His outfit for the wedding was far more practical: a deep, rich, brown silk under robe embroidered in silver, and dark purple over robes embroidered in matching brown and silver. His guan was a simple silver circlet with a hairpin holding a single amethyst. It was elegant and understated, and, far more importantly, the sleeves were a manageable length.
Jiang YanLi was, of course, absolutely beautiful in red and gold.
Lan WangJi was breathtaking in white inner robes and a bright blue outer robe patterned with clouds. Wei WuXian wasn't sure if his heart actually skipped a beat at seeing his friend dressed up so regally, or if it was just his imagination.
The wedding went smoothly; the peacock smiled like an idiot the whole time, so apparently he knew he was marrying far above his station. Jin GuangShan stayed silent, so apparently he knew he was not going to change his son's mind. Jin GuangYao smiled his oily smile except when he looked at one of the women when his obsequious look turned to adoration; so apparently he had someone he admired.
Wei WuXian wanted to be happy for his martial sister, and sister of his heart, but... Jiang Shushu should be there. ShiJie shouldn't just have Jiang Cheng as her family.
"Wei Ying," Lan WangJi was suddenly at his side, sounding concerned.
"It's fine, Lan Zhan. I was just thinking it's too sad that ShiJie doesn't have her family there."
"Not Wei Ying's fault."
The younger man laughed softly. "I know. You've made me understand I'm not to blame for Lotus Pier burning. I can still be sad, though, right?"
"At least Jiang YanLi still has her brother," Lan WangJi stated.
At least she still has him, he agreed silently. I won't even have that much. It hit him, then, that he really would have no one with him at his own wedding. No parents. No siblings. No extended relatives. My wife will have no one to bow to. No one to serve tea to. No one. Between Lotus Pier and Cloud Recesses, he had over one hundred shidi and shimei. He had friends and acquaintances of all sorts. Two people who were as close and as loved as siblings. Lan Zhan. But no family. Not a single person who walked the world claimed Wei WuXian as family.
It was too much. He had so much and at the same time.... He had nothing.
No family.
No Core.
He didn't even have his own home. A room in Lotus Pier. A house in Cloud Recesses. Both lent to him. But not his....
All that truly belonged to him could fit in each hand: Suibian and the Yin Tiger Seal.
Even his wife wasn't going to be his to choose. Jiang Cheng or ShiJie would look at the available girls and find one that was the best match for the Sect.
It was exactly what he had been prepared for, taught to expect, and yet.... Right now... in this moment... it wasn't anything he wanted. Seeing his shijie marrying the man she loved who loved her in return made his stomach ache with wanting and jealousy. I want to love my wife, or at least like her! I want her to love me back. I want that love to be the reason we make our bows. I don't want to be a pawn for a sect I'm not responsible for.
The memory of an old dream flew into his head: a small farm that was all his. Big enough to feed a small family but not too big. Lan Zhan keeping the house clean (because one of them was the clean one and one of them was quite messy, and they both knew which was which). Night hunting as they pleased. Fishing (and playing in the nearby river) when the heat of the day got too oppressive for weeding or harvesting. They'd have to hire a farmhand or two to help while they were hunting; maybe they could take in a couple of teens.... Maybe orphans.... They could be father figures to the young ones; teach them how to grow into respected adults.
Lan Zhan would have to be responsible for that part, actually. He'd just teach the kids how to have fun.
He supposed he'd have to build a second house on the farm for his wife and family? He couldn't imagine leaving them behind in Lotus Pier. Or would Lan Zhan just be a visitor from Cloud Recesses?
Not that his dreams from his youth had involved a wife or children. Just living happily with his friend.
Who was now a friend who had kissed him. And more.
He had no memory of the rest of the wedding. Just blurry remembrances of drinking too much and boring speeches interspersed with bawdy ones that probably had Jiang YanLi blushing furiously under her veil.
He had no memory of how he got back to his room. Or why he was clinging to Lan Zhan's waist, forehead resting against a blue clad shoulder, desperately trying to keep himself calm. "Wei Ying.... Please let me help you," his friend was whispering, arms wrapped firmly around his back, holding him still... together.... "Take from me what you need."
