hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

diagnosis

-Taylors Pov-

After taking a seat she turns towards us "There is good news and bad news here" she says and folds her hands as I wait for the dreaded words coming next. "the mass in your breast is malignant, it's breast cancer. That's the bad news. The good news is that it's stage one. Meaning the odds for beating this is in your favor."

Cancer. I have cancer. Killer cells are growing stronger in my body as we speak. Something in my body has it out for me and wants to kill me. it's like getting the news about my mom all over again. I sat in a doctor's office like this holding her hand and praying for good news. But we got bad news. Hers was more aggressive, that's true, but it's still cancer. Some people lose the fight every day. You're not guaranteed a positive outcome, people do die.

"so what happens next" Travis asks, and the doctor turns to her screen for a second before looking back at us, probably checking her notes or something.

"There are several reasons why someone gets cancer, but in Taylor's case, it's genetic because she is a carrier of a gene called BRCA, which is a gene for breast cancer. It means there's a bigger risk for the other breast to get cancer as well as a risk of recurrence. That's why we usually recommend a double mastectomy followed by chemo. It's an aggressive treatment, but it's the one with the best odds when you carry the BRCA gene."

They want to chop off my boobs and pump me full of killer drugs. Great. Can't wait. I knew I had the gene, I was tested years ago, but that they needed to be this aggressive I had no idea about. I thought stage one meant less severe treatments as well. But guess I drew the lucky straw.

"I already talked with the surgeon just in case you were open for the mastectomy, and he has an opening on Monday in two weeks if you're willing to start treatment right away" she continues, and I grab the trashcan and throw up.

"I'm sorry. I just...." I start but don't know where I'm going with it so I just say sorry again. "don't worry about it, I've gotten all the reactions you could imagine and then some" she says.

"just book the appointment. There is nothing to think about here. I want to live. I have kids that need me. Travis needs me. I just... it's a lot to take in" I tell her, and Travis squeezes my hand after taking it again.

She goes on and talk about the possibilities for reconstruction that can be done during the same surgery. With the help of modern medicine, they can make my breast look pretty damn close to normal afterward. That way I don't need two surgeries if I want to have fake boobs. It's not that I ever considered getting a boob job, but I don't think I want to be flat-chested either. There is nothing wrong with not wanting reconstruction, I just know that for myself I want to feel normal, as normal as possible.

I need to come back next week for a quick consultation with my surgeon, but otherwise, we are set for surgery and a few weeks later chemo. Everything is happening at warp speed and it's overwhelming. My life got turned upside down today and I don't know how I'm going to get through it all. Nothing will be the same again, not my body and certainly not my life in general. Things will need to be adapted to the consequences of treatment. I know all too well about those from my mom.

It's a blessing and a curse to have seen my mom through this before. This way I sort of know what's coming, but part of me also wish I didn't know the excruciating parts of it. the pain, vomiting, shivers, and hair loss, among other things. All things that await me only weeks into the future.

We get to the car in silence before I break down. It starts as a trickle of tears before it turns into a stream of pain. This isn't some little thing, I'm sick. There Is something inside of me that wants to kill me, and I have to fight like hell to kill it first. It's a race against the clock, to see who gets there first. It makes me sick to my stomach.

"beautiful, I wish I knew the right thing to say right now," Travis says and hugs me over the console. I let his warmth and safety be a blanket that lets me break into sobs. The tears are painful but feel good at the same time, needed. If I'm going to do this, if I'm going to fight, I need strength. Breaking down won't get me anywhere, I need to be strong. If not for myself but for Travis and my four kids.

There is no right thing to say, what do you say in a situation like this? I don't want him to lie and make promises he can't keep. Because this isn't in his hands, it's not in mine either. The doctors are going to do what they can but not even they can guarantee me a positive outcome. Everything about our future turned uncertain in the blink of an eye. Nothing will ever be the same again.

"Marry me" I sniffle as the sobs slow down and I gain back some control of myself. I feel Travis chuckle lightly "Beautiful, we are engaged. I'm dying to marry you."

"no I mean marry me now. marry me before I start this treatment. We can still have a big wedding when it's all over, I still want that. but I want to be married to you before the craziness starts. When the doctors ask who you are I want you to be my husband" It's spontaneous, not something I'm used to, but it just feels right. I don't want to go into this as just his fiancé, I want to be his wife.

Life is fragile, so why wait to build our forever together? you never know what awaits around the next corner, and I don't know if I will ever be the same again. But what I do know without a doubt is that I love Travis and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

"okay then. Let's get married" he laughs and kisses me hard. I let myself slip into the comfort his affection offers, let it consume me just for a while longer.