CHAPTER NINE
1 Day Until the Wedding
Alana's POV
I can't look at Robb. I physically can't look at him let alone speak to him. After Jon told me about what happened a year ago I can't do it. Each time I see his face I see the sadness and the pain that is within him. I see him so differently now.
Now, I understand why he is how he is. Why he doesn't want to open up to anyone. He doesn't even talk to Jon about what happened. Jon wouldn't tell me the full story though just that Robb had a best friend who tragically died and it really hurt Robb in a way he never healed from. I tried to ask Jon more about it but he wouldn't budge.
Yesterday when Robb took the dust from my shoulder I couldn't bare to look at him. I would have instantly blurt out that I'm sorry for how cruel I'd been. How I'm sorry for not understanding him and how I'm sorry his best friend died.
But I made a promise to Jon. I promised I wouldn't say anything to Robb about it. But that was as far as that promise went. When we were in the great hall Lady Stark pulled me aside after I completely freaked out over Robb being the slightest bit kind to me even if it was out of obligation and not because he truly wanted to be kind.
"Princess, what is ailing you? You're acting different. You are never this... Jumpy." She whispered to me and kept flashing her eyes at Robb who only stood a few feet away. "You can talk to me... Please, you are to be my daughter in a few days. If Robb did something-"
"Jon told me." I said so soft it was even hardly a whisper. The wind would be jealous of how quiet it had been. "About... A year ago."
She looked nearly ready to cry when I said that. "You will not let Robb know you know."
I nodded. "Not until he tells me."
Another nod. "Ask him about the flowers... Something. Get your mind off of it, okay?" She smiled at me. Glad that I know even if it didn't come from Robb himself, but so that I could better understand him perhaps. Perhaps I could be the person who helps him break through this... This madness he has succumb to.
So I did.
I asked him about the flowers and I felt stupid doing so. Asking him about the colors of flower petals that will fall from the ceiling all around us while we share our first dance as husband and wife. It's meant to be a romantic moment but I know it will just be disaster.
Robb will probably be a drunk fool and I will be angry. I will be miserable and desperate for him to just... Talk to me. To befriend me at least but that will never happen. I will always be alone and miserable because it is what he wants for himself.
I didn't expect Robb to take my hand. I didn't expect him to take me to the Gods Wood and teach me a little about his Gods. His Gods who will soon become mine once we wed. And will be the Gods of our children someday. I didn't expect him to compromise. I didn't expect any of it.
When I thanked him for opening up to me he tried to joke. He tried to be funny. He even was trying to apologize but I cut him off before he could even utter the words. I ran off. Because if we kept talking I was going to spill that I knew about his friend.
And I promised Jon that I wouldn't do that.
So I didn't.
Instead I ran and looked so fucking pathetic for doing so.
I had gone to my room and locked myself in there for the rest of the day and night. Myrcella didn't know what to do. She tried everything to calm me down but nothing. Not a damn thing worked. She even made Joffrey come and talk to me but he made my anxiety worse.
"You're getting so worked up over a guy who doesn't give a shit about you Alana. Get over it. You have to marry him? So fucking what. Eat the cake. Dance. Get drunk and hopefully you won't feel a damn thing when he disappoints you with shitty sex after." Joffrey got up from my bed and shrugged as he stormed off.
Myrcella rolled her eyes. "Remind me to never go to him when I'm suffering."
Everything Joffrey said echoed in my fucking head that night. It flashed between that and what Jon told me about Robb's friend. The little bits and pieces at least. I never even found out his name. That's how secretive it is apparently. I don't know how he died. His name. Or what he looks like.
Or if he was even real or if Robb made it up.
Which I doubt that's the case but come on now, at least give me a name, even a nickname or something. A letter even? Something.
When I awoke this morning my head was throbbing from the endless thoughts that surrounded my mind. Swallowing each positive one whole. Each time I remembered Robb's kindness in the Gods Wood it was warped into Joffrey reminding me how drunk Robb would be at our wedding and ruin everything.
I'd think about Robb holding my hands and placing the leaf into them and then I'd instantly think of Robb performing his marital duties so horribly and passing out on top of me and vomiting in the bed. Ruining the night and the rest of my life.
Each good had a bad that out weighed it.
The great hall was off limits after being decorated and arranged for the wedding. Lady Stark didn't want anyone to even breathe in there for longer than they needed too until it was time for the wedding. So we all had to eat breakfast in the library or in the courtyard or even just our chambers.
I saw my mother and Lady Stark going over the lists of everything and making sure nothing was out of place or that they were falling behind on anything. Lords across the North had been funneling in but since it was such a last-minute wedding there had been many who couldn't make it. It was funny to me how my uncles both had arrived in such a timely manner.
