chapter's kinda crazy.. if arguing, panic attacks or abusive flashbacks trigger you maybe don't read this...
-kaia's pov-
...
"okay?!?? so just leave me the fuck alone!" i hear kiara shout. she's been arguing with billie for over an hour now and every time i try to intervene in their arguments i get yelled at so i'm gonna let them hash it out.
kiara's been so hostile lately, especially with billie which is confusing because they were just best friends so what billie could have done to make her like that? i couldn't tell you.
every time bil has a day off, they spend it arguing over whatever kiara finds weird that day.
this fight sparked because bil asked her if she wanted anything from the store and kiara just snapped at her, gave her mad attitude which she's been doing, unreasonably since our break in LA.
billie got sick of her shit and told her about herself finally and i guess kiara didn't like that.
"oh my fuckin' god bro, you're blowing mines right now." she says and i hear billie sigh.
her shouting is gonna get us kicked out of this hotel.
"kiara, all i wanted to fucking know was what you wanted from the store bro. you come at me wit all this attitude and it's completely unprovoked like you're just doing the absolute most. if you got a problem wit me just tell me what the fuck it is." billie says in a calm but angry tone which scares me.
"you really wanna know my fucking problem, billie?!?!" she presses and i hear the footsteps of her chunky platforms inching towards billie who's standing in her doorway.
"what, bro." billie says. billie's not an arguer so the fact that she's actually entertaining this and just tryna get her point across shows me just how frustrated she is.
"my fucking problem with you is that you come into my best friend's life, you fuck her up. you break her heart and stitch it back up. then you- then you come to me and- and you make me fall in love with you, too. you make me fall in love with you to remind me that you're dating my best friend." her voice breaks and my heart drops.
she's.. in love with billie? my girlfriend?
"i- you're what..?" billie stutters.
"i'm in love with you, billie. so of course, it doesn't make me happy seeing you love on somebody else even if i love seeing that person happy. it doesn't make me happy because i wish it were me." she sobs and i see billie face palm.
"i'm sorry.. but i don't feel the same. i'm in love with kaia, that's my girlfriend. and i'm gonna be honest, i'm trying really hard to be nice right now because you- you're crying and i'm a terrible comforter but in reality i'm beyond pissed right now. you do realize your best friend, the one you wanna steal me from is listening to us right now? she hears you. she heard you say you don't care how she feels because you want me. and not only that but you've been starting issues with me for damn near 2 months now because you're in love with someone who you know doesn't love you back? don't get me wrong, i love you kiara, you're my friend. or so i thought you were. but thats besides the point. you've been starting these arguments, only adding more stress to the fact that i'm already on tour and just.. fucking shit up because you're too selfish to see that your best friend is happy with me??? are you fucking kidding me???" billie presses in a louder tone but i can tell she's trying to suppress her anger.
billie's a people pleaser. she doesn't like seeing people upset. so the fact she's actually confronting kiara right now instead of just walking away and ranting to me shows that she's actually pissed.
i hear kiara's muffled sobs and i see billie's expression soften. she feels bad but she shouldn't.
fuck how mad billie is, i'm fucking livid.
all this time, all the arguments till 3am, all the panic attacks thats ensued in me. because she's in love with my girlfriend??
fucking bullshit.
"jesus, come here." billie sighs, pulling her in and part of me wants to stop it.
part of me wants to go over there and tell her off.
that part of me leads me over to her room.
that part of me pushes her off billie.
"what the fuck?!?!" she exclaims through her tears.
"don't what the fuck me, do you have any idea the shit i just heard? no way in hell am i allowing you near my girlfriend knowing that clearly you can't be trusted to. matter of a fact, get the fuck out. buy your own room or better yet, get a flight and fly ya ass the fuck home i don't want you here." i say, pushing my fists against her chest and throwing her down to the floor.
"i-i'm sorry.." she cries.
"i'm telling you right now, shut the fuck up
before i wreck ya shit, kiara." i threaten in a low but somehow still loud tone.
"fuck out my face. ion wanna see you." i shout in her face and she hurries up from the floor, grabbing her suitcase and running out the suite.
i run my hands through my hair. the hands that are now shaking.
i just lost my best friend and manager..
what the fuck am i gonna do now.
my breathing fastens and i start to feel the walls closing in on me.
i back myself up to what used to be kiara's bed, tears rolling down my face.
"kaia, baby.." billie grabs my face, wiping my tears that just keep falling.
"baby, you need to breathe.." she grabs my hands.
i shake my head rapidly, now fully panicking.
what if my career falls apart..?
i don't have my best friend..
who do i turn to?
i'm alone.
i was too mean
i fucked everything up.
everything is going black.. i can't hear.. i can't breathe..
billie's voice muffles in my ears, panic filling my senses.
the last thing i feel is billie's hands grab my shoulders and i jump.
his hands grab my shoulders, the scent of alcohol on his breath.
"d-don't hit me, i'm sorry.." i sob. he pushes me up against the wall so hard it knocks the air out of me and i cough.
"you've ruined everything.. she left because of you.." he spits in my face.
"dad.. please.." i beg, trying to steady my breathing.
he cocks his fist back...
*black*
i don't know if i passed out or died or blacked out.. i just feel spacey.
"kaia.. i need you to say something.. please." billie says and i hear the panic in her voice.
i wanna open my mouth but i'm frozen.
"is she okay??" i hear another female voice behind her and as my vision starts to focus again, i see that claudia and finneas are here.
"i-i don't know she was- she was crying and shaking and then she wouldn't answer and then her body just dropped but she was trying to sit up, she wouldn't let me lay her down." i hear billie explaining.
my eyes are wandering all around the room but feel like they're stuck.
"lemme see her." i hear finneas say. billie moves to the side, never letting go of me.
i feel so helpless..
"her pulse is okay, she's breathing, her eyes are.. a little dazed and dilated but that's normal.." he trails off and my eyes close.
when i wake up, i'm in billie arms, her fingers running along my face.
"finn! she's waking up." she whisper yells and finneas makes his way back to us.
"kaia, can you say hi?" he asks and i nod.
billie chuckles. "baby, you gotta say it." she says and i furrow my eyebrows.
"hi." i choke out. my voice feels faded and weak.
"are you okay, angel?" she asks, kissing my forehead and i nod.
"just a little.. tired.." i say weakly.
"i know mama, we gotta get you some food tho." she says sweetly and i shake my head.
"not hungry." i fight.
"just a little something.. please?" she gives me puppy eyes and i physically cannot say no to her pretty face.
"maybe." i agree but don't promise.
-
i pick at the vegan rice and beans in front of me, only having taken three or four spoons.
everything feels so clouded.
i feel like i lost everything. kiara knows everything.. what do i do now?
...
kaia going through it fr... a lot of this chapter was a vent tbh but uh ntm on allat. i have a lot in plan for this book so yeah, stay tuned. sorry again for being so inactive. love you guys <3