It's a long one. I surely deserve comments for this.
Life sucks. That's all Amina could think of, nothing else.
What happened to those day when she had no worries other than what to write and how to start writing it? Days when she'd rather sit in front of her computer, staring at the empty pages of her manuscript. It wasn't a productive action, but she missed those days.
Now, she can't even tell who she is. She'd lost her identity in this big world of uncertainties, a world where she couldn't foresee how the day will end or at least have a plan for it. Amina felt as though she wasn't even sure what she wants anymore.
Most importantly, she felt lonely. Lonelier than she's ever felt in her entire life. She wasn't sure if it's obvious from a look at her face, but perhaps it really is.
Why? Because Aahil could tell from a single glance. She may not know it, but she's an open book really.
He could tell something was wrong when he saw the look on her face when the elevator doors opened—if the man with his hand raised didn't raise enough alarms that is. He could tell when he placed that cap on her head, and she raised her glossy eyes to look at his—he could've sworn his heart broke into fragments impossible to put together then.
He could tell when he made his way back to the parking lot, and saw her crouched with her arms wrapped around her knees. He could tell...
Even in that moment, as he turned his head around to look at her while the car stopped upon seeing the red light, he watched her despite her looking out the window quietly. She hadn't said a word to him since he came back. She quietly got into the passenger seat and turned her head the other side throughout, her lips set into a permanent frown.
Occasionally, he could see her pulling the overcoat closer to her, pulling the cap down as well, as if she didn't want him to see her face. He would've known had it been she was crying—because he would've heard her sniffing but there was none of that—luckily.
On another note, he wasn't sure if that's a good thing or not. Should it be good news that she isn't crying, or bad news that she's holding it in instead? Whichever it is, he'll figure it out eventually.
With that thought in mind, he changed his destination from where they reside, to somewhere else he has a feeling she would love. The drive would be a bit longer, but he had a feeling she wouldn't mind. She seems to be lost in a trance, her mind was far from there.
Aahil said nothing to interrupt her moment. He simply focused on driving to their destination wordlessly. It went on for about thirty more minutes, but eventually, he found himself parking before the car came a halt.
The action jolted Amina out of her trance, for she found herself turning around to look at him just in time to see him gesturing for her to step out. She could tell that they weren't at home. Where could he have possibly taken them? She wondered.
Her frown deepened if possible, but she didn't argue. She simply did as she was asked, and stepped out of the car as well, pulling the coat closer to her body.
The night air suddenly felt chillier, or maybe it was her mind telling her so but she didn't give much thought to it. Aahil was already a few steps ahead of her, but she didn't mind. She quietly followed him, the location slowly registering in her mind. She hasn't been there before, but she's seen it in dramas and has passed by it during her numerous errands at work.
Aahil came to a stop by the railing, his gaze set ahead. She quietly came to stand beside him, leaving a reasonable amount of distance between them. Her eyes rested on the infamous Han River. There was nothing special about it really, she thought. Or perhaps, she just wasn't in the mood to revere it but still.
She waited for him to say something. Knowing him, he isn't the type to stay quiet, especially not in a situation like that. He would normally prod, till he gets some sort of response. That's what the Aahil she knows would do.
But, he proved her assumptions wrong. He didn't say a thing, much to her astonishment. He simply kept his gaze set ahead, never once turning around to acknowledge her, or do anything that would make her uncomfortable. He believed she preferred the silence, and so, didn't want to burst that bubble for her.
Though truth be told, he was there for something else. Something that's really important and requires him telling beforehand rather than for her to hear it somewhere else. He was glad she slipped her location in the note she left for him—an action she has no idea why she bothered to do but doesn't regret it.
If she hadn't done that, perhaps, he wouldn't have arrived exactly when she needed him. The whole thing played out in her favor that is, him being aware of her location.
Aahil thought of whether to break the news to her or not. She's already going through a lot. He'd rather not add to her problems, even if it isn't something they can ignore. It'll turn up. Earliest, the next day.
So be it. He decided. They should deal with it tomorrow and focus on handling their current issue at the moment. That matters the most anyway.
After a while, when the silence began to bother her, she parted her lips to speak. "Thank you." Her voice came out low, her gaze set on the sea ahead as well.
Why is she thanking him exactly? She has no idea. He didn't exactly do anything, at least, none that she knew aside from showing up in that exact moment when she needed someone. That right there is what he did, and that mattered the most. It weighed above everything else. God knows what would've happened if he hadn't made an appearance then.
"—thank you for...being there." She blew out a shaky breath, her eyes no longer glossy with tears. Perhaps, it was anger weighing over her emotions, or perhaps she was simply fed up with everything at that point that she couldn't even bring herself to cry.
Whichever it is, the tears are nowhere to be found.
Aahil said nothing in regards to her words of gratitude. Instead, he asked something else—something that has been at the tip of his tongue since he found her. "Are you okay?" He inquired softly, still not turning around to look at her.