"You can't give me what I need, Lan Zhan," he insisted, still not exactly sure if he'd said anything incriminating before awakening.
"Then take what you want."
Wei WuXian pulled his gaze from his friend's shoulder to peer into golden orbs. "You shouldn't make such offers, Lan Zhan. What if I try to take more than you're willing to give?" Alcohol sloshing in his belly gave him the courage to pull his friend closer, until their breaths were mingling. "What if I want this?"
Idly he noticed Lan WangJi's chest was moving more rapidly than before. "Take everything you want, Wei Ying." So he did, slotting their lips together, as he had wanted to do for months. His hands were already on his friend's waist; it made sense to let them have their way and start untying and unwrapping the sash holding his friend's robes together. Fingers far more nimble than they should be given the copious amount of alcohol swimming through his veins, easily found and started untying those robes. "Wei Ying... are you sure?"
"Not sure of anything," Wei Ying answered and moved from kissing Lan Zhan's mouth, to nipping along the chiseled jaw. "I just want... can I touch you? Like you touched me in the hot pool?"
Lan Zhan shivered. "Can I touch you, too?" His hands slid from Wei Ying's back to his sash. Wei Ying's answer was a frantic nod and shoved his friend's robes off his shoulders, exposing his upper half to the night air. Such beauty needed to be worshiped....
It was challenging kissing the smooth skin while simultaneously being stripped of his garments. He constrained himself to kissing and nibbling the bare shoulders... so enticing... so strong.... So soft and hard at the same time against his lips and tongue. Strength encased in silky skin. Eventually, he could feel hands caressing his own bare skin, chasing away the cool air. Skin on skin was far more enjoyable than being felt through silk layers. "Lan Zhan..." he moaned and bent to place a kiss over the other's nipple. "Do you like this?"
"Mmm," sounded like an affirmative.
He licked around the protruding nub. "Salty? Why is skin salty?"
"Wei Ying... stop talking." Strong hands pulled him up to be kissed again, tongue shoving its way past his lips to caress his own. The attached body pressed and shoved until Wei Ying's calves were against the bed's platform. "Lay down," the deep voice ordered into his ear. He shivered and practically fell as teeth gripped onto his ear lobe and tugged. For a disconcerting moment, he found himself falling... controlled falling... one arm firmly holding diagonally from waist to shoulder, the other reaching out to press against the bedding, preventing him from getting hurt. There was a knee between his legs. Hands shoved his ass over, so he was lying more in line with the bed, but now his legs were spread far enough apart for another knee to slide between them. "Is this alright?"
Alright? Was it alcohol or lust clouding his brain? "Good," he managed to sigh. "So good." He did some pulling of his own, pressing against Lan Zhan's back and waist, pulling him down so their bodies were aligned. It wasn't the first time they'd been in this position; it was the first time Wei Ying had initiated it, wanted it....
It felt... right. As if this was how they belonged. Skin to skin, body to body, Whole. He wrapped his legs around Lan Zhan's; they felt better like this instead of being spread wide on the bed. He felt better like this. They felt better like this. His extremely interested in the proceedings body part was being pressed down by Lan Zhan's equally interested body part. He shifted his hips up (how could he not?) and felt the answering response. "Lan Zhan...."
"I am unsure of what to do now," Lan Zhan sounded as cautious as his words. "Obviously, i know the mechanics...."
"I promised you I'd do the same to you as you did to me, right?" Wei Ying grinned and rolled, flipping their positions. "You need to take your trousers off. I'll go find something." He crawled off the bed to find where he'd hidden his bottle of oil. He returned to find a completely nude Lan Zhan lying stiffly on the bed, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. "Fuck, you're beautiful. I've never seen a naked man before. I'm glad you're my first. My only, probably. I can't imagine kissing other men the way I kiss you."
He had meant 'men' when he said it.
It felt like he really meant 'person'.
Is it really just Lan Zhan I want to do this with? Is it because it's new? And I've never been like this with anyone else? I wonder... how long do these feelings last? We're not going to have the opportunity to be together much, if at all, once I go back to Lotus Pier.... Because no matter what he said, there's no way his brother is just going to let him abandon his sect duties for almost a year to dual cultivate with me.
"Wei Ying?"
