"Do you want me to help you finish up the food?" You just continued to stare at me not saying anything. "Miss mi- Regina?"
It was like you snapped back into reality then. "Oh, no, dear. It's fine. You can go into the living room and pick something to watch. It won't be long."
I nodded and left the bathroom, with you standing in it. I decided to put Beastly on. It was my second favorite movie, and I was supposed to see you had it.
It wasn't long before you came out holding two bowls of spaghetti with homemade sauce. It looked delicious, I didn't know you were such a skilled cook. I wondered then if Robin had taught you. The though caused me to become envious. I would want to be the one to teach you how to cook. Then again I would want to be the one to do everything with you.
"Thank you." I grabbed the bowl from you and put it in my lap. I figured you would sit on the couch but no, you sat right next to me on the love seat. It was really too small for two people who were not actual "lovers" hence the name, because it put the people sitting on it dangerously close to one another. Which meant you were so close to me that the material of your dress came in contact with my bare thigh. I felt my face redden at the contact.
We both began to eat as the movie started. A smile grew on your face as the main screen appeared.
"I love this movie it's tragically beautiful." Your eyes didn't veer from the screen as you used the remote to press play.
"I agree, that's how I've always seen it. It's different from other movies, and it makes me realize love is possible for everyone, even people like me." I felt your eyes shift from the screen and onto me but I didn't look at you. I simply kept my eyes glued to the screen and shrugged. It was true. I never really thought someone could love a girl with walls as high as mine.
About half way through the movie you took our dishes to the sink and grabbed a blanket as you say down. You threw the blanket over us, and it expanded from end to end of the seat. As the movie came to an end I got an idea.
"Regina!" I shoved you softly. I felt so awkward calling you by that, but then again it felt right. Everything with you felt right.
"Yes, dear?" A smile crossed your lips as you turned the DVD player off and turned to face me.
"We should celebrate your birthday since you didn't! We could do all of your favorite things, eat your favorite foods, and of course watch your, well our, favorite movie, Burlesque." Your smile grew and your cheeks reddened a bit. I thought your face night starting aching from the extent of your smile. It was cute, almost like you were blushing.
"You'd really want to?"
"Of course, you deserve to celebrate."
"Okay then, how do you feel about a game of scrabble?"
I scrunched my nose up but didn't refuse. I was never good at the game, and it pissed me off quite frankly. I did just suggest to do your favorite things though, so I shook my head in agreement. You went to the shelf to the left of the entertainment center and pulled out the box. You set it on the side of the coffee table before moving the center piece which was a small black vase with white roses in it, elegant yet home-y.
You sat down and patted the floor next to you signaling me to sit next to you. I moved down next to you. I could tell you were excited by the way your smile didn't cease even for a second after I had suggested it. I should've known you loved scrabble though, of course you did. You were an English teacher.
The first game you beat me with large words that I could spell let alone pronounce. The expanse of your vocabulary threw me off even for you being an English teacher. The second game was close but you also beat me at that one. That time you beat me with words i didn't know the definition such as dexterous. The third and final game I called it quits because I was a sore loser, you won just because I had given up. By that time I had given up any hopes of winning against you and your too large vocabulary. I swore you were the closest thing to a human dictionary I knew of.
You leaned back and sighed in contentment as I put the pieces away.
"Emma, dear, thank you for doing this. It's very kind of you to have suggested this." I felt your eyes practically bore into me as i carefully slid the lid to the box on. Why did you stare at me like that? I don't think you realized how hard you made it for me. Knowing that you were looking at me made it harder for me to keep my thoughts away from kissing you.
"Of course. I would do anything if It meant it brought you joy. I was surprised you and your fiancé hadn't done anything." My eyes never left the box as I took it into my hands before getting up. I didn't have him, I resented him out of jealousy. How could I not resent the man that practically had your hand in marriage? You were silent for a moment before speaking. I walked over to the shelf as you spoke.
"He and I are separated at the moment." My eyebrows raised in question as I slid the box into its place. I went and sat back down next to you.
"Can I ask why?" You played with your fingers nervously before catching my gaze. I hadn't noticed until then that your engagement ring was taken off.
"I will once you tell me what the whole debacle with your mother was about."
It was then that I stayed silent for a moment. I debated on leaving the Ruby part out, but then it wouldn't make sense. I would just seemed even more stupid than I already had. I sighed heavily releasing a breath that i didn't know I had held in.
"I was on the phone with a friend, and she was trying to figure out who I liked. When she guessed it.. I.. I reacted harshly because I didn't want anyone to know. I had an anxiety attack. My mom tried to comfort me.." I swallowed hard before continuing. "And I flinched knocking over the salad and scaring my baby brother. She went to comfort him.. of course.. Reminding me that I was nothing but.. But.. A puzzle piece entered into an already complete.. family."
I rambled out certain parts and drug out others as I told you. It was hard. It was the first time I had openly admitted that I knew I wasn't a part of the family, and that most likely never would be.
You put your hand over mine that was resting on my upper thigh. The action sent chills down my spine. My breath hitched in the back of my throat. Your hand was so close to my bare skin. I looked up at you, my eyes glassy.
"Why would you be afraid of someone knowing who you liked?" The question came out as a whisper. That was the question I dreaded most. I knew even if I tried I couldn't lie to you. I just stared at you intently not knowing how to form it into words.
