A tangled web of emotions raged inside me. On the one hand, I was disappointed and angry with Sebastian and wanted to send him to hell. On the other hand, I loved him so much that the thought of losing him was unbearable. We broke away from the embrace. Sebastian wanted to kiss me directly, but I backed away. He looked at me in dismay. "You don't want to kiss me?" His voice was filled with pain. "S-Sebastian, I..." I shook my head slightly and looked down. "I can't." "What do you mean you can't?" His voice broke at the last words. "We've kissed many times before; why can't you now?" Using his thumb, he lifted my face to look at him and looked at me with tear-filled eyes. "I need some distance," I said, barely audible. "It's complete chaos inside me right now. I don't know what to feel." Should I love Sebastian? Should I despise him? Or even pity him? Should I hate him? Or could I feel everything at once? And if so, which feeling prevailed? And would that change? And when or how often? "B-But... You... We... We just got together," Sebastian breathed. I gently placed a hand on his cheek. "And I'm not breaking up with you right away." The thought of that broke my heart. "But I need some time to sort out my thoughts and feelings." I took a deep breath. "I think it would be better if we stay away from each other for a few days." Tears silently ran down Sebastian's cheeks. He said nothing and just nodded. The need to immediately pull him into my arms, kiss him and tell him that everything would be okay and that I loved him more than anything made my chest tighten. But I fought it. Instead, I got up and emptied a few things off my bedside drawer. "You can sleep here if you want. I can understand if you don't want to see Ominis anymore today. I'm sleeping in my dorm." No answer, just a sad nod. On the way out, I squatted in front of Sebastian again and stroked his face. "Please don't do anything stupid." Then I left the Room of Requirement and the Slytherin I loved indefinitely.
I fought back tears on the way to the common room. I didn't want everyone to see that I was sad. "Well, look at that! What a rare guest!" Leander Prewett's disgusting voice greeted me as I crawled through the hole behind the fat lady's portrait. "Shut up, Prewett," I snapped at him as I passed, storming up the stairs to my dorm room. I've probably never been happier about the spell preventing boys from entering the girls' dormitories. When I got to the dormitory, I carelessly threw the bag with my belongings into the corner and tossed myself onto my bed. I was finally able to give in to the tears.
A little later, I picked myself up. "That was a mistake," I said to myself, hurrying back to the Room of Requirement. How could I be so stupid and leave Sebastian? Now, when he needed me most? In marriage, it is said, "in good times and in bad times". So why shouldn't the same apply to a new relationship? My chest tightened. I was the worst girlfriend in the world. With long strides, I hurried towards the bare wall in the astronomy tower. The door took forever to become visible enough for me to slip through. Then, finally, I rumbled into the Room of Requirement and further into the bedroom, where Sebastian was still crouching in front of the bed. He looked terrible, and seeing him like that broke my heart again. "Sebastian, it was a mistake," I sobbed. I hadn't even noticed that I had started crying again. Or was I still crying? "I'm sorry." Sebastian reached out to me, and I stumbled into his embrace. "I love you," I mumbled against his neck. Sebastian answered something I didn't understand. Then I woke up.
I didn't know how much time had passed. Apparently, I fell asleep crying at some point. A hand on my shoulder shook me awake. "Hey, Y/N, wake up!" Natty's worried voice brought me back to the cruel reality I didn't want to be in. I wiped my wet eyes sadly. I continued to cry in my sleep. Natty immediately noticed something was wrong and hugged me without saying a word. The last dam finally broke in the embrace, and I cried uncontrollably into Natty's shoulder. The Gryffindor stroked my back soothingly. "If you want to talk, I'm here, Y/N." "What time is it?" I asked, sobbing. "8 in the evening. You missed the banquet. I haven't seen you all day and thought maybe you were out with Sebastian. But when you didn't show up for dinner either, I got worried and then Leander made a stupid comment in which he made fun of the fact that you showed up in the common room again and weren't in a good mood. I'll spare you the exact wording. I would have liked to set his ass on fire for saying that." Natty's words made me smile. She had it all under her belt. "By the way, I brought you something." With that, Natty pulled out a small bundle and placed it in my hand. Eyebrows raised, I fiddled with the layers of napkins and paused before giggling a little. Natty had made me some kind of holiday sandwich. Instead of toast, she had pressed the mashed potatoes together tightly, put a few vegetables and a slice of roast on top, dressed it with gravy and finished the whole thing off with a second improvised mashed potato toast. "You should eat something," she explained. "And that was the easiest and cleanest way to get dinner to you." "Thanks, Natty. That's really nice of you, but I'm not hungry." I was about to put the "sandwich" on my bedside table, but Natty grabbed my arm. "Y/N, you eat something now. If I'm right, the last time you ate anything was this morning. And I don't want to watch you starve because you're sad." My friend gently squeezed my arm for a moment. "So please eat now." Sighing, I gave in and took a bite of Natty's creation. It tasted surprisingly good, even though everything was already cold. Only then did I realize that I was hungry. "Thanks, Natty," I smacked honestly and enjoyed my meal.
