SAN
He had no reason to be nervous. It was all in the past and things had changed. And yet San couldn't help that churning feeling in his stomach when he saw Yeonjun. He had heard the whole story from Wooyoung himself but at the time it hadn't bothered him that much because one, he was sure this Yeonjun guy was never going to come back and two, San hadn't known about his feelings for Wooyoung at the time. But now he knew and he was seeing this whole Yeonjun-Wooyoung past in a completely different light. He hated it with a passion.
He looked at him. Tall, sharp facial features and full pierced lips, black hair almost as long as Wooyoung's and covering his eyes. His leather jacket was annoyingly similar to San's but as the rest of his fashion sense what with the metallic shirt, black jeans and chunky boots, it just screamed emo boy. Yeonjun was good looking there was no denying that but that was the problem. Wooyoung had always voiced to San how much he wanted him to get piercings and tattoos because he liked that kind of style even going as far as saying girls like that were his type and Yoona of course was exactly that.
Yeonjun didn't seem so surprised as Wooyoung was and it made San wonder if he knew Wooyoung was going to be here.
"Yes. Y'all know each other? I'm pretty sure I've never introduced any of you guys to my cousin before"Mingi replied to Wooyoung.
Jongho scoffed."Dude, we didn't even know you had a cousin "
Yeonjun just smiled, eyes on Wooyoung whose whole body was rigid as fuck in San's arms."Yeah we know each other. "
Yeonjun moved Mingi off the couch and to the ground next to Yoona, taking his seat. It seemed to be normal behavior between them because Mingi didn't complain or say anything back, something he would have usually done in that case but instead turned to look at Yoona and mischievously grinned at her.
"We went to the same middle school. We were besties. Isn't that right Woo? "Yeonjun continued, eyes never leaving Wooyoung.
Woo?
" Whoa. Why am I hearing about this just now?"Yeosang asked, gawking at Yeonjun from head to toe.
"You're being really quiet for someone who just saw their middle school bestie. What's going on?"Yunho asked Wooyoung.
San gently squeezed his side. " Young'ah? You okay baby? "
Wooyoung didn't respond but suddenly pulled San's arm away and stood up. San heard him mumble something along the lines of throwing up before running out of the room and up the stairs.
Mingi frowned."What's wrong with him? "
The smile on Yeonjun's face fell as he sighed. San stood up so he could go check on Wooyoung but Yeonjun was quick, standing in front of San with his hands in his pockets, stance annoyingly calm and nonchalant.
"I'll go. "Yeonjun said to him, the first time he was looking at San since he arrived and they weren't as soft as they had been when he was staring at Wooyoung.
San would have shoved him out of the way and ignored him but something in him that understood Wooyoung better than anyone else there made him reconsider. As much as he wanted to tell this Yeonjun guy that he could fuck off for all he cared, he was still Wooyoung's business and what they had that led to the two of them being this way with each other had nothing to do with San. So with his jaw clenched, he sat back down.
Everyone seemed to notice the tension going on because they all looked at San like he had lost his mind which they were right to do since there was not a single person that didn't know how possessive and protective he was over Wooyoung that he would never leave him to anyone. But here he was. Doing exactly that.
Yeonjun left and San sat there feeling completely helpless.
"Well that school reunion took a turn" Yoona rolled up a blunt.
"San what's going on? " Yunho asked seriously.
"Yeah. Did you know those two knew each other? " Mingi added.
"Yeah" he replied, rolling up his own weed too.
"Did shit happen between them? " Yeosang asked.
"That's not my place to answer. "
Jongho rolled his eyes."Shit definitely did happen between them. It's giving high school ex coming back into the picture to reclaim his long lost lover after cheating on said lover. And then you have San being the current boyfriend who's.... "
"You need to stop talking" Yeosang cut him off with a glare.
Yoona chuckled, clearly loving Jongho's humor."Is he high? "
"Unfortunately no. " Mingi answered, lighting up the blunt for Yoona.