She suspired, pressing her lips together for a brief second before she clicked her tongue, her response following the action. "No." She admitted, shaking her head in the process. "I'm not okay." She stated earnestly. There's no point in lying anyways, and she didn't feel like it.
She seems to be baring her soul out to Aahil a bit too frequently. It's happening for the second time that week and she has no regrets whatsoever.
He turned his head around to set his gaze on her. She could feel his gaze on her, she could even spot it from the corner of her eyes, but she refused to acknowledge it. She didn't want to see the look on his face. It's probably that of pity, and she wanted none of it.
It might just be her breaking point. She'd rather have none of that.
He remained silent for the next few seconds, before his voice came, as he shifted his gaze back to the sea as well. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Her fingers curled around the cold rail, but she paid no heed to it. Instead, she pondered the question. Does she want to talk about it? Yes, perhaps she does. She's been thinking of it the whole drive, might as well let it out before she runs mad.
She reached her free hand to scratch the spot between her brows, before dropping it. "I want to blame him for hitting on me like that but really..." She blew out a loud breath. "...he was right. I brought it upon myself."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I dressed in a way that gave him the wrong impression." She lifted her head to meet his gaze, coincidentally he had turned around as well, so their gazes clashed. "That's what you've been pestering me about, isn't it? To dress well, and cover up more." Her lips slanted into a bitter smile. "If I had done that, I wouldn't be in this position." To be precise, she wanted to say, had she dressed more decently, no bad person can think of approaching her.
Seemed Aahil had other thoughts though, because his response came, contrary to what she was expecting. "We live in a society where when a woman is assaulted, the first question is always, 'what was she wearing?'. Sure, in your case, it's wrong but since when has it been the one on the receiving end's fault. Why must society find a way to blame those assaulted instead of trying to understand and sympathize with them?"
Amina blinked, his words slowly sinking. Her expression slackened.
He continued. "—a bad person is a bad person regardless. No matter how you dressed, if he had ill intentions, he would've gone on with it no matter what. Is it your fault he's a bad person?" He inquired, his eyes never leaving hers.
She blew out a small breath, his question lingering in the air. She almost ignored it, but the look on his face showed he was waiting for a response. So, she slowly shook her head 'no'.
He nodded, seemingly satisfied with her answer. "Exactly. So, you should have that in mind instead. You are not at fault."
For the first time since they met, Amina saw him in another light. Sure, he has been acting pretty sensible in the past few days, she saw a side she never knew came with the package of being Aahil Tafida but at that moment, he stood out stark—in a good way.
His way of comforting her was truly just what she needed to hear, even if she has more worries that wouldn't allow her to revere in being comforted. They came back to plague her mind.
The thoughts had her sighing again. Tapping the rail lightly, she set her gaze on the sea again before her voice came. "It's bigger than that, really." She admitted, "I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. What am I even doing here? What was I doing there? This isn't what I left home for. I'm going down a path I have no idea where it'll take me."
"What do you want to do then?" Aahil already knew, but he needed her to say it herself. It wasn't in his place to make decisions for her regarding her life, not when he himself couldn't do that on his own.
He could only guide her. And perhaps, in the process, he would find himself as well.
At the thought of an answer to his question, Amina's lips slanted into a warm smile. "I want to write." She admitted. "I want to be a writer." It has been so long since she dusted that dream of hers and acknowledged it. Since she came to Seoul it felt as though she had tucked the dream away and left it to rust on the shelf.
Aahil couldn't explain it. But, there was something satisfying about the look on her face when she said that. It didn't take a genius to see she was proud of that dream of hers, and she's passionate about it as well. "Then go for it." He encouraged lightly. "Be just that."
"Well, I would love to. But..." Amina tried to hide her smile, as she lifted her gaze to meet his. "...someone broke my MacBook and I don't know if you realize this, but it costs a lot." On a normal occasion, she would've been able to afford it.
But in between trying to support herself and living all alone, she doesn't have the expense to spare on that. Plus, she's never been good at writing on her phone. She doesn't even have the time for that.
Aahil didn't miss what she tipped off. His mind went back to that incident, and he found his lips parting in realization. "Oh." He seemed to have forgotten about that small fact.
She didn't press him for him. She simply smiled and looked away, no longer holding any ill feeling towards him regarding anything he'd done to her before. She doesn't have the strength for that. Besides, she could only hold onto things like that for that long.
Eventually, she decides to let it go for the same of her mental health as well.
Aahil's hand went to the back of his head, where he rubbed the nape of his neck. "I'm sorry." He stated earnestly.
Amina's brow quirked, as she threw him a teasing look. Aahil found it fascinating how she's able to change her emotions so easily. "Aahil Tafida apologizing? I never thought I'd live to see the day."
He shook his head. "Well, you did."
She chuckled, turning around to face him fully. Tilting her head to the side, she fixated her gaze on him for seconds longer than necessary.
