23 November 2023🥀
“Question 23?”
That's the first thing I say to Olivia as I push past the Willow tree’s curtain leaves, finding her seated on the pillow flipping through a novel.
The little haven of grass is brightened with the sun's warm glow.
Olivia's still in her uniform, just like me, her navy blue blazer discarded on the grass so she's just in her white shirt and tie with her grey skirt.
She places her book beside her, acknowledging me with a smile. I'm glad that the guarded look that was in her eyes these past few days is gone.
I sit beside her, and for a moment we both quietly take in the view together. The sun's rays break through the little crevices of the Willow tree making for a very beautiful sight.The birds chirp every which way making me yearn for more times like this.
“I saw a few people walking around.” I tell her, catching her warm gaze.
“You're right. They all look at peace and like this place is their getaway.”
“It's our getaway now.” Olivia says.
My fingers itch to hold hers and after a second to long I reach for her hands and entwine our fingers together, easier.
“Thank you for bringing me here. It means a lot,” I pull our entwined hands closer to me and place kisses on her fingers and her knuckles.
She blushes under my touch but stays silent. “I'd go anywhere in the world with you Olivia.”
She holds my gaze, searching for the sincerity of my words like she always does.
It's like she's waiting for me to one day not mean my words. If so, she's gonna be waiting forever.
After spending about a year without having the confidence to say anything to Olivia it's like now that I can finally speak with her ; I don't want to hold anything back.
“Question 23.” Olivia reminds me.
“How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most people?”
Olivia’s quiet after I've asked the question,her gaze fixed in front of her. I gently squeeze her hand entwined with mine and she breathes, squeezing back.
“Currently it's like a warzone at home we're always fighting and there's always some bad blood between my siblings and I. It's the opposite of warm, it's cold. It's distant. It feels like everybody's trying their best to not step on anyone's toes until we all get out of the house. That's our relief,getting out of the house.”
“How many siblings do you have?”
“I have three.It's my eldest sister Pearl, older brother Musa and my younger brother, Lloyd. So it's the four of us, five with my mom.” She answers and I nod.
“My childhood on the other hand was great. We might not have had a lot but I wasn't aware of it. I had the best friends because friendship wasn't so complicated back then not to brag but I was really smart too.”
I chuckle.
“I'm serious! Top of the class and everything but then highschool came along and I became a depressed idiot.”
More laughter.
“I ate tons of sweets and played cool games with my brother along with my toys.Even though there were dull moments there was always light. Always true joy.”
“It sounds fun.” I remark.
“It was. I wouldn't change much because it's those good times back then that kept me going in my darkest times. What about you?”
“Mkhulu is my only family in this world. And he is more than enough.” I breathe, a sigh escaping my lips.
“But I can see it in his eyes sometimes when we're gathered for dinner and it's just the two of us. He feels like he's not enough for me but he's more than enough. I love him. I love how close we are. He enjoys hearing me talk about you with him. He—”
“You talk about me with your Grandfather?” Olivia asks, sounding astonished.
“I thought it was obvious but yeah almost everyday.”
She takes that in, an unfamiliar expression on her face.
“I hope this doesn't make me sound weird or anything. If you're uncomfortable with—”
“Leo, it's okay. I'm just a little shocked.”
“Why?”
“I don't know…”
“You do, you just don't want to say it.”
She holds my gaze, a little exasperated.
“I guess… I'm trying to get used to the feeling of you seeing something in me and wanting to share it with others. Dominique says you talk about me so much his ears bleed every time he hears the name Olivia.”
Laughter bubbles out of us, simmering down into soft smiles.
“I'm trying to wrap my head around how you talk to your Grandfather about me and it makes sense with the way he looked at me the other day when I came to fetch you. Like he already knew me and knew me well…”
She slips her hand out of mine, running her hands down her braids as if to flatten it. She exhales, her eyes meeting mine, glistening with unshed tears.
“You make me question my worth.”
My heart races.
“In a good or bad way?” I ask, worried.
“In a freaking amazing way!”she says through tears. “ I feel beautiful with you and even when you're gone and I catch my reflection in the mirror ... .I don't hate it. Not like I used to before.”
She wipes her tears, soft laughter escaping her lips. “ You make me believe I'm something special.”
“That's because you are Olivia.”
“You're the only one who thinks that.”
“Everyone else is blind.”
She laughs. “Wouldn't it be you who is blind if you see something everyone else can't?”
“I know what I see Olivia.” I simply answer, holding her gaze.
She looks away, composing herself. “You didn't finish your question.”
“Right. Well as I said before Mkhulu is the best thing I never had to pray for. My childhood was a mix between good and bad. It was good because of Mkhulu and Gogo the both of them raising me up in love and in the Lord.