"I guess because it's stupid.. I haven't even accepted it myself.. It's confusing.. And crazy.. And a pathetic crush that isn't going to turn into anything." You moved your hand up and caresses the side of my face. I couldn't help but nuzzle further into the action. I closed my eyes as I drew in a deep breath and reveled in the feeling of your warm hand against my face. It was far too personal for it to be just an exchange between a teacher and student and I guess that's why I enjoyed it so much.
"Dear, having feelings for someone isn't pathetic. You can't help who you're attracted to, it's your basic nature." I wanted to ask if it was my basic nature to have feelings for you, but I had to stop myself by biting my bottom lip. It was the only thing keeping me from spouting off how I really felt.
"My feelings Are out of my control though, and I don't know how to stop feeling this way. It's not okay.." Your face turned up into a soft smile. It was kind of reassuring like everything would be okay even though I wasn't sure of it.
"Who is it? I doubt it's that's bad. Honestly, I think you can like who you like. No one can judge you."
"Please don't ask that. You're. You just can't." I think that then you picked up on the hint. You didn't know it was you, but you realized it was someone I wasn't supposed have feelings for.
"Oh.. I'm- I've been in your place. It's okay. It's still out of your control." Knowing that gave me some amount of comfort, but I still felt wrong. It was wrong. Loving- liking. Liking you was wrong. It was far too early in the game to love you. I wiped my cheek and gave a soft, sad smile before changing the subject.
"So, anyways, I believe we had a deal. I told you, now your turn." You moved your hand into your lap slowly, your eyes still locked into mine. I saw the base of your neck move down slowly as you swallowed hard. I felt bad then for pushing you, but it was only fair seeing as I had just told you.
"I, well, he was unfaithful, with his Ex, Marian. He came home one night and I smelled another woman's cheap perfume on him, so i confronted him. He told me everything, and I made him leave.. He.. He isn't a bad man. He has a son with his ex-wife, they never really got to work out things in the past. He's genuinely kind, but I don't think he ever stopped loving her. It's okay though.. I loved him, but I don't think I ever really was IN love with him." A single tear fell down your cheek and your eyebrows furrowed in pain. I wanted to so badly to lean in and work the tension out of the crease in them, but I couldn't. Instead I just leaned in and wiped the tear and looked into your eyes. I knew nothing could make what you were feeling okay.
You huffed out a large breath and let out a small laugh as a sad smile thinned your lips. You shook your head and then looked at me in the eyes again before speaking. "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be telling you all of this. I don't know why I am. I'm okay, really."
"No, no. It's okay. I am so sorry. I shouldn't have asked, and I'm sorry if I pressured you." I felt a pang of guilt in my chest.
"No, no, if I didn't feel comfortable at all I wouldn't have answered. You've trusted me with things that were hard for you to cope with, and this isn't really all that hard.. Honestly.. I wasn't happy." Part of me wanted to smile at that, and the other part didn't. So instead I kept a neutral face. I felt bad, because you Didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve his deceitfulness.
"Just like you told me, you'll find someone who is worthy of you." You replied with a gentle smile and wiped your face before taking in a heavy breath, your body lifting up and falling down with it.
"Let's not talk about such things anymore, I believe you promised to do my favorite things. I have a secret passion of baking.. And I love it." A smile grew across my lips.
"Okay! Well what would you like to bake?"
"Strawberry cake. It's so moist you don't even need icing."
Strawberry cake, and brownies were my two favorite sweets. It felt like I was connecting to you more and more that night. I couldn't help but love how much we had in common, yet how different we were personality wise.
Before I knew it the kitchen was a mess with various things from utensils and flour to fresh strawberries from your garden and eggs. It was cute that you had your own little garden. I guess that the tomatoes you used for the spaghetti at lunch was from your garden as well, though I didn't ask. I looked over at you as you whisked the light pink batter intently. You had your lip tucked between your teeth. It's crazy how even mundane acts seemed so beautiful when you were doing them.
After a few more minutes of whisking you came over to me and handed me the silver metal bowl. I looked at you in confusion but then you put your finger in the bowl and tasted it. A groan of enjoyment passed your lips.
"Try some, it's so good." I put my arms up indicating that they were kinda occupied with the bowl.
"Oh, right." You opened the drawer behind you and took out a small spoon. You dipped it into the bowl and brought the spoon up to my mouth. I smiled softly as I opened my mouth. You placed the spoon into my mouth and I was automatically introduced to heaven in the form of cake batter. I noticed that your eyes were trained on my lips as you pulled back, and God did it take everything I had to not set the bowl down and kiss you right then.
This situation was getting dangerous. I didn't know how much longer I could pretend like I didn't want to dominate your mouth with my tongue. That got me to wondering if you were the dominate kind when it came to sexual activities. You came off as indifferent.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when you smeared batter down the side of my cheek. You put your finger in your mouth to suck off the remains and I just stared at you in shock of both actions.
"You weren't listening to me when I told you that the oven was done, I had to get your attention some how." I rose my eyebrows at you as I set the bowl down. I dipped my finger into the bowl and slowly walked toward you. You walked backwards but ended up against the sink with your hands up.
"I surrender."
"No, it's already on my finger now. Pay back sucks, Hun." Just as I was about to smear the pastel, pink batter on your face you grabbed my wrist and directed it to your mouth. My heart began to pound in my chest as I realized what you were doing. You took my finger into your mouth and sucked the batter off, your eyes never leaving mine. You allowed your tongue to swirl around my finger making sure none of it was missed. My mouth fell slightly agape at the warmth of your mouth around my finger. I could not, for one second, believe what just took place. You gently moved my wrist down to my side, as your eyes again bored into me.
"And now it's not."
And that. That was the end of me attempting to hold myself back.