The end of another week had come: time to share poems yet again.
Usually this made Komi anxious because she would have to hear more poems from the others without having one to contribute herself. However, this time she was even more anxious because she did have a poem to share this time.
It wasn't particularly lengthy but she did feel good about this one – good enough to attempt to share it. She wanted to try and push herself to read it out loud this time, but the mere thought of that was making her tremble.
Watching the clock, time was passing by so agonizingly slow. She tried not to look at it so much but it didn't seem to have any effect. Her nerves seemed to be slowing down time itself with no way to speed it up. She just wanted to get this over with.
Finally, the day came to an end. The bell rang and everyone started to get out of their seats, grabbing their things and proceeding to either leave the room or start to talking with their friends. Komi swallowed and stood up slowly, grabbing her bag.
"Hey, Komi," Tadano looked up at her. "Is everything okay? You've seemed really tense all day." He noted.
"Mm!" Komi flinched. She shifted awkwardly, unsure of how to explain what she was dealing with. She grabbed her notebook that was on top of her desk. She tapped her pencil against it a few times as she tried to find the right words to summarize her anxious feelings.
"She's hesitating more than usual. It must be something more serious." Tadano thought to himself.
"I'm going to be sharing a poem at the literature club meeting today. I'm far less experienced than the others. I'm worried that they won't like it." Komi did her best to write a succinct explanation. Tadano nodded in understanding.
"Ah I see. I'm sure they'll understand. I don't think they would be mean to you about that." Tadano reasoned with a little chuckle, standing up from his desk now.
"I know. I'm just still nervous." Komi added.
"Ah...umm...do you mind if I read it?" Tadano requested.
"Hmm?!" Komi's eyes widened at this suggestion, which quickly caused Tadano to try and backtrack.
"Um, I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to! I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything," Tadano waved his hand and laughed awkwardly. "But you know, I can try to give you an idea of how they might react." He explained his thought process.
Komi took a moment to consider this. Of course, she had no reason to assume that the other girls in the literature club would be critical of her poem; they hadn't been with her first poem. But still, she was having second thoughts, so getting a second opinion might help alleviate her concerns.
"Mm...mmm...mhmm..." After some hesitation, Komi finally agreed to let Tadano read her poem. She flipped through her notebook to the page where she had it written down. She could feel her face getting hot as she held it out to Tadano.
"Okay, let's see here," He cleared his throat and took a moment to read the poem. It wasn't a very long poem, so it only about 20-30 seconds for him to read it through. Then he read it again. And after thinking on it for a moment, he started to smile.
"Heheh, I think it's really nice, Komi...uh, are you okay?" He asked, looking up at her and noticing that her face was hot with embarrassment as she stared down at the ground.
Rather than respond in any way, she just managed a shy nod and held up a quick thumbs up – unusual behavior, even for her. Tadano handed the notebook back to her, and she quickly closed it and put it back into her schoolbag.
"Well I think that your poem is nice and I'm sure the others will think so too. I'll see you tomorrow, Komi." Tadano said before waving to her.
"Mhmm...y...y...y-you...too." She stuttered through her short reply before turning around and retreating, quickly leaving the classroom to go to the literature club meeting.
Tadano was surprised by this, but as soon as she was gone, he smiled to himself, clutching a hand over his heart before grabbing his things and leaving...
Making her way into the clubroom, Komi was the last to arrive this time, which was also unusual for her. However, the other girls didn't seem to notice. They just greeted her like they always did when she came in.
"Hey, Komi! Good to see you! How was your day today?" Monika asked as she entered the room.
"Mm," Komi hummed a little, setting her things out and pulling her notebook out. "It was good. How was all of yours?" She asked.
"So far so good." Monika replied with a smile.
"I'm very much enjoying this chilly weather." Yuri answered.
"I'm in the mood for some hot chocolate with the little marshmallows." Natsuki said.
"Oh oh me too! We should go get some!" Sayori exclaimed excitedly.
"Is there anyone around here that sells that?" Natsuki asked curiously.
"I think so actually. Maybe we could all get some sometime!" Monika suggested.
"All in favor say aye! Aye!" Sayori said, raising her hand up.