I had asked my Uncle Renly and he told me that my father had sent him an invitation over a month ago. Meaning, my father had this planned before we had even left King's Landing to come here. He knew damn well that there would be a wedding and that's why he wanted it to happen as soon as possible.
Uncle Stannis had said the same thing. He got a raven over a month ago telling him and my aunt to meet us in Winterfell for my wedding. But not to let it be known by many because he didn't want word to get out.
Yeah, he didn't want word to get out to me.
Or even Robb.
I continued with my tea and found myself a spot under a tree and sat down with a book in my lap. Reading carefully as I enjoyed my morning tea and a scone which was still warm after being pulled from the over. Apple blueberry... I'd never had it before until coming to Winterfell and I rather enjoyed it. It was slowly becoming my favorite and I noticed they make them fresh daily here.
Sansa sat down aside me and stared at me smiling.
"Good morning, my Lady." I said grinning at her then looking back at my book. Reading the pages but not absorbing anything as I could feel her eyes burning into me. "Can I help you?"
She giggled like a school girl. "Robb held your hand yesterday."
I rolled my eyes. "Yes and I scrubbed my hands after."
She laughed even louder. "Liar." Her brow flickered up at me and she smirked. "Mother said you were nervous about holding his hand. Mother and Queen Cersei think you two are making progress. I suppose my chat with him yesterday must have done something."
"Y-You talked to him? About me?" I asked nervously. Shutting the book that was in my hands and setting it down on my lap.
Sansa nodded. "I sure did."
"What did you say?" I asked but she just shook her head. "Please, Sansa. You're to be my sister- tomorrow."
Tomorrow... I'm going to marry Robb Stark... Tomorrow.
A sigh. "I can't tell you everything that has been said. He's my brother and I must protect his words but I can tell you that he said things between you and him will be handled privately. No more letting other people stick their nose into business that involves only the two of you."
"Although you getting involved is what caused this revelation he had?" I crossed my arms and glared at her annoyed. "I doubt his way of handling things will be anything but scolding me or ignoring me. Or both. I sense Robb will be a professional at both."
"You won't make a break through unless you open your mind. You and Robb are too similar, do you know that? Neither of you will be kind unless the other is kind. Leading to mor ignorance between the two of you." Sansa rolled her eyes and scoffed. "You're right, tomorrow I will be your sister so I must speak truthfully with you. Robb is the you get what you give kind of person. Meaning, you must be kind to him in order for him to be kind back. If you make a face he will make one back. If you breathe anger he will breathe it back."
"So I just fake it until I make it? Is that what you're saying?" Annoyed wasn't even the word to describe what I felt. I have to seriously tiptoe around Robb's feelings in order to be treated properly by him? Why couldn't he just do it on his own?
I took another sip of my tea and let the warmth of it heat up my body in the chilly air. Little flakes of snow dancing from the sky but not enough to draw in any sort of concern. I watched as across the courtyard Robb stood with Jon talking to him. The flakes of snow melting as soon as they landed in his auburn hair.
"Winter is coming..." I said softly. "Your house words and yet they are so true. The seven hells must be freezing over but... I will do my best to be my best... For Robb."
Sansa smiled. "He needs that."
"I know he does..." I looked down again. "I know more than you think I do."
"He told you about Aerion? He doesn't ever talk about him I'm shocked he told you so soon-"
"Aerion?" I asked nearly breaking my neck to look at her. "Was that the boy's name? I didn't hear it from Robb, Jon told me-"
"Jon needs to shut his fucking mouth." She took my hand into hers. "Alana promise me you will not fall for Jon. Yes, he's kind. Yes, he's a good-looking man- but Alana, Jon is only doing this because... He made a bet with Theon."
"A... Bet?" I raised a brow. "What does Jon telling me about Robb's friend have to do with a bet?"
Sansa lowered her voice. "Theon told Jon there's no way he could get you to fall in love with him before you marry Robb. Jon is simply gaining your trust in hopes that you'll continue to hate Robb and fall in love with him instead... Just to prove to Theon that it's possible."
"No." I shook my head and felt my heart in my throat. Breathing became difficult and my stomach tightened. "Jon is my friend. He wouldn't try to deceive me."
"But he is. He probably thought if he told you about Aerion that you'd still stay away from Robb with the fear of revealing to him that you know about it. That you'd do all you could to avoid Robb and then you'd spend all your time with Jon and fall for him. All because Theon made a bet with him." Sansa explained.
