Dear diary,
Tonight was a really nice night.
I got to iehabs work around the same time she goes on her last break and her two other work friends were which I know, so we all spoke. I'm such an extrovert. They were just sat even tho they work together and I was the one making conversation with all of them 😂 I like them though they're calm. And it took my mind off all the thoughts in my head. I didn't have to wait long for Iehab as I got there literally when she finished work too.
I ordered a white iced mocha there but they gave me a normal chocolate mocha and it was nasty. Didn't finish it.
I took a painkiller before I walked into the hospital tho cos my head was killing
I also went up to the prayer rooms to play the piano but there were one or two people there so I allowed it.
I then drove down to where Iehab had parked, she parks a little further away for free parking. My leg would not stop shaking the entire drive. It wasn't a long drive. Like ten mins maybe. A lot of traffic. At one point I just swerved and used the hard shoulder for a few seconds as I was taking the first exit and everyone in front of me was trying to merge into the middle lane, so it was holding me up. So I just used the hard shoulder and the cars behind me did the same thing as me followed behind me on the hard shoulder.
I then parked up, and went into iehabs car.
She's been on about this Yemeni restaurant for a while and I've always wanted to try Yemeni food. It's good to try other ethnic foods, especially your friends. It's good to keep an open mind. They've tried Persian food so why not Yemeni. I can't believe I ate the entire thing. It was a MASSIVE portion but I was getting a little hungry anyway. I ordered a standard Shish kebab with Yemeni rice. It was nice and you could tell it was fresh but they brought out this complimentary soup earlier and nice dips as well, and idk what it was but after that , my stomach was hurting me so so bad.
I also brought my charger with me. I always do, even if my own phone is charged, cos my friends always ask for it. It's one of the questions iehab always asks me, she ended up charging her phone today lol
Went to chaiiwala and got Karak chai. Never seen chaiiwala that empty before. Then iehab was craving kanafah which is an Arab dessert. I've had it before but I've never had it fresh. I think when I had it the first time I wasn't too keen on it but I can't lie this was tasty. She ordered a plate for both of us to share but I had a bit but not a lot cos my stomach really hurt lol, I had to unbutton my jeans 😂 I was thinking of telling her about this whole thing
But there was this moment where we were laughing until we couldn't breathe, tears streaming down our faces over the most stupidest thing, and I remember briefly looking at her with so much love, thinking, I can't do that to her. And that's when I decided I wouldn't tell her. We laughed so much this evening. So many inside jokes.
So funny lol. We just take the piss honestly
I'm so happy I came out cos I almost didn't. And on the drive back, we were just listening to songs, vibing and I was thinking, we are so happy tonight, why would I ruin it.
Then I parked up at hers, I was on call to A. She went inside to print something off bless her. And then I drove home.
I seriously dunno how he figured it out. Like, how???
I still didn't tell him. I don't know how to go about this. I've never had to do it before
He did say something I liked. He said "we will deal with it together" cos he was like "I'll deal with it" or something and then he went "actually I should say WE will deal with it"
I replied to that and was like nah I'll deal with it alone cos it's my body it's my problem like I don't wanna burden anyone. But I liked that he said that. Like he will be there.
My leg stopped shaking as well. Idk why it was shaking. maybe cos I was hungry , cos it stopped after I ate food.
I had a nice drive home. I just had my songs on, I think I'm doing everything I can to occupy my mind and not think about it all.
Iran and Al Naser had a match today. Ronaldo was in Iran. Ronaldos team won lol.
Debenhams has a sale on their perfumes my faves alien mugler and ysl Libre 😭 it's still pricey for me though😭 and I want that Swarovski moon ring 😭😭 :(
23:13
I'm now crying .
I shouldn't cry cos I just did my skincare lol. But I'm crying.
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So I wrote all that last night. It's now Wednesday morning. I eventually managed to fall asleep but I did wake up briefly in the middle of the night again . Also work texted me this morning asking me to work tonight as well. I accepted. I won't be able to work much with placement and things, I'd only be able to work Friday and Saturday, and I'd like to actually have some time to myself as well with friends and stuff. I don't wanna do what I did last year where I'd be back and forth with uni and work, that was really bad, my family warned me about doing that and that's how my auntie got cancer and stuff.
But I accepted to work tonight and tomorrow night cos it's a good opportunity now that I have some free time :) will take my mind off things, a nice distraction and honestly I love talking to patients. I probably shouldn't be over doing it but it's nothing excessive, it's just two nights.
I watched a film on Netflix just now. I don't have much to do as I did everything yesterday. Sorted out this uni thing, sorted out this work thing, not much else really. I might go for a walk. I like this windy rainy weather, some might call me silly but I much prefer this over scorching heat, although I do feel bad for the homeless. I'm just gonna chill. Have a nice bubble bath as well.
I have things to be excited for, like Einaudi in LESS THAN A MONTH?!! I still don't know what to wear for that. Urgh cannot wait. He popped up on my TikTok the other day, like Einaudi playing the piano, and I was like omgggg can't wait inshAllah. I'm defo gonna wear the ring A got me, it's sophisticated and I just love that ring. I'm thinking an all black look. Black dress.
H has her exam this morning. She should be done or almost done by now. I sent her a nice text last night, like a paragraph. InshAllah she does well. I made a silent prayer for her to do well.
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Just woke up from a nap about 30 mins ago, saw my sister wanted to call so I spoke to her , was home alone, I had a really sweet dream. Really sweet. Wish I didn't have to wake up from it.
I'll explain it later.
I only slept like an hour for my night shift tonight. But it'll do. An hour and half maybe?
I'm gonna have a bath now, I also had a bit of chocolate or whatever to give me some energy tonight. Not really hungry. I had a bit of a fruit salad my dad made. I'm also listening to my new fave song atm by Noah Kahan - the view between villages.
I gave iehab my student email so she can use it on this student discount. She always gives me her cafe Nero discount from her nhs discount if I'm ever by cafe nero. I think me and her are thoughtful like this alhamdulilah , she got me a cake pop from Starbucks the other day and it was actually so tasty.
I also remember what the GP said, I'm starting to remember things in bits lol, maybe cos I'm trying to suppress it. He said it could be adenoma which is just a benign tumour. I'm hoping it's benign. I almost told my sister today just now. But I didn't
I also remember playing it down to the gp. I was like yh my appetite is coming back tho (it's not tho, it's kinda the same), and I was like I haven't felt too well the last few weeks but that's probably cos I was burnt out. And the gp was like ...maybe.. Literally anything for it to not be cancer. With me, I can turn my problems into a joke and dull it down so people don't have to worry
I'm gonna have a bath and get ready for work
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I'm in work
I told iehab on call , she was like please don't go anywhere and got me upset and I was like girl I'm not going nowhere
And then I thought I should tell A
He got me all my faves omg i want the noodles right now