He woke, feeling warm, truly warm inside and out, for the first time since the surgery. His head was resting on something moving softly... Lan Zhan's chest? "Lan Zhan?" He couldn't move, not that he particularly wanted to, because of the bands of iron that tightened ever so slightly around him.
"Mmm?"
"Thank you." The chest under him didn't seem to be in any hurry for him to move; the arms holding him close didn't loosen in the slightest. "I think I needed that."
"Did you sleep well? Were there nightmares again?"
Wei WuXian considered.... Nightmares were such a normal part of his life.... "Yes? And, no.... I don't remember dreaming at all."
"Mmm."
To Wei WuXian's ears it sounded like a rather smug 'mmm'. He started talking stock of his own body, in addition to the one he was plastered against. We seem to be wrapped around each other, not unlike a pile of kittens.... Their legs were tangled together. Wei WuXian had one arm tucked almost under an armpit. "I'm sorry. I'll move?" He moved slowly, letting them disengage their body parts without hurting anything delicate. But finally, he was resting on an elbow facing his friend, who was also resting on his elbow. "Hi. This is awkward. I haven't slept with another person since I was ten or eleven, and Jiang Shushu said Jiang Cheng and I were too old to be sharing a bed."
"Mmm."
Wei WuXian tried to grin, to break the delicate tension between them when he noticed Lan WangJi's eyes... change. I know that look. I used to get it from girls back in Lotus Pier.... Right before they'd say I could kiss them if I wanted to.... Lan Zhan's head moved fractionally closer. Shit! Fuck? He's going to kiss me? No. Why would Lan Zhan kiss me? That's ridiculous. He's probably just trying to get up without knocking me over. That's it. He's.... Soft lips pressed against his own for a breath... two... three... And again, harder, more insistent. It felt... not unlike the aftershocks of being whipped by Zidian. Except far more pleasant.
Far, far, far more pleasant.... Lan Zhan pulled back and Wei WuXian heard a whimper. He wasn't quite sure which one of them sounded like a sad dog; he just hoped it wasn't him. That was my first kiss. That seemed slightly important for Lan Zhan to know, so he repeated it aloud. "That was my first kiss."
"Mmm."
"Lan Zhan.... I.... I?" His mind blinked on and off, like sunlight on a patch of grass under a tree on a windy day. "You gave me my first kiss?" he frowned. That seemed weird to say. Why would Lan Zhan kiss me? "Am I still asleep? But if I'm asleep, why am I dreaming that you kissed me?"
"Not asleep."
"Ah. Good to know." I gave up my first kiss to Lan Zhan. "Lan Zhan? Did I like it?" Having spoken the words, Wei WuXian felt like it might be a rather stupid question to ask.... But he did need to know the answer.
Or did he ask the wrong question? "Oh. Wait. Hold on a moment."
Lan Zhan leaned forward again. Kissed him again. This time he added a little nip to the bottom lip. And one to the top, as if to even things out. "Does that answer your question?"
"What question?" Little happy tingles were dancing their way across his back, around his buttocks, up and down his thighs, clustering around his belly, tightening his nipples, his balls. The only question he was aware of was: "Are you going to kiss me again?"
"Does Wei Ying want another kiss?"
"Yes?" This kiss was more forceful, tipping him backwards to lay against the bedding while Lan Zhan shifted to lay half atop him. The kiss didn't feel like the way he'd seen others doing it.... Are we just supposed to press our lips against each other? I think we're supposed to open our mouths a bit? He tried imitating what he'd witnessed: opening his mouth enough to press a kiss against Lan Zhan's top lip.
Lan Zhan... growled. A deep in the back of the throat, an 'I am going to eat you for dinner' growl.
It was fascinating. Exhilarating. He could press a kiss anywhere and Lan Zhan reacted. Sometimes audibly and sometimes physically. So he did. A kiss along the jawline? Lan Zhan used his hand to pull their mouths back together. A kiss on the eyes, nose or forehead? Lan Zhan would shudder, and press his hips forward, thrusting against Wei WuXian's hip. A kiss with teeth tugging on an earlobe? That received the biggest response: Lan Zhan roughly shoved Wei Ying's legs apart and settled between them. Hip to hip. Groin to groin. I'm hard. He's hard. How? Why? Lan Zhan was attacking his mouth again; this time pressuring him to open wider.
