"Click," Cartman opens the door to his house with a push, "get in" he sighs and keeps a lookout for cops. I thank god that we didn't get chased, I let Tweek go inside first. Considering how we don't need any other civilians getting a glimpse. He goes inside and then stops mid hallway, I'm distracted by looking back so I stumble into Tweeks shoulders and laugh.
"Hey why'd you sto-"
oh my god, now I know why he stopped. I'm not even at a surprise, his house is a mess. Half empty takis and Cheetos on the floor, shirts and socks around the stairs.
"So you like it?" Cartman awfully smiles and I feel like he's hiding something from us.
"Yeah...thanks" Tweek sighs and Cartman snickers, happily heading over to the kitchen, preparing a nice warm cup of tea after an exhaustingly successful night. "He meant that it sucks-" I grin but Tweek smacks me on the shoulder.
'What!?' I mouth but Tweek frowns, "he helped us Craig, calm down." Fine alright, I get it. He...did more than help us. "Sorry" I smile and Tweek wraps his hands on my cheeks, giving me a soft peck.
Yeah I owe it to the fatass.
After all of this, if things get better.
I'll make sure to uh, maybe talk things out with him.
I guess, I wince at my own thoughts. Not in 100 years would I have ever imagined myself thanking him, but here I am. Thanking the fuck outta him. I walk over to the couch and lay down, my body aches. Not to mention, my nose has been punched and pushed against the ground so many times that I'm not even surprised if it's deformed by now.
Which, I god hope it isn't.
"I'm gonna go uh, change" I sigh and look down at my rough attire. My outfit is smudged with mud and even the mesh on my legs have cracks from the pavement. "Hey gayass, my bathrooms on your left!" Cartman yells out from the kitchen and I nod. Making my way over to his bathroom.
What the hell, I drag my hands over my eyes and touch the dripping makeup on my face. I look like a swamp monster, carefully I grab a cotton and swab a bit of micellar water.
"how can I even-" I groan, trying to pick at the mascara in my eyes. I think I've poured a little too much, because now my eyes fucking hurt.
"Need help?" Tweek locks the door behind me and looks at my stupid attempt at trying to rub the makeup off my eyes.
"Please" I cry and he walks in closer to me, I sit down on the edge of the bath and he takes the swab from my hand. He's gentle with me, and I adore that.
Gently stroking my face with the cotton, his body in between my legs. "So, you did this all for me?" He laughs and I wrap my hands around his waist, "well yeah-well no! I didn't do the makeup I mean, Cartman-"
"Thank you, dummy" He nods and chuckles at my words, wiping the makeup from my lips. Dummy huh? Well, I guess I did do it all for you. I smile and he leans in a little closer to my mouth. It takes a second or two, a breath and couple of shared silences to connect lips, he's gentle with me during the whole time.
"Woah, hey" I stop him and he rolls his eyes, "where did this come from?" I laugh, stopping his wrists from trailing their way behind my neck.
"Just helping" he smiles, I cock a brow and suddenly find myself helplessly questioning his true intentions.
"Don't you think that's too bold, you know we're inside Cartmans house right?" I snicker and he gives me that little look on his face, "I don't remember you getting so worried when we were doing the same at your apartment." He mumbles and my body goes stiff. Dammit Tweek.
"I guess," I play along, and kiss him again. Closing my eyes into the kiss, pulling him in closer, listening to his breath on the tip of his tongue. His heartbeat on my chest, his close proximity making me lose my train of thought.
This is wrong.
I know it's wrong, but I can't help it.
When he's kissing me...I don't feel like st-
"CRAIG TUCKER OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR, GAYASS WE DONT HAVE TIME!" Cartman yells out from the other side of the door and I slip, my world goes blank, and I find myself falling to the doom of hard marble against fragile back. "Huck" I groan, "What-whatsfucking-wrong?" I cry out loud and hold onto the back of my neck, of course my back hurts! I just fell backwards!
"OPEN THE DOOR GUYS" Cartman yells out for one last time and Tweek rushes over to the door, opening the lock. Cartman opens the door panting and looks at both of us. "Not gonna ask, gross I don't even want to know but we don't have the fucking time right now! CHANGE AND LETS GO," he runs into his room and hands me a hoodie with some jeans.
"No it's not what it looks like-yes-no ugh Is something wrong? Cartman, speak to me" I pull off my nun attire, and drag the brand new clothes onto my body. Tweek turns around and walks out the bathroom, something is going on. This isn't normal.
