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"I saw you." Amina admitted, before he could part his lips to give her an answer. His silence had dragged long enough, and she was in fear of getting rejected so she was quick to add. She inhaled deeply, hoping she won't regret admitting this to him. "The day I arrived at Jeju, I saw you that night."
His brows instantly drew in, his mind rewinding back to that day to remember what happened. She elaborated though, picking out that specific memory.
"-I saw you playing...for the first time." Her heart squeezed upon remembering the state she saw him in. It was hard to explain how she felt as that moment really. She could feel and see his pain-that was the day she started seeing a side of him she'd never seen before.
The vulnerable side he keeps tucked away under the image of the rude, confident and collected guy he puts in front of her. That façade began to chip away that day, piece by piece, unraveling the man standing behind the mask.
His mind picked out that memory. He sure remembers not joining them because he wanted a moment to play without them around. He didn't want to be in the presence or anyone, or to have any audience. He hadn't had an audience watch him in a while, he wanted it to stay like that.
He had no idea she saw him. In that moment he hated to be seen.
Her lips folded in, having realized his expression was hard to read. It was difficult to tell whether he's upset about her watching him, or he's having some other feeling. He's hard to read. He's always been like that.
The action made her uneasy, and deeply, she regretted bringing it up. It would've been better to remain in the dark than be confronted with such uncomfortable silence.
But, there was no backing down. She had already started. Might as well take it to the end.
Suspiring, she blinked and looked away for a brief second, recollecting the tender memory. "Even as someone who had no knowledge nor interest in football then, I could see it. I could feel your pain and though I would've denied it then, my heart broke for you. One thing I couldn't wrap my head around though was the story behind it."
Aahil held her unwavering gaze with his emotionless ones, his facial expression bare as a canvas. Amina hated that expression. It made her feel as though she was talking to a wall. It's dumb, and stupid.
Still, she continued. There was a slight distant look in her eyes this time around, like she could see the moment right before her eyes. "I watched your previous matches. Not all, but I've seen most of them." She confessed, though deep down she had no plan of letting him know. She didn't seem to care then though. "You love football. I could see the love you have for it but...you're giving it up. That's the reason you had an argument with Dean, isn't it? You want to give up something you've dedicated your whole life to?"
She had been curious as to what could've made the two brothers break apart like that. What could possibly be reason enough for Dean, whom idolize Aahil to just antagonize him like that? There had to be a damn valid reason because he doesn't seem like the type that would be irrational.
Benazir slipped the little piece of information to her, seeing she was left in the dark. She didn't give her much, just that it has something to do with Aahil giving up his dream and Dean not agreeing to it in the slightest. From then on, Amina tried to chirp in the remaining pieces together but it doesn't work.
She wanted answers, answers directly from Aahil.
When he didn't reply her, she blew out an exasperated breath, shaking her head in annoyance before she flicked her gaze to meet his again. "-I'm sorry to say this, but in case you didn't know, Dean idolizes you. From the very minute I was with him in Jeju all he did was give excuses to justify your behavior, for a moment I wondered if you even deserved such care from him." She paused to take in a deep breath, so her words don't sound so bitter.
She doesn't intend to antagonize him like that. Heck, she had no intention of having that conversation but things took a turn South.
She had feelings for Dean, or more like had a crush on him. But aside from that, she adores Dean. She doesn't fancy him anymore as a man, she came to realize over the past few weeks that it was a fleeting crush type of thing.
Aahil though was different. The feelings she's trying to hide regarding him are different. They are stronger, a force to be reckoned with.
But, if it comes to choosing between the two, she wouldn't choose either. Because she knows they both need to get their shit together-Aahil needs to get himself together. He may not realize it, but he's a mess. And if she needs to drill that knowledge into him, so be it.
A few, tense seconds passed before she clicked her tongue, and met his gaze with her exasperated ones. "-I don't know what happened, I admit. I can't say he's in the right either, because I don't know the full story. But, from what I know, whatever he did has to be because he cares for you, a lot. You shouldn't make the mistake of losing him, and that care he has for you, no matter what happened."
