tw: anorexia, purging, bulimia ;
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7 minutes.
Felix had approximately 7 minutes to get the food that he had just ate out of his system, otherwise it would be almost impossible to throw up.
"felix? you're zoning out again."
"hm? oh sorry.." he said, staring emotionless at the now empty plate in front of him.
"felix?"
"felix??"
"Huh? oh.. sorry again" he chuckled slightly, though it was evident that the laugh was forced.
"I need to use the restroom." he mumbled, the 7 others barely being able to comprehend what he said before he got up, pushed his chair in, and walked to the restroom
The others dismissed it, all except one.
Hyunjin.
The older knew something was up, he just couldnt quite put his finger on what it was. He studied the blondes body as he walked out of the kitchen; almost as if he was in a rush, which he was.
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Felix closed the door, making sure to lock it, before he flipped the faucet on, to cover up the sounds of gagging, opened the toilet seat, and got down on his knees.
He stuck his pointer finger and middle finger down his throat, trying to hit his esophagus.
gag
he pushed farther back into his throat,
another gag..
the sounds of gagging and coughing filled the bathroom, as the fluids from his stomach came rushing out of his system, before splashing into the toilet with a plop.
he gagged a few more times, trying to get rid of all of the contents in his stomach, before flushing the toilet, closing the toilet seat, and leaning back against the wall; where he would stay for a minute or two as he tried to gather all his thoughts. Then when he was ready, he slowly got up, making sure he doesnt make himself dizzy, and washed his hands and face.
Then, a knock at the door. He jumped, starting to panic, as he grabbed the febreeze spraying it everywhere in the bathroom, then turning the light off, exiting the small space.
"Sorry, bathroom's all yours now!" he smiled, trying to make sure the smile looked genuine, before starting to walk away.
"What were you doing in there?" Hyunjin asked.
"Hm? oh, nothing. Why"
The younger was bad at lying. Like really bad at lying.
"You're lying to me."
"I'm not."
"You are."
"Im too tired to do this, hyung."
"Then stop lying."
"I'm not lying. I dont know what you're talking about."
"What's going on in here?" The two whipped the heads around to seungmin.
"Nothing, go get chan please." hyunjin asked.
"Seungmin, dont."
"Yes seungmin, go get chan. Now." Seungmin could hear the worry in hyunjins voice, so he listened to him.
He turned around, muttering an "ok" before walking to get bang chan.
Chan-hyung?"
"hm" chan hummed quietly, reading a book like the old man he is.
"Hyunjin wanted me to come get you. it's something with felix I think.." The older whipped his head around at the mention of felix. He knew it was important.
"Oh.. alright," chan started, but was cut off by a yell.
"NOTHING HAPPENED!"
The older knew exactly who that was.
"Seungmin, get min to take you, Jisung, changbin, and jeongin out for ice cream. tell him I said its urgent."
seungmin had never been so confused in his life, but he still did exactly as his hyung told him to.
once they all left, chan made his way towards the sunshines bedroom, where he saw hyunjin frantically throwing things around; as if hes looking for something specific, while felix was trying to get him out of his room.
"What the fuck is going on in here?!" he yelled.
"He's invading my privacy and going through my things!"
"Well he, is hiding weight loss pills and laxatives in here!"
"IM NOT!" the younger defended.
"You are." hyunjin responded
"Even if it is true, it's his personal stuff, and we cant stop him from taking them, as long as hes being safe about it." I tried to reason with them, trying to calm down the situation a bit.
"That's not the only thing! He w-"
"Hyunjin, dont." felix tried to warm him.
Hyunjin looked at him for a few seconds, contemplating if what he was about to tell the older would make felix hate him for the rest of existence.
But at the time, he didnt care, he wasnt thinking. He just wanted his bestfriend to be safe. He wanted felix to be safe.
"I heard him throwing up in the bathroom, right after dinner." he said, now a little calmer and his voice a little softer.
The oldest was shocked by the statement. He knew felix was strict with his dieting but not enough for to make him himself sick.
He slowly turned to felix, who felt betrayed. The youngest of the three was looking at hyunjin like he just murdered his family.
"Felix? Is this true?"
"What? No! Of course not!"
"Are you lying?" Chan asked, his voice now softer than ever, as he took a step in Felix's direction, trying to get a hold of the sunshines hand. But felix backed away, tensing up.
"I'm not. If you really cared about me you would believe me." the younger said.
"Felix."
"What?"
"Tell me the truth, were you making yourself throw up."
Felix cringed at the words, closing his eyes, clenching his fists, and tensing up his whole body. He couldnt let them know. He had to keep this a secret. Chan already knew about his self harm, though the two hadnt spoken of it since the morning chan confronted him about it.
Felix never really opened up a lot. He thought he could take care of himself. Which is not the case. Instead of 'taking care of himself,' he dismissed all his feelings and invalidated his own emotions.
"No, its not." he denied.
Hyunjin scoffed, "Bullshit."
"Shut up, Hyunjin!"
"Look at him, Chan! He isnt okay! it doesnt take a genius to notice that he clearly is going through something that is far too complicated for us to be able to help him with!"
Though, Chan already knew this, and he had known for a while.
"I know" the older sighed.
"Felix, just because the others dont notice, doesnt mean I dont. You have to talk to us."
Felix went numb- not psychically, mentally. Its like something clicked in his brain. All the emotions, slowly dissapeared; and got replace, with voices.
loud voices.
"But theres nothing to talk about, I'm fine." he said, calmly.
"No, you're not." hyunjin said.
"Yes, I am. Now shut the fuck up, you're giving me a headache."
Hyunjin scoffed.
"If you're not gonna cooperate then we're not gonna be able to help you." chan warned him.
"Good, it'd be a waste of time anyways. I dont need help, now get the hell out."
And with that, they both walked out, leaving felix, alone with the voices.
Those fucking voices.
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