Ever since that night, I haven't had any time with Amari, and it breaks my heart. I don't even know where she's been sleeping. All I know is she hasn't been in our room, and she hasn't been in the guest room that I used to sleep in. Our room feels so empty when she's not there that I've taken to just wearing her clothes just to feel a little closer to someone who is avoiding me.
I mean, I can't blame her. That night, when she shifted, I didn't expect Eres to look like that. In fact, she didn't even look like Eres, and I was terrified. Her size, colour and eyes, none of it was familiar and I admit, I panicked. She looked threatening and I know I watched Amari become her, but I guess it just seemed too surreal for me at the time.
In fact, when Brie and Mo came out on account of all the noise, I was still in shock. Amari had run off and I didn't even have the ability to tell them what happened. I just pointed out to the woods. Brie was very impatient with me and kept yelling, "Where the hell is she Charlotte?' I'd never seen her so angry, and I wish I had been more useful at the time but my brain was lagging.
"Why the fuck would you just let her run off?" was the last thing Brie said to me before she shifted and took after Amari.
It took me a while to get my bearings and I finally told Mo to go back inside while I waited for an Amari who never came. She had also blocked off her mind link so I couldn't reach her. Now the only time I see Ames is when we accidentally run into each other and even then, she looks like she can't wait to get away form me. I don't blame her, but I just wish she'd hear me out. But I figured I'll give her some space. Maybe some distance will be good and then she can always reach out to me when she's ready.
I've been spending most of my time with Deidra and although I appreciate the company, I really miss my mate. I miss our trainings and just being around each other. I miss us hunting down info on the Selene and now that we are officially mated, I feel her absence more.
Today is no different than any other sad day without my mate, so I walk into the kitchen to find something to pretend to eat because I've had no appetite. I bump into Brie and Mo and overhear them talking about Amari having a visitor today.
"Yeah, she's the beautiful and enchanting Desirée. A witch that Ames became really close to when we were away. To say I was jealous of their friendship would be an understatement," she laughs as she recalls her association with the witch. "But Desirée is so charming, I couldn't help but start to like her too. It was so frustrating. And she took care of Ames so well that it was easy for me to just trust her." Brie adds.
I don't know why, but that makes me instantly jealous, and I start to ask questions. Well at least I try but Brianna is not being very forthcoming. In fact, she seems a little irritated.
"Just ask her yourself!" she snaps finally, and I'm gobsmacked.
"I'm giving her space," I explain at almost a whisper.
"Are you stupid or something? Why would you do that? Like the last time she saw you, you were fleeing from her in terror, and wanted nothing to do with her. So, your solution to that, is to remain as far from her as possible?"
I'm quiet. Venus is angry at the disrespect in her tone, but I'm humbled by her accuracy. When she says it like that, it does sound kind of dumb.
"And on top it off, don't you think it's kind of selfish for you to leave it all to her? Like she is the one that's supposed to approach you after you were the one that drove the two of you apart? Get a clue Charlotte Odair.
"When you arrived here, Mari did everything she could to accommodate you. Make you feel at home and make you feel wanted. She made us promise to give you all the attention you required in an attempt to heal your traumas. Even now, whilst you're 'giving her space' or whatever the fuck you call ignoring the mate whose mark you have on display right now, whilst you're wearing her damn clothes, she wants us to be good to you. She still wants to make sure you're okay. It hurts her that she can't check up on you herself, but she has it in her head that you're terrified of being around her.
"Do you care about her at all? Do you even know why your fear hurts her so much?"
I feel my eyes glow, Venus is on the surface. I'm angry at both myself and at Brie for saying what she's said. But more than that, I'm hurt. And it's the hurt that gets rid of the anger. It sucks that I've come off as self-absorbed. It sucks that when Amari told me about being kidnapped, all I did was cry and I didn't even dig deeper. And here I am, hearing about how selfish I am and the tears are right there, threatening to pour out.
Brie takes one look at me and the irritation in her face instantly fades. She looks shocked, and then remorseful and I want to tell her that it's okay. That's she's right, but if I speak, my voice will crack and make her feel even more remorseful. So, I just remain quiet and try to console myself.
