Darius:
Fuck!
My head feels like it's about to explode and I don't know what to fucking do.
I glance at my phone when the screen lights up and I see a text from Madden.
Madden
My house.
Grabbing it, I swiftly exit my room and rush down the stairs and to my car, revving the engine and speeding down the driveway ridiculously above the limit.
This.. if this is true. It's fucked.
Everything is smoke.
I can't see. I can't breathe.
What the actual fuck?
I turn on the Bluetooth , attempting to distract myself with the heavy base as SickIck's Infected begins to play. Drowning out every other sound but the one in my own head.
My thoughts are all overlapping one another, yelling, screaming, whispering, fucking clawing at me from the inside.
They follow me all the way to Madden's house in the record time it takes me to get there.
When I do, I jump out of the car and start for the entrance, heading to the theatre in the basement.
I swing the doors open, walk right over to Luca, take the drink out of his hand and finish it in three gulps.
"Rude." He huffs.
"Looks like we've got our hands full." Jeremy whistles.
Wait-
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
He shrugs. "I was invited."
I furrow my brows at Oakley.
"Don't look at me." He holds up his hands.
"I'm prettier to look at, anyway." Angel grins.
"You?" I question.
"What can I say? I like the guy."
"Fucking hell." I run a hand through my hair and drop down into one of the seats.
"Lay it out." Luca waves at me.
Blowing out a breath, I tilt my head up and shut my eyes.
All I see is her.
"I know her. I've known her. But I didn't even know that I've known. How that fuck is that possible?"
When none of them say anything, I open my eyes and look around, seeing each of their expressions. One noticeable similarity between them all.
Guilt.
"No."
"Dare-" Oakley starts but I cut him off.
"No! Motherfuckers. You've all known? This whole fucking time? And you've said nothing?"
"We couldn't."
"Yeah? And why the fuck is that? And I swear to god, if I don't get a decent explanation you're all getting your fucking teeth knocked out."
Never. Never have I ever been truly angry at my brothers but right now? I'm fucking seething.
How could they fucking keep this from me? Especially when they know how I feel about her?
They all shoot one another glances, silently asking who's going to be the one to say it.
Ultimately, Mads is the one who sighs and straightens in his seat to face me head on.
"What are you aware of?"
"I know I met her at my fifth birthday. She gave me that toy lion and I had her come and sit with me. I remember spending practically the next few years together. I remember what we used to do, what we used to play. Her having to move away for a few months. And then I remember her walking into my English class at the start of the semester."
"So you don't remember how you separated?"
"Obviously fucking not." I groan and fall deeper into the chair.
"Alright. It was a few days after she moved away and we were trying to cheer you up because you were a fucking mess. We were playing on the tree house. Doing random shit. It was all going fine but then..."
"What?"
"You fell."
"The fuck do you mean, I fell?"
"Back first through one of the open doors."
"What...?"
"You weren't moving. You'd hit your head. And you know how high it was. Not fatal but the way you fell..."
"Keep going."
"One of the maids called your mom out and she told us all to get in the car. We went to the hospital and they took you in. When your dad got there, he had you transferred to a private room and you stayed there unconscious for a few days."
"A coma?" I ask.
"Yeah. And when you woke up... you'd forgotten the last two years."
"I forgot her." I whisper. More to myself than them.
"The doctors said that your memories coming back wasn't certain. They might but they also might not. But he also said that we shouldn't do anything to try and make you remember. It'd strain your brain. You were so fucking distraught over Donatella and even if we wanted to we weren't allowed to say anything. Which we did, want to. She was our friend, too."
My breathing became deeper when he was only sentences in.
"But that doesn't explain why you didn't say anything now."
"We wanted to." Luca says. "We went to the hospital and asked every fucking doctor in there, even talked to our family doctors, but they all said the same thing. It was a bad idea. If you were going to remember, you should do it on your own."
"Then why did my mom just give me the goddamn toy and ask me to remember?"