And a tongue slipped in between his lips to stroke his. Fuck. He felt that all the way down his body. Apparently Lan Zhan did, too; his hips jerked, pressed down and forward. It felt amazing.... Every caress on his face or neck from callused fingertips, every brush of silk against silk, every shift of the body lying so heavily on top of his. Breathing was getting challenging... he pulled his head back to gather in some much needed lungfuls of air, exposing his neck to Lan Zhan's teeth. The bite right over his Adam's apple was fierce; the pain/pleasure streaked right down the center of his body to pulse in his cock. He whined, "Lan Zhan... I'm...." I need to... can't get a hand between us.
Wait.
I can't do that in front of Lan Zhan! "Lan Zhan... stop. We need to stop!"
"Stop?" Lan WangJi's eyes were dilated in pleasure. "Don't want to stop."
Wei WuXian pushed ineffectively at the larger body. "We need to stop!" So embarrassing! His body was screaming for release. He pushed and wiggled fiercely, until he was able to wrench himself away. He sat on the edge of the bed, panting in frustration and need, and pressed a hand over his groin to try to get himself to calm down.
"What's wrong? I thought Wei Ying was enjoying it?"
"Enjoying it?" the younger one muttered. "Enjoying it too much."
"My apologies."
"No apologies." Wei WuXian's mind and mood was as crossed as his eyeballs and legs. Go down! Behave! He looked over at his friend, who was now lying on his back, robes falling aside to frame trousers displaying an impressive tenting situation. Wow. That's... massive. How are you not embarrassed to show that? Then he mentally slapped himself. If I was that big, I'd probably show it off, too. Not that mine's small. He glanced down at his lap where his slightly less impressive erection was showing no signs of being interested in flagging. Go down, damn you. "I liked it. A bit too much."
"Too much?"
Wei Ying could feel his face heating up. "Certain activities you do when you're all by yourself, right? Or with your wife once you're married? Are you allowed to..." he made a rude gesture with one hand, "Just... do stuff with friends? I mean.... Kissing is allowed, I suppose. I see unmarried people kissing when they think they're alone. The rest of it?" He sounded a bit lost. "Are you really allowed to do... whatever... with friends? Isn't it weird?"
"You've never touched another person?"
"I've touched plenty of people," Wei WuXian snapped. He also suspected they were referring to completely different meanings of 'touch'. "I touch people all the time."
"Not that." Lan WangJi rolled into a sitting position. "You said this was your first kiss. People don't need to kiss to do... intimate stuff."
"I suppose you have?" Wei WuXian glared at his friend, who looked away, ears reddened, and mmmed in a negative tone. "How'd you get good at kissing if you've never done it before?"
"Just did what felt good. What seemed to make Wei Ying feel good."
Wei Ying looked away, not sure of what they were supposed to do now. Would one have to leave the room so the other could take care of their personal business? I can't walk just yet. Go down, will you? A quick glance showed Lan Zhan wasn't able to leave the room, either. Need was still thrumming though his body, echos of being touched, being kissed, skipping across his skin like a rock on a pond. "I always thought spring books were just stories. Like stories about dragons and talking animals. Fiction. I didn't think it happened in real life." He thought back on some of the more fantastic, or so he'd thought, stories. Strangers meeting in a secluded grotto and doing it. A man entering the wrong room of an inn, seeing the woman naked in the bath, and doing it with her. Two childhood friends playing and laughing in a field, discovering they weren't children anymore, and doing it. The stories about the men who had hundreds of concubines or visited pleasure houses, in contrast, were far more normal types of stories. More realistic, he'd thought.
Who knew that sometimes, you could just be lying in bed after a wonderful nap, and someone would kiss you until you weren't sure which direction was up. All you knew was that in that direction was him.
So here he was, kissed by a friend to the point where, even after more than an incense's worth of time, he was still very much aroused. A male friend, too. Which had never, ever, shown up in any of the stories he'd read.
"I'm sorry," Lan Zhan sounded very contrite. "I wasn't thinking."
"You don't need to be sorry." Wei Ying carefully laid down on his side, top leg bent allowing his clothing to conceal his still-very-interested-in-resuming-kissing body part. "I was a willing participant." He forced himself to look up at the jade. "I enjoyed it. I just don't know the rules," he admitted, feeling young and ignorant.
