-Travis Pov-
I'm about to say something else when the door bursts open and the NICU doctor comes rushing in. "something has happened" he starts, and my blood turns cold.
"what's wrong?" Taylor sits up in bed, winching but won't back down and I'm too alert to argue with her about taking it easy.
"Avery has a grade one brain bleed. We are watching it carefully and it might clear up on its own, that's what happens in most cases. Or it might progress and need intervention" he says, and I clench my fists. Brain bleed? That sounds fucking serious, but this doctor seems calm. I don't understand. "for now it's not something to panic over, and we are watching it closely."
"and Maddison?" I ask because he doesn't seem done with whatever he has to tell us. "yes Maddison. We did some investigation on her heart because of her stats issues earlier and found she has something called Patent Ductus Arteriosus, which is an opening between the aorta and pulmonary artery. It's a heart birth defect."
Okay, I know a little about hearts, but not about that stuff. A ductus? That sounds like a made-up word but I'm sure it's Latin. "a PDA causes too much blood to flow into the babies' lungs. This opening is useful in the womb because it allows blood to bypass the babies' lungs and go straight to the body. It should close shortly after birth, so we will watch and wait for a few days to see the development. But it might need surgery to close all the way."
So now things are going to start going wrong I see... couldn't things just. be okay with them? An easy stay in the NICU? But that's probably too much to ask for. Preemies at their age don't have easy stays in the NICU, that's an idea I can throw out right away. It's going to be along hard road; complications are bound to happen.
The doctor leaves us again and I take a deep breath before turning to Taylor. tears are streaming down her face, and I slide into bed next to her, bringing her into my arms. "Taylor, take deep breaths. It's okay. They are watching them like hawks."
"it's my fault. If I could just have held them in longer maybe things would have been fine. we would have two healthy babies. It's all my fault" She starts to go on a rant, and I put a finger over her lip "No I won't have any of this nonsense. It's not your fault and I don't want you to blame yourself for anything. Nothing of this is your fault beautiful. Things like this happen, especially with twins. There is nothing you could change to change this. So now we are going to move forward and take it one hour at a time, okay?"
She nods against my chest, and I take in her scent that's mixed with the weird hospital smell that surrounds us. Even in a stuffy hospital, I get a whiff of her natural scent, the scent I love so much. "have I told you how much I love you today? Because I do" I whisper to her and tighten my arms around her. "I love you too Travis, more than words can say."
"Shall I show your mom the babies?" I ask and everyone agrees that I should follow Andrea up the first time. just to get things settled in. So we say goodbye for now to Taylor and I head upstairs with Andrea.
"poor girl blames herself. I don't know what to tell her to get her to understand this isn't on her" Andrea says as we scrub our hands at the entrance to the NICU. "I know, I don't know either. I guess we just need to tell her over and over again."
Getting Taylor to believe us in something like this is going to be hard, but we just need to be persistent. Not only that but she needs to hear the doctors over and over again telling her it's not her fault. They have already told her twice since we got here, and she cries every time. She just needs time I think, to see our babies.
We enter the NICU which is filled with rooms with incubators with babies of all ages. I haven't talked to anyone here yet, no other parents, but they all have a serious look over them. We are all here because our kiddos are fighting something serious.
"the room is over here," I tell Andrea and we head towards the room with a frog on the door and a nurse at a nurse's station outside. It's the same one, Charlie, that has been there all day. Every nurse I've met so far has been nice to us, and understanding, and that helps.
"hi Charlie" I greet her because it's nice to do "Hi Travis. And who is this?" she gestures towards Andrea and shakes her hand "I'm the grandma."
"It's nice to meet you. it takes a village to get these kiddos through this" Charlie smiles before we head inside the room, leaving her to her work.
"This is Avery, and this is Maddison" I introduce her to both babies. You can't tell the difference between them, other than the sign outside their bed that says their names. Maddison's sign has princesses on it and Avery's has animals on it. it's cute that they incorporate silly kids' things in the ward, not all medical equipment and sterile walls. There are decorations on the walls, painted on so they don't take up space or bring an infection risk. Otherwise, the ward is pretty bare. The paintings help lift the whole place up a bit.
"oh honey, they are beautiful," Andrea says and heads over to one of them before moving to the other. Just like me, she doesn't seem to know which one to focus more on. How can you pick between the two of them?
I stay for a little while before leaving Andrea on baby duty while I head down to Taylor again. Taylor is trying to get out of bed. "Taylor no" I rush over and help her lay down again "I'm missing everything Travis. They are sick and I can't be there" she cries and my heart breaks with every tear.
"beautiful, you're healing so you can be there for them" She clutches her stomach and I open her gown to look. Sure enough, there is more blood on her dressings. She might have torn a stitch or something. so I press the nurse's button who comes promptly.
"what's going on?" the male nurse who's been with us for a few hours now asks "She tried to get out of bed, there is more blood on her dressings," I say because Taylor is sitting there all stubbornly.
"Taylor, you're on bed rest. Your body has been through a lot" the nurse tries to reassure her, but Taylor isn't having any of it. she just sits there sobbing. So I rub her back. The nurse excuse himself to get stuff to change her dressing.
"beautiful. Please listen to me. you need to take it easy so you can heal quickly, okay?" I kiss the top of her head and take in her sobs. I can't imagine what it's like for her, and that breaks my heart that I can't truly relate. I don't know what it's like to be forced to stay in bed while the babies are fighting for their lives somewhere else you can't see. I can see the babies all I want, but she can't. Mind-reading capabilities would be good right about now, so I could see what's going on in that pretty head of hers.
The nurse comes back, and we help Taylor lay down and open her gown so he can get to her dressing that's filled with blood. "you might not have ripped a stitch, Taylor; it might just be from the strain of moving too hard."
He does his thing like he probably has done a thousand times before. Sure enough, she has ripped a few stitches, and the doctor needs to come in to fix it. it's a step back but I try to relate to her desperation the best I can. Not that I can truly do it justice, there is no imagining what she is feeling.