Bianca was still shaken by the unexpected encounter she had with Emma a week ago, so much she didn't talk to Florence about it and only told her she had to go to the bathroom to explain why she took so long to come back. She kept it for herself, attentively reflecting on what the actress said, thinking that maybe she had changed too over the years and that probably they could try to be a little closer to each other.
Obviously it wasn't the easiest thing in the word, not when you are talking about the only person you ever loved and perhaps will always have a part of your heart. Finding herself again under the constant possibility of falling in love with Emma was very scary for Bianca. It hadn't been hard the first time when they were young for the actress to make her fall for her, so certainly this time after years spent together it would be a walk in the park.
She had just to focus on her work, friends and maybe staring to look for a relationship if she didn't want to die alone. And to do that she had to be sure she could deal with her past, thus it was time to go visiting her parents.
She had to definitively put an end to her and Emma's story, they would never get together again so accepting that would mean she could finally go to visit her parents after six long years in which she didn't go once only calling to know if they were okay, nothing more. Yes, it wasn't their fault if Emma broke up with her, but they reminded her of all the happy memories she lived with the actress at her house.
So yes, she had been a little bit immature distancing herself from them when they were her rocks, but she was determined to change her old self and be a better version of herself.
Florence was out with her mother so Bianca was free to go without giving her any explanation. It shouldn't be that hard going to visit your parents, but for Bianca it was perhaps one of the most difficult things she had done since she came back in London.
She put on her earphones and opened Spotify to listen to some music while she walked towards her old house to distract herself from overthinking about what she was going to do. She opted on going to her mother's first, and then if everything went good, she would go to visit her father as well.
It started Enchanted by Taylor Swift, one of her favourite songs. It was funny how well Taylor's songs fit her life perfectly, as if they had been written for her.
Because yes, she had been enchanted to meet one person in particular: Emma. She remembered how, even if she didn't want to admit it at that time, she had been hypnotised by the young actress and what kind of blush mess she became any time she would be close to her. They bickered at the beginning, mainly because Bianca didn't listen to what Emma desperately tried to explain her; to justify herself, Bianca used to say she didn't want a tutor because anyone would look at her as if she wasn't smart enough to understand things alone, and that was partially the truth, but what she never confessed her was that she would get lost in Emma's big brown eyes anytime she would look at her and so wasn't able to comprehend a single thing of what the actress was actually saying.
Lost in her thoughts, Bianca had arrived at her parents' house. She raised her arm to ring the intercom, and it trembled. 'Come on Bianca, don't be a baby'. She took a deep breath before pushing the bottom. Now she couldn't stand back.
"Yes?" Said a voice which she immediately recognised to be her mother's.
"It's me mum, Bianca." She replied nervously.
"Bianca! Oh honey, come inside." Urged her mother, full of enthusiasm and incredulity.
Bianca went on the stairs running impatient to see her parents after so long. She missed them like air even if she didn't want to admit it.
"Oh my goddess, it's really you." Said her mother as soon as she saw her on the doorway, with tears running down her cheeks.
"Yes mum, it's me." Said emotional Bianca, with a trembling voice and bottom lip.
Her mother didn't waste a second to pull her into a bone crushing hug. Bianca put her hands behind her mother's neck while the older woman put hers on Bianca's waist holding her as if her life depended on it. They both cried on each other's shoulders letting go all the sadness they had collected through the years.
"I can't actually believe you're here, i-it's a miracle." Whispered her mother, lovingly stroking her hair.
"I know mum. It's all my fault, I should have been better, I shouldn't have left like a coward, I should've stayed home." Bianca blamed herself, shaking her head. Her mother though pulled away slightly and took Bianca's face in her hands, delicately brushing her thumbs on her daughter's cheeks. "Honey, stop blaming yourself for everything. It's true, you didn't react in the best way but you were heartbroken in a way I didn't think it was possible. You did what you needed to in that moment. Dad and I don't hold a grudge against you; so stop accusing yourself for what happened. It's okay."
Bianca burst out crying again and her mother embraced her into a hug only mums can give: full of love and comfort.
"Shh...it's okay, honey. You're okay." Whispered her mother to calm her down. And Bianca held her even tighter than before buring her face in the crook of her mother's neck.
"You, if anything, should be proud of yourself for keeping fighting even though the love of your life was gone."
Bianca abruptly shook her face and look at her. "She wasn't the love of my life mum, just a teenage mistake." She said resentful.
Her mother softly smiled and replied: "honey, just because you're not together anymore doesn't mean she wasn't the love of your life. We, in this crazy journey we call life, have one soulmate who unfortunately isn't always the one we will end up with, but that doesn't mean they aren't our soulmate anymore; and that's exactly your and Emma's case. You met the right person at the wrong time, she wasn't just a teenage mistake as you affirm, she was the one."
