though," Lisa suddenly swims closer to us, "That's deeper."
"It's okay, at least this time she gets to swim with me," Junmyeon replies with a cheeky grin.
"Does she want to, though?" Bogum asks knowingly. I frowned at him, but he just gave me a guilty smile.
"She does. Unlike Somi with you," Junmyeon teases back, facing me again.
"I just want to float... y'all leave me alone," I jokingly said, but I kind of meant it. So we just chilled there, enjoying while talking and splashing water.
Lisa and Junmyeon were close to me all the time.
When lunch time came, Junmyeon guided me to sit next to him, and Lisa took the seat beside me.
He put rice on my plate while Lisa put an egg on it... catching everyone's attention. Actually, everyone except Jisoo who was busy eating.
I breathed out when Lisa put an egg on Jisoo's plate too, and then on Hyeri's, Bogum, then.. everyone, actually. I almost laughed.
"There, one for all of us," Lisa wore an awkward smile, it was so adorable.
"I know what this is, you're making me fall for you!" Jisoo cracks a joke, making me laugh.
"Get in line, Jisoo!" Sejeong crosses her arms like a kid.
I bit the insides of my cheek, choosing not to comment on that... of how everyone should form a line behind me, then.
Later on, she peeled an orange for me among all the fruits because she knew I love it. This time, no one else noticed but Junmyeon. He said nothing though and probably just shrugged it out.
Later, the boys were tasked to clean up. Us girls were taking pictures by the pool, with Lisa subtly standing next to me in every picture... except when Sejeong and Somi kept snatching her for some solo pictures with her.
"Well, something definitely shifted," Jisoo whispers to me while Hyeri takes a picture of us bestfriends, hands on each other's waist. "Guess that little push this morning worked out, huh?"
I pressed my lips together, not commenting on that. I'll tell her all about it when we're alone. I need to tell someone.
"Can you take a picture of us, too?" Lisa asks Hyeri while looking at me, making Hyeri nod with enthusiasm while grinning from ear to ear. Jisoo mirrors her expression while she exchanged places with Lisa... and all the other, even the boys were looking.
My heart was beating so fast, and so loud... but the funny thing is, it doesn't seem to be because everyone might have noticed by now.
And it was only a damn picture with Lisa.