SAN
"Babe? "
"...."
"Babe? "
".... "
"San! "
He turned to look at Ari. The annoyed expression on her face was enough to make San realize she might have been talking for quite a while and he hadn't paid attention.
"Huh? "
"What's going on with you? Did you even hear what i said? " she folded her arms.
It was Wednesday afternoon and he had just finished all of his classes, standing by his locker to put his books inside before he could head over to practice. The past two days had been... dreadful. He was avoiding Wooyoung. Or they were probably both avoiding each other. Either way, San definitely was and it was all because he felt guilty. After what happened on Saturday night. Everything about that night had been a lot. He still couldn't even bring himself to understand why he acted the way he did and even though he had been drunk it was still out of character for him. Not to forget about how he yelled at Wooyoung. God that had been bad. The way Wooyoung had looked at him. Those eyes. He couldn't forget the hurt laced in them.
"San?! "
"What? "
"You're doing it again! It's like I'm talking to myself. What the hell is going on with you?! " Ari looked more mad than annoyed now.
"I'm sorry. I just have a lot going on in my mind" He closed his locker.
He hadn't seen Wooyoung since Saturday.
"What's wrong? I'm your girlfriend, you need to talk to me if something is bothering you" she suddenly softened.
San wondered if Wooyoung was okay. He hadn't even texted or called yet. Not that he expected him to after how he treated him but still.
"It's nothing. I'll be fine" he slung his gymn bag over his shoulder and started walking to the court.
Should he call him first? Apologize?
"Oh come on babe, don't shut me out like that. I want to know what's going on with you hmm? " Ari locked their arms together, walking with him.
Was Wooyoung still mad at him? Was that why he hadn't called or texted?
"Ari have you seen Wooyoung this week? " he found himself asking before he could even think about it.
He felt her tense beside him and she held his arm tighter.
"No. Why? "
"He never goes this long without texting or calling me and I'm worried. I feel like something happened"
Ari sighed and let go of his arm. "The only thing that happened here is what needed to happen. He's obviously embarrassed after you saw him treat me the way he did. You're worried for nothing. " she said.
"Ari please, not this again. Wooyoung didn't even try to hurt you. "
She scoffed. "Oh so now you're defending him? You should have done that on Saturday. "
San sighed. "Can we please not fight over this? What happened was a misunderstanding. "
"There's nothing misunderstanding about your little best friend trying to throw a fucking glass at me San! And can you stop being so dramatic. It's not like he's sick or anything. Just because you haven't seen him in a few days doesn't mean it's the end of the world. "
"Ari that's my friend you're talking about. I have every right to be worried about him don't you think? I'm sure you have friends too and you understand where I'm coming from"
"I told you I don't have friends. '
" yeah well I do. And Wooyoung is more than just a friend to me. He's my best friend. And I care deeply about him. You know this. "
Ari rolled her eyes. "Why does he have to come up in almost every conversation we have? "
"Forget it. We're just going to keep arguing. I'm going to head over to practice. I'll see you later" San adjusted his bag and made to leave when Ari grabbed his arm and stopped him.
"San wait, "
"What? "
"You can stop worrying about him. "
"What do you mean? "
"Wooyoung. You can stop being so worried. He did call on Sunday. After we, you know... and you were in the bathroom so I texted him and told him you were with me. "
"You did what? "
"I know. It was kind of wrong and... "
"Kind of wrong? Ari you can't just use my phone like that without my permission and not only that but text Wooyoung and lie like that then call it kind of wrong! Why would you do that?! "San was livid.
"I'm sorry. I just... I didn't want you to suddenly run off and leave me by myself just because your best friend called. You did that last time remember. "
"That doesn't justify what you did! You had no right to do that.! "
"Come on San, I said I'm sorry. Plus, aren't you making too much of a big deal out of this? It was just one phone call.! "
"It was just one phone call? For you yes you may think that way. But for me fuck no it wasn't just a phone call! You have no idea how anxious I get if I even miss a call from Wooyoung. The last time I did that I almost lost my best friend so you don't get to just casually say it was just a phone call, it's no big deal. "
Ari seemed to realize how serious San was being, the nonchalance in her expression slowly disappearing. "San. I'm sorry. That was wrong of me. I didn't know... "
"If you didn't know you should have minded your own business. I let last time slide when you posted that pic on Twitter without telling me but this is going too far. We may be dating Ari but that doesn't give you the right to do as you please. You don't like Wooyoung. I get it. But my relationship with him is none of your business. You have no say in it whatsoever am I clear? "
"San I.... "
"Fucking hell Ari, I said am I clear on that? " San gritted.