"Charlotte, I'm so sorry. I guess I just get a little carried away when it comes to Ames. Please, let me explain everything. But it's all top secret so I'll tell you guys over the mind link."
Mo holds her hand as she takes a calming breath. I take a breath as well and open up the link to hear what she has to say.
So, when we turned 18, Amari got her wolf. You remember Char, you were there at the turning ceremony. Most of our allies were. It was a momentous occasion. The event went well, but after that Ames became a little withdrawn. None of us knew why. It was only after the incident, after we left that she told me the whole truth.
When Ames met Eres, she was afraid of her. She says Eres was vengeful, and because she knew everything Ames had been through, her over-protectiveness made her a little blood thirsty. Amari was afraid that Eres would hurt someone, and because she felt so guilty about the things Eres would say, she didn't tell anyone about this internal battle. Instead, she decided to supress her wolf completely. She wouldn't even shift.
Brie goes quiet for a second whilst Mo and I express our shock! Supressing a wolf is very dangerous and if Ames did that, then I know this story does not end well at all. Brie continues.
I'm sure you can all guess the types of internal torment she was experiencing, but on the outside, she was her normal self. At that time, her normal self was a depressed teenager dealing with a lot. So, none of us could tell that something was amiss.
After a few months of this, Amari and Eres were in full conflict. Fighting for control and Ames was losing. She was at the brink of a disaster and, unfortunately, it didn't happen at night when she was alone. It happened after an otherwise successful private training with the ex-head warrior. The guy before Tim, his name was James. He was lovely and a very good fighter. He trained Amari from when she was a pup.
That day, she was on edge and in a rush to get out of training, and when James came in from behind her to ask if everything was okay, she was startled, and that shock put her in defence mode. That wouldn't typically be a problem. The most she would have done under normal circumstances was flip him over. But these weren't normal circumstances. She shifted.
Eres came out and started to attack James. He tried to fight her off, but she was relentless. She tore at him, and if he didn't have the presence of mind to mind link Charles who came running with Dr. D, he would have died a terrible death. Eres was sedated and taken away. When she woke up, she couldn't deal with what she'd done. She wanted to die. The guilt consumed her, and she refused to talk about it. We all had to be on suicide watch.
Then when James resigned, Ames thought it was because he was afraid of her. That he thought her a monster. And she felt like one too, so that made her feel worse. Truth is, James resigned because he thought his presence would trigger an emotional episode with Ames. He thought she'd feel too bad about what she did that seeing him would only do harm. He wanted to give her space.
"Amari never forgave herself for that day," Brie concludes, switching back to normal conversation. "Even after the therapy and after she recovered, there's a part of her that always feels like she's this monster for what she did."
"How is James now?" I ask.
"He recovered well, but he unfortunately lost an arm. It worked out well because Titan Inc had been working on bionic limbs, so he qualified for a trial that went well. The best thing about the arm is that its charmed. Meaning witches are involved. So, after it was connected to him and fed his DNA, it became like a normal arm, although not as destructible. But when the wearer shifts, it shifts too. James moved to the Royal City but is still a member of this pack."
Brie concludes her tale and I feel so much worse about how I reacted to Amari's new form. This poor woman never caught a break, and I can't imagine the burden of carrying so much guilt. I now see why Brie got so angry about me wanting to give her space. I needed to find a way to fix things.
I decide to go and see her. The best thing for me to do is to occupy her space, to be around her, to impose. I'm her mate. I'm supposed to help her out of the hell she's been living in not make things worse. All she's done is want to take care of me and all I've done is mess up. She hasn't even gotten to the point where she can trust me with her pain because I literally haven't been able to handle anything. I need to be better for her.
I walk to her office, fighting off the guilt and pain I feel about what she went through. Before I get to her door, she tells me to come in via the mind link. I step into her Office and that's when I remember that she was in a meeting. Before me is this beautiful woman who couldn't be more goth if she tried, and my mate. I frantically look between them, embarrassed about interrupting something that seems important in the frazzled state I'm in.
I want to turn and run.
"Charlotte, come in, sit." I do as Amari says and with the elegant wave of her hand, the other woman closes the door behind me.