"There are no set rules that I know of," Lan Zhan admitted. "I think we get to make them up for ourselves.... If we want to do this again."
"Do you want to?"
"Yes. You?"
"I think... I do, too." He shoved his face down into the bedding. Shameless, he scolded himself since Lan Zhan didn't seem to be saying it.
"Are you hungry? I'll go get us some dinner."
Lan Zhan sounded rather smug instead of being properly embarrassed. You're the shameless one, not me. Wei Ying glanced at his friend's lap, which, thankfully, seemed to be less prominent than it had been a little while ago. "Yes, thank you." Lan Zhan stood up, pulled on his boots, and left the room. Wei Ying dashed to the privacy screen and quickly took care of himself. Since he was partially unclothed, he decided to wash away some of the sweat (and hopefully the soap's scent would overpower the scent of his release). He had only just pulled up a clean pair of trousers when the door opened, and the smell of heavily spiced beef wafted in his direction. He skipped out from behind the privacy screen, shirt and robes casually thrown over a shoulder. "That smells wonderful!" He took a large sniff over the bowls. "Delicious!"
"Wei Ying..."
Such a stiff, Wei WuXian scolded, hearing his friend sound scandalized. It's just a bare chest. You'll expose more than this when you come swimming with me in Lotus Pier.
"Wei Ying... what happened?" The tray contents clattered as it was almost dropped onto a table.
"What happened to what?"
Lan Zhan ran a finger across the raised silvery-pink line on Wei WuXian's belly. "Is this why?"
Wei Ying flinched, dropped his clothes, and fumbled in the pile for his shirt. Wrapping himself in the cloth, he hissed, "Is this why what?"
"You said you were injured when Lotus Pier fell. In your nightmares last night.... You called out to Wen Qing to keep going, and kept saying it hurt. You say you can't cultivate spiritual energy anymore. You have a scar over your lower dantian."
Wei WuXian glared. "You can stop now."
"Stop what? Stop wondering what she did to you? Did she torture you? Did she cut your Core out?"
"Just stop. Talking. Speculating. Just. Stop."
"Wei Ying! Xu Daifu said that using Yin energy damaged your Core. Lan Daifu said Yin energy was surrounding your Core, preventing you from using spiritual energy. When I looked last night, I couldn't find it. Your Core. It was completely encased by yin energy? Or is it not there? From what you said during your nightmares, Wen Daifu tortured you. She cut you open, didn't she? She removed your Core? Is that what happened? Was your Core the price you paid for Jiang WanYin's security in the Supervisory Office?"
"No!" Wei WuXian screamed. "No. That's not what happened. She didn't torture me. I asked her to do it. I forced her to do it."
Lan WangJi's hands curled into fists. "You forced her to cut your Core out? To what end?"
"None of your business. I did what I had to do."
"To survive, yes, you've said that. Were they going to kill you if you didn't allow them to cut you open? How would removing your Core help you to survive?"
"You wouldn't understand."
"Tell me! Make me understand!"
Wei WuXian stared at his friend, who was glaring right back. At least this feels more like our normal. Not like kissing earlier. He wanted to say... so many things. The truth, even. Maybe. Would you understand? I had to do it. He was dying. I couldn't just let him die. I couldn't do that to ShiJie. Nor to his parents; I owed them so much. And then I killed them. What is my Core when compared to all of their lives? Jiang Shushu saved me from a life of poverty, crime and possibly dying before I was ten. I owed him my life. "I owed Jiang Shushu a life debt. I paid him back with the only thing I owned." He could feel himself trembling again, that spiraling void that had embraced him earlier in the day dragging him into its abyss.
And then strong arms wrapped around him again, holding him tight. Holding him together. "WangJi understands," whispered into his ear.
"What do you understand?"
"Sometimes Wei Ying says 'I did what I had to do to survive', and he means 'I did what I had to do for someone else to survive'."
Hello readers!
This chapter is as promised to DrgDragon who read the last chapter 4 times. FOUR!!!
I've been choosing chapter titles from LWJ's words. I think that this particular chapter title is oh, so applicable to everything WWX and LWJ do to each other before they actually get together. Especially WWX.
I hope you enjoy the chapter.
- Aitch.