"Cartman, open the door and surrender" the voice outside the entrance of the door yells, and the knock states the obvious. They found us. But that's impossible. I understand if maybe it would have been better to go search in my apartment, but Cartmans...they hadn't even seen him!?
"Cartman, how did they find us? '' I pant, holding Tweeks hand and dragging him into Cartman's room, where he panics to stuff a bag of Cheetos into his pockets. "Cheetos, Doritos what else-" Cartman digs his claws into the trenches of his room and I grab him by the shoulder pulling him back up.
"Cartman, how the fuck, did they find us"
"Listen, I stumbled across Mr Mackey and-he saw me okay? Without...my wig" he adds onto his statement and my eyes widen, "AND THAT WASN'T THE FIRST THING YOU FUCKING TOLD ME BEFORE GOING HERE!?" I grab at his shirt and he groans, "listen, I know gayass, but we don't have time!"
For fucksake Cartman, we just got out of that place. And just now you're telling me this. We all look over at the main door and the loudest thump catches our attention. They're going to force entry if we don't get out of here. Think, think Craig. Think.
"I have a spare car in my garage, OK? Don't panic" Cartman finally after ages pulls out of his room and leads us to his garden, which we follow till we get to his garage. Don't panic!? Is he shitting on us!? We just got out of there!
The sirens wake up the whole neighborhood and suddenly Cartman's house is the center of attention, they want us badly. I don't think before turning to the closest and only car in his garage. A 2016 worn out brown Volkswagen Jetta. It's horrendous, but I don't care, I open the back door for Tweek and he hops in.
"You better get us the hell out of here" I hop into the passenger's seat and Cartman jumps in, wrapping his hands on the handle. "What am I!? Your taxi you gayass!?! I'm ON IT." he rolls his eyes and I scoff, he's off. Pulling out of the garage, and onto the road.
It's loud, but we can tell that they've broken into Cartman's house. He winces at the sound of his own door falling down to the floor but I punch his shoulder gently and bring him back into reality. It's not the time, it's too late. Too late to look back. It's like we constantly have to pull a stick out of our ass. We can't even breathe, everything's just drive. Drive or else we'll get caught.
When will this end...
"We have a problem," Cartman sighs and drags a hand over his face. "Which is-" I sigh and look ahead. Where a cop waits in his car and looks straight at us. We don't move, in fact we stay still, but he knows that we're inside.
We weren't clever enough, we weren't quick enough.
"What now Cartman!? Come on, think fatass! do something!" I panic watching the cop car approach us. Tweek grabs onto my seat and looks ahead. "I'M ON IT OKAY, GIVE ME A SECOND" Cartman groans, looking around the car but nothing stops the overwhelming fear of the police car approaching us with gleaming lights.
"Hold still," he sighs and puts his hand on the gear, pulling it back into reverse. Not in a million years would I have prepared myself for what he does next, but he does it. He presses his foot down against the petal hard and accelerates. The car flies backwards and my face hits the windshield. I can't even count the number of times I've hit my nose today.
"CARTMAN GIVE ME A DAMN WARNING NEXT TIME YOU MANIAC" I grunt, grabbing the handle above me and pulling my body back. I turn around to look at Tweek, but he's just fine. Maybe I am unlucky after all. "WOW I'M SORRY, THAT I WASN'T YOUR MOTHER TO TELL YOU TO BUCKLE UP YOU FUCK," he yells at me and I roll my eyes. the cop yells out something from his window, but it's barely audible.
And you don't have to be a smartass to know that he's telling us to pull over. But Cartman keeps accelerating, crashing into leftover monster cans and pots of flowers, until we make our way out of the alley. The cop accelerates even faster but Cartman quickly pulls out, pulling his gear into drive and accelerating immediately.
The sudden push throws my body forwards slightly, but I hold on tightly. I'm stubborn, but I still put on my seatbelt.
He's quick, the wheel goes flying left and Cartman gets the cop confused. "Is he gone?" Cartman exhales, finally letting go of the air he'd been holding in.
"NO, HE'S RIGHT BEHIND US, DRIVE" Tweek yells and Cartmans breath hitches, out of reflex he presses his foot on the pedal, and drives.