"How long have you known about this... Bet." I swallowed but it didn't do anything. My heart was still stuck in my throat. Or maybe it was vomit that was working it's way up slowly. I couldn't tell the difference. But I do know that in my stomach in the very pits of it is a rock that weighs nearly as much as me. And it's holding me down or else I'd get up and smack Jon in the head possibly with a rock.
Sansa blinked at me and nodded. "I was leaving the bath this morning and heard Jon and Theon coming down the hallway. I hid when I heard them say your name. They didn't see me obviously or they would have instantly shut up. Theon asked Jon how it's going because time is ticking and Jon... Jon confessed to everything except mentioning Aerion to you."
"Well Jon didn't say his name-"
"Doesn't matter!" Sansa was furious but not with me. It was obvious all of her rage right now was toward Jon and Theon, but mainly Jon, and he was going to face her wrath. All I would have to do is sit back and let Sansa, or as she should be called, Karma- do her job. Sansa continued, "Aerion is a topic that Robb does not speak about it. It is sacred territory and I thought perhaps he shared that with you. Jon had no right- especially when he and Aerion did not even get along."
There it was.
Jon and Aerion were not even friends which is why it was so easy for him to let me think I tricked him into telling me why Robb's been so upset. Why Robb is so traumatized from an event from the year prior.
Jon was clearly not the person I thought he was. He's the true monster... All this time I thought it was Robb but... But I'm wrong. I've been wrong this whole time. He's not a monster he's just suffering and grieving.
I stood up and gathered my things. "Thank you Lady Sansa... I will... I need to go and-"
"Talk to Robb... Please. Don't let him know what you know but at least say hello to him? Greet him with kindness and perhaps make him smile? Oh, I know! Tell him you're... Excited for the wedding." Sansa was gleaming and nodding like an idiot.
Each step I took toward Robb also meant I was taking a step toward Jon who I wanted so badly to just strangle at that very moment. Gods, his face was infuriating now. And then I started to wonder...
What could Jon have done for Robb's best friend to not like him? What did Jon say or do? Clearly Robb did not know or else he wouldn't be so kind and loving to his own brother. Did Theon know too? How many other people knew of this conflict between Jon and Aerion?
Aerion... I wanted to know more about him but like Sansa said, that is clearly a touchy subject, and the only person I'd want to talk about that too is Robb. He would certainly give me better insight but again... I don't think I'll ever know the truth.
Robb looked at me and I saw his lips twitch until they turned into a broken half smile. I smiled back and even waved at him. Swallowing the bile that burned the back of my throat. Robb has never made me nervous like this before... Why now? I kept my eyes on him because if I even dared to look at Jon it would upset me further.
"Princess," Robb greeted me with a single nod. "What can I do for you today?"
"Hello, Robb." I felt so stupid saying that. Hello, Robb? Is that the best you can fucking do? Fucking moron. He's going to be your husband tomorrow. Get better acquainted with him. You spent too much time being bitter. "I am," I swallowed hard. "Looking forward to tomorrow."
He flickered his gaze me and went from confused to a concerned smile. Waiting for me to say more but his mouth was slightly open. Clearly he was gasping silently. Probably trying to process that I had said what I did.
"I am also." He replied. "My attire arrived today... Did you," He paused for a moment. "Your gown... Did your gown arrive?"
I nodded. "I took it home the same day."
A surprised "Oh," escaped him. But he continued to smile and nod. "That's lovely. I'm sure you'll look... Lovely."
Jon was staring at me. I could feel it. But I kept my eyes on Robb and started to notice things about him I hadn't noticed before. His beard was really growing in and he had even trimmed it slightly to shape his face better so it wouldn't be so messy for tomorrow. He had been oiling his curls to keep them styled nicely and he must have been spending time in the sun even though it was cold because his freckled cheeks had been more prominent than before.
Robb also hadn't smelled like booze for the past two days. He hadn't been drunk either but he was a barrel of wildfire that was growing too close to flames. Ready to explode at any moment and go up in complete flames.
He may not be drunk now but I could walk down the isle tomorrow just to see him swaying at the alter and trying not to vomit on me the entire time we say our vows. But I wanted to hold out hope that Joffrey would be wrong and Sansa would be right.
"Alana," Jon said with a smile. I could hear the smile in his voice. "Is that an apple blueberry scone you've got?"
Robb's face lit up. "That's my favorite, did you know that? They make them every morning at my request. If you enjoy them I'm sure I could arrange for there to be some by your- our... Our bedside each morning for you. Fresh."
I nodded like an idiot with a smile. "That would be lovely... Thank you."