"It's alright if you don't want to tell us but shouldn't you at least go check on Wooyoung? " Yunho asked.
"He'll be fine. His friend is there anyways" it came out bitterly than San had intended it to be.
"I'm surprised Yeonjun's never said anything about Wooyoung before. I showed him pictures of you guys I think like a week ago and not once did he say anything about Wooyoung. " Mingi said.
"Maybe he didn't want you to know. How long has he been here? Do you two stay together? "
"No we don't. He stays with his aunt. He just moved back in town a month ago and we've been hanging out here and there but everytime I'd try to invite him to come chill with everyone he'd make some excuse to not go. I was stunned when he agreed to come tonight. " Mingi explained.
"Isn't he in the same grade as us? " Yunho asked.
"He is. I don't know how that worked but his parents managed to transfer him to our school. He's only going to start attending next week though because this past month he's been having health issues I obviously can't discuss with any of you guys. "
The more Mingi kept talking the more aggravated San got. Why now?
"Oh wow. This is like a crazy coincidence. I'm just a little worried though because Woo doesn't look that excited to see him" Yeosang muttered.
Yunho sighed."That's what I'm saying"
"Are we going to play the game or not? " San asked.
"Its no fun without Woo" Yeosang said.
"You mean it's no fun without Wooyoung because he's not here for you to dare us something out of line just to feed your weird fantasies. " San dead panned.
Jongho popped open a can of beer."Took the words right out of my mouth"
"One more word from you Jongho and I swear I will cut your dick off"Yeosang threatened.
"This is like the second time y'all talking about each other's dicks. " Mingi drawled.
"If I was close enough with you guys I would have told you guys to just fuck the tension out. All of you " Yoona blew the smoke right on Mingi's face. "Stop staring. You're making me and someone else uncomfortable"
San wasn't sure what she was talking about on the last part but the first one he could have sworn Hongjoong had said something similar and honestly speaking San wasn't sure how to feel about someone who hadn't been around for too long to be able to pick up on the tension in their group so easily that San had never noticed until he realized he liked Wooyoung.
"I guess we're not playing then. I'm going to go smoke outside. " San said as he stood up.
"I'll join you" Yunho followed.
Mingi rolled his eyes."Oh come on you two. You're being such boring losers. "
San ignored him, not in the mood to deal with him and made a beeline for the backdoor.
"Let us be. At least you're having the time of your fucking life" he heard Yunho say and with the lack of response that followed after, San didn't need to turn around to see the expression on Mingi's face.
~~~~
"If you're here to ask me questions about Wooyoung and his friend then you're wasting your time" San broke the 5 minute silence they had been sitting in and just smoking by the pool.
"It's not like you were going to tell me shit anyway"
San hissed the smoke out and looked at the cold blue water just a foot away from where he was sitting.
"I have feelings for Wooyoung. "
"Of course you do"
San turned his head so fast to look at him and it was a surprise he didn't get whiplash." What? "
"I hate to break it to you San but everyone except you and Wooyoung knew."
"Why didn't you say anything? "
"What are you on? It has nothing to do with us. Why are you suddenly saying this now though?" Yunho scoffed . "Did you confess or something? "
"Yes I did. "
Yunho's eyes widened."Wait, for real? "
San nodded.
"Shit man. How did that go? "
"Bad obviously"
"Why? "
"He can't accept the idea that he might like me too and it's just so complicated. I feel like his father fucked with his head. He said something about hating how he feels about me"
"Sounds like Wooyoung"
"You're awfully way too calm about this. You just found out your friend might be potentially gay and not only that but they're in love with their best friend"
"Maybe because I'm in a similar position as you"
"What do you mean by that? "
Yunho turned and looked at him too. "What do you think? "
San paused and stared at him for a solid five seconds before it clicked in his head. "No fucking way"
"Absolutely yes fucking way. I'm in love with that fucking idiot Mingi and it's been a while too. "
"But how did you... When did you... Mingi is like... "
"Oh trust me I know exactly what you're trying to say.This would have been so much easier if it was someone else. "
San really shouldn't have been surprised about this because he did always sense the tension but he also never took it seriously because Mingi was the most straight person he'd ever met. The idea of him liking Yunho or a guy was unrealistic.