"Mum, I can't deny I loved her with all I am but we were very young. Don't you think that talking about being soulmates is too much?" Said Bianca, who went to sit comfortably on the couch in the living room.
She had the feeling she would have a whole afternoon discussion about the actress.
"Bianca, you're free to think whatever you want, however in my opinion she is tattooed in your heart, that you want to admit it or not." Said her mother, sitting next to her.
"Why would you think that?" Bianca asked.
"Cause I can see it in your eyes, and eyes never lie, honey. And both then and now they sparkle when you hear her name."
"Otherwise, if you didn't feel anything for her anymore, why didn't you come back once in all those years?" Went on her mother.
"B-because I needed space." Tried to say Bianca, not fully convinced.
Her mother gently grabbed her hand in hers. "From your parents?" She asked with a smile.
"No!" Replied Bianca, sighing because she couldn't formulate correctly what she wanted to say. "Of course not from you."
Her mother giggled amused. "Don't worry honey, I'm sure with some time you will understand what I mean."
"But until then I disagree with you." Said Bianca.
"Proud to be able to say that I know you better than anyone else and that I already know how this will end."
"Mum," sighed Bianca, "Emma and I talked a little about our situation and I can assure you that I didn't feel anything towards her, neither were my eyes shining."
Bianca told that to her mother, however inside her there was a voice that kept telling her otherwise, that she deep down didn't want her and Emma to be over. But it was simply a joke of her subconscious.
"...I see" said her mother giving her a knowing smile.
"What? You don't believe me?" She asked in disbelief.
"No, no, I do. If you're so sure about it..."
Then Bianca, to show her mother she was affirming the truth, put her right hand on her heart and sworn: "I solemnly swear I am not in love with Emma Watson." She said it fully convinced, at least her mind was, cause her heart ached when she pronounced those words but she would never confess it, neither she would admit it herself.
"Honey, you don't have to convince me of anything, if you say you don't love her I believe you." Laughed her mother.
"...I know. It's just that... it's complicated."
The older woman put her arm around Bianca's shoulder to embrace her and placed a sweet kiss on her forehead. "Don't worry Bianca, I know it's hard for you to talk about her... I can neither imagine what you must feel anytime you see her. Because, even if you say you don't love her, we never truly forget our first love, it's a flame that will always warm our hearts. Indelibly present in our soul."
Every word echoed inside Bianca's mind. She completely agreed with her mother on this, first loves are destined to live forever inside us, that you want it or not, they will always be there.
Cuddled by her mother she felt at home again, a sensation she didn't feel for too long and that made her relax so much that she felt asleep on her mother's chest.
********
December 2002
Bianca had failed again the English literature's test, at this rate she risked to have a debt at the end of the year. She disconsolate, slumped into the chair hiding the face between her hands. How could she, who never failed at anything, be so stupid to fail English class?
The headmaster had convocate her into his office and she already feared the worst.
Florence told her not to think too much about it, that it wouldn't be normal if she was impeccable with all she was going through with her parents' divorce.
But Bianca kept blaming herself both for it and for her bad grades, because she hadn't been enough to avoid her parents' separation and her academic problems.
She felt lost in a spiral no one could hope to understand.
She slowly walked towards the headmaster's office with head down, hands in the pockets and a guilty look.
She knocked just one time before his deep voice said: "come in."
With her heart beating faster than when she had to do blood tests, she carefully stepped in. "Oh, Bianca. Come, sit please." He said, pointing at the chairs in front of his desk.
He had always intimidated Bianca. Not because he was scary or anything, just cause he was extremely authoritarian and strict with all of the students, never letting anyone without a punishment for not following the rules.
"You wanted to see me, sir?" She asked.
"Yes, Bianca" he answered, crossing his hands. "Your English teacher informed me you are repeatedly failing his class."
Bianca didn't reply, ashamed.
"Is everything okay Bianca? You're one of the best students we have the pleasure to have here." He said to break the ice, attentively looking at Bianca.
She shifted her position on the chair. "...yeah sir. I guess I just need to study harder."
"I might have found a solution." He said, catching Bianca's attention, who stared at him confused. "Perhaps you should be supported by a tutor." He proposed, leaving her speechless.
No, absolutely not. She didn't need a tutor, and mostly she didn't want it at all. They were all 'I know it all' kind of people and the others would judge her for having one. "Sir, I don't think I need a tutor, I just-"
"-I wasn't asking for your approval, Bianca. I was only informing you I have already arranged everything. You will have a tutor who will help you in English literature" he said, shutting her down. "Her name's is Emma, she is the brightest student of her course... I'm sure you two will get along."