She swallowed, her big eyes slightly welling up with tears. She nodded. "Yeah."
He sighed. "I need to go before I'm late for practice. "
"Should I wait for you? We can get something to eat after" she suggested in a small voice.
"Not today. I have an assignment to do after. I'll text you when I get you home" he said before walking off.
Maybe skipping would have been the best idea because he kept making mistakes during practice earning him a few warning glances from the coach. Practice went on for longer than he would have wanted but when it finally ended, San was ready to get out of there and maybe go to Wooyoung's place to check on him. That was the only thing going on inside of his head.
"San! " Coach Ahn called as he approached him and Mingi while they packed up their stuff.
He sighed for the nth time today. He saw this coming. He turned around to face him and bowed his head.
"Yes Coach"
"You already know what I'm about to say right? "Coach Ahn raised a brow.
" Yes Sir. I'm sorry about today. "
"I don't have to remind you that we have a game soon. You're our best forward and if you act the way you did today during the game, not only are you going to be letting your team but also yourself down. I want to believe you didn't work this hard just to play like an amateur. "
"No Sir. "
"Come on Coach. Go easy on him, he's just having a bad day" Mingi put an arm around San's shoulders.
"I don't want to hear anything from you Mingi after all the slacking off you've been doing. You used to be better than Yunho at shooting but these days you're no different from the kids in 5th grade who play. "
That shut Mingi up really quick, his arm slipping off of San's shoulders.
"Both of you. Get your shit together. I don't care what it is you're going through but the second you decide to step in this court, you're agreeing to giving your undivided attention to the game and no one else. I better see great improvement tomorrow because if I don't I won't hesitate to cut you and Mingi out from the coming game. " Coach Ahn told them.
"We'll do better tomorrow Sir" San promised.
"Good. Don't make me lose some of my best players hmm? "Coach pat San's shoulder, looked at Mingi then walked off.
San plopped back down on the bleachers defeatedly.
" You alright.? Don't tell me Coach scared you to the core? Shouldn't you already be used to his scolding by now? "Mingi asked, sitting down next to him and opening a bottle of water.
"Of course not Mingi. It's not like what he said was wrong anyway"
"Then what's this about? To be honest you were playing ass today"
"You're one to talk. "
"Shut up, my excuse is that I'm tired"
"You always have an excuse for everything don't you? "
Mingi pursed his lips."I'm offended. You're making me sound lazy as fuck. "
"You're kind of lazy though"
"Stop dodging the question. What's going on? "
"Wooyoung. Ari. Just everything. "
"I mean Wooyoung, fair enough. You were harsh on him on Saturday according to what Yunho told me. Not going to lie, never thought I'd see the day you shout at at Wooyoung while grabbing him by the collar. Woosan fighting? Doesn't sound as amusing as I thought it would have been and by the way that's not me admitting that I have once thought about you guys fighting. I was just saying"
"You have no idea how much I regret putting my hands on him like that Mingi. He has so much crap to deal with from his father and I just had to go ahead and do the same thing. I'm no different from his father. I feel so shitty right now. " San buried his head in his hands, the self frustration hitting harder than ever.
"Do you like Ari? "Mingi suddenly asked.
" Of course I do, that's why I'm going out with her "
"Let me rephrase that. Did you want to be in a relationship with Ari? "
"Mingi what are you getting at? "
He shrugged. "Nothing. I was just curious. Because Yunho said you left the party that day to go fuck only and then all of a sudden you two are going out the next day"
"Does Yunho tell you every single damn thing about my love life? Are you guys now talking again? "
"We're fine. Kind of. He's still acting a bit weird but besides that we're okay now. I mean we... Wait. Can you stop sidetracking me? We're talking about Ari right now"
"What's there to talk about? I like her, she likes me. We're going out. What more do you want to talk about?"