We've welled our way into another alleyway, just this time. It's unpredictable to know if it has a dead end or not, but the more we approach the other end, the more I get freaked out. "Cartman, it's a dead end, fuck it's obvious" I gesture to the road ahead and he inhales. "Trust me." He murmurs, and for our sake, we have to. I don't trust him at all, but if we've gotten this far, then it probably means that he has something prepared.
But I'm getting freaked out, because our dead end has a ramp and a small fence. "What are you doing...Cartman, wait hey-" my eyes widen and he pushes down hard on the petal.
"TWEEK TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND TO SHUT THE FUCK UP" Cartman yells and I want to pinch him, Tweek grabs on tightly to my shoulder and I look at the approaching ramp.
He's insane.
He's actually insane.
He doesn't even know what's on the other side but he's willing to fly. We're going to die, ladies and gentleman this is the end of my life's story.
10 seconds.
I keep my eyes open for 10 seconds.
At 8 second, Cartman doesn't even have his eyes open anymore.
At 5 seconds, the wheels go over the ramp.
At 3 seconds I realize that he's let go of the wheel.
At 2, I look at the cop behind us who stops his car and watches the stunt.
At 1, I close my eyes and accept the fact that we're in the air.
"WHAM"
"OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES CRAIG" Cartman yells and I suddenly inhale, I've forgotten how to breath. I open my eyes and look around, we're alive. "TAKE THE WHEEL" he screams and I notice that he's too much of a wuss to open his own eyes, "WHAT" I panic, grabbing onto the wheel. The car goes down hill and leads straight into a pond if he doesn't turn this car around immediately. I roughly pull the wheel right and the car changes direction.
fuck. We could've sunken the car.
WE COULD'VE SUNKEN THE CAR YOU IDIOT.
"CARTMAN YOU IDIOT WE COU-" Cartman grabs control of the wheel and opens his eyes, leading us over to the road. "YOU DRIVE NEXT TIME THEN."
"you...TWO HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT SCREAM" Tweek yells from the back seat and we go silent, "GAH-Jesus CHRIST" he sighs and I inhale harshly.
we've lost him, we've lost the cop. But it's not safe to just stop the car, he's probably taking another route right now. So Cartman takes the car farther away. Until he stops next to a Mcdds, to take a breather. We're all sweating like crazy, never in my life have I've ever been in such a car race.
"We're good, for now" Cartman sighs, lifting his chin back and relaxing his head against the cushions. "What's...what's the plan now?" I look back at Tweek and then up at Cartman.
"Let me breathe first, will you? Jesus Craig"
"all of this because you decided to be gay, and instead of choosing a human, you chose a fucking demon" he chuckles and I roll my eyes, "Not true"
"Yeah so, if it wasn't for the cop you two wouldn't be making out in MY bathroom?" He stops me mid sentence and my mouth goes wide.
"That's-that wasn't that, listen you wouldn't understand"
"Don't wanna, I'd rather go to prison than hear your gayass explain to me how you handle his dick in your mouth" he goes on and my breaths stiffens, "excuse me!?" First of all, I wouldn't ever tell you if that ever happened. No actually you don't even have to know any of my business!
Tweek laughs at his stupid joke from behind his seat and I look back at him surprised. "Nice to know that your boyfriend gets what I'm saying" Cartman snickers and hands Tweek his Cheetos.
"Tweek come on..." I sigh and trail my hand over my hair, don't laugh at his stupid joke...
"Not laughing" Tweek smiles, zipping his lips with his fingers. But he couldn't make it any more obvious that he had been laughing.
"So what, you friends since childhood or something?" Tweek snickers and we both look at each other.
"Yeah me and Craig go back till ele-" Cartman chews down onto some cheetos he found laying around and I wince.
"I hate him" I cross my arms and Cartman laughs, "he's just mad I saw him pee his pants in grade-"
"YOU FUCKER-" I get flustered, and slap my hands on his mouth. That's so embarrassing...don't ugh oh god, don't even remind me of my stupid childhood.
Tweek wraps his arms around my seat and puts his head beside my cushion. "Oh really?" He teases me and I blame Cartman for getting him so interested in my personal life.
"Alright gayasse's, keep it down a little, I've thought of something." Cartman sighs and looks at the time. He went pretty far so I don't expect the cops to be here already, but it's good to keep precaution.
"I know a place."
.
.
.
"A good place."
This better be good Cartman...
I don't want to be running away from the cops all day so it could just backfire.