|| Even if it hurts ||
For the umpteenth time in the night, the submissive alpha suffers from a self conflict. After hearing the news of the other's demise, his thinking skills seem to have an apparent but drastic change of deterioration. Sitting on the single couch contemplating his next act, he has forgotten to keep the track of time. Not even receiving the blessing of even a wink of sleep at the night before, his eyes are tired, but they deny the suggestion of closing.
Jackson: "What do you think of doing?" Jackson voices out to him wanting to know of which thoughts, the other's mind is playing with.
Tae: "I don't know. Help me please!" Comes a helpless reply. He truly feels helpless at this very moment. He desires to break all the chains of doubts and run to the other. But the chains are too tangled up in him. They can't be broken anymore.
A sigh leaves the dominant's mouth. He understands the situation. So, he proceeds to push the other up from the darkness.
Jackson: "Will you be happy staying here?"
Tae: "No."
Jackson: "Will you be happy going there?"
Tae: "I don't know."
Jackson: "Do you want to go?"
Tae: "I do!No buts Tae. These buts have suppressed you long enough. Do what you like. Do what you wish to do."
Tae:"But jacks-"
Jackson: "Go there. Not because he is related to you, but because someone is in need of help. You are a social worker. Remember?"
The rushed steps followed. Quick dress up and helped him go as fast as he can to his desired destination. Not minding the road safety regulations that he once thought to be never defied, he quickens his car speed.
With a screech of the tires due to abrupt pulling of break, the car that was speeding like a maniac comes to a stop.
Never had he thought of returning to this very place. As if the memories were of his previous life, they flash in his mind not minding the situation he is in. He needs to go check on what happened, what is happening and what is supposed to happen. But, his brain pampers him to recollect every golden moment he had once spent here.
This is the place he used to call home, years ago. Everything is past now.
The submissive alpha remembers his family. His daughter. Jiyi, in this very short span of time, has become the motive of his existence. No matter what motive of his existence. No matter what the world says, he has pledged to never let go of her. He has another to be her shade in the sun and darkest storms.
Reminding himself that she is safe with Jackson in the house, his pace of walking begins to accelerate.
With single push the door of the house is wide open. The submissive alpha's honey brown orbs begin to trace the empty living room to find a living soul in there. On the call he was informed about the tragedy that is overthrown. But what shocked him more is the time span.
Ziiyi: "I am sorry Tae, I can't keep this a secret anymore. It has been 2 days, yeon is no more. He committed suicide!" Thinking of the words bring a shiver down his spine. A healthy boy who was happy in his life with his family and mate, who received acceptance of what he is, suddenly committed suicide? Why?
They met just a week ago! Why does life force him to face the cruelest of sides? Is his life cursed? Or is he a curse himself?
"Tae!" The familiar voice breaks his ever confusing trance of mind. Ziiyi stands idly infront of the room that once was shared by the two.
Ziiyi: "You're here." She continues.
Tae: "I am. Where is he?" If his heart has faced the most difficult test of letting the love inside himself die, he will say that was nothing compared to what his heart faces now.
Jungkook is alive, yet like a very imitation of a soulless being. His face has paled a lot, it has changed and thinned way more than what he has ever seen. He looks tired, exhausted and lifeless, unblinking, unmoving. He just sits on the bed gazing at his own palms that are suspended weakly on his lap.
He needs to cry, he needs to shout and mourn for the death of his love of life. But his eyes remain drier than the deserts in the world. Bit by bit, Tae feels his shattered pieces of heart to collapse. He doesn't know how much more his heart can handle. He doesn't know what more his life has for him. But, he is sure Jungkook is suffering. Tremendously.
He had left the house, hoping for them to be happy, but fate brings him misery.
Ambling to the weak one he sits on the bed. Gently, very gently holding the pale hands of the dominant alpha he strokes it with affection. He is never supposed to show his buried feelings to the other. He promises himself that this is the last time he does it. The weak man continues to stare at his pair of palms. As if he has no connection to the mortal world, as if his senses are snatched away and thrown in the pit of ever darkness, his form doesn't obey the wishes to move even the slightest.
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Jk's pov
Lost, helpless, frozen he remains like a statue. Even the breathing seems to be difficult, it hurts to breathe every moment every second. Every heartbeat brings him pain, it breaks him up like a toy. He understands, he is worthless, he is a failure, he doesn't deserve a good life.
..... End of pov .....
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The time passes by in a blink of an eye. The weak alpha is given the food but his refusal comes in silence. Not a single grain is touched. His dark circles remain protruding and dark. Finding no other way the submissive alpha proceeds to feed the other. Even when the food is being brought closer to the other's mouth, his lips disobey the command of parting. Thus, the food remains the same, even after several requests.
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The sun has rose up from the horizon. The sun, being energized after a night's rest continues to carry it's grace and glory with full fledged pride. Contrary to the celestial king to alphas sit in the living room discussing.
"What do you plan on doing tae?" Ziyi tiredly asks the submissive alpha sitting opposite to her. Just two days of stress and her beautiful features seem to be in a battle of not changing. Apparently she was informed of the incident on the day of it's occurence. Late at night she was called and the only words delivered to her ears were, "Everything is finished."
On arriving at her best friend's house after receiving the mysterious call, she had found of what the truth was. There were no tears in her best friend's eyes, no sadness, no pain, they just conveyed desolation. They stated that their owner was tired of life. Jungkook didn't refuse when his parents declared him worthless, useless and crude and inefficient. His form, eyes, words had no grudge when he accepted that he is responsible for what had happened.
His eyes didn't shed tears when yeon was being taken away. It was as if he has lost his capability of showing emotions. Ziiyi would be more than happy to care for Jungkook and bring him under her preservation. But, she has a time limit to every single thing that she can do. She lives abroad and is supposed to return their for her job. She can't stay in the country for long. Judging the present situation, his parents will never accept him. Not now at the least.
So, there is only one option, tae has to take Jungkook in his care. But after the turn of events in their life,she hesitates to ask for it. She knows how much the other has gone through, his sufferings, pains and agonies, everything are known to her. But, before she can suggest her view the decision is given.
Tae: "I will take him home. He needs to be anywhere but here." Ziiyi remains shocked for moments but eventually nods. She rethinks of her best friend's mate to be idiotically good. Too good for his own good. Well, she receives an example of what is heard. She nods and accepts the suggestion. No, it is not a suggestion, it is a firm decision.
Tae has a record of withstanding hardest of life moments. He is the kind of person who never gets tired of sadness and pain. No one but he knows that this decision might lead him to the door of hell. But he has reasons. Jackson's supportive, "Remember you are a social worker." and yeon's pleading tone in, "Be with him when I'm gone" Floats in his mind endlessly.
Another reason lies behind the act. No matter how much you deny the truth, how far you keep it away, even if it is locked up in the most secure place in your heart, it still exists.
This truth is love. This love doesn't give him butterflies in stomach, neither does it make him feel tingles, it doesn't make him smile or happy. It hurts, it hurts a sign the needles are being pierced into his raw skin, it is as if he feels burns on his body, it tears him apart.
Yet, this very contrary feeling is love. It is the magnitude of what and how much you can sacrifice. To him, he just has a very clear reason. He still loves his mate and forever will....
I know I'm writing very lame chapter these days. But don't worry I'll write something good for you all 🤧.