11 years old.
I was only right about one thing.
Me and Aziz never got to celebrate our eleventh birthday with happiness.
I couldn't understand the things Anne and Baba talked to each other, but I do understand that things aren't going well, and I know they are not going to be well for a long time.
In next few months, it will be two years since Aziz started getting sick.
Two years since he stopped going to school.
Two years since he stopped playing with me.
Two years since he stopped talking.
Two years since I lost a part of my brother which I know I won't be able to find again.
Doruk's grandmother, she is a kind lady. Just like Doruk says about her. When she heard about us, she visited us and checked on Aziz and Anne who is pregnant.
I heard baba talk to Doruk's grandmother how the doctor suggested that a new born baby's bone marrow will be a perfect match for Aziz.
I didn't knew about Aziz's disease, so I asked Doruk and we both searched on Google on his computer which his father gifted him.
Something happened with him too, something which he refuses to tell me. His blue eyes doesn't smile anymore.
He smiles, but that smile isn't real.
Something is weighing him down and he refuses to tell me, when I try to pry him for answers, he simply denied and said it's nothing I need to worry about.
If he can worry about me then why can't I?
But if he says I shouldn't worry, that means he got someone else to worry about him.
So am I not his friend anymore?
What if he doesn't wants my friendship anymore?
Doruk might get friends but I won't.
"What should we name your sister?" Baba asks as we both stare at the little baby wrapped in a pink blanket through a glass window.
I look at him. "I can name her?"
He nods. "You can."
I smile. "I want to name her Meltem."
Baba smiles, "Summer breeze." He sighs looking at the baby, "I hope all of our worries fly away by the summer breeze."
*******
"Doruk?" I call him as I step inside the main house.
He doesn't comes to our spot anymore. Even his windows were closed last night for the first time in two years. Now I have to fetch him from his room to come out.
And I need him today after being left alone in my house for the whole day yesterday. Yesterday was finally the bone marrow transplant of Meltem and Aziz.
And Anne said, this time both of my siblings would be back healthy and happy.
Hilal, A househelp who lives in the quarter next to us walks towards me as I wander around. "Master Doruk is in his room, Sakina."
"Okay, thank you." I say and skip towards the hallway leading to his room.
"Wait." She hesitates, "I don't think it's best time for you to visit him."
"Why?"
She looks around nervously, "How about you meet him tomorrow? Just not today."
I frown, "But why?"
"Something happened." She says.
"If that is, Then he might need me. I am his friend after all." I don't wait to hear her objections and go towards Doruk's room.
Doruk took me to his room few times and I know he has a room downstairs. His parents used to live upstairs.
"Blue?" I knock on the door. "Come out! You have hidden for too long."
When I get no response, I press my ear to the door and frown hearing frantic shuffling noises on the other side.
When I lean in more, the door pushes open with my weight. I open the door fully and step inside.
"Doruk? Why—"
I look at the mess around the room. Clothes scattered everywhere. And in the middle of the room, there was a open suitcase in which Doruk kept filling clothes.
His eyes snap up to mine and I get taken aback by the redness in his blue eyes.
"What are you doing?" I ask looking at his room.
He wipes a hand on his face. "You shouldn't be here, Sakina."
"Why?" A weight drops in my stomach like it does every time when Aziz screams in pain.
"Because I told you so!" I flinch as he dumps the clothes angrily, "No one listens to me, atleast you do!"
"B-but what are you doing?" I ask already on the verge of tears. "Are you going somewhere?"
He grips the t-shirt in his hand. "Yes."
"When will you be back?" I ask carefully stepping towards him. "Y-you will be back, right?"
When he doesn't answer, I step closer and grip his arm. "You will be back, right blue?"
Doruk closes his eyes. "No."
"No?" I whisper. "What do you mean by no?"
"I won't be back." A tear slides down his closed eyelids.
"But you promised me!" I cry throwing the clothes he just kept in his suitcase. "You promised you will never leave me."
Doruk faces me, his blue eyes glistening with tears, "I am sorry."
"No you are not!" I throw the sun pillow which I gave him when he said he is afraid of the dark.