"Did you tell him? "
"What for? "
"Yunho"
"I'm not that naive and stupid to not know how things would turn out if I did. "
"So you're never going to tell him? "
Yunho raised a brow."Look where that got you"
"My situation is different. "San stressed.
"Exactly. At least Wooyoung admitted he does see you that way but Mingi? We're not even like you two. We don't kiss each other on the cheeks. Hold hands or do anything even remotely close to what you and Wooyoung do. He even told his Dad before that I was like the brother he never had. That shit hurts more than being friend zoned San"
"Still. Don't you need that sense of closure? I mean you'll never know if you don't just tell him. "
Yunho shook his head. "I can't risk our friendship like that. I don't know man, maybe in the future when I'm comfortable enough with my own feelings to not get flustered when he so much as looks my way. "
"Damn, it's that bad? "
"You have no idea. "
San smirked."Well for the record, I think you two would look good together"
He grimaced."Let's not"
"Why? Isn't that something you'd want to hear? "
"It is but not from you. "
San huffed. "Whatever. "
It went silent again but it was a comfortable silence. Two boys smoking by the pool outside at night while they pine over their straight best friends. It couldn't get any better than that.
~~~~
When San and Yunho finished their joints they went back inside the house and the scene that met them was one San hadn't expected and Yunho most definitely shouldn't be seeing after what they had just been talking about.
There on the couch was Mingi with some random girl on his lap while they practically ate each other's faces off , Yoona had a girl sat on the kitchen counter while she was standing between her legs, kissing down her neck while the girl giggled.
"See exactly what I mean" Yunho muttered.
San knew what he meant and honestly speaking he couldn't even argue with him. Mingi really never acted in a way that would have been considered sus between two friends and that right there was just proving their point.
But that was not all. Exactly where San had been sitting, Yeonjun was now occupying the space as he chatted with the other guys like he personally knew them. Judging from Yeosang's obvious heart eyes and Jongho being unusually attentive to what he was saying, he could tell they enjoyed his company. Wooyoung however wasn't there. And that worried San.
"That was quick. " Yeosang commented when they approached them.
"Not quicker than what's going on over here that's for sure" Yunho said sarcastically glancing at Mingi and his girl who were still making out.
"Where's Wooyoung? " San asked, directly looking at Yeonjun.
The guy smiled and stood up, reaching a hand out to San. "I just realized I didn't get to introduce myself. I'm Yeonjun. But I have a feeling you already know that. "
"San" he replied dryly.
"Nice to meet you San. I had always been worried about Woo not ever being able to make friends but it's good to see that's not the case. "
That nickname again. For some reason San couldn't fathom why that bothered him so much since the guys called Wooyoung like that sometimes.
"Where's he? " San ignored whatever that statement was supposed to imply, too concerned with finding Wooyoung and making sure he was okay.
"Did you two fight? You've been upstairs for a while now. And why didn't you tell me you knew him you dick" Mingi asked, mouth no longer occupied but lips smudged with red lipstick.
"I don't see why it was necessary for me to. " Yeonjun sat back down.
"Where's Wooyoung? " San asked again and he couldn't control his annoyed tone and nor did he care.
"San calm the fuck down. " Yeosang whispered.
Yeonjun smirked. "He's waiting in your car. He told me to tell you to take him home but you weren't here when I came back"
"When was this? "
"Like 40 minutes ago. "
San sighed grabbing his stuff from the table. "You could have at least told him I was outside instead of making him wait by himself in the car. "
Jongho rolled his eyes. "He's not going to die from waiting San, chill the fuck out"
"Fuck off Jongho" San cursed because he really was not in the mood.
"Wait, so you're leaving? But it hasn't even been two hours since you guys arrived. " Mingi complained.
