{Edited}
On Thursday morning at school, I was pulled in the arm by Drake, his hair was combed, he wasn't with his newer set of athletic friends, he was completely alone.
"Jennifer," He whispered, "Hey, can we have a minute to talk?"
"Um... sure?" I wanted to go in early to class, but the fact that Drake of all people wanted a word with me was enough to spike my curiosity.
We barely spoke to each other when Cole wasn't with us. He blamed me for a part of the accident that sent our best friend to a coma. I wanted to blame him to but the thought made me sick.
When the result was the same, what did it matter whose fault it was?
Relieved Drake nodded, we walked to an empty classroom. He closed and locked the door behind us. "I need to talk to you about Cole," He said straightforward. "He's not like himself."
How fitting, the only thing we talk about is the boy who brought us together. Cole.
"I'm aware," I said dryly. I think back to his commanding tone, his anger, his suspicion.
"People can change Jen," Drake added, like that'll help ease how I felt. How conflicting it all was for me to have Cole like this. To still feel the same when I wasn't even sure if he'd return the feeling. When they told me he had amnesia, I had trouble accepting it. "He did undergo something large, maybe he won't ever be the same again."
It was apparent, I was forced to accept it. The worst part of it all was how he didn't seem to feel the same way he did before the accident. I didn't understand why Drake needed to tell me this.
It was unfair. How could you love a person one day and wake up another not feeling anything?
"Like you did after the accident," I added in shrill tone. I was on the verge of collapsing. I wasn't having a good day, not at all.
Drake was silent for a minute, I don't look at him in that minute glancing down, admiring the tiled flooring, "Jennifer, I didn't know what to say."
"You could have said anything." I remembered when I woke up. Drake was awake too. I remembered the accident, the blinding lights. I asked him then, "Where's Cole?"
He blankly stared at me then. He knew. But he couldn't vocalise it. The thing about it was how I jumped to all the worst conclusions in his silence, the truth would have been better than nothing. It was all my fault of all things. Then we never spoke to each other. Strained conversation, his short responses.
"I could have, but there was nothing right to say then. I was in shock, I could barely form a coherent sentence."
"Whatever."
"Jennifer listen, Cole isn't himself and..." He began. He looked like he needed to get it off his chest. Cole would have listened. He was always intuitive.
I'm not Cole.
"Save it, Drake."
"Don't say I didn't warn you." It's so soft I wouldn't have heard it. Drake looked at me intently, daring me to respond.
I smiled, "Playing with fire is only half the fun, the fun part is getting burned."
That evening, I drove up in my mum's car and picked Cole up. Mrs Summers came up beside Cole who stood hunched and very grumpy with her. I could hear bits of the conversation. Mostly Cole complaining about her having to walk him to my car, like a kid. I couldn't ever recall a time Cole has complained before.
He sat in the passenger seat, Mrs Summers came to my side, "Hey Jen, try not to push Cole too much."
I nodded, "I won't."
"Have fun, you two." She waved us off as I drive off.
"She's fond of you," Cole admitted leaning into the chair. "Why?"
"She's got her reasons."
Cole stretched. "Why is it I only recall laughter from the night of the accident?"
I shrugged again, my heartbeat raced. "I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about this?"
Cole doesn't say anything, he turned on the radio, and we drove in silence. "Hey Jen, I'm sorry about the last time we hung out."
"It's fine."
He reduced the volume of the radio. "It's not, I was being irrational and stupid, I'm really sorry Jen. I've felt so lost since I woke up and learning something I remember ... I need to know Jen."
"It really is okay Cole. I understand." I did. I truly did. The traffic lights turned red. I stopped the car behind another car.
Coles hand brushed against my face, "It really isn't, I don't like the way I feel about it."
The lights turn green. I brought my car to move, my cheeks were tinged red. If I were to look in a mirror I knew I'd closely resemble a tomato.
We drove in silence. Before the accident, silence was comfortable, now it drives me crazy, I increased the volume of the radio. We reached nightshade in record time, an hour thirty minutes. There are more people scantily dressed, a bouncer stood by the door. Which was new, perhaps there was a crowd at night. I reduced the volume of the radio, "We don't have fake ID's."
"We don't," Cole agreed, "Maybe we just need to look the part."
A quick glance at Cole, he wore a white collared shirt and dark pants. His hair was combed as always. He looked like Cole. But the Cole I knew, wouldn't go into nightclubs with his no alcohol policy. Much less, sneak into one.
"You don't fit," Cole commented.
I was wearing a light faded pick floral dress and dark leggings, my blonde hair was tied up. I parked my car, a bit far off and step out. I closed the door. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
Cole stepped nearer, "Yeah, but you need to look a bit different." He came closer to me, "Untie your hair."
I raised an eyebrow.
"Please," He added reluctantly. It didn't fall smoothly off his lips.