He found it unsettling, because he narrowed his eyes at her. "What?"
"Nothing." She shrugged. "Just wondering why you're so nice to me lately." That's the one thing she can't point a finger at no matter how hard she tries. "What changed?" Did he get possessed or something?
Aahil remained silent for a while, weighing his response. He thought of the right words to use, before he answered. Normally, it would've taken a lot of hesitation for him to admit it. He found it weird how the answer easily flowed in a soft tone—softer than he ever thought he could speak really. "I guess I decided to stop being childish." He admitted, his mind going back to Benazir's words.
Amina didn't quite get what he meant, but she didn't prod. She dismissed it with a simple, "Good to know" and suspired yet again, her shoulders slacking.
Was he disappointed she didn't ask further? Yes. But, he thought it was better that way. Perhaps, it's too early for her to know. Her sigh indicated that she has yet another worry, and he couldn't help but ask. "What is it this time around?" Aahil knew something has to be bothering her again.
And, he was right. She kissed her teeth, her thumb running over her knuckles. "I'm just wondering how I'll face Veronica at work tomorrow." She admitted, already imagining the hell the woman would put her through. God help her.
His brows furrowed, lips slanted into a frown. "Who is Veronica?" The name doesn't ring a bell. He's certain he's never ran across this Veronica woman.
"My boss." She stated. "the woman that dragged me to that dinner."
Her response only triggered something in him—anger, laced with disbelief. "Wait, you're going back there?" He'd thought it over during the drive, he thought she wouldn't go back to work there. Surely, she could have other options, right? She's talented. She doesn't need to work in a place where she isn't appreciated.
If only it was as easy as he thought it was. "Don't have much of a choice." She suspired for the nth time that night. It seems to a substitute for her tears that never got shed. "I need to work to support myself in case you haven't noticed. She's a shitty person, yes. And the workplace is even shittier, pardon my language, but what I can I do? I'm not at liberty to choose. Beggers can't be picky, you know."
"Don't say that."
"But, it's the truth," She doesn't expect him to understand. She knows little about his circumstance, but she knew they are so different. "I barely got this job. If I give it up, I don't have any other choice. This is all I have. You know, for the first time, I actually wished I had some connection to get me through it." That connection she's being mocked at work for having, she wishes she actually does.
Then maybe, she wouldn't be in this situation.
Aahil thought it over, coming to a conclusion he had been trying to avoid. He turned around to face her fully, his thumbnail digging into his index finger—an action he's fond of when he's nervous. Playing his cards, he decided to try his luck. "What if you do?"
"Huh?"
"Let me be your shield." He offered, his heart hammering behind his ribcage in fear of how she'd take the admission. "I can be that connection for you." He stated honestly, no trace of lark in his tone or anything of that sort.
Amina held his gaze, looking for anything that would show he's simply pulling her leg but there was none of it. Regardless, she didn't give much thought his words, because she chuckled lightly, waving it off. "How would you do that? We have nothing in common."
"But, we can." He pressed. He knew what he's talking about, even if she doesn't. He knew he could be of help to her, if only she'd let him. "You said you wanted some connection, right? Let me be that for you. I will be your shield." That right there, was a confession from him. One that he failed to make countless times before, and even tried to avoid.
Of course, he had to shield it in such a way. But, it was the most he could bring himself to utter without giving himself away completely.
Amina's chuckle halted midway, seeing the look on his face. He wasn't kidding it seemed. Her smile slowly lessened, fighting the urge to look away from holding his gaze due to its intensity.
She wasn't sure what changed then, but she could swear her heart raced at that moment because of him. Her hand that she was using to tap the rail slowed down, eventually coming to a complete halt.
It wasn't normal, she thought. Whatever is going on at the moment is not normal.
As if she wasn't battling enough with her heart, his sultry voice came yet again. Was it her ears? Or did they sound deeper?
"Can I?" He questioned, making her breath falter. "Can I be that one for you?"
Unable to trust her voice, not that her mind was in the right state as well, she could only bring herself to slowly nod her head. What is she nodding to again? She doesn't even know, really.
It didn't matter though. That response was enough for Aahil. Because his face broke out into a full blown smile. The action made his features stand out. She'd never seen it before, but the man certainly is a sight to behold.
Amina's heart dropped at the action, she blew out a shaky breath, as a new realization dawned upon her.
Fuck. This cannot be happening.
She cannot be falling for Aahil Tafida. Can she?
****
I mean it, I deserve comments for this certainly.
This soft love Amina and Aahil have going on is so cuteeeee😭❤️
Aminatu, tell us za truth, are you falling for Aahil? It's like you've forgotten Dean seff like this.
I absolutely adore the next chapter. I find it soothing and healing and stuff😂 idk, it's hard to explain.
I'm nearly about to finish the book, include me in your prayers please let me be able to do so.
Also, the more comments I get, the faster I update so...
Anyways, have a goodnight.
Love, Jannah Mia ❤️