"Aye!" Natsuki and Monika said in reply, giggling afterwards.
Komi lightly smiled at this little interaction. She turned to take a seat in her chair, and that's when she noticed Alex sitting towards the back of the room by himself. He wasn't saying anything; he was just writing something on a piece of paper.
Komi paused for a moment. She looked down at her notebook and flipped through a few pages. She added a quick edit to what was written on the page before approaching Alex and standing by his desk. This quickly got his attention.
He cleared his throat, flipped his page face down, then looked up at her. His expression was neutral, but there was something in his eyes that she couldn't quite identify...he seemed sad.
"Good afternoon, Alex." Komi held up her greeting.
"Hey, Komi. What's up?" He asked.
"How was your day today?" She asked.
"Fine. You?"
"Good."
"Great." Alex nodded slowly, not saying anything else after.
There were a few moments of awkward silence. Komi didn't know what to say, and Alex wasn't being his usual talkative self. However, the moment was saved by Monika calling the meeting to attention.
"Okay, everyone! It's time for the meeting to start! Do you all have your winter poems?" She asked the group. Everyone nodded and began to pull out their poems.
"I think I really got something good with this one!" Sayori said confidently.
"I am quite pleased with how mine turned out. I put a lot of effort into it, so I hope that you all enjoy it." Yuri said, holding her notebook to her chest and mentally preparing herself for her presentation.
"I'm sure it's great, Yuri. I already know you all did a wonderful job. Since we all have brand new poems to share this week, I was thinking it would be fun to bring back our old way of poem sharing this time – exchanging and sharing individually so there's room for discussion." Monika suggested.
"Oh really? That's interesting...I guess that's fine." Natsuki agreed with a shrug.
"Is everyone fine with this?" Monika asked.
"Yep!" Sayori answered.
"I guess." Alex answered.
"That's okay with me. I prefer the discussion." Yuri agreed with the others.
That just left Komi. She had already been nervous all day at the idea of having to share her new poem at all. And while she was relieved that she wouldn't have to attempt to read out loud again, now she had to stand there awkwardly and watch everyone read her poem one after the other.
It was going to be a long club meeting for her. Things got started quickly, people pairing off into 3 groups of 2. As Komi rotated through everyone, she gave her feedback on their poems, and then she took in their feedback on her poem.
"I think this poem is nice, Komi. It reminds me of something Natsuki would write. The language is simple, but the imagery you convey is still vivid and striking. There's undertones of...passion and endurance in it. I think you did a nice job." Yuri said about her poem.
"Wow, Komi! This is nice! I think it's really pretty, and it feels romantic. Did you have someone in mind when you wrote this? Hmm? Eheheh, I'm just kidding. Great job!" Sayori had cheerful praise to give Komi for her poem.
"It's simple, to the point, yet powerful at the same time. It's great, Komi! I'm glad to see you learned something from all the sharing we've done. Let me know if you ever need help or tips with your next one, okay? I bet the next one will be even better!" Natsuki said to encourage her.
"Aww, this is cute, Komi! I really like the last two lines. Honestly, I really like all of it. Just...yeah, ahaha, I don't have much more to say about it. You get an A+ from me! Just those last two lines, I love them," Monika said with a sigh.
"And real quick, here's Monika's writing tip of the day: don't forget to follow and bookmark this story so you don't miss out on new chapters! Great job again, Komi. Thanks for listening." Monika concluded pleasantly.
So far so good. By now, Komi was feeling quite relieved. While her poem had still been the shortest out of all of them, they all had positive things to say about what she had written. And in return, she had nothing but praise for their poems.
They were all so much better at writing than she was. She admired their skill and consistency, and she made sure to let them know this.
Now Alex was the last one left. Since Komi had been preoccupied talking to the others one after the other, she hadn't been able to gauge how he was doing. Now that the two of them had gotten paired up, she found herself feeling a little nervous again.
Alex adjusted his shirt and sat on top of one of the desks, placing one foot on the chair. He rested his elbow on his knee and nodded in her direction, "Alright. We're last up. Would you like to read my poem first, or have me read yours?" He asked, getting right to the point.
