Beautifully Broken by Boy Sompob (official music video 2021)
https://youtu.be/TGLJWn478Pc
Clifton's POV.
It was after dinner and we lay on the sofa in the lounge, entwined in each other's arms. We were watching a Thai film that Xander had previously downloaded called My Bromance - The Movie. Despite there being subtitles, one thing I usually hated, I was enjoying it. In fact our last full day had been quite enjoyable all round.
We had spent most of the day recording in the studio. Marcus was actually as good as Xander had said he would be regarding the technical workings of the equipment and we achieved everything we wanted without too much trouble. We recorded our original compilation with me on piano and Xander on guitar then recorded various backing tracks separately, giving us some really cool options.
I was pleased and I know Xander was too, even though he had seemed rather subdued and uptight most of the time. He had warned me before that he and Marcus didn't get on and I had sensed some animosity between them in the way that they conversed and acted with each other. It was polite and friendly enough but there was no warmth in either of their expressions and a distinct frostiness in their demeanour.
I had found Marcus pleasant enough. He had been polite and friendly towards me although I could feel some reservation in his manner whenever we had spoken. That had eased as the day had gone on.
Amelia, however, had been a downright nuisance right from the word go. She flirted with me something chronic and only desisted once Marcus had upset her saying that she was being a right pain and was in the way. She had headed back over to the farmhouse almost tripping over her bottom lip as she sulked.
Once she had gone and Marcus and I were alone in the control room, he had been much more relaxed and had asked me many more questions. None too personal, just general questions that one asked when meeting someone for the first time.
I answered politely, but fairly reservedly, and had taken it as a compliment when he said I was way too normal to be a friend of Xander's. I had waited for him to expand on that but he didn't and as I wasn't keen to push it I just let it go.
It was only after Marcus had gone back to the farmhouse, leaving us to do the final editing and mixing, that Xander had completely chilaxed.
"Do you want anything?" Xander asked, as he untangled himself from me and stood up once as the film finished. "Drink or some snacks?"
"You haven't got a secret stash of beer hidden somewhere, have you?" I asked, knowing full well I had previously seen some bottles in the fridge downstairs."
He smiled. "It's not a secret stash but there's some we keep ready for any guests."
"Well that's okay then, isn't it? I'm a guest....., technically at least."
Xander's face lit up. "Of course you are and, as Nana always says 'Guest is King', I feel duty bound to offer you one. Fancy some Pringles to go with it?"
I nodded of course, who wouldn't? Xander soon returned with a tube of Pringles and a couple of bottles of Estrella Galicia beer each.
"I'm sure we can get away with just having two each without getting a bollocking," he said with a big grin on his face as he slumped down beside me, "and I can always blame Marcus as he has past form for pinching a few."
"What is it between you and Marcus? I could smell the tension."
He gave a big sigh. "I'm sure it's because he's envious of me. We used to be close, we even shared a bed when we were young as he's only a year younger than me. We were typical boys, getting into trouble doing the typical things that boys do. Nothing serious, mind, just generally letting off steam and mucking about. Nana and Bamps had always been fairly strict with us but it all changed after I was injured. They made allowances for me but were just as strict with him as they had always been...., and I think he resented that. He says I'm spoilt."
"I didn't get the impression that he was jealous of you." I interjected. "He wasn't derogatory about you at all but I sensed there was this awkward tension between you."
"I know something happened at his boarding school with one of his friends and an Asian kid and I got tarred with the same brush."
"You mean something sexual?"
"Yeah.... I'm not sure exactly what happened but with that, and his dad filling his head with nonsense about some Thai boys' sexuality...., you know the old ladyboys chestnut..., well...., it was enough to put the wind up him. He now seems to think all Asian kids swing both ways. As I've never had a girlfriend he obviously thinks that now I'm some sort of threat."
I don't know why I said it but I did. "And are you?"
"What?" Xander exclaimed, sitting up and looking right at me.
"A threat..... He's a good looking kid, nowhere near my type but still a good looker."
"You ARE joking, right?"
"No! Maybe he senses you're gay and can't handle it. You never know."
"What has he said to you?" Xander demanded. "You were alone in the control room with him so he must have said something."
"Nothing untoward.... Honest. All he said one time was that I was way too normal to be a friend of yours...., that's all. I took it as a compliment."
Xander scowled. "Uncle Thomas is a racist pig. I don't like him. Because he's the eldest he thinks he can say and do what he likes and Dad has had to put up with that for years. I found something out tonight that I will use against him if he ever lets his mouth run away with him again in the future."
Xander began to relay to me more of the discussion he had had with his father. I knew that there had to be more than he had told me last night and I had respected the fact that he probably had wanted to get all sorted out in his head before he told me. I listened in silence as he explained to me all about his father's accident and his medical condition.
Everything was making more sense now and could tell a burden had been lifted from him. I felt honoured that he was sharing such personal information with me. It made me realise how much he loved and trusted me. However, it irked me that there had been so much secrecy surrounding his, and his fathers condition by his whole family. If only they had been more open and honest with him then maybe Xander's life could have been less stressful for him.
As they say up in Yorkshire 'There's nowt so queer as folk!'
I made a mental note to secretly Google the condition, fingers crossed that I could even spell it.
Xander's POV.
Cliff kissed me on the forehead as I snuggled down again with him. I did feel some sense of relief having told him everything and he hadn't attempted a runner. I was grateful that he listened without interrupting. I knew he would have questions to ask but now wasn't the time. I still wasn't sure how I felt about everything myself and having to answer questions would have stressed me. From his silence I took it that he understood this and once again proved that my love for him wasn't misplaced. He was definitely the one for me.
