I woke up in a room with dim lights. And, the essence and scent were comforting. I tried to force myself to get up and blink my eyes because it felt as though they were glued shut. But as soon as I straightened my back and stretched my legs, I felt a pain in my head.
"Ow!" I hissed and hinimas himas ko pa eto.
I suddenly remembered what happened. Every single scene was being played back in my mind and I was silently panicking.
"What did I d-"
"I said STOP!" I heard a familiar voice shouting just outside the room.
"Move." A calm voice, I was shaking in panic as soon as I immediately realized who it was.
"This is MY property, MY HOSPITAL. One call from the security and you'll be pulled outside. Are you really testing my patience?" It was obviously a voice with infuriating tone.
"Oh please I know your motives, Jones. And if you're really going to call the security, you should have done it by now."
"And I know your motives too. You may be years ahead of me but you can't fool me. Hindi ako tanga, I don't know why people worship your kind. Pretty face? Billionaire? Do they even know how disgusting you are? People die because of you. They died thinking you care. Shame on-"
And I heard a loud bang on the door then it suddenly opened. Nakita ko kung paanong napatayo nang mabilisan si CJ na natumba yata sa sahig. She was about to stop her walking towards me but she saw me and immediately started acting like nothing happened.
"Gising ka na pala...how are you feeling?" Tungo kagad saken ni CJ at umupo eto sa gilid ko habang tinititigan ang ulo ko.
I didn't respond. What I heard- I don't even know what to say. What are they talking about?
"Kakain ka na ba? I can get you some, ano gusto mo?" Tanong ulit ni CJ.
What is she doing here? And why would she look at me like this again? Damn it.
This is bullshit. I'm so upset that I don't ever want to see her again. But I also want her here and to look at me, why am I like this? Why do I feel this way?
"Evasco."
There. I'm desperately wanting to hear it, just like how she used to say it before. Way back when things weren't that great but also not bad.
I looked directly into her eyes and somehow I was hoping that there'll be something...or a sign that she's here because she cares for me but I saw nothing except how I was merely a lowly person in front of these people.
Who am I even to be with them?
I know that already but I still ignored it before because there are some of them that treated me differently with genuine intentions. Or is it really?
"Evasco-are you listening?"
Biglang natauhan ako nang bigla netong inilapit ang mukha neto sa direction ko at hinawakan bigla ang kamay ko na ikinawala na naman ng isip ko..
Hindi ako nakasagot at napatitig ako sa kamay netong nakahawak pa rin sa kamay ko na bigla din netong kinuha nang mapansing wala sa isip na nakapako pa din ang mga mata ko sa kamay neto.
"Jones, can you give us a moment to talk?" Utos neto kay CJ na tumitig saken upang tingnan siguro if magiging okay lang ba ako and at the end wala naman siyang choice kundi lumabas.
"We need to-"
"Cut it. Are they suspending me or completely kicking me out?" I said as if I don't care but I'm actually really scared.
Please don't let me.
Please.
"You're suspended for a week. You picked a fight with the elite athlete members and other students." She calmly said but it seems like she wants to say something that I'm not sure about.
"Okay." Sagot ko din na parang balewala lang but deep inside I was already thinking about how to explain this to Nanay.
And thank god they're not going to kick me out.
I was trying to act cool and tough but I want her to say something or maybe say something about us. Does she also think about us?
"Y-yung gamit mo sa bahay an-" I was stuttering trying to get her attention explaining her stuff na nandun pa sa bahay but she immediately cut me off.
"My driver will be there to pick it up tomorrow." Tipid netong sagot na biglang ikinahina't ikinabagsak ng katawan ko.
I was only trying to mention it na inayus ko't nilagay yung iba sa cabinet ko to maybe let her know na she can come back anytime, but why?
Nanginig bigla ang buong katawan ko na tila ba naubusan ako ng lakas at halos napatitig na lamang ako sa kawalan. I want to cry pero sa sobrang sakit hindi ko alam kung bakit ni isang luha ay hindi makalabas sa mga mata ko na ngayon ay nakatitig na sa mga mata neto.
Please say you don't mean it.
I felt my whole world was sucked out and thrown into the void. I couldn't even move.
No-I can't...
I want you.
Please don't let someone tattoo your name on their skin. Please don't let someone paint you while you sleep. You can have me, engrave your name all over my body. I will do anything, please take me back.
These are the words that my mind has but I can't say.
She said to trust her because she's gonna fix everything, right?
I don't understand what she said before but I will do anything she asked me to.
If I could just pull all of the strings and fibers of this universe to bind her to my very being, no second would be wasted.
"Evasco...I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean to hurt you. We can't stay like this anymore. I know I don't have the right to say anything after what happened but please know that I was not in my right mind before and I was blinded with emotions.."
So, this is what real pain feels like, huh?
It's so unfair. I wanna scream out loud but I can't even say anything.
My heart was crumpled and my mind was stuck in a void of space that I was trying to escape from but I'm trapped. This pain felt like I would be in it for eternity.
"I should go now. Professor Xavier will be escorting you to your contest. You're only suspended but you're still going to represent the school." Dagdag neto at akmang tatayo na sana eto nang bigla ko etong hinawakan sa kamay na ikinagulat naman neto.
