cr to : jozpic on twt
(literally fell on my knees when i saw this fanart on pinterest)
read with the music on the media for a better experience
+ please read the note at the end !
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I don't know what I am doing anymore.
Seeing her again wasn't planned.
Seing her again made me feel a rush of emotions... Anger, sadness, love, loneliness, frustration and desire. I was lost and conflicted. It was impossible to deal with what I want and what I need.
Seeing her again made me remember how lonely I was all this time.
When I had hope that maybe we could love again... Start a new chapter together, something would show up and making me feel insecure.
I wanted to be the strong one, the person who could walk away and never look back. But the truth was, I was as lost as she was. I craved her touch, her presence, but I was torn between the love I had for her and the fear that she will let me go again.
It made me into something I despised. We were not like this, I was not like this and it was hurting us.
We are tearing each other apart.
I felt guilt for hurting her, guilt for being unable to fully commit, guilt for making her doubt her worth. I didn't want to be the villain in her story. Yet, at the same time I couldn't help to found it satisfying anytime she tried to seek my love.
I knew I needed to make a decision, to either embrace what we had or let her go for good. The thought of losing her again, this time by my own choice, haunted my every waking moment because I still love her.
In the midst of my confusion, I found myself reaching out to her, pulling her close during her weakest moment. As I held her trembling body, I realized how much power she still held over me.
I wanted to be the man she deserved, the one who could make her smile, not the source of her heartache.
The cold, aching void inside me that I loved to portray in my art ? Only she could fill it. I missed her more than words could express. I didn't want to live the empty nights anymore.
For a moment, I allowed myself to imagine a different future. A future where we were happy, where I could be the man she deserved. The thought brought a flicker of warmth inside me.
The woman I love, the one who had the power to both heal and hurt me. The one who deserved the world, yet I struggled to give her even a piece of it.
I watched her stare into space with her puffy, tired eyes. She was snuggled up in her duvet, silent. I came closer to caress her cheek like she was the most precious thing in the world. My hand went higher till her soft hair.
She didn't flinch or say a word. It was the first time I'd seen her so vulnerable, and it broke my heart.
I decided to break the unbearable silence.
"I will understand if you want to distance yourself, I will understand if you go take that plane. No pressure, just what you want angel. I will... respect your decision. Even though I don't want you to go, your happiness is more important than anything else, I whispered sincerely. I just have one last request... don't go without saying goodbye, I sigh. Maybe I am being delusional but if you decide to stay here, I will be at my tattoo parlour."
Before leaving, I lowered myself to her level to kiss her head gently... A little moment that warmed my heart.
TWO DAYS LATER.
"It's killing me, I sigh and ran my hands over my face.
– She doesn't answer to your messages and calls ?, asked Yuki with a frown."
I shake my head in disapproval. I could feel my frustration and anxiety growing.
"You can write her emails or letters, added Noritoshi.
– Or book a helicopter which will pass in front of her plane right next to her window with a banner "Y/N I love you", said Yuki seriously.
– Do you think we are in Love Actually or what ?, scoffed Noritoshi.
– If you want you can !, she pointed at Noritoshi with a frown.
– Yeah, you the one saying that when it's actually your fault, he scoffs."
Yuki gasped, placing her hand to her chest. She looked at Noritoshi like he just blamed her for murder. I let out a little chuckle despite my concern.
"How can you blame me ? Choso ! Look what he is saying !, she exclaimed falsely shocked.
– You came here because your tattoo is infected not for talking about Choso's lovelife, added Noritoshi before rolling his eyes.
– It's not her fault. That's my fault, I am a dumbass who can't communicate, I finally spoke.
– If she comes back, are you going to block Yuki ? Noritoshi scoffed.
– We are literally Totally Spies, I am gonna be sad if you block me Choso, Yuki replied with a whine.
– Please, we can't be totally spies if you saw Choso's ding dong, laughed Noritoshi."
My lttle smile disappeared and I glared at Noritoshi. He stopped laughing when he saw the look in my eyes, knowing it wasn't the time for this kind of joke.
"You are so mean today !, Yuki gasped again. I am just a girl !"
Noritoshi looked at the way she was sitting at the counter, manspread pose, elbows on her knees... showing off her masculine energy.
