Contains: mentions of self h*rm
After school Hongjoong went to seonghwa's house.
"You know. You're a really good kisser." Hongjoong said hoping to get a reaction.
But seonghwa stayed pretty quiet. To be honest he regretted the kiss a little bit. He felt like he was moving too fast.
"Seonghwa." Hongjoong called to get his attention.
"Oh yeah. Thanks.. I mean you too." Seonghwa said softly.
Hongjoong knew something was up. But he wasn't sure what it was. "Do you mean that?" He laughed a bit. "If my breath stunk or something you can say it. I mean you were going in-" he teased.
"It's not that." Seonghwa said interrupting. "Sorry I just.."
"Just what? Uhm is everything okay?" Hongjoong realized that seonghwa wasn't in the mood for teasing.
"Yeah I just don't want to talk about it." Seonghwa sighed.
"Huh? About our kiss? Uh okay sorry? Did I do something wrong?" Hongjoong asked.
"I think it was a mistake." Seonghwa finally said.
"A mistake..?" Hongjoong muttered in confusion. He was trying not to be insulted by what seonghwa said. But it hurt his pride a little. He knew for a fact that seonghwa liked the kiss that night. Hongjoong didn't force him to do it. And they were both sober. In fact they both had another kiss before parting ways that night. Although Hongjoong did find it weird that he didn't show any affection since that day.
Seonghwa didn't make eye contact with Hongjoong. He felt embarrassed that he felt this way but he couldn't help it. It felt like this relationship was starting the same as he and yeosangs. But after a moment of silence seonghwa looked at Hongjoong. He could tell Hongjoong was upset and confused.
"I'm sorry it's not you. I just think we shouldn't be kissing.. I'm not ready yet." Seonghwa tried to explain.
"It's okay I understand now. I just was worried that I did something wrong." Hongjoong said. "I'm sorry for going too fast. We can go at your pace."
Seonghwa only nodded. He wasn't sure how to explain it to Hongjoong. Hongjoong was a little immature so seonghwa wasn't sure if he was receiving it well.
"It's really not you. I just feel like.. me and yeosang sorta started like this. It's just déjà vu." Seonghwa said trying not to get emotional.
"I get it but I'm not yeosang so I won't treat you like he did." Hongjoong replied. "But I know you need time and we will take it slow." Hongjoong smiled trying to make him feel better.
Seonghwa gave a small smile back but he was getting emotional. He honestly didn't miss yeosang but he still felt the fear of someone leaving him. What if Hongjoong left him too? Was he ready to move on?
-
Jongho and yewon made it to Jongho's house. He used his key to open the door. He let yewon in and turned on some lights. Both of his parents were away at work and his brother was at some after school program. They had the house to themselves. They went to Jongho's room.
"Is your leg okay?" Yewon asked a little worried about the walk.
"Yeah I'm fine it was just a long walk." He replied putting his crutches up.
She nodded and helped Jongho to sit comfortably on the bed. Then she sat next to him.
"So.. you wanted to talk oppa?" She asked looking at him.
"Yeah I do. I guess I have a lot on my mind." Jongho said not sure where to start. "Well I just wanted to apologize again for everything.. and I guess I just had a lot of distractions."
"Distractions?" She asked with a small pout. She was nervous that he moved on to someone else.
"Mhm.. I think I'm thinking about my friends a lot and.. you know how when your friends go through something bad it can affect you?" Jongho tried his best to explain. Yewon nodded.
"I think it's something like that." Jongho added.
"What's happening to your friends?" She asked.
"Mostly relationship issues I guess.. but it's so stressful sometimes and when I'm stressed I just space out and disappear. I guess I'm worried that I won't be a good boyfriend to you because of that.." he said finally getting to the point.
Yewon wasn't sure what to say. She felt really bad for him. It made her regret ghosting him. She should have checked on him more. "Oh Jongho.. thank you for telling me that. You're always so honest. I think you'd make a great boyfriend and I'd love to be your girlfriend.. but if you need time it's okay too." She tried her best to convey her feelings as well. "I just don't wanna wait forever."
"Yeah I understand that. I'm sorry." Jongho looked down at his hands.
"Stop apologizing it's okay." She laughed a little. "I'm glad that we understand each other more now."