Her silence that followed, coupled with the relentless glare showed she was done, that she no longer had much she wanted to utter. She just wanted to say things that will stick in his mind, and it did.
He knew it before, and it's been playing in his mind but her words were a wakeup call.
He looked down for a brief second, exhaling before he lifted his head to meet her gaze again. "You're right. It is my fault." He admitted, much to her surprise. His eyes held every ounce of seriousness, showing he wasn't kidding with her.
She blinked, taken aback by the sudden embrace of the truth. "What?"
"You're right." He repeated, his shoulders slumping as he blew out a loud breath. "It's my fault we had an argument. I had been dismissing his care, and I was the one who kept something important from him. He was right to be upset like that." Even for a second, he hadn't blamed Dean.
He knew to accept his mistakes. Yes, he was yet to fix it but he knew. He was just giving Dean the space he needed because he had a lot to handle as well. It must've been difficult for him to accept everything.
Amina's brows drew in, confusion marring her features. "You hid something from him?" That was all she could grasp. What could Aahil possibly hide from Dean to hurt him like that?
Yet again, Aahil found himself sighing. Turning around, he took a step closer to the rail and dropped his arms on it, staring ahead at the beautiful sight of Seoul from the Tower. It's a long story, one that isn't particularly fond of sharing but for her, he will. There's a lot he wanted to tell her anyway. That should be the time for her to know everything behind Aahil Bello Tafida.
"You spoke to Amma, didn't you? She told you my dad is too busy working to be around?" He turned around to look at her, just in time she nodded. He took that as his sign to continue. He set his gaze ahead again, then commenced. "He is busy, just with another family rather than work." He stated, his voice bare of emotions.
At this point, it doesn't even hurt him, not that it did in the beginning. Besides, since he'd seen the situation of Aadil-his cousin's father's case, he doubts there's a case that would hurt him as much or even surprise him.
Amina's confusion grew. She understood what he meant, but she wasn't willing to accept it either.
He didn't seem to care though; he was focused on telling the story instead. "-He and Amma got divorced. It's nearly been a year and Dean wasn't aware." He continued, his heart squeezing upon recalling the look on Dean's face when he found out that day. "Amma is more like my third mom. My birth mother died when I was young so her sister, my aunt took me in but she passed away four years ago as well. I basically grew up with my Aunt's family so Dean and I only met on rare occasions especially since we're in different places. Amma has always been good to me, so I had no reasons to dislike her."
His mind went back to when he found out his father had remarried shortly after his mother died. He was so young, but he remembers throwing a tantrum and claiming his father never loved him. Truth be told, the relationship between them is strained, but they've eventually formed a cordial relationship where they don't contact each other unless necessary.
Amma, despite everything still accepted and loved Aahil. Whenever they met, she showered him with love. How could he not love Dean as his younger brother as well?
"-Dean is their only child, and honestly, they had the perfect little family of three." His lips slanted upwards into a sad, bitter smile. "I even envied him at one point." He admitted, for the first time in his life.
Amina could only stare at his back, hearing the story of the infamous Aahi. She was hearing things she'd never expected. She could hear the pain in his tone, but he seems to be used to it. It doesn't seem like it bothers him anymore.
"-it makes sense that he'd always hoped for that perfect family of his to stay like that. I know it may sound childish to you that an adult was making a fuss over his parents divorcing but it's more than just a simple divorce to him. His perfect family since birth came crashing, and he had no idea. But, I did, and I didn't tell him. He trusted me the most, and I broke that trust of his."
He has been aware since day one, Amma told him after making him promise to not tell Dean. She considered Aahil her eldest child, one that she could speak to about anything. He was the one that comforted her, and helped her settle everything. Somehow, even their father agreed to keep it from Dean.
They have split up, but it doesn't change the fact that Dean is most precious child. They couldn't break the news to him.