"You are a guy with boobs, Noritoshi retorted with a laugh.
– Fuck you, she laughed too."
Yuki jumped from her place and put her Carhartt satchel back in her shoulder.
"Gonna buy something to eat, just for me. You go eat poop, she showed her middle finger before leaving."
Noritoshi looked at her leaving the tattoo parlor with an amused smile. These two loved to banter, they had this brother and sister type of relationship.
He went cleaning some materials while I was looking at my phone, waiting for any signs.
"How do you feel bro ?, he asked noticingthe worry in my face.
– If I could cry, I would, I muttered."
Noritoshi sighed and put down the tattoo machine he was cleaning. He glanced at me with empathy. A little thought came to my mind... For a second I thought of Maki, I missed her. She was awful for comforting people but she always found a way to change the mood.
"You need to sort this out, Choso. It's eating you alive, he said, his tone serious."
I nodded, acknowledging his words, but the reality of the situation weighed heavy on me. My phone buzzed, and I grabbed it, hoping for a message from her. Nothing. Noritoshi was right, it was eating me alive.
Just then, the bell above the entrance jingled, and I looked up, thinking I would find Yuki back here with some foods. Yet, my heart skipping a beat. There she was, Y/N, walking into the tattoo parlor like a storm.
It took me three seconds to notice her rosy cheeks, her little pout, her furrowed eyebrows and her whole outfit. Since we were in New York, she dressed very formally and professionally. This time she wore an outfit that matched her more.
Head empty, breath short.
Damn, I really wanted to play with the little ribbon on her top.
I just froze in place. My knees were weak.
No doubt, she is the most beautiful girl in the world.
She crossed her ams and glared at me with a warning look... One wrong step and I am screwed.
"Listen to me Yuuji* Choso, it's the last time I shed tears for you. One more and I make you bald, she pointed her finger at me."
Before I could respond, she closed the distance between us. Yet, I couldn't wait any longer. Fueled by a mix of relief and happiness, I rushed to her, took her in my arms, and spun her around, our lips meeting in a soft kiss. For a moment, nothing else mattered not even Noritoshi who looked at us with an embarrassed smile. She giggled against my lips and I hugged her tightly.
Y/N pulled away, her eyes searching mine.
"I didn't take the plane, she said, a hint of a smile playing on her lips."
Relief washed over me. I took her hands in mine.
"I'm sorry. I... I messed up.
– Yeah, you did. But so did I, she chuckled.
– Does my queen accept my apologies, then ?, I asked with an amused smile."
I kissed her soft fingers, my smile not leaving my face. She shoved me gently and started to laugh.
"I bought Pizza !, shouted Yuki who just came here."
I felt suddenly a knot in my stomach. I anticipated Y/N's reaction.
Y/N turned her gaze to Yuki. Her smile didn't disappeared but she looked back at me and widened her eyes. she looked at me with a reproachful gaze which said : we gonna talk about it later.
"Let me help you dear, she said kindly to Yuki before taking her pizza box to put it on a table."
FEW HOURS LATER
📍at Choso's apartment
"She doesn't seem flirty or too touchy. She didn't seem fake with me, I didn't felt any bad vibes around her and she was kinda funny..., enumerated Y/N while walking all over my apartment to look at the decorations. But I swear Choso if you— Aaah !, she didn't finished her talk about Yuki and gasped."
When I heard her shocking gasp, from the kitchen I ran towards her just to found her inside my art room.
I ran a hand over my face and swore under my breath. I forgot to clean the room. The art room was a chaotic mess. Canvases leaned against the walls, some were forgotten and laying on the floor... Half-finished sculptures adorned the shelves, dried paint palettes, brushes and tools were scattered on the worktable.
"Did you paint this ? And this one..? Did you sculp it ?, she turned around to face me with a surprised look on her face.
– Hmm, yeah, I said embarrassed."
She looked at the paintings more closely, leaning forward to analyze the details.
"That's me with Itadori... And this one, it's the day I met you in the grocery store... And... Wow, Choso?, she exclaimed, clearly amazed.
– I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, I sighed.
– Uncomfortable ? That's amazing Choso !, she beamed. Not going to lie... I like the thought about you painting me and...