"Would you like to talk?" Natty asked when I had finished eating. I wanted so badly to tell Natty everything, but I couldn't. I briefly considered how I could hide the fact that Sebastian had used the Cruciatus Curse on Ominis and later forced me to use the curse on him. After all, that was the reason for my heartache and our concise relationship that was put on hold. "We had an argument," I said simply. That was part of the whole story, after all. "But you were so happy this morning. Sebastian gave you such a romantic gift, and you seemed so in love. What happened?" If I tell her this, I can personally take Sebastian to Azkaban. Natty seemed to notice my inner conflict and placed a reassuring hand on my knee. "You don't want to talk about it, and I respect that." There was silence between us for a moment. "And what's next for you two?" she asked cautiously. I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know," I admitted. "I told him I needed time and distance to sort out my feelings. Damn, Natty, he just asked me this morning if I wanted to be his girlfriend, and less than two hours later, I don't know the answer anymore?!" Another flood of tears shook me. Natty stroked my arm. "Then take the time you need to be clear about what you want." "And what if I take too long, and then Sebastian doesn't want me anymore?" I sobbed. "Then you have to accept that. But if he really loves you, he will wait for you." Natty was right. Sebastian didn't do things by halves. Neither his actions nor his feelings were half-hearted, which gave me hope. Sniffling, I wiped the tears from my face and nodded. "We should sleep now. The world will look different tomorrow," suggested Natty. I shook my head. "I slept half the day. I'm stretching my legs a bit. Maybe a little fresh air will help me think more clearly." "Okay," the Gryffindor answered. "But don't get caught after curfew." She winked at me playfully. We both knew this wasn't my first time wandering around the castle at night.
The curfew wasn't in effect yet, so I could walk through the castle in peace at first. I had no specific destination and just let my feet carry me. I wandered around for quite a while before I found myself in the Astronomy Tower. Of course. I resisted the urge to go into the Room of Requirement and instead climbed the stairs to the telescopes. When I reached the top, I leaned on the railing. The cold December wind blew through my hair and under my clothes. A jacket might not have been a bad idea here after all, and I cursed under my breath that I still hadn't mastered that spell. I shivered but ignored the cold. This was exactly what I needed right now. Except for the rustling of the wind and the occasional hooting of hunting owls, it was as quiet as a mouse on the tower. I let my gaze wander into the distance and enjoyed the peace. I closed my eyes for a moment. "You're catching a cold," a male voice came from behind me, and I spun around, startled. Amit stood in front of me with his telescope in his hand and a worried expression on his face. With a wave of his wand, the Ravenclaw conjured a warm blanket around my shoulders. "You should always be wrapped up warm when stargazing," he told me. "Thank you, Amit." I smiled at the black-haired man and wrapped the blanket tighter around me. He waved it off. "Don't mention it." With a curious look, Amit tilted his head. "Are you here to watch the shooting star shower too?" I looked at him in surprise. "There's a shooting star shower tonight? I'm actually just here by chance." Amit came next to me at the railing. "I do not think so. You may think that coincidence brought you here. But I think it was your subconscious. You wanted to be here." If only you knew how right you were. He shrugged. "That, or it was the stars that guided you." A mischievous grin crept onto his lips. He knew full well that I didn't think much of astrology. Laughing softly, I elbowed him. "It was probably my subconscious." We looked at each other briefly before Amit tore his gaze away. "There! It begins!" With a glow on his face, the Ravenclaw pointed to the night sky. Curious, I looked at the stars and caught a shooting star just going out in the sky. Amit set up his telescope and adjusted it to see the shooting stars even better. A glowing tail kept flitting across the sky and captivated us both. "Here, you're welcome to take a look, too." Amit sat up and pointed to his telescope. I gratefully accepted the offer and took a look through the eyepiece. It took a moment before I caught a shooting star. I could see them much more clearly in the telescope. The burning stone fragment rushed through the night, leaving a trail of sparks behind it. Then, it gradually burned away until nothing was left of the rock. "That's impressive," I marvelled. "Yes, isn't it?" Amit's face was still beaming with joy, and it infected me. For the moment, I forgot my grief. "It is also said that you can make a wish when you see a shooting star. However, you must not say the wish out loud. Otherwise, it will not come true," explained Amit. I sat up again and rested my elbows on the railing. "Have any of your wishes ever come true?" I asked him sceptically. Amit shook his head. "Not yet. But it doesn't say anywhere when the wish will come true. So that can still happen at any time, right?" His optimism was impressive. Another shooting star flew past. "Quick! Make a wish!" I closed my eyes and made a wish for the first thing that came to mind. I wish everything will be fine. When I opened my eyes again, the shooting star faded into the dark blue of the night sky.
The following day, I set off for breakfast with Natty. The evening with Amit had given me a little hope and relieved me of some grief. However, I could only sleep at night with the help of the calming drops. Every time I drifted off to sleep, I had dreamed of Sebastian. Either they were nightmares that he didn't want me back, or something was happening to him, or they were beautiful dreams that only fueled my longing for him and my doubts about my decision.