"Sundays were the best days in the week because of church, Gogo’s soul food and mine and Mkhulu soccer games. Mkhulu made me fall in love with soccer and he proved so many other people wrong when they thought that an old man could do nothing but sit.
"Not going to lie to you but everything was bliss. I didn't even know that I didn't have a father. Mkhulu and Gogo filled every void my parents left. They inspire me so much, Olivia. When I'm older and I have kids I want to give them the childhood that Mkhulu and Gogo gave me. One filled with unconditional love…”
“What about the bad?” Olivia asks.
“No surprise that it had everything to do with my mother. Even while she was there she still wasn't there. I would do so many things to get her attention.Win soccer games, be top of my class but nothing. She'd always just give me a weak smile and say ‘That’s nice for you.’”
I groan, the memory frustrating to even talk about. Olivia reaches for my hand, entwining our hands together again.
The warmth casts out the heavy feeling in my heart.I focus on that, and only that. On the love Olivia gives me without even spelling it out that she loves me. Her love that feels so effortless, so second nature…
While my mother struggles with everything in her to love me.
“When Mkhulu and Gogo would go out for date nights, that's when she'd pull out her bottles of wine and drink until she passed out. She was like a teenager. She frustrated me so much and she said terrible things to me while she was drunk. No one would have even guessed she was a drunk. Till this day Mkhulu doesn't know about it?”
“Why? How?” Olivia questions, baffled.
“She hid it well. I don't even want to tell Mkhulu about it now because it'll only send him deeper into the depression he's in lately. I'm afraid that when I tell him everything my mother was and did he won't be able to get back up again.”
“But it's wrong Leo. Keeping all these things to yourself.”
“It's ok Olivia. I've been talking to God about it.”
“What did he say? If you don't mind me asking?”
“He told me he was there. From the beginning, he was there. He told me I shouldn't doubt that he saw everything that happened to me.”
“Did that give you any comfort at all?”
“Yes and no. It just feels wrong that he watched all those things happening to me and did nothing. I'm trying to wrap my head around it. Olivia if I saw someone even pinch you or look at you the wrong way…God knows what I'd do to that person.”
“I wish I had the right words for you Leo. It's a fallen world but you already know that. God can't control people Leo. He gave us freewill and unfortunately that means that a lot of people abuse their free will by doing unmentionable things to others…”
“So I should just accept it?”
“We wait on Him to change things for the better. We wait on him to heal this broken world once and for all. We wait on him to make sense of that pain and bring beauty from ashes. We wait on God because it's not the end.”
“It's funny you say that. Pastor John, a pastor at my church said a similar thing.”
“He's right. When I wanted to kill myself…it was so overwhelming Leo. I could see nothing but black when I thought about my future. I thought it was the end…” tears slip past her eyes.
I reach to pull her closer, wiping the tears that trail down her cheek.
“Leonardo do you understand how horrible it is for someone to believe that this is the end for their life. That no good thing awaits them,” she cries,but reigns it in.
I can do nothing else but wipe her tears but it only seems to make her cry more.
“I still have unresolved questions about some things that happened to me too, Leo but I won't let it steal my hope. Never again. You see when you stop hoping you die. Leo it will all make sense in the end. Let's just hold on to that Ok.”
“Ok.” I breathe.
“You see how you're wiping my tears,” she adds, her voice wavering.
“Mmm”
“Well God promises to do the same for you too. He'll wipe every tear. In this world of pain let's take comfort in that love of God. In the promised coming of Jesus.”
“Thank you for this.”
“I should be thanking you because I've found immense comfort in your love as well Leo. You're too good for me.”
“You're too good for me Olive bean. I feel like I'm holding a diamond when I hold you.”
She laughs.
“I like you a lot Leonardo. I like you so very much,” Olivia confesses, her brown eyes vulnerable.
Butterflies!
It's the second time she's said this but it all feels unbelievable. Like a dream I'll wake up from.
She bites her bottom lip, fear flashing in her eyes from exposing her feelings so openly like that.
And like I've imagined us doing since I found out the taste of her sweet lips I lean in for a kiss, capturing her lips with mine in a slow passionate kiss.
She places her hands on my neck, pulling me closer and she kisses me back with more confidence and my heart burns through it all.
It burns at the feel of her soft lips.
It burns for her.
❄️❄️❄️
I can't get the smile off my face as we walk in the midst of the Willow tree making our way back home. It's early evening as the sunlight dims into a warm glow.
Olivia's hand is still clasped in mine while she talks about the book she's been reading.
My mind is still trying to put itself back together after kissing Olivia.
Kissing Olivia!
I was there but even I don't believe myself. It's insanity, what type of crazy dream is this?