"You forgot this.." tukoy ko sa engagement ring na binigay neto. She suddenly averted her eyes on my finger with the ring.
"I gave it to you. Do whatever you want with it. I don't plan on having it back."
Napabitaw ako bigla sa pagkakahawak ko sa kamay neto at pilit na napangiti.
"I love you." I mumbled as I was trying to hold my tears that was trapped inside of my eyes and chest.
Those are the only words that came out of my mouth desperately wishing this will make her stay.
"Alexandra, I can-"
"I said I love you. But I don't plan on being with you. Just like what you said, it was a mistake." Saad ko trying to act it all out.
I immediately took off the ring and handed it to her.
"You gave this to me but this was never mine in the first place."
I wonder if there is even a moment she ever felt us.
In the end, a perfect world is only for those who believe life is short. No, it is never short when you're in pain. It becomes longer and longer when you're in endless suffering. You might wish you had never met someone or anyone.
After almost an hour, I begged and requested CJ to take me home because I feel like I'll never be able to rest properly there. So much has happened and I'm just not in my right mind to do anything.
"Are you sure you're okay?" tanong ulit ni CJ.
"Magfocus ka nga sa pagdrive. I'm trying to sleep here." Sagot ko trying to ignore her.
"What did she say to you?" Biglang seryusong tanong neto bigla.
"You shouldn't have trusted any of them. Am I not enough?"
Hayss, what is she even talking about now?
"Please let me sleep." Tipid na sagot ko.
"Damn it! I will make them pay if they do something to you, I swear." Galit na usal neto't biglang ramdam ko kung paanong bumilis bigla ang sasakyan.
"Can you slow down-ah!" Biglang nagpreno eto kung kaya't napausad din kaming dalawa nang biglaan.
What the heck is wrong with this woman?
"Are you trying to get us killed??!" Pasigaw kong usal dahil sa kaba.
"I'm sorry."
Damn it. We're both not in our right minds.
*Phone ringing*
Agad kong sinagot naman ang tawag at nakitang si Nanay pala iyon kung kaya't napaayus ako bigla sa pag upo.
"Anong oras na, asan ka?!" napalayu ko bigla ang phone ko sa tenga.
Eh? Wait...
"Pauwi na po, bakit po?" Inosente kong sagot.
"Sa labas ka talaga matutulog mamaya. Yung mga bata gutom na gutom, hindi mo ba pinapakain ang mga to?"
Luh
"Nakauwi na po kayu?"
"Aba'y malamang!"
"Si Ate Elise po? Kamusta?"
"Ayun sa kwarto mo nagpapahinga. Dito sila muna't wala pang mga pagkain dun sa bahay nila.."
Thank goodness she's okay now. Ilang araw din akong nag overthink. I hope she'll be completely okay soon.
After the call, I immediately mentioned to CJ na nakauwi na sila Nanay and she was even more excited than me kaya't pinaharurot neto na naman kagad ang kotse neto.
This woman, ugh!
I felt so much pain today, but I should focus more on myself now.
Mayamaya pa'y dumaan kami sa S&R at dun bumili si CJ nang pangbarangay na pagkain na naman gosh iilan lang naman kaming kakain. Recovery party daw for Ate Elise.
After a long ride, we finally got home. I immediately got out of the car and tinulungan si CJ sa mga boxes ng pizza at iba pang pagkain na inorder neto. Buti na lang di mabigat.
Nauna akong pumasok sa gate pero nang akmang bubuksan ko eto ay bigla etong automatic na nag open na para bang iniwang nakabukas, weird.
"Hurry up. Ikaw na magsarado?" Tanong ko kay CJ na nasa tabi pa ng car neto na tumango naman kagad.
I'm excited pero takot ako baka salubungin ako ni Nanay bigla ng di tsinelas, walis tambo sa lagay kong to. Tigre ba naman yun.
Nabuksan ko kagad ang pinto sa kusina at nakitang nakalatag ang parang bagong luto na ulam yatang sinabawan yun na nandun kaya napangiti kagad ako.
Agad kong pinuntahan ang sala and I can hear the TV playing.
I silently walked...Gugulatin ko to, aha!
"NANA-"
I froze.
Nan-Ki...Ki....
No...
No...
I felt my whole body weaken and cripple, making me walk heavily as I trembled, trying to hold my mother's face, which was covered with blood, and her neck was slit, blood is still leaking. I couldn't move, feeling the twins beside me soaked in blood as well. Both of their stomachs were completely covered in red.
"Xandra, where ar-!!"
As I watched CJ collapse, a part of me wanted to join her in oblivion. But there I stood, frozen, while chaos swirled inside me. My mind was a mess - I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even run. My hands were coated with a thick, warm reality I couldn't shake off. I tried to focus on them, but my eyes just wouldn't clear up. The shaking started deep inside me, rattling through my bones until I found it hard to even catch my breath.
I shuffled to a corner, feeling like a child trying to hide from the dark. I wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to squeeze the fear out, trying to breathe away the images that would be etched in my memory forever. And there, huddled in on myself, a cold thought whispered through the shock - revenge. It wasn't loud or fully formed, just a distant echo that my mind is now fixed to listen to.
Once time passes, it never returns. So is ruining me.
....
Hey, you guys hehe I miss you all :)
Sorry for the long wait, I hope you're all having a great weekend ❤️