"She doesn't like Wooyoung"
"No shit Sherlock"
"She was being a little mean on Saturday. When you and Yunho were grilling the meat. I also think she might be homophobic or something but I could be reaching there. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is I actually did fuck with her at first but now I'm not too sure about her"
San groaned. "Not you too. "
"Does she even like you? I think she's more obsessed with the title of having you as a boyfriend. But then again even if she does like you, I feel like it's in an obsessive way. Like San, the only time I see you and she's not around is when we're in the court and during lass. You guys are like fucking glued together. Funny how that used to be you and Woo. The two of you..... I need to stop talking don't i? "
San was now glaring at him. Completely done with this sudden hate that his friends had towards Ari. "Yes please. I would appreciate you not making me feel like shit for finally getting into a relationship. "
"That's not what I... You know what. Never mind. Do what you want man. You're giving me a ride today or I'm on my own? "
"You're on your own. " San standing and making his way to the changing rooms.
"You're a jerk for that. "
"It's not my fault your Dad took your car for a week. Maybe if you had thought it through like a person with common sense and hadn't brought a girl to the house on Sunday none of this would have happened. "
Mingi groaned."Shit I know. But I was sure he wouldn't be home till Monday night. "
"Yunho brought his car. Ride with him. " San suggested.
"He was obviously the next option after you coldly rejected me. "
"I think he should have been the first option to begin with. He lives just a few blocks away from your house. It would make more sense if he dropped you off than making me drive the complete opposite direction of where I stay and wasting gas to... "
"Okay i get it smart pants. Geez. " Mingi cut him off.
San chuckled. "I think you and Yunho are still awkward. "
"No we're not. "
"Yes you are. If you weren't you wouldn't have even bothered asking me for a ride. "
"I just forgot for a second that he has a car. That's it. "
San scoffed. "Right."
"You're pissing me off. "
"You do that better than no one to me I'm afraid. "
Mingi ignored him and started changing.
~~~~
When San got home the first thing he noticed was his parents car parked in the garage. Looked like their business trip was finally over. He walked into the living room and his father was sat at the dining table, his documents occupying the whole table.
His mom came walking in from the kitchen with a cup of coffee in hand. She looked tired, the dark circles under her eyes more prominent than ever. No one overworked themselves the way his parents did.
"How was school? " she asked, not even looking at him as she sat down next to his Dad.
"It was fine. Where's Seonghwa? "
"In his room studying. You're starting to come back more late than usual these days. Seonghwa has been here since an hour ago. "His Dad said, taking his glasses off to look at him, his stern cold eyes never changing.
He rolled his eyes."Late than usual? You guys are barely home to be saying that. "
"San" his mom warned.
"I have basketball practice every day. Of course I'm not going to come home the same time as Seonghwa. But of course you guys don't know that. No matter how many times I tell you"
"Next year is your final year before you go to Uni. I hope you know you're going to have to quit because we can't afford to have you focus more on it than your grades. Your report from last year, I wasn't impressed. " His Dad said, leaning back in his chair.
"You're never impressed. "San retorted.
" Watch your tone, you're in no position to talk back like that with the kind of grades you had. "His Mom obviously defended.
"it was a fucking 89!. I just dropped by 1 percent! "He stressed.
"Language! " His father shouted.
"The problem here is that you're even dropping to begin with. You should be improving or if anything just stay stagnant. Seonghwa always gets 95 and up, how do you think he's able to maintain that? By being resilient and prioritizing. But all you know to do is smoke weed with your friends and go out evey Friday like your life depends on it. How many times do I have to tell you this is our family name you're tarnishing.? Your mom and I have a reputation to uphold. What do you want people to think of us when they hear that our son is just like those teenage boys who drink their lives away and don't know what they want in life? You better get your shit together this year or else I won't hesitate to do intensive tutoring for you and you won't be allowed to go anywhere else besides school. Now I'm sure you wouldn't want that now would you? "His Dad was now standing up, staring him down.
San wanted to punch a wall or something. Literally anything. His day just kept getting worse.
"Since when do you care about what I want? Do as you please. You already dictate evey aspect of my life anyway. " San said and ran up the stairs to his room.
"We're having supper at 8. Don't make me go up there to call you down" His Mom shouted.
San ignored her and went into his room, slamming the door shut. He dropped his backpack on the floor and threw himself on the bed, screaming into the pillow. It was ironic how even though his parents always gave him shit about almost anything and everything, he preferred it over them not being around at all because that was the closest he could get to some sort of interaction with them. Their presence reminded him that he did have parents and wasn't living by himself in this big ass house. He would take their nitpicking any day over their absence.
He fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. Two messages from Ari.
"Hey, I'm really sorry about what I did. I feel so guilty. "
"Do you want to go out this weekend for a date? "
San sighed. He texted her a quick will see you tomorrow then went to scroll through his contacts. His finger hovered over Wooyoung's number. The only reason why he was even hesitating to call was because of the shame. They've never fought like this before. He missed him so much. Three days was too long for San. It just made him anxious.
After contemplating countless of times, he decided to just call. But Wooyoung didn't answer. Five calls in, San decided to give up. He knew Wooyoung was definitely screening his calls. And he had every right to. San sent him a message instead asking to meet up tomorrow and went to shower.
When he finished, he opened the mirror shelf to get his shaving cream when he noticed that a few of his sleeping pill bottles were missing. Just then the door to his room opened.
"San? " Seonghwa called.
He sighed and closed the shelf before walking out of the bathroom into his room.
"What? "
"Did you just get home? " he asked.
San walked to his closet to grab a pair of sweats and a T-shirt.
"Yeah. An hour ago. What do you want? Don't tell me Mom told you to come call me"
"No. Actually, Wooyoung is outside. "
San froze. "What do you mean Wooyoung is outside? "
"I was going to get my jacket from your car and I found him outside, walking back and forth in front of our gate. I was going to let him in but well, you know how Mom and Dad feel about him. Didn't he tell you he was coming? "
San quickly walked to his bed and checked his phone.
Young'ah: I'm outside.
40 minutes ago.
"Shit he's been outside for about an hour now. " San quickly got dressed and put on his slides.
"Is everything okay with you two?" Seonghwa said worriedly.
"Don't worry about it. My car keys? " San looked at Seonghwa as he put on his and Wooyoung's jacket.
"You're leaving? Mom said dinner is going to be ready in like 20 minutes " Seonghwa said handing him the keys.
"I don't care about the damn dinner Hwa. Don't tell them where I went. " San opened the door to his room and jogged down the stairs to the living room.
"Oh good thing you came. I need you to... "
"I forgot my assignment papers at Mingi's. I'm going to get them and I'll be back in an hour" San cut his mom off, making his way to the front door.
"Can't you just get those tomorrow.? " His Dad asked, setting the table.
"No. It's due tomorrow. " he lied and without waiting for a reply he stepped into the porch and closed the door. It was almost dark outside, the sun setting. He ran over to the gate and as it slid open, he saw Wooyoung sitting on the brick ridges surrounding their home.
"Young'ah? "
Wooyoung looked at him then smiled, though it was forced as he pushed himself up to his feet and dusted off the dirt from the back of his cargo pants.
San lurched forward and hugged him.
"Sorry I made you wait. I was still showering and saw your message when I finished" San pat his hair down.
"Its fine. I saw your missed calls and ran over but I guess I got worried for nothing. You look fine. " Wooyoung chuckled, hugging him back, his hands wrapped around San's waist.
San closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath of relief. He kissed Wooyoung's cheek and and held him tighter. "I should be the one worried Woo. "
"Yeah but you're like choking me to death right now for someone who's worried. " Wooyoung joked.
San eased and pulled back to look at him. "Wooyoung I.... "
He paused. The first thing he noticed was the fading bruises on his left cheek, corner of his right eye and bottom lip. You didn't have to be smart to know what had happened. He felt his anger slowly boil through his whole body.
"Woo did that fucker put his hands on you again? " he gritted out.
Wooyoung went quiet. He dropped his head to look at the ground. San noticed the slight tremor in his hands.
"I... San... I actually came here because I was worried.. You said you'd see me on Monday but you didn't but then I didn't want to be clingy so I just waited... But... But you still never called. I tried to check on you on Tuesday at the court but you were with Ari and I.. You were so happy so I didn't want to... Ruin the mood and stuff. But San... I just couldn't sleep these past three days. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do what I did to Ari on Saturday. I feel like shit and I deserve it but please don't be mad at me... "
"Woo what are you.... "
"I know it's my fault. I'm sorry I keep making things difficult for you. I promise I'm trying... I just don't know how to do it... I'm so sorry I'm such a burden to you. But San'ah please don't ignore me.. I don't.. I can't handle that... I just can't... I'll do better. I promise.. I'll..."