"I hope our trip to my family ends up as successful as this," Cliff suddenly remarked out of the blue, "but I think we need to brace ourselves for a possible storm."
"That sounds really ominous. What exactly are you going to tell them?" I asked, wondering how far he would actually go.
"I'm toying with the idea of telling them the whole truth. I can't explain it, but for some reason I think deep down they must know. Even if Dad doesn't...., Mum must."
"At best I would have thought they might suspect." I suggested. "Mum's usually have this weird thing about knowing things that don't make sense to anyone else. I know you said she likes a drink and that but maybe if you sounded her out first it might help you get a feel of things before you come out and hit them with it, straight, bang between the eyes. The real Clifton's predicament is of his own making and you're the one with the future...., not him."
Cliff pushed me out of our embrace and sat up "How the hell do you know that's what I've been thinking! I'm in two minds what to do and with him not visiting us is bugging me. I just need to run things by him...., to let him know that I love him but I have to do what is best for me."
"Maybe he's already worked it out for himself?" I answered. "Maybe that's why he's staying away?"
"Can't you meditate and try to find him?"
"You know it doesn't work like that. It's him that finds us. I've never gone looking for him...., or anyone else for that matter."
"What if I give you something of his to hold? I saw a programme once where this cute young guy in America held something that belonged to a dead person so he could make contact with them.... He kind of drew things on paper that they said and could interpret them. I thought it weird at the time as I knew nothing about it. It's worth trying, isn't it?"
I admired Cliff's willingness to try something he didn't really understand and felt compelled to at least try. I nodded my head.
Cliff rushed off to the bedroom and came back with a red baseball cap and the photograph that he usually had on display at school. "Try meditating while holding these. If it doesn't work we haven't lost anything, have we?"
I took them and sat on the floor in the lotus position with the cap in one hand and the photograph in the other. I felt a calmness and achieved the state of being at one with my surroundings quickly.
I knew no sense of time. I then felt a touch on my shoulder. It broke my trance and my position.
Cliff coughed. "Ahem! Could you feel him yet?" He sounded anxious.
"Not yet... I'm not sure you can rush these things." I replied, a little frostily.
"Oops! Sawree....!" He looked at me apologetically with a cheeky grin. "You were zoned out for over half an hour and I was busting to know. Last time he came you were hugging me... What if we tried that? Maybe us looking for him together would work. What say you to trying that?"
I wasn't sure what to think. This was totally not what I was used to. Before I could even answer Cliff was sitting between my legs with his back towards me. I wrapped my arms around him, his twin's cap and photograph were still in my hands. Cliff held onto my arms pushing them tightly onto his chest.
"My eyes are closed and I'm ready when you are!" He advised. There was an excited tone to his voice, full of anticipation too,
I closed my eyes.
Clifton's POV.
It seemed like an eternity that we were sitting like that. I had felt a change in Xander's breathing pattern soon after he had started hugging me. I felt comfortable, lying back against his chest, my head resting in the crook of his neck as before. I was falling asleep when the hands around me suddenly hugged me more intensely.
"I don't have much time Clay!" A voice I knew whispered hoarsely in my ear. "I'm losing the strength to visit you so I've come to say goodbye."
I pulled Xander's hand to my lips and kissed it. "I did wonder. I thought you might be staying away because of what you said last time."
"Do you hate me because of what I said?"
"No Clifton.... I don't hate you." I answered as I kissed Xander's hand again. "I was angry, yes, but I do understand you did things because you couldn't help it. If I am honest... you being the way you were has stopped me from making the same mistakes as you. I don't think the same as you and I can be happy being out as gay."
He chuckled. "You have been bitten by love, haven't you? This boy of yours must be something special."
"He is Clifton, he is..., and I'm going to tell Mum and Dad we're together and he's my boyfriend."
"Best make sure you let Dad know you're fucking him and he's not fucking you or you'll be joining me here in purgatory."
"Whatever we end up doing in bed has nothing to do with Dad or anyone else for that matter. It's between us and us alone."
"Good luck with that Bro. He won't be happy with that."
"Maybe not.... He won't be happy knowing that I'm really Clayton either but that's something he's gonna have to come to terms with."
"What the fuck Clay! You can't do that. You promised me." I felt awful. I could feel the anger mixed with disappointment in his voice.
"I'm sorry, Clifton, but perpetuating the lie to Mum and Dad can only lead to more lies and can only bring more trouble to me and Xander. I shall remain as you in name to everyone else...., but I will be true to myself, regardless of how it affects you. It's my life, Clifton, not yours. You made your choices and made your mistakes. It's my right to make mine."
"Why are you telling me this? Why didn't you just do it?"
I squeezed the arms that were slowly losing their strong hold on me. "I was finding it hard to justify doing it without telling you.... That's why. I need you to know why I am doing it. I can feel your pain just like it's my own but I love you Clifton. I always have, and I always will, but not enough to fuck up the chance of having a life of my own. If Mum and Dad hate me then they hate me for being me. Not for being you."
The arms around me tightened once more. "You've grown some real balls, haven't you just? I hope Mum and Dad notice. You deserve some respect for standing up for yourself. Don't be afraid of who you are. You're the one that's going to make it because your heart is strong and full of love. Maybe you becoming you again may release me as myself too. Who knows? But whatever happens, Clay, I will always be the one that loves you no matter what. Until we meet again...., goodbye Bro."
The firm grip around me slackened and I felt his presence leave me.
I felt the warm breath of Xander as he leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. He spoke quietly as he hugged me. "I think that went very well....., considering."