He took my hand and kissed the top of it. "Anything for you, Princess."
My heart fluttered and I kept my eyes stupidly locked on him. My smile frozen on my face while my eyes flickered with content and slight confusion. I never expected him to be so kind to me like this. Even if I tried really hard but... This is now feeling all the more effortless.
-
Later that day I found myself in the stables again. Petting Grey Wind through his cage as I kneeled in front of it. Itching to remove him from the cage. Wanting to sit with him and have his head in my lap again.
But there were too may people outside of the stables who may think what I'm doing is wrong. I mean, it is- but then I started to reconsider. Because I had been told it was wrong by Jon. Jon is the one who told me that Robb would be angered by it. Jon told me that Grey Wind would chew my face off.
Jon is a fucking liar.
I unlatched the lock and out came Grey Wind, licking my face and immediately nuzzling his head toward my lap. Wanting me to sit completely down on the ground just as I had before. So, I did. And he followed suit by placing his head in my lap while I pet him gently. Tangling my fingers into his fur and kissing his head.
"You're giving me just the right amount of love I was looking for today, my not-so-little fury friend." I giggled and then kissed him on the head again. "Robb was kind to me today... Very kind. Did you tell him the things I told you? Of course not- you're a wolf. You can't speak."
I rolled my eyes at the absurdity of it. Thinking a damn wolf could speak to me but really he couldn't. I know Robb was clearly taking whatever Sansa said to him very seriously. And I'd be taking it serious too. She was right about me needing to stop being so fucking hard headed. I needed to be nice to receive respect in return.
"Tomorrow I'll no longer be a Baratheon... I'll be a Stark. I'll be... Robb's wife. And I have to give him a child and I... I don't know if I can do that. But I'm going to try. And I'm going to really try to get to know the real him. Because this hell I'm in will be at least a little less miserable if I know that I can proudly say I put in an effort and had actually tried." It wasn't a lie. It was all truthful.
I needed to try. I needed to put in a huge effort because at least if it goes bad I know I'll be able to say I tried and that I did all I could to make it work and if it doesn't work then it isn't my fault.
"I have to kiss Robb tomorrow..." I giggled slightly. "It's a good thing he does have rather nice lips. I suppose I won't mind kissing him just for a moment. Only so the realm knows we sealed our vows with a kiss." I continued to pet Grey Wind quietly. "Tonight is the rehearsal dinner and I just hope everything goes according to plan. We get to practice walking down the isle and where everyone will sit and stand. And because Mother blocked off the great hall we're going to just have dinner outside in the courtyard."
Grey Wind peeked his head up again and I felt him looking over my shoulder. A gust of wind going past me and then I saw Robb standing in the doorway. My cheeks flushed and I hoped he hadn't heard a word of that.
Robb smirked as he kneeled down aside me. Petting Grey Wind and talking to him quietly saying, "Hi, boy. I missed you," He kissed his head and then smiled again. "You being good for your Mama?"
"I-"
"You're going to be my wife tomorrow. He's a son to me, it's only natural for you to be his Mama, right?" Robb winked. "He likes you. He doesn't like anyone but me... I should take it as a good sign. Shouldn't I?"
I nodded. "He's very polite."
"Not like me." Robb chuckled as he put Grey Wind back into his cage. "Normally he stays in my bedchambers with me but Mother said I need to get him used to being out here since we have guests and of course... Because I'll have a wife now."
"Well if he sleeps in our bed then that will mean you'd have to sleep down here in the cage... I may prefer that." I said with a grin on my face as I rose to my feet. Robb leaned against the doorway and shook his head at me. "I best be on my way now-"
"Not so fast." He put his arm out to block me. "You get to kiss me tomorrow. Is that right?"
Sinical. I could see the devilish grin on his face growing. His teeth flashing at me as they soon dug into his lips. He thought that was hilarious and he was going to use that against me. Fucking prick.
"Unfortunately-"
"Liar." He laughed and took a step toward me. My heart pounding in my chest and my throat feeling like a rock was stuck in it. I couldn't swallow and I could hardly breathe. I started to think my heart was in my throat.
"Excuse me?" I crossed my arms.
"You could always practice kissing me now. That way you'll know you'll love it tomorrow." He winked.
"You're pathetic" I scoffed as I walked past him but he caught up to me. "Go away, Robb!"
He pulled me back by my shoulder and made me look at him. "Why don't you ever look at me? When you do lately... The last two days you just... You look at me like-"
Sansa called out to us. "It's time to practice for tomorrow! Come along now! Before Mother drives me crazy!"
Progress... It's slow... But it's getting there... I hope.