At this point Wooyoung was barely breathing.
"Wooyoung."
"If you want me to get along with Ari I'll try. I'll do anything I swear. Just don't. Don't ignore me please.. Can I be selfish and ask you to bear with me like you've been doing? I know I'm such an emotional baggage and shit but I promise I'll be different. I'll give you two space and time. Whatever you want, just don't cut me off please.. I can't....San I..."
"Wooyoung! " San grabbed his shoulders and shook him .
He finally stopped rambling and looked up at San, his eyes glossy and the way his body was trembling in San's hands made his heart break. Wooyoung was definitely on the brink of having a panic attack and San hated himself for being the cause of it.
Wooyoung continued to tremble."San I'm sorry. I promise I didn't try to hurt her. Please don't be... "
San cupped his face in his hands and rested his forehead on his.
"Sshh. Breathe for me baby. " he whispered.
"San please I... "
"It's okay Young'ah. It's okay. Just breathe for me. I'm not mad at you baby. I know you didn't try to hurt her. I believe you okay? Now slow breaths. Do it with me hmm? " San closed his eyes and Wooyoung nodded. San took slow deep breaths guiding him till Wooyoung finally stopped shaking and was breathing steadily.
"There you go. You're doing so good for me. One more time" San encouraged and Wooyoung's hands were holding for dear life on his waist, fisting San's jacket.
"Please hold me. " Wooyoung muttered.
"Of course Young'ah. I'm right here" San kissed his forehead and hugged him, burying Wooyoung's head in his chest while he quietly sobbed clearly trying not to cry.
"I believe you Woo. And I promise I'm not mad at you. I could never be. You mean so much to me. I'm the one who should be apologizing for lashing out on you like that. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. "
"No San, you had every right to be mad. " Wooyoung's voice was muffled as he spoke.
San shook his head and pulled back to wipe the tears running down Wooyoung's cheeks. "I can never have a right to treat you the way I did that night. Never Woo. It's my fault not yours so please don't cry because of me hmm? You're going to drench that pretty face of yours with tears? " San caressed his cheek with his thumb, tracing it over the little faint bruise there.
Wooyoung winced. "I don't think I can be considered pretty with these bruises all over my face. "
"In my face you are silly. You're beautiful. And I know you know it as well. "
Wooyoung sniffled and gently pulled his hands off of him. "Get off of me, you're so cheesy. "
San chuckled lightly. "You feeling better? "
Wooyoung nodded, his long beautiful black hair falling back into his eyes.
"I'm sorry I freaked out like that. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. My emotions have just been all over the place recently" Wooyoung said wrapping his arms around himself, only wearing a short sleeved oversized graphic tee.
San took off their jacket and put it around Wooyoung's shoulders.
"You're shaking like a leaf. Why didn't you dress up warmly before coming here? " San helped him put it on even though Wooyoung could do it himself.
"I wasn't really thinking. I just ran over here. Well obviously I took the bus but yeah.. When I saw your missed calls I just freaked out a bit and next thing I know I'm in front of your house. "
San sighed "Woo about Sunday. When you called, Ari was the one who texted you. But even still that's no excuse. I should have called and checked on you. "
Wooyoung didn't seem too surprised to hear that.
"San'ah? "
"Mmm? "
"Why does she hate me so much? I mean I know I didn't really give her reason to like me from our first meeting but I don't get why she's so bothered by me. "
"I don't know Woo. You know I wish things were different. "
"Promise me one thing. Promise me that no matter what happens, you won't ever leave me.Even if I piss you off, annoy you, just promise me you won't leave me. I know it's selfish but please. "
"You know this is like the first time I've heard you say please to me so many times. And hear i thought I could never hear those words come out of your mouth. "
"Sannie, I'm being serious right now" Wooyoung whined.
"I know. I promise. I don't even think I'm capable of leaving you Woo so don't worry. Remember what I told you before right? "
"Yeah."
"What did I say? "
"If we ever cut ties it'll be on my terms. "
"Exactly. "
Wooyoung smiled.
San for the first time since Saturday felt relieved. Seeing a smile on Wooyoung's face was all he needed in life. No matter how bad his day might have been, nothing could make him feel better than seeing his best friend look at him that way and being the reason behind his smile.
"Do you want to go for a drive? "
"Yeah."