Amina didn't think it was childish. She has a very similar experience and can tell first hand that it was anything but childish. It's a difficult thing to digest. So, she could very much relate to Dean's pain.
Aahil blew out a small shaky breath as he looked down, "I guess we failed to realize not knowing would've hurt him more than knowing." They forgot he was an adult, and tends to handle situations as one. Had he known, yes, he would've been hurt but he would've accepted.
Not knowing hurt him even more.
Placing both hands on his on the railing, Aahil pushed himself to stand straight. "-Instead, now he believes I'm like our father-someone that just abandons things he claims to matter the most to him."
"Well, are you?" She asked, wanting him to get the answer for himself because it seems he's been bothering himself with that fact long enough.
He shrugged, turning around to look at her. "Football is my life. I gave up my youth for it." He stated, without a second thought-his tone dripping with honesty. It was hard to not see the passion for it with the way he spoke of it. "My life has revolved around it for as long as I can remember. When I joined, I was young, and clueless. It took me all these years to reach where I am. I worked hard for it, I pushed myself beyond limit. When my clubs ask that I put more effort, I did. When they wanted me to work through my pain, I did. When they wanted me to sacrifice my youth, I did."
That's what hurts him the most-the club's betrayal. They were the ones that wanted him to push beyond his limit, they made him work harder than the others, he gave his all to them just for what? To ditch him when they think he's no longer useful?
What about the years he gave to them? What about him giving them his all?
Is that all he's worth and is? An instrument to win and make money for them, one to discard and replace when it malfunctions?
His anger, she could see it across his face and in his tone. She could feel it all.
Aahil flicked his eyes closed, his hold around the railing tightening. It took longer than expected, but his voice eventually came. "I was diagnosed with Anterior Cruciate Ligament about six months ago, or more." He admitted, slowly peeling his eyes so it meets hers. His walls were down then; she could see his vulnerability. "One can recover, but chances were slim. My chances were slim-enough to never be able to play again. I already knew I wasn't well, and still fell under the pressure of the club and pushed myself harder to the point where I might just be broken beyond repair."
This. He hadn't admitted it to anyone. Even Dean and the others found out from Mia and their sources. He felt admitting it would make it true and he didn't want to accept it. He couldn't. But, he couldn't keep it from her. She deserves to know.
Amina froze, her mind registering his words in. She couldn't believe it; she didn't want to as well. She could only imagine how hard this must be for him.
"What I'm saying it, I may never be able to play again." His voice broke slightly, his walls crumbling but he didn't let it down completely. Instead, he tamped them down and blew out a shaky breath as well. "My dreams, gone, down the drain just like that." His words, they were bitter. "Do you know what it's like? To dedicate your whole life to something only for it to be taken away from you? I can't remember who I was before I became AT04, and suddenly, I'm expected to go back to that life. My whole life's stance has been ruined, I don't even know what to do anymore."
He was finally expressing the pain he'd felt these past few months.
He'd hold up a smile all day, only to lay sleepless when the night comes. His heart was heavy with worries and pain, he kept them all bottled down.
"-the years I'd spent, gone as well. My life that I dedicated to football? A waste, an epic failure-that's what it is now." He looked away, swallowing thickly. His heart rate spiked up, but he tried to calm himself down. He was silent for the next few seconds before he continued, this time around, when his eyes met hers again, he seemed so close to crumbling. "I am not the AT04 people used to know, I will never be again." He confessed. "I'm scared of never being good enough again. I'm scared I'd fail. I'm scared of losing more if I push this harder."
That's the reason he's been turning down Dean's request to join his team. If it was before, had it been he's healthy, he wouldn't mind. But, Dean has expectations from him as a player. He didn't want to disappoint him.
Amina understood that, without him even saying it. She tilted her head to the side slightly. "You're scared of failing him, aren't you?" She inquired softly. "You fell you'll weigh him down?"
"I know I will."
"Do you think Dean asked you to join his team because you're a great player? Because he wants AT04 on his team?" She inquired, her words holding a great sense of meaning.
His brows drew in, his mind swirling with questions.