"She's been torn the fuck up about it." Jeremy tells me. "After Angel told me about it all and I was at your house the other week, I went to get a glass of water and found her crying in the kitchen."
"What?"
"She loves you. You're her son. What happened to you killed her as a mother. And what was happening to you not a day ago was doing the same thing. She couldn't help you. Or her. Not really. But she wants you guys to be happy. And, technically she didn't say her name or anything. All she did was ask you to remember."
"Fuck." I breathe. "But even when I saw her. No. Fuck that. I've been spending time with her for months. She's my fucking girlfriend. How could I not remember?" My head is starting to ache again and I feel like punching a wall and falling into bed at the same time. Even if I forgot her, how could I not recollect everything at the sight of her face? Her eyes? Her smile? They're all I fucking think about
now. M
How did it not fucking click?
"Why didn't she tell me?" I wonder. Why didn't she confront me when she got back?
"Are you putting some of the blame on her?"
I snap my head towards Oakley. "Fuck no. None of this is her fault. I-" Fuck, I can't imagine how she must've felt. Being forgotten. I hurt her. I lean my head against the top of the seat. "What am I going to fucking do."
"Well, I can't imagine she felt great when you didn't even glance her way when she moved back." Angel quips.
We all turn to him.
"No offence."
"Hey. You'll trigger his inner demon if you keep going." Oak narrows his eyes.
"And I also can't imagine how shitty she must've felt when you'd started your project and didn't remember her then, either." Angel continues. "Again, no offence."
"Are you trying to help?" I glare at him. "Because if you try one more time Cohen, I'm going to carve a fucking dick into your precious six-pack."
I honestly can't even believe I have the energy to threaten him, let alone actually carry said threat out. I can barely tell if the sizzling emotions shooting through my veins are that of unrestrained anger or devastating helplessness. Maybe it's both.
Oakley pulls an "I told you so" face.
"First of all." He lifts his full sleeve shirt to reveal his abs. "It's an eight-pack. And second of all," he lets go of the fabric. "I'm telling it how it fucking is. Now, why don't you let me finish."
I see Luca roll his eyes in my peripheral.
"So yeah. I think she must've felt like shit. I think she must've felt insecure. I think she must've felt fucking hurt." I curl my hands into the chair, three seconds from breaking something. "But since then, ignoring all of that. What's happened? You started liking each other, didn't you? Hell, you're fucking dating now. She cares about you."
"How? How could she fucking care about me after what I did to her?"
"Because that's who she is." He answers simply. "She's nice. She's understanding. She forgives people."
"I don't deserve her forgiveness." My reply is instant and absolute.
"It's not your fault, either." He says now. Voice hard. "You were a fucking kid. You never planned to smack your head on the ground and erase her from your memory. You didn't plan on meeting her again and catching feelings- how could you?"
"But-"
"There is no fucking but to this, Dare. Look at me." I do. I look my brother right in the eyes. "Neither of you are at fault. You or her. Neither of you did anything wrong."
I cover my face with my hands. "What am I going to do?"
"You're going to talk to her." Luca replies.
"You're going to reassure her on where you stand." Oak adds.
"Which is still with her, right?" Jere asks.
"Of course it is."
"Then that's it." Madden says.
"What do you mean? That can't be it."
"I guess we'll have to see, won't we?" Angel offers. "She already knows that we've known. Didn't seem to hate us. Even if she was capable of it, I doubt she'd hate you."
"Since when?"
"About an hour ago. Not long before you got here. I called her. I didn't say details. She doesn't know about the memory shit. That's for you to deal with. But you are going to deal. And if it doesn't go over as smoothly as we hope it will, we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it."
I nod. Picturing her in my head. I cannot fucking lose her. I don't know when it happened, but this is beyond fucking feelings and fondness. More than a crush or fucking attraction.
I love her.
And even though I know we aren't broken up, I'm going to get her back.
Whatever it takes.