Jake's P.O.V
We didn't have much time.
And if I was going to convince him, I had to be quick.
But something just told me that this was hopeless.
I forced myself up the stairs, hesitating at his bedroom door. Never did I think there would ever come a day when having to talk to Josh would be anything but effortless, having spent our entire lives being able to communicate with just a look, now it was like we spoke two different languages.
And deep down, I really just wanted us back.
Part of me felt guilty, knowing that he had already spent majority of his life helping me work towards my dream, and the least I could do was respect the fact that he was finally getting a chance to pursue his, but I needed him. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed him, because without him, I wasn't good enough. Not in their eyes at least, and I just prayed that he could understand that.
And if the day ever came where I had the chance to help him with his dream, well, then I'd give it all up for him too. But I just needed him to let me try.
I finally forced myself to knock, gently enough where I wondered if he'd even hear it, but I didn't have to wait long for the door to open, his face instantly dropping.
It was like a dagger to the heart.
"Hey." He said, now glaring back at me. And in an instant he just look.. different to me. He was going to be a dad and he didn't even know it, and as badly as I wanted to be happy for him, for them, I just.. couldn't. Not yet anyway.
"Hey, um.." I started, leaning in the doorway. He moved away, going over and plopping back down in his desk chair. I wasn't sure if I should take that as an invitation to come in. I stayed put.
"Can I talk to you about something?" I saw him nod, turning back around to face his computer.
"It's kind of important." I added. "R-really important, and.. kind of time sensitive." He let out a deep sigh, turning back around to face me.
"What?"
"I went down to the label today, and.. they said they'd be willing to give me another chance."
"That's great." He said plainly, holding his stare on me, now crossing his arms against his chest. I felt my heart start to beat faster, knowing I was just a few seconds away from another world crushing disappointment.
"Yeah, um.. well.. it could be, I just.."
"You just what?"
"They.. they don't want me." I muttered. His face dropped, his eyes scrunching into a skeptical glare.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean.. they.. they're only interested in us." He stayed quiet.
"I need you, Josh. I.. I can't do this by myself and.. this is the only way, and.. if I don't have this, I don't have anything, and-"
"That's not true." He muttered. My heart sunk. If only he knew. But it wasn't my place to tell him. I knew Jaime would want that to be special. And she deserved that.
"Yes it is." I said, giving him a look to which I prayed he'd understand.
The last thing I wanted to do was talk about her right now. This was about us.
"You know I'm supposed to be working on Jaime's movie." He said, his face still frozen. I nodded, avoiding his eyes.
"I know. But.. this.. this could be big for all of us, and.. well.." I stopped myself, knowing how it was going to sound.
"Is it guaranteed?" He asked. I peeked back over at him, nodding.
"If I could get all of you to come back and meet with him.. yes." He let out a deep sigh, turning his chair to face his window, I'm sure looking for any sign of Jaime.
"This isn't fair to ask of me." He muttered. "You know I'd do anything for you."
"I really hoped you'd still feel that way. I know.. considering everything-"
"We don't have to talk about everything." He said, quickly cutting me off. I nodded.
"Okay."
We sat in that silence for a moment, it feeling like an eternity. But I would give him all the time he needed. I knew what I was asking of him, and I didn't take that lightly. And I hoped he knew that.
"When would we have to leave?" He finally asked. My heart jumped. Was he really considering this?
"From how it sounded.. as soon as possible. It'll most likely be a Fall tour. And.. well, who knows. We have to go down tonight and talk to him, and he'll give us all the details. But.. he only gave me until tonight, so.."
"So you need an answer right now." He asked, his voice much more stern. I nodded, avoiding his eyes again.
"Yeah."
"What would I tell Jaime?" He questioned, almost to himself.
"Something tells me that.. she'll have a big enough team, from what I saw at your graduation."
"So, you're saying you think I'm replaceable?" He asked, his lips finally curling into a subtle smile. I let out a deep sigh, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted.
"I just said she had a team, whether or not they'd be any good, well.." I shrugged, smirking back at him. He nodded, his smile growing.
"I just.. I really wanted it to be my turn." He muttered. My heart sunk. If only he knew.
"It will be. And.. if you want to say no, I underst-"
"You know I can't say no."
"I really hope you won't." I laughed nervously, now picking at my nails, suddenly becoming aware of how much time was passing, wondering how late my deadline actually was. "But you can. I'd understand, if you did."
"Alright.." He sighed. "But.. when it's my turn to make a movie-"
"Then I'll be the first one there." I said, flashing him an eager grin. He nodded, finally pushing himself up from his chair, making his way over to me and pulling me into a tight hug. I hesitated for a moment before wrapping my arms around him, hugging him tight.
Despite everything that had happened between us this past year, he could always manage to push things aside when the time came, and deep down, I don't know if I could be as good as him, not when it came to something like this.
I guess that's why he was the big brother.
It was times like these that reminded me of how much I didn't deserve him, but I was so lucky to have him. If anyone was going to get to be with Jaime, I was happy that it was going to be him. They were going to make such a beautiful family. And if he could give me this, then I could give them that.
"I really appreciate this." I whispered, holding on tight. I felt him nod, squeezing me back.
"I know you do."
"And.. one day, we'll talk about-"
"One day, but not today." He said. I nodded.
"So, should we get going then?" He asked, finally moving away. I let out a deep sigh, trying my hardest to hold in the tears that had been welling up behind my eyes.
"Um, y-yeah. I'll.. I'll text Sam and.. see where him and Danny are and.. then we can just.. head on over." He nodded, giving me a gentle smile as he held his stare on me.
I still couldn't believe he was doing this. Without so much as a fight. Part of me wondered if he knew about Jaime, and now this was all just charity for me, because.. in the grand scheme of things.. he had won. He had always loved Jaime, and now that he had this, the rest would fall into place.
But I've always loved her too.
And sure, the band has always been my dream, but if the roles were revered, I knew that.. I would've given up anything for her too. If those two lines were mine, him and I wouldn't even be having this conversation right now, because I'd give up anything for her.
"You alright?" He asked, playfully shaking me. I nodded, letting out a relieved laugh.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"Jake.."
"Mhm?"
"You're gonna be great." He sighed, messing up my hair before jokingly pushing passed me and making his way down the hall. I quickly followed before he changed his mind.