“—She’s killing everyone just because she wants to be queen.” Olivia stops, looking up at me.
“Are you even listening?”
“I am, “ I defend.
“What did I say?”
“Queen.” I dumbly reply and she chuckles.
Suddenly, she slips her fingers out of mine and walks in front of me,her eyes meeting mine.
I'm still trying to make sense of what she's doing before she pokes at my dimples, with her fingers. That stops the both of us in our tracks, as the burning silence ensues.
She reaches to cradle my face for a moment.
"You're so handsome."
I'm gobsmacked, my mind short-circuiting and she laughs,the cutest of laughs ending with a snort.
She pulls away, walking beside me again like she didn't just turn my world upside down then flip it back up then turn it upside down again.
"Oh my word!Leonardo July, can you not take a compliment? "
"I...I —i can take a compliment " I defend, my cheeks burning.
She laughs
"Well then take it" she pretends to give me something, and I take the invisible item.
I have officially taken the compliment.
"Thank you."
She smiles at me, her face aglow with joy.
❄️❄️❄️
It's late night load shedding. Since the power goes off a lot lately Dominique and I decided to video call each other every time it's load shedding so that we can make the time go by faster.
My room is completely dark and I'm seated up on my bed talking to him while he does the same.
His brown curly hair is ruffled into a mess and his green eyes have eye bags under them.
“So that's why I think that pigs can actually fly.” He finishes,dead serious.
“Talking to you is like talking to the most intelligent person who went insane.”
It's true, despite Dominique's playful nature he's one of the smartest guys in our grade, lining up right after me.
Dominique chuckles at my comment.
“My mom says I'm like those guys on dating apps smart on paper but foolish in person.”
We laugh and it simmers down into easy smiles.
“What are you gonna do when the power comes back on?” He asks me.
“Mkhulu and I were planning on watching a movie.”
“Cool but not exactly amazing.”
I laugh. “ What are you doing?”
“Two words,” Dominique smirks,” Tricolosis Bosis.”
“Are you sick in the head and mad in the stomach? You almost died the last time.”
“Relax. I've taken extra safety precautions. I won't pass out.”
“Should I call the ambulance in advance.”
“No need man. I just need that feeling of not thinking about anything for a moment.”
“Why? Is it the stress of exams? We're almost done Dom Dom. Don't let it get to your head. You'll pass.”
“It's not about exams.”
“What's it about?”
“I'll tell you nine days from now.”
“...okay. Is it anything I should be worried about?”
“Nothing. In fact I think you'll be excited about it.”
“Okay now I'm curious,” I reply, smiling.
What on earth could it be?
One thing I know after years of being friends with Dominique is that he is fool of surprises.
Fool with two o's.
It's because the surprises are there but they're not exactly wise.
Fool of surprises.
“I'll be praying for you,” I tease.
He laughs.
“Guess what?” I ask.
“What?”
“Olivia called me handsome today.”
Dominique blinks.
"I called you handsome a few months ago you didn't seem this excited. "
"It's different.”
“What's different about it?” He fakes anger.
I can't answer through my bout of laughter.
“You have an ugly heart Mr July. You can't accept compliments from your good friends.”
“I can. It's just different.”
“Nothing about it is different except for your heart. Now accept my compliment.”
“Ok.”
“Are you ready?”
“I'm ready.”
“You're very handsome, Leonardo July.” Dominique says with a straight face.
It only lasts for a second until the laughter building up inside of us bursts into guffaws.
It's at that exact moment the lights come back on.
❄️❄️❄️
Mkhulu and I are watching TV in our pajamas while snacking on dry corn flakes.
The whole house is bathed in darkness except for the light emanating from the television.
"Can I say something?" I ask, watching his face twitch with annoyance.
"If I say no, will you keep quiet?"
A silence.
"That's what I thought. Now spit it out. It's about that Olive girl isn't it?”
"Not everything is about her Mkhulu but yes it is"
"I knew it. Your eyes looked particularly googly.” He says, amusement dancing in his eyes.
“Now spit it out so we can go back to watching TV."
"Sometimes... when I'm thinking about her or with her I get this burning feeling in my chest. I don't know how to explain it but it feels like my heart's on fire. Okay well maybe not on fire but like roasting. It feels like my heart is roasting. But like a nice slow roast."
"You know what you sound like right now? You sound like a cannibal."
We chuckle.
Mkhulu laugh simmers down into a smile.He glances at me, his dark eyes aglow with something.
" When you're old it's called heartburn when you're young it's called falling in love."
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Let's fall in love in the comments!
🌹🤗
23.How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most people?
💕Please 💕
Vote🌟
And
Comment🌬️
Thank you for reading!❤️