"I'm here. Spread your legs a bit? I think it will be easier if I sit between them? Be like me doing this to myself, but backwards." He grabbed a bowl of water and a washcloth, placed them on the floor next to the bed, then scooted onto the bed to kneel in the vee between his friend's legs. "You really are beautiful, you know." He experimentally ran a finger up Lan Zhan's cock. "Pretty...." he breathed as it jumped. He wrapped his hand, softly, "Your skin here is... silky. Except for a few hairs." He laughed, thoroughly enjoying the way the organ pulsed in his hand. "Feels weird holding it like this." He gave an experimental pump, before withdrawing his hand to pour oil on it. "I'm so used to feeling the head from the other direction. Mine, I mean," he babbled, "not anyone else's, obviously."
"Wei Ying..." Lan Zhan growled.
"Yes, yes. Let me enjoy myself?"
"You're enjoying this?" Lan Zhan sounded skeptical.
Wei Ying laughed lightly, thrilled and unable to contain it, as he wrapped his oiled hand around the throbbing cock and stroked it a few times. "Very much. Reminds me of the first time I did this to myself. Same sort of excitement. Can we move, though? It's kind of uncomfortable." It took a bit of fiddling until they ended up with Wei WuXian sitting in front of his friend, legs around the hips, feet beside his friend's shoulders while Lan Zhan's legs were bent around Wei Ying's hips. It gave Wei Ying the freedom to move his hands as he pleased and gave the man shuddering before him something more substantial to grip than the bedding. "You look so pretty like this, Lan Zhan. Like a banquet for me to feast on." He twisted his hand as he stroked. "Do you like it like this? Gentle? Slow? Or do you want me to be harder? faster?" He idly kissed the knee near his face. "We should do this more often..."
"Wei Ying..."
"Yes?"
"Hard. And fast. And stop talking."
"I like talking," Wei Ying sassed. "Almost as much as I like doing this." His hand was almost a blur. "You're bigger than I am, but you already know that," he babbled. "My hand has to travel further than when I'm doing this to myself. Can't wrap my fingers around it, either, mmmph!" Lan Zhan surged up into a sitting position and slammed their lips together.
With one hand busy, and his mouth busy, Wei Ying surrendered to simply enjoying.
A part of him was not enjoying being left out....
His free hand untied his trousers and slipped inside. It wasn't oiled up; there was sufficient fluid dribbling to ease the friction burn.
It was also the wrong hand.
As if that mattered.
He had a cock in each hand, a tongue in his mouth, a body wrapped around him. Lan Zhan's cock was swelling even more in his hand. "Yes," he moaned into his friend's mouth. "I'm going with you. Finish with me...." His brain whited out for a few breaths. Warmth splashed over each of his hands, first one, then the other. Then they were panting into each other's shoulders. "That was even better than at the pool."
"That was better than anything I've felt in my whole life." Lan Zhan pressed a kiss at the junction of neck and shoulder. "Thank you."
Wei Ying extracted his hand from the mess in his trousers and leaned over to grab the bowl and washcloth. "Let me clean you up."
"Your clothes."
"Will wash clean. I learned how to wash my trousers a long time ago." He grinned, feeling extremely satisfied. "Will you stay the night?" He hopped out of the bed, stripped the last pieces of clothing off, and began wiping himself down.
"XiongZhang will wonder where I am."
"Plus the Jin guards will see you creeping from my room? Oh well. Another time, I suppose."
"Wei Ying... I want to stay." The words sounded heartfelt; belied by Lan Zhan getting out of bed and pulling his clothing on.
"I understand." He did.
He did understand. There were appearances to maintain. Two men sleeping together? One of the twin jades sleeping with another man? The scandal would be enormous. HanGuang-Jun's nearly spotless reputation would be shredded.
He understood; he just didn't like it.
Dear readers.
So.... This took DAYS to write. Hours and hours of blushing, typing a few sentences, slamming my laptop shut, and bemoaning the fact that I'm writing these scenes because I want to, and yet it's so freaking challenging to get what's in my head into my computer. Other scenes? Sometimes they fly from my brain. Sometimes, they fight me tooth and nail. Sex scenes? I can see it so clearly, and just cannot get the words to come out from my fingers.
I hope you like it.
- Aitch