Jongho nodded. "Yeah it feels good." He put an arm around her and kissed her cheek.
"Just a cheek kiss?" She pouted.
Jongho smiled and kissed her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer. They began to make out. They both really missed touching each other so it was hard to help it. Jongho's hands wondered up yewons thighs. Yewon pulled from the kiss causing Jongho to back off some.
"Wait.. we can do this at your house?" She asked. They had never done it before because of Jongho's strict parents.
"Yeah we are home alone. We should take advantage of this." Jongho said biting his lip.
Yewon giggled and jumped on top of Jongho's lap. Jongho wrapped his arms around her and they began to take each others clothes off. They (in wooyoungs words) pounded it out.
Once they finished they were both panting on the bed. They were both mostly naked.
"That felt so good... I missed you so much." Yewon panted squirming a bit as she got comfortable in Jongho's arms.
Jongho chuckled and pecked her lips. "I missed you too."
They kissed a little before winding down cuddling together. Normally they could sneak in a nap at yewons house but if his parents got back while yewon was there he would be in so much trouble.
"I should probably get up before I fall asleep." Yewon giggled and began to get up.
"Good idea baby." Jongho nodded.
She weakly got up suddenly falling back on Jongho's arm. Jongho immediately got up and groaned in pain. She got up quickly and covered her mouth. His reaction was very intense for a seemingly uninjured arm.
"Jongho I'm so sorry! Are you okay? What's wrong?" She asked horrified that she hurt him.
"Ah fuck man.." Jongho grabbed his arm not sure how to stop the pain. He rolled over and buried his face in a pillow.
Yewon wasn't sure what to do. She gently pulled Jongho causing him to turn over. She gasped seeing the blood on Jongho's arm.
"Oh my god. Jongho why are you bleeding." She asked bursting into tears. She turned away barely able to look at the amount of blood.
"No no don't cry." He said getting up and trying to stop the bleeding. He assumed that when she fell she put pressure on his wounds causing some to reopen. He had tears in his eyes as well from sucking up the pain. "It's okay yewon. Don't worry about me."
"What happened to your arm Jongho.." She asked in a serious tone.
"I..." Jongho started but he couldn't say it. "Its okay. I don't want you to worry. Just let me clean this up."
"I'm already worried. Just tell me." She said.
"I just hurt myself." Jongho tried to excuse the real issue.
"On purpose?" she asked trying her best to pull herself together.
"It's not as bad as you think.." He avoided the question.
"How? Let me see it." She turned around then helped him take off his shirt then the bandages. "Is any of it treated? Or disinfected."
Jongho put his head down. He was trying his best not to cry but he couldn't help it anymore. He felt so vulnerable. He shook his head in reply.
"Jongho.. that's really dangerous. Where can I find something to disinfect your arm?" She asked with obvious disappointment in her voice.
"Bathroom cabinet.." Jongho mumbled his voice cracking from crying.
She went to grab the first aid products and began to clean off his arm. His arm shook in pain.
"Is this my fault? Is it because our argument?" She asked plainly.
"No.. well this one. The rest is for.. friends."
Yewon sighed and wrapped his arm up finally then giving his arm a kiss. Jongho felt a little better after the kiss. She sat next to him and hugged him letting his head lean on her. Jongho couldn't bring himself to fully cry but tears were slowly streaming down his face.
"You need to get help." She whispered.
"No.. it's not that serious. I've got it under control." Jongho shook his head.
"Oppa you are hurting yourself." Yewon sighed.
"Well I stopped. It was healing.." he lied a bit.
"But what if something sad happens again? You can't just keep cutting your arm." She asked.
"Why? It helps." Jongho mumbled then spoke a little louder. "I don't need help."
"Jongho-" yewon was interrupted.
Jongho held her hands. "Yewon. I know you're worried but it will be okay."
"You promise?" She said softly.
"Yes.. i promise." Jongho knew he shouldnt have made that promise but he did anyways.
They had to split ways before Jongho's parents came home. When his parents did get home Jongho acted normal. Not until it was late at night did he begin to cry about what happened earlier.
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I'm sorry guys cause these new chapters I'm writing have been pretty sad. I'm making myself cry. 😂
Thanks for reading!