San looked at the girl on his lap then back at him. "It's not like you even need us to be here. I'll see you tomorrow. "
San gave one last look at Yeonjun and the guy's face remained annoyingly calm so much it made San wonder just what the hell had happened upstairs. He tried not to let it get to him though and walked off. Wooyoung was far important than his own jealousy.
~~~~
"You should have went to the backyard to get me. Or text me. " San said as he got into the car. Wooyoung was in the passenger seat, hugging his knees and probably high as fuck judging from the smell of weed in the car.
"You're here now" he said in a small voice. His long hair was covering his face so couldn't really see him well but from the sniffles he kept making he could tell he had been crying.
"How many blunts? "
"Three"
San sighed. "My place or yours? "
"Ours"
And of course by ours he meant their little secret place at the lake.
"Don't you think it's a little too late though? "
"San please" Wooyoung's voice cracked.
San was really trying his best to hold it in but the urge to walk back into that house and punch the words right out of Yeonjun's mouth on what transpired between them upstairs was strong. He obviously didn't give in though and just silently started the car and began driving. Wooyoung looked out the window throughout the whole ride and whether it was because he didn't want San to see his most likely tear drenched face or something else, San didn't push and remained quiet.
When they got there, they got out of the car and stood in front of it, leaning against the hood next to each other.No one said anything. Just the sound of their breathing, the crickets out in the dark night and the peaceful sound of the lake. They stayed like that for about 10 minutes before Wooyoung finally broke the silence.
"Why are you not asking anything? "
"It's not really my place to"
"You sound really stupid right now. You of all people, how could it not be your place to ask? "
San looked at him and his heart broke because it hurt to see Wooyoung like that. Vulnerable and defeated. That was a sight he could never get used to no matter how many times he saw it.
"You don't necessarily look like you want to tell me anything Young'ah so can you blame me? "
"I didn't know he'd be there"
"Who? Yeonjun? "
Wooyoung nodded. "We've never talked. The last time I saw him was back then when we were still friends. Yes I did see him here and there on Instagram a few years later but we didn't talk or chat. "
"You don't have to explain yourself. It doesn't matter if you guys kept in touch or not"
"We didn't keep in touch" Wooyoung clarified, not even hearing what San was trying to say.
San wasn't sure how to reply to that so he stayed quiet. Wooyoung leaned off of the car and stepped in front of him. He grabbed San by the sides of his leather jacket and looked up at him with glossy eyes.
"San'ah"
"Yeah? "
"Can you please kiss me? "
"....."
"I know I shouldn't be asking this considering the situation that you and I are in but I don't know, I just feel like I've lost feeling and my emotions are just so all over the place right now and this seems so selfish coming from me when I can't even be with you like that, god I don't even know why I'm asking you this but..... "
San cupped his face and cut his rambling off with a soft press of his lips on Wooyoung's. They were swollen from all the crying he had been doing but they were still plush like San had remembered them so vividly in the continuous dreams he had been having of their first kiss. Wooyoung let out a content sigh, his hands sliding up to hold San's wrists tightly. He kissed him slowly, a gentle drag of his lips on Wooyoung's while he whined and kissed him back. Thumbs gliding over his damp cheeks as he lapped at his lips.
As compared to last time, this was less intense and San purposely didn't slip his tongue in because Wooyoung didn't need that at the moment. He was too fragile in his arms and it was almost like he was letting San take what he needed.
Which is why he was second guessing letting it happen but then again how could he refuse when Wooyoung looked at him with those eyes. Face a mess and just begging for San to pepper it with kisses all over? San was weak for Wooyoung and that was a fact.
So weak that his own body started craving more. It went from a slow caress of their lips to San now deepening the kiss, breath puffing against moist lips. He was about to give into his selfish desires when he felt something wet stream down his hands that were holding Wooyoung's face. A little whimper escaped Wooyoung and San froze.
He pulled back and opened his eyes to see Wooyoung with his eyes still closed but tears profusely shedding from them.