– And..?, I chuckled."
She shrugged and gave me an innocent look. Then, her gaze shifted towards the corner of the room where a pottery wheel and clay awaited attention.
"Pottery? I've never tried that, she mused, her eyes sparkling with curiosity."
I couldn't help but chuckle at her unexpected interest.
"Well, you're in luck. How about I teach you? It's fun !"
A smile spread across her face, and she nodded with enthusiasm. Soon, we were both seated in front of the pottery wheel.
As she tentatively shaped the clay in her hands, I couldn't resist the urge to get closer. Seating myself behind her, I guided her hands, showing her how delicate she has to be to mold the clay into a coherent form.
"You've got to be gentle, I whispered, my breath tickling her ear."
My hands, initially guiding hers on the pottery wheel. The cool touch of the clay seemed to melt away as our hands moved together to mold something.
I felt the warmth of her fingers against mine as they interlocked it made me all weird. The coolness of the clay contrasted with the warmth of our fingers.
My thumb grazed the back of her hand in a subtle caress. I could notice her goosebumps but I couldn't talk about myself... I was a mess, my heart was beating too fas that I could bet she could hear it loud and clear.
In a timid attempt, I began to trace a more intimate path over her arms.
With every turn of the wheel, my lips found the curve of her neck, placing gentle kisses. I was unable to resist her anymore. Y/N let out a soft laugh, her fingers still working the clay.
Her laughter turned breathless, and she leaned into my touch.
"Choso, we should focus on the pottery, she murmured, though her breath hitched."
Her fur jacket gone, my mouth went lower as I kissed her naked shoulders. She took one of my hand back, seeking my guidance into the clay. Our fingers entwined again.
"Choso... Stop, she let out in a soft voice."
‼️soft nsfw scene
The way she whispered my name made me feel butterflies but I soon widened my eyes in shock when I also felt something growing in my pants. I stepped back gently to leave a little space between us... trying to understand why the mere sound of her calling my name made me react like a teenager boy.
"If you keep calling my name like that Y/N..., I huffed."
When I moved back a little further, I fell backwards off the stool, my bottom hitting the floor. She turned to face me with a frown of concern.
"Babe, did you hurt yourself ?, she worried."
She leaned forward and touch my cheeks with her hands full of clay. I looked at her completely flustered.
"Shit, I am sorry ! Now your face is full of clay... I didn't think straight for a sec ! Let me found some tissue, she looked around her desperately."
She hadn't even noticed our position... She was on top of me, her legs around me as I tried to steady myself by leaning on my elbows.
"You don't have to..., I was trying to fit in a sentence."
She turned her gaze to me, looking at me with doe eyes.
"Fuck, Y/N..., I groaned before cupping her face with my hands full of clay."
Without any hesitations, I crushed my lips into hers. I was so hungry for this kiss that she moaned to slow down a bit.
I ignored her little whine to bite her lips. She pulled away and let out a chuckle.
"Wait a minute please..., she blushed and brushed my lips with her fingers."
I nodded and looked at her, eyes full of devotion. I thought she was going to kiss me back or something but to my surprise, she repositioned herself on top of me to grind slowly against me. I let my head fall backwards and without any control, I let out a moan.
"I really want you Y/N..., I gasped.
– I know, she replied softly. I can feel it."
Things escalated quickly, clothes off, she was riding the shit out of me... leaving me desperate for her touch. I couldn't think straight it was just me and her, showing how much we wanted each others.
One thing was certain: I'd ended up on my knees while she had her legs spread wide on my worktable. I was nibbling the skin of her thighs, I was going higher and higher until my mouth reached her weak spot.
We did it on the floor, on the worktable and even in the bathroom when we tried to clean the mess we made with the clay. I guess the little cuddles in the shower wasn't enough.
—
*Yuuji Choso because Itadori and Choso are brothers
They don't have the same mom
I call it girl dinner.
hi bbies how are you ??
i hope you liked this chapter
btw im sorry for the slow update
thanks for the 50k !!
im... 😄😄😄 speechless
i can't realize the fanfic im literally writing just for fun... reached 50k of readings ??? that's insane.
but thank you sm i love you guys
your reactions are the best, it's perfect!!