Natty and I entered the still festively decorated Great Hall. My gaze wandered over the sparsely occupied tables and stopped at the Slytherin table. Ominis and Anne sat together and had breakfast. Anne kept looking worriedly at Sebastian, who had found a lonely place at the end of the table. "Come on, let's sit with Amit," Natty suggested, heading towards the Ravenclaw table. The table was next to the Slytherin table, and Amit was sitting at about Sebastian's height across from him. I collapsed on the bench next to Amit. So, I was able to observe Sebastian very well. He looked like he hadn't slept. His eyes were in deep shadows, and his hair was even messier than usual. The sight made my throat tighten. An icy hand closed around my heart and squeezed tightly. "Did something happen?" Amit asked next to me in surprise. "Why aren't you sitting with Sebastian like you always do?" Sighing, I slumped my shoulders and blinked away the tears that were gathering in my eyes. "I don't want to talk about it, Amit." The Ravenclaw nodded briefly and turned to his breakfast. With a gentle smile, Natty placed a pancake on my empty plate. "At least eat that." "I'm not hungry," I repeated my answer from the previous evening. "Eat, or I'll make you!" Natty's tone became stricter, and I was startled. I only knew that tone of voice from her mother. "Yes, yes! My goodness!" Reluctantly, I separated a piece with my fork and popped it into my mouth. My eyes wandered back to the Slytherin table and met Sebastian's. He looked at me with sad eyes. I quickly looked away, blinking to keep from bursting into tears. My whole body screamed for him, wanted to run to him immediately and simply forget the last few hours. But my head said that would be a stupid idea. I kept looking at Sebastian, who didn't take his eyes off me the entire time. Not only did he not seem to be sleeping, he also didn't seem to be eating, which only made me worry more.
Suddenly Anne sat next to him and talked to him. After she gave him a stern look, Sebastian began to chew on a piece of toast. "Wait, who is this girl?" Amit asked, completely perplexed. "She looks familiar, but I can't place her." "That's Anne, Sebastian's sister." Amit's eyes widened. "Didn't she become seriously ill? That must have been about two years ago, if I remember correctly. Has she been cured?" "No, no cure has been found yet," I explained. Then I noticed Anne get up and come to me. "Can we talk?" It wasn't a request. It was more like a command wrapped up in a friendly question. With a strange feeling in my stomach, I got up and followed the Slytherin to the door. The brunette turned to me with a sigh. "What happened between you two? Sebastian is exhausted and doesn't want to tell me anything. Instead, he isolates himself completely." I reflexively crossed my arms over my chest. "There's just a total chaos of emotions inside me! I don't know what to feel or think. That's why I told Sebastian I need time to sort myself out." My voice became thinner and thinner. "But why? About the Ominis thing? We've already explained that to you," Anne asked in a patient tone. I shook my head. "It's not just because of that. When I found him, he had been drinking and was in the process of hurting himself. And then he begged me, forced me, to use the curse on him so that he would realize what he had done to Ominis and me with it." "Wait a minute!" Anne's eyes widened. Then she stopped momentarily, cried out in pain and doubled over. She sank to the floor and leaned her back against the wall. I looked at her helplessly. "I'm fine," she assured. "What do you mean, Ominis AND you?" Fuck! Of course, she doesn't know anything about the scriptorium! I took a deep breath and sat next to her. "You probably won't like this. We were looking for a cure for you in Salazar Slytherin's scriptorium, and one obstacle was using Crucio on someone. We were trapped. There was no way back. Ominis refused, so only Sebastian and I remained. I couldn't use the curse on your brother, so he cast it on me." Anne's eyes grew more extensive, and her face turned red. "It had to be done," I assured her firmly, placing my hand on hers. "Otherwise, we would have died in this chamber." The brunette next to me nodded. "I understand. I'm sorry you guys went through that because of me." She threw her head back and looked at the ceiling. "Damn, Sebastian is such a stubborn ass." Anne took a deep breath before turning her head towards me. "I understand that you need to sort yourself out and some distance from my brother. But please don't torture him unnecessarily for too long." "I don't intend to do that. It's really not easy for me to stay away from him," I explained sadly. "Good. And if it helps you in your decision: Sebastian didn't just give these" Anne reached for the chain around my neck. "...to you like that. He probably already told you it was a gift from our father to our mother. To the engagement, to be precise. The rose quartz represents unconditional love, and Sebastian truly loves you more than anything else in this world." She slumped back against the wall and chuckled. "Merlin, how he wrote about you in every one of his letters and raved to my ears every time we saw each other. You really impressed my brother. He's never been so in love. Although sometimes it could get very annoying when he just talked about you." Anne smiled gently at me. "Sebastian would do anything for you." "Then he should wait until I have sorted myself out and am sure what I want," I replied. "He will. I'm sure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey, here I am again :D Relaxed and full of inspirationPhew, that chapter wasn't easy either. What do you think will happen between the two of them?