Bianca desperately wanted to complain about his arbitrary decision, but she didn't want to mess things up more than they were already, so she profusely nodded and offered him even a forced smile, probably the fakest she had even done.
"Can I go now, sir?"
"Yes, Bianca. Have a good day."
And Bianca didn't waste a second to rush out of his office, furious for what expected her from now on. Who knows if this Emma was nice or a bitch like most of the girls in her school.
She walked lost in her thoughts through the school's hallways when she heard a voice "hey" this person said, making Bianca turn around to see who was and what they wanted from her. As soon as she turned around, she realised who had called her: a girl. A very beautiful girl if you asked her, with brown, long, curly hair, who seemed to have two pieces of chocolate instead of her eyes, a little bit taller than her, with a smile Bianca would never forget: it could shine New York at night.
"Hey" repeated the girl, walking towards her with a couple of books in hands. "Did you get lost?"
"Huh?" Asked Bianca in trance, "...oh no, no. I was just going home."
"Oh, okay, better like this." The girl giggled, and Bianca thought she could hear to that laugh forever. "I'm Emma by the way." She said, holding her hand out for Bianca to shake.
"Bianca." She replied, smiling like and idiot and shaking Emma's hand.
"You must be the girl that needs to be tutored." Emma exclaimed, making Bianca immediately let go of her hand. Was she the 'Emma' the headmaster was referring to? She guessed so, judging by the way the girl recognised her by just her name.
"As I told the headmaster, I don't need a tutor. Thus maybe you could be so gentle not to consider what he said." Scoffed Bianca, completely changing her tone and behaviour into a much colder one.
The girl frowned, bewildered by Bianca's response. "Bianca, firstly, I'm sorry but the headmaster explicitly asked me to tutor you, so I can't really ignore it as if he never told me anything. Secondly, let me decide if you need a tutor or not, cause you, evidently, seem to struggle in English literature."
Bianca wanted to say so many words, but she restrained herself from doing it since they weren't exactly friendly.
"Listen, tutor girl," she started, glaring at the girl in front of her with fire in the eyes. "Trust me when I tell you you're just wasting your time with me. I'm perfectly capable to go on alone, I don't need your help."
"The headmaster seems to think it differently, though." Pointed out Emma. This now had become a challenge to see who gave up first, and Bianca certainly would never do it.
"Well, the headmaster is wrong." She replied, adjusting her pink shirt.
Emma smirked and whispered leaning over her ear: "I'll wait for you tomorrow after school in the library. Don't be late." And left, winking at Bianca, who stared at her out of words with the jaw on the floor.
Bianca observed her as she walked away, swinging her arms back and forth, and thought: 'this girl is gonna be the death of me'.
********
When Bianca opened her eyes her mother wasn't there. She, rubbing her eyes, understood she had fallen asleep since now out of the windows everything was immersed in the darkness. She recalled what she had just dreamed slightly shaking her head with a smile: that girl revealed herself to be really her death in the end.
She, curious to know where her mother was, stood up from the couch she was laying on, and took off the blanket her mother kindly put her on.
She walked through her old house, remembering all the moments she spent there, happy or bad it didn't matter.
It seemed her mother was nowhere to be found, when she walked into her old room and found her looking at a picture. From where she was she couldn't see who was in the photo so she took a step forward her mother. "I was expecting for you to wake up to show it to you, but since you're here..." she said, and handed her the picture.
She instantly recognised who was in that: her parents, Lorenzo, Emma and her parents. They were sat at a huge table adorned with Christmas decorations. She and Emma were sat next to each other and were raising a glass of water while everyone else had white wine. Bianca had to teach her father infinite times how to take a photo with his new camera because he was very bumbling with those kind of things.
"Did you ever see them, mum?" Bianca asked, "Mr and Mrs Watson I mean."
"Occasionally. I used to go jogging with Emma's mother even after you two broke up. However we didn't see each other that often, it was a little awkward." She explained.
"I'm sorry." Bianca said, lowering her gaze.
"For what, honey?"
"For having destroyed your friendship. I know you were good friends, you enjoyed her company and I not only destroyed my relationship, but also your friendship." Bianca replied.
"You should seriously stop blaming yourself for everything, honey. It wasn't absolutely your fault Emma's mother and I don't see anymore. We simply thought it was the best if we stopped talking for a while, you have nothing to do with it."
But Bianca couldn't help but feeling responsible for it. She felt again like when she was eleven and had just gone out the headmaster's office. The only difference was that, that time an angel rescued her, Emma, who for obvious reasons couldn't do it anymore. So who would heal her this time?
********
A/N: I know Emma's parents are no longer together but it made sense for the story.
Let me know what you think, what you'd like to see next and if you like this flashbacks.
See you in the next chapter. Byeeeeeee 😉