"I have to go." He repeats again, picking up the sun pillow.
"No! No!" I cry, "No you can't go!"
"Sakina..." he whispers. "You don't understand what is going on. I have to leave."
"I don't care." Tears stream down my face. "You promised me, Doruk. You know you are my only friend."
"I am, I still am." He tries to walk towards me but I walk back. "Please Sakina, trust your friend."
"You are not my friend anymore!" I cry out, "Friends don't leave each other! Friends don't make fake promises."
A tear falls down his eyes. "Gold..."
"I am not your gold!" I snap. "Nor you are my blue anymore! You are a liar!"
"Sakina, don't say that...please." He pleads.
"Will you stay, if I asked you to?" I ask hopefully.
He looks down and shakes his head.
I wipe away my tears. "Then I don't need to hear you."
I run away from his room and he doesn't follows me.
He let me go.
He let go of our promise.
He let go of our friendship.
I run back to the quarters to back to my house.
I need someone who I could talk too.
Someone, anyone.
But when I open the door, it's empty.
No one is there.
Everyone left me alone.
I go to my room and sleep on my bed while I cry holding the last chocolate Doruk gave me two days ago.
He was my friend two days. I was living on the promise he made to me.
But now, there is no friendship and no promise.
I hear a roar of car engine from the main house and I run out of my house again.
I run towards the driveway ignoring the calls of the guards who says I shouldn't be here.
I hide behind the bushes as I see Doruk's father keeping his hand on his head and he looks at the ground with no expressions.
Fear fills in my veins as I see the suitcase he was packing, getting placed in the car.
His grandmother gives his head a kiss and gently guides him to the car.
Doruk looks back at the house one last time before getting inside.
Something bursts in my chest painfully as I see one of the guards closing the car door.
No. No. He can't leave me. He can't. He just can't.
Without thinking, I break into a run and run as fast as I could behind the car.
"Doruk!" I yell out running after the car, "Please don't go! Blue! Please!"
"Girl! What are you doing?" I hear someone yell behind me as I run towards the running car.
I am not fast. The car had already reached the gate.
"Doruk! Please wait!" I yell through my tears, struggling to breathe as I forced my legs to speed up.
Someone grabs me from behind and lifts me up so I couldn't run. "No let me go!" I thrash in their hold.
I see Doruk's head stick out of the window, I could see tears streaming down his face.
"Don't go please! I need you Blue! I need you!" I start sobbing in the strangers arms.
Doruk waves his hand as the car drives past through the gates.
And just like that, he left.
Leaving me alone.
Breaking his promise.
"Sir!" A frantic voice is heard from behind.
"What is it Hilal?"
"I-I got a call from the hospital." Hilal's voice breaks. "I need to take Sakina there."
"I don't want to go anywhere." I thrash in the stranger's arms. "I want to be with my blue, my friend."
"Sakina, my flower." Hilal appears in front me, I notice my feet are on the ground now. She wipes my tears. "We need to go to the hospital."
"I don't want to go anywhere." I cry, trying to pry my hands away from her.
Even Hilal cries, she wipes her tears and holds my face. "Kuzum." Her fingers move to wipe the tears on my face. "Listen to me, I am going to tell you something and you need to be strong."
I sniff and look at her confused. "W-what?"
"Your b-brother.." tears fills her eyes again. "Your brother is.....he is no more." She breaks down.
I feel something going numb inside me. Like no matter how much I try to reach the end of the pain, I can't seem to hold it down.
Hilal holds me in her arms and sobs loudly.
But I stay silent.
The pain, the anger, everything inside me seemed like the same. I don't know how to react.
Hilal keeps tapping my face and calls my name. But I don't respond.
I don't know how to.
That night, I learned if that you don't show emotions, people will stop bothering you.
And I don't want people close to me when I know I will be left alone.
So it will be better if I keep everything inside me and show nothing.
That night, I also learned friendships, promises are nothing.
They are just an illusion.
A fake reality.
****************************************
A/N:-
I cannot tell you how difficult was it for me to write this chapter 😭
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