Wooyoung was crying.
And he knew why.
"Baby, what's wrong? " San wiped his tears away.
Wooyoung shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for feeling this way. I'm so sorry." he buried his face in his neck and finally broke down. San held him, feeling his own heart shatter because there really was nothing he could do. Wooyoung was breaking down and San had only himself to offer for comfort but that still wasn't enough for him.
And that's because San wasn't who he wanted to kiss.
That proved his theory when Wooyoung later stayed the night over at his place and cried Yeonjun's name in his sleep while San was spooning him.
San also cried that night.
And Wooyoung wasn't there the next morning when he woke up.
~~~~
"If you came all the way here to smash my face in in front of everyone then you're just downright fucking evil. " Hongjoong said as he sat down and gave him the can of juice he got for him. San had drove to his university after school the next day.
"Is this supposed to be some kind of truce? " San took the can from him.
"Yes. Mind you I don't buy anything for just anyone. You have to mean a lot to me"
"Mind you I'm still pissed off at you" San opened the can.
"Wasn't getting Hwa grounded enough? " Hongjoong asked distastefully.
"I didn't get him grounded. He was caught because your ass didn't think it would have been better to tell me honestly that you were with him so I could come up with an excuse as to where he was. Mom dotes on Seonghwa more than anyone and unfortunately for him she was home that night while you two were out doing god knows what. I told her what you told me but she didn't believe me and then he showed up the next day with hickeys on him so you can imagine how our parents took that"
"I'm sorry"
"Damn right you should be"
"I don't know why I lied. I guess I just knew how you would react and I didn't want to deal with that but now I just fucked things up. I'm sorry. Seriously I am. "
San sighed. "I don't care what you do with Seonghwa. That's his and your business. But he's still my brother and as much as he's older, he's always been taken advantage of by people out there trying to get with him just to mess with me. The amount of guys at school who've called him gay and had the most disgusting fetishes of him that they always shamelessly voiced out to me made me so over protective of him. I've gotten in trouble a few times because some fuckheads on the team would say some racy shit about him or how I should set them up with Seonghwa for a threesome and other stuff that I can't fucking say because it just pisses me off"
"Oh. I... i didn't know all that... I... "
"My point is Seonghwa has had to deal with some pretty fucked up shit at school. He was like the fucking target and I know he acts tough and can speak up for himself but no one ever takes him seriously because they don't even see him as a fucking guy to begin with. And because our parents are barely there in our personal lives I'm the only person that had to look out for him. "
"But I'm not like those fucking creeps. " Hongjoong justified.
"And I know that. Yes I didn't like you at first but I got over that because my brother likes you and that's all that matters. "
"So you're not mad.? That we're going out? "
"I don't necessarily like it but like I said, it's Seonghwa's business. I'm just here to look out for him. "
"I thought you were about to say something cheesy like I'm going to make sure you don't hurt him"
"It depends on what kind of hurting we're talking about here. Breakups are inevitable. I can't hold that against you"
Hongjoong huffed."You're so annoyingly mature. "
"Whatever. Don't tell Seonghwa I came to see you. He'd bite my head off. "
"As he should"Hongjoong joked.
"Don't push it. "
Hongjoong laughed."You're fun to tease. I see why Wooyoung likes you so much. "
Wooyoung.
He hadn't seen him at school today and the text he sent him earlier was still unread.
Mingi said Yeonjun hadn't come to school either.
San could only imagine.
~~~~
When San went back home after seeing Hongjoong, he had contemplated on driving to Wooyoung's place but he didn't want to do too much and be annoying so he just drove straight home. San's anxiety was getting worse. This was slowly turning into something else scary. It was like he knew how things were now becoming but he didn't want to accept the reality of it. He sighed for the nth time and continued to let all the negative thoughts consume him because stopping them had proven to be a miserable failure. However, as soon as he arrived and got out of the car, someone was waiting for him right on their porch.
Someone he would have never expected to see.
The last person he wanted to see.
"Ari? "