"M-M-M..." Komi stuttered, shaking a little as she held out her notebook to him. Alex nodded and took it carefully. He cleared his throat and held the notebook up, reading her poem.
Winter Chills
Cold winds
Gray sky
Cloudy air
I fly through falling stars
I shut my eyes as my skin cracks
I look forward to the warmth I'll feel
When I reach you
Alex's expression seemed to soften a bit as he read the poem. He nodded to himself seemingly in approval before looking up at Komi again. He could see that she was still nervous, waiting to see what he had to say about it.
"This is nice, Komi. I like the, uh...um...the contrast between how you described your surroundings versus how you feel internally. It feels hopeful, like you're enduring the storm until you reach the person you're writing about." Alex described as he handed her notebook back to her.
"I wasn't writing about anyone in particular. It was more of a feeling." Komi explained.
"Oh, I see. Well either way, however you interpret it, it's nice. It's simple but still good. I'd like to see you try something longer next time maybe? As you get more comfortable, it'll be good to keep pushing yourself. But I'm sure the others have said that already." Alex said with a shrug.
"Actually, they haven't. They all said that they liked it."
"Yeah well of course, they don't wanna be mean. They're being constructive and they wanna win your favor. But that's just my recommendation for next time. Uh, time to read mine now, right?" Alex asked, reaching back and grabbing his poem, which was written on a piece of paper that had been folded in half.
Komi nodded and took the piece of paper in her hands. She carefully opened it up. It was a poem entitled: "Snowgrave".
Snowgrave
Holding out in the cold
She wants me to take it away
She wants to escape
And so she starts to yell
I'm a wild devil
She's a timid snowchild
She closes her eyes and sees white
And that's when she fell
Things have gotten rougher
Things have gotten tougher
I've lost my feeling for it
Can't you tell?
So cry
So try
So fly
I don't really care if you die
Komi swallowed hard, her eyes fixated on the words. After reading them, she just found herself staring at them, unsure of what to say. From his last poem, Komi could tell that Alex had intense ways of expressing his viewpoint on things, but she couldn't tell what he was speaking about here.
It was that last stanza that left her feeling...cold.
What did the other girls have to say about this poem? What did they tell him? What should she tell him? She didn't want to be mean but she disliked how this poem made her feel even more than the last one.
"What is this poem about?" Komi asked, hoping that Alex's explanation would clarify her perspective for her. However, Alex just shrugged.
"Nothing really. I based it off some stuff from a game I liked. It's just meant to be...toxic, I guess? Uncool. I don't know, I've been in a mood lately and I'm just venting frustrations right now." Alex shrugged and shook his head.
"Is everything alright?" Komi asked, now starting to become a little worried.
"Yeah, of course. Nothing to worry about," Alex answered with a nod. "Anyways, that's all I got for ya. Good job." He gave her a thumbs up.
"Thank you. You too." She replied.
She was ready to let the conversation end there, since Alex didn't seem to be in a good mood today. However, there was something that Alex had said earlier that was now giving her pause, and she wanted to ask him about it.
"What did you mean by what you said earlier?" She asked now.
"What did I say earlier?"
"Something about the others 'winning my favor'?" Komi wrote, pointing to the words as Alex read them.
"Ah yeah, I mean you know, they just don't wanna be mean." He said.
Komi shook her head, pointing at the words 'winning my favor' a second time.
"Well yeah, your friends like you. Everybody likes you. That's why they want you to like them, right? 'Cause people like you and if you like them, it makes them look good." Alex answered without really thinking about it, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes.
The school bell rang at that moment, signaling the end of the meeting. It was good timing too, since everyone was finishing up with their last partners anyways. Alex gathered his things up as the others were concluding their own discussions.
"Okay, everyone! That wraps up our meeting today! Great job on your poems! You all did a great job! Enjoy your weekend, and we'll pick this up next week!" Monika announced with a smile.
"Great. See ya guys. Have a good one." Alex said, grabbing his backpack and leaving the classroom first.
"Bye Alex!" Sayori waved to him.
Komi stood in the room quietly, thinking about what Alex had said. She looked down at the words 'winning my favor' again. Was Alex implying that all of her friends only spent time with her because being with her made them look good?
She didn't like how that made her feel...