Amina sighed, her shoulders slumping. "Aahil, Dean asked you to join because you're his brother and he cares about you. He wants Aahil, his elder brother on his team and not the infamous AT04. He's doing this because he cares for you, and has faith in you." It didn't take a genius to tell. She could tell judging how close they are. "The belief and faith you lost in yourself, he has enough for the both of you. He still believes in you."
Aahil still seemed hesitant.
So, she continued. "-I know it's difficult, and we can't force you to do something you don't want to but give it some thought. Would you really give it up, to give up your lifelong dreams, or would you fight for it? The decision ultimately is yours." Her voice softened. Sighing lowly, she came to stand closer to him, making his gaze meet hers.
When she spoke again, the sincerity in her tone was hard to miss. At that point, she was simply letting out her thoughts from deep down, baring her soul bare and keeping her doubts and worries aside. "--One thing I'm certain of is that whichever you make, you have your family, the guys, and even I, supporting you. Choose what's best for you, and I personally would walk down the path with you be it rosy or thorny. If you want to walk alone, I'll be at the end of the dark tunnel with a lantern waiting for you patiently. When you reach where I am, hold onto my hand, and I'll never let go. That, I promise." She took in a deep breath, the confession rolling off her tongue effortlessly. "You have me, forever and always."
Aahil could feel his broken apart world slowly rebuilding itself the more he listened to her. By the end of her speech, his heart softened due to her words, he couldn't even find the right words to use. She left him speechless, and rarely does he found himself in that situation.
The people around them were tuned out, their gaze set on each other seemed to not have a day of ending. It was more of that moment of realization, where everything slowly dawns on you and the pieces fall into place. Aahil couldn't wrap his head around it. Her confession was obvious; he could see it in her eyes.
This is what he's been hoping for, the moment he has been looking forward to. And yet, at that moment, he felt something amiss. Something about it all was wrong.
It wasn't meant to be this way, he was supposed to give her assurance and not the way round.
Seeing the look on his face, Amina chose to tease him to lighten the mood. "What? Don't tell me you're going to cry now." She joked, taking a step closer to observe his features. "Is the great Aahil emotional because of my speech?" Her lips slanted into a wide, amused grin.
Truth be told, it was more than just to lighten the mood. Her heart had dropped seeing that look on his face, that of an impending rejection. She didn't want to face that and be made to look stupid, so, she tried to maneuver her way around it.
He blinked back his glossy eyes and looked away, putting up a serious font. "Of course not. Don't be ridiculous." He outright denied it, though his husky voice gave him away.
"Yeah, right." She didn't buy it one bit.
He met her gaze again with a slight glare that earned him a laugh from her. The sight of her laughing like that, it made his heart race, he could hear the sounds loudly. All he could focus on was her, her smile, and the way her eyes gleam.
On how she managed to change his mood that easily.
His hand that was in his pocket tightened around the gift he got from her earlier at the store they went to where she got the keychains. He changed his mind at that moment, deciding against his earlier plan. It wasn't the time, he told himself. Not then, not at that moment. Against every fiber in his being that wanted nothing more than to give into his heart's desire, his hand let go of the gift-along with the plans.
Wrong time. But, right person.
Blinking, he blew out a small breath to calm his racing heart and his worries. "Shortcake." He called out softly. He hadn't called her that in a while, he wasn't sure when the name escaped.
Her laughter died down, then she offered him a warm smile that had her eyes gleaming even more. She didn't seem to take note of that moment where he had a sudden change of heart. "Hmm?" She doesn't hate the name so much anymore it seems.
He offered her a small smile back to reflect her expression, putting up a font. "Let's come back here next year, huh? On this exact day." He offered, though deep down he feared she would see past his façade.
Her brows drew in, wondering what would make him say that. She decided to ignore it, not giving it much thought. She didn't want to deny herself something she knew she wanted as well. So, she nodded, her smile wide. "Let's do that." She whispered. "Let's come back together."
"You and I?"
"You and I. Forever and always."