"Fine." I obliged, taking out my hair band. My hair fell out freely reaching just midway my back.
He ran his fingers through my hair teasing it, making it messy and tousled. The brief contact had ke closing my eyes, taking sweet delight in his touch and his fingers in my hair it was enough to send me back to -
"You shouldn't wear those stockings." I flushed, opening my eyes. When his hands left my hair, I straightened. I was leaning into his touch. Embarrassing. This was what I've come to, stealing touches and dreaming of him.
"But the dress is really high up," I protested mildly still dazed from his touch.
"It's nothing compared to them." Cole tilted his head towards the crowd, "Please Jen."
I relented, "Don't look," I warned, going nearer to the car as I pull out my stockings. When I come back, Cole's hair was messed up like how'd he look at home, and his shirt was unbuttoned, showing off his hairless chest. He met my gaze, glancing up and down, then he grinned. "We shouldn't have a problem coming in."
I nodded, stiffly. I didn't like feeling the cold wind against my long legs. Granted I wore shorts quiet often, it was different when you were wearing a short dress and the chances of accidents were significantly higher.
"Relax, Jen, I'm here." Sensing my unease Cole looped his arm around my waist, the touch startling me. Familiar yet unfamiliar. I relaxed at his touch. Leaning in. I really loved him. We walked to the nightclub in silence. Nightshade's music could be heard after a few steps. As we drew nearer to Nightshade, the sound was incredibly loud. I could barely hear Cole. "Let's do this," He said.
We walked in, I was too frightened to meet the bouncers gaze. His hand stopped Cole. "I need your ID," He said.
I could see the tattoo's on his arm. Cole took a step back, He thrusted out his ID card confidentially, "Here."
Did he have a fake ID card? The bouncer handed Cole back his card, "You're under-age."
"I won't drink." Cole flashed a smile. I see a hidden fifty pound note under the card as Cole took his card back. "I'm coming to watch Julian play."
The bouncer glanced at him up and down, "Save it kid, this isn't your kind of crowd."
Cole's arm around my waist tightened. "Please let me go in."
"Sorry kid."
Cole pulled back his arm from my waist, and tried to run in. The bouncer caught him before it made it in. "Please, I have to see him." He pushed the guards hand back. I stand frozen watching. Wondering when had the Cole I known changed so much. The bouncer, despite being the same height, was bulky and stronger than Cole. He pulled Cole away, closing the door for added measure of prevention.
I don't know which unnerved me more. The desperation in his run or how he would have left me behind.
"Listen, you're a good kid but if you really want to see him, you can wait out here till he's done," The bouncer said, not annoyed in the least. Cole looked at me. His look was one of pain, like he was pleading at me to do something. My heart ached for him.
"I'd roll with that," I assured him. Wishing he didn't look so crestfallen as the words left my mouth.
Cole nodded, moving to lean on the wall. I followed him but unlike him I didn't dare lean on the wall.
"Do you still run?" I asked him. Familiar territory. Things Cole loved.
"No, I haven't," Cole said looking at me. His green eyes looked troubled.
"You should probably give it a shot sometime."
"I really was fond of running, wasn't I?"
"You were." When had we begun speaking of Cole in past tense? It feels horrible, scary, frightening.
Cole touched my face lightly, and my eyes flutter shut. His personality feel so different but his touch still felt the same. It was another rope to remembering the real Cole. The one who'll always come back to me. His hands moved to my neck and shoulders, my eyes fluttered open and he mets my gaze. "I'm sorry." He pulled back.
Instinctively I hold his hand pulling it back to my face, wordlessly, "liar."
Cole smiled. It felt like adrenaline. My heart danced to the same wild music in the club.
For a brief moment, I thought he remembered.
As fast as I thought that, I noticed his gaze moved behind me. His eyes widen, he stood up straighter looking behind me. I turned. There was a girl walking towards us, she's about my height in heels. Her hair is short and dark. Her eyes are covered in eye liner and dark eye shadow. Her clothes were revealing, a black leather jacket, a purple tank top and a high miniskirt. Her boots were big and clunky. There's a purple streak in her hair, she didn't even seem bothered by us.
"Evangeline," Cole whispered, looking completely mesmerised.
The old Cole vanished. He moved away from me swiftly walking towards Evangeline. She met his gaze, she looked wary. "What do you want?"
Another person who didn't recognise him. It felt impossible.
Cole stretched his hand out, "Evangeline," he whispered, in a trance, he uses his other hand to grab a hold of her waist and with his stretched out hand to tilt her chin up and he kissed her. The way he used to kiss me.
For a minute, I couldn't think, much less breathe.
He could recall her. He couldn't recall me.
Was everything about us, a lie?
Was this Drake's warning?
Did Drake know?
Then impossibly, how did she not know him?
AN
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