"No?" He said, staring back at me wide-eyed. Never did I think there would ever be a day I would deny a kiss from him, but suddenly it just felt wrong. Despite how long it took us to get here, I just couldn't forget how quickly he was able to let it all go, no matter what the reason.
"No." I said again, now moving away from him.
"But you even said that-"
"I know what I said, but.. no." He was quiet, holding his stare on me as it fell into a cold glare.
"So then you've made up your mind."
"Josh, it's not that simple, I-"
"It is that simple, Jaime."
I couldn't do this anymore.
I pushed myself up from the ground, getting up when I instantly felt him reach out for me, tightly grabbing onto my hand.
"Wait, please. Don't.. let's just.. can we just talk about this?"
"We did. You just didn't like my answer."
"I said I was sorry, this isn't what I wanted, not really, I guess I just thought-"
"You thought what? I'd just come back? After you left me, you thought I would just come crawling back to you? Well.. I'm not. I'm sorry." I snapped, pulling my hand away.
"Jaime, wait!"
"What!"
"Can you.. can you at least help me up?" He asked, now clearly embarrassed at the limitations of his new cast. I sighed, going over and taking his hands, helping him back up onto his feet. He gave me a thankful nod, avoiding my eyes as we made our way back to the house together in silence.
Despite everything, I don't think I would ever forgive myself for letting him get into that car. I should've fought harder, and I had, at least when it came to Jake. Even still, it left a lingering aching in my stomach that I just couldn't shake, because I knew if Jake had gotten into that car, he wouldn't have been alive to fight about it.
As we got closer, I could see him in the window of the kitchen, trying his hardest not to make it obvious that he was still watching, conveniently turning around as we made our way up the steps and pretending to be surprised as I made my way in, Josh hobbling close behind. Jake's eyes instantly shot over to me, giving me a questioning look. I nodded, giving him a subtle smile, to which his face relaxed into a relieved grin.
He made his way over, whispering into my ear.
"Can we get out of here?" He asked, motioning towards the stairs. I nodded, gently sliding my hand into his. He intertwined our fingers, grabbing his drink from the counter before guiding us upstairs.
I went over, practically throwing myself into his bed when I heard his quiet laughter behind me. He shut the door, coming over and lying down next to me.
"So, what did you two talk about?" He asked, having waited longer than I'm sure he would have imagined. I shrugged.
"What he always wants to talk about." I muttered. He nodded, taking a big sip of his drink before offering it to me. I shook my head.
"Ah, so.. about you." He laughed, wrapping his arm around me. I cuddled closer, wrapping one of my arms around his stomach, lying my head on his chest.
"He asked to kiss me." I said, now staying focused on my fingers that instinctively started tracing hearts across his chest.
"Oh.." He whispered. I peeked up at him.
"I said no." His smile grew.
"I'm sure he loved that." He joked. I playfully rolled my eyes, cuddling closer.
"The idea of kissing anyone other than you just.. feels wrong." I muttered.
"That sounds.. pretty exclusive to me." He said cautiously, his fingers now gently gliding up and down my back.
"You're right."
He was quiet again, I'm sure assessing if it was safe to push this any farther, but I was relieved when he decided to change the subject. If this was something we were going to talk about, I preferred it be a much happier occasion.
"So.." He started. "I.. I've been thinking about what you said, and.. I signed myself up for an open mic up in town. It's tomorrow night. And.. I'd love for you to be there." I instantly sat up to face him, unable to contain my smile when I saw his eyes light up, a timid grin escaping his lips.
"You did?" He nodded.
"Yeah, I mean, you're right. Nothing's gonna happen if I don't try, and.. this is at least putting myself out there, right?" I pulled him into a long kiss.
"I'm so excited to see you play again." He shrugged, playfully rolling his eyes.
"You know you can see me play any time you want. All you have to do is ask."
"I know, but.. I love seeing you see how many people love you too." He avoided my eyes, his cheeks turning red as he reached over for his drink again, taking a long sip.
"I mean, nothing's gonna come out of it but-"
"But it's still something." I assured him. "And you have no idea who could see you, and.. well, what if you reach out again, you know, to.. one of those.. record executive guys." He giggled at the thought, reaching back out for me, pulling me into another long kiss.
"Oh, I love you." He sighed, now staring back at me with those familiar dazed eyes.
"So.. what are you gonna play?" I asked, slowly positioning myself into his lap. I felt his hands move down to my waist, pulling me in closer as he leaned in, his lips gently grazing against my neck until they turned to kisses that felt like fire against my skin.
"Whatever you want to hear." He said, his kisses now getting harder, slowly moving to the other side of my neck. I tightly gripped onto his shirt, finally pulling him into a passionate kiss. I don't know what was coming over me, but everything about him just became instantly irresistible, even down to his intoxicating smell that I suddenly wanted to be covered in, even if only to leave the proof of him all over me.
"Jaime.." He sighed, his hand moving behind my back as he carefully positioned himself over me, his kisses getting harder as he pressed his weight down into me. I moved my hands under his shirt and up his chest, eventually pulling it over his head, tossing it away. It wasn't until he felt my hands move down to his pants where he stopped me, moving away.
"W-what's wrong?" I asked, reaching back out for him.
"Jaime, I.. I don't want to do this.. not if.. well.."
"Not if what?"
"Not if.. we're not together." My heart jumped.
"Jake, you know that-"
"I know, and.. maybe it's stupid, but.. to me it's not. Not anymore. I can't keep doing this to myself, not when I know what I want, and.. okay, so nothing happened with him outside, I can't say that I don't appreciate it, but.. even if something did, I mean, you wouldn't technically be wrong, right? I just.. I don't want this without.. all of it. I'm sorry."
He stared back at me nervously, his cheeks a furious shade of pink, though I'm sure most of that was probably to blame on just minutes before. But this was new territory for him too. Jake was always the one searching for the easy way out, the least committal person I had ever met. And now suddenly, everything had changed.
"I.. I gave in before, and.. not that that wasn't.. well, it's always amazing with you, but.. after I just feel.."
"What?" I asked.
"I felt.. used, and.. whether you meant it or not, I.. well, I hope you didn't but-"
"I'm sorry." I said, reaching back out for him. This time he let me, moving in close as I held his face in my hand.
"That's not what I wanted, I just.. I wanted that with you without.. the mess of it all, and I guess I just assumed that you'd be okay with that." He shrugged, looking away. I gently turned his chin back to face me before leaning into a passionate kiss.
"I'm sorry and.. you're right. You deserve.. everything." I said softly, brushing the hair out of his face. He held his stare on me, assessing the situation before eventually nodding.
"Yeah." He muttered, his eyes moving back down to my lips.
"And.. I want all of that too.. with you."
"Really?" He asked, leaning in closer. I nodded.
"Yeah, so.. please be mine again?"