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Hannukah went, for Daisy, better than she'd expected. She woke up with Kevin in her bed, only let herself cry for three and a half minutes, and then carried herself down to the gym to put her body through hell as punishment. Then she'd drifted down to the dining room, where freshly baked challah taunted her with it's yolky goodness. By the time anybody found her there, she'd eaten the entire loaf.
Sue her, she just found out that her mother's name is Lynette. It's the season of mourning for all.
Matt's mom forced everybody to do some 'Hannukah games' that morning, which were really just things she'd read on the internet that seemed vaguely related to the holiday, and then she gave everybody a small present worth a lot of money. For Daisy, it was a gold toe ring with a fat diamond in the centre. She'd accepted it graciously, and shoved it deep into her suitcase to re-gift to Allison, a founding member of the International Toe Ring Appreciation Society.
They'd watched a Christmas movie, and Randy's chef served latkes and desserts that paled in comparison to the ones Daisy's dad used to make, but whatever. She even got Kevin to finish a jelly donut, despite fried balls of dough with raspberry jam not being on his meticulously curated meal plan.
He snuck into her room just after midnight, and she didn't even try to make an excuse when she tucked herself into his side and fell asleep on his bare chest.
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Christmas Eve was much the same. Randy, Matt and Nicky tried to get everybody in the holiday spirit, and failed miserably. Daisy doesn't give much of a shit about Christmas, Kevin was being weird as all hell, and Aaron is allergic to fun. That meant that while the cheery trio paraded around singing carols and announcing very loudly every hour, that Santa Claus was getting closer, Daisy lay in her bed looking at the ceiling with a dead-eyed stare, and the other two disappeared from the house completely.
"Sorry," says Allison, on the other end of the line, "Did I hear you right? It's got to be a trap, you know what a little bastard he is."
"But I have to know," Daisy replies. It's dark now, and her eyes are trained on the view of Central Park outside of her window. "It could be a set up, but if I don't go, I'll always regret it. And this is the last time I'll ever come to New York."
Allison sighs. Daisy imagines manicured fingers running through soft blonde hair. "Look. It's not my place, obviously, because unfortunately both of my parents are still alive and blowing my inheritance. But you've gone this far in your life without her, and-- like, no offence, but wouldn't she have come to find you if she wanted you in her life?"
"Hmm," says Daisy. Allison is right, like she always is, but it's still a majorly fucked-up situation to find yourself in. "Lynette might not even be my mom, you know? She could be a random Korean woman he pulled off the web."
"Or an ex-criminal who lives in the suburbs waiting for your arrival so she can kill you," Allison adds. "She could be a ninja. She sort of has that look to her."
"Ninjas are Japanese, bitch."
Allison laughs. "Sorry. You know what I mean."
"Yeah."
A beat of silence, and then, "So, how are things with you and lover-boy going?"
"Allison, if I have to hear this shit from you one more time--"
"I know, I know. But, like, you two are cute, and I don't think anybody is good enough for you except me, but that's on hold until Renee gets bored of me."
Daisy laughs to herself despite her sour mood. "We did it once at a frat party, Allison, that doesn't count. You can't stay in love with me forever over it."
"Nuh-uh," Allison argues, the receiver crackling where she waves the phone around. "We did it at least twice. I distinctly remember different sets of panties--"
"Okay, I'll accept twice," Daisy says. "You should go, Dan and Renee are probably missing you. I'll see you in a week."
"Please try and leave your room, babe," Allison sighs. "It's making me depressed thinking about you being depressed, which is totally not fair on me. So, like, try. For me."
"I will," says Daisy, trying to put on her cheeriest voice. "Love you."
"Love you too." The line clicks, and the dial tone rings until Daisy snaps her phone shut. She rolls onto her back, arms spread wide across the mattress, and closes her eyes.
(So, here's the thing about Allison Reynolds and Daisy Cohen.)
(Allison had already been at Palmetto for a year when Daisy arrived, even though they're in the same year of college. Allison had been dealing with Dan, who was ruthless and cut-throat and just wanted to be respected by the boys on the team, and Renee, who hadn't really learnt to balance her faith and her relationships with others whose actions went against her beliefs, for an entire year. And Allison, finally free of every expectation she'd been raised with, was not going to be held back by them.)
(They didn't get her. Like, Allison couldn't blame them: Dan had raised herself in an abusive environment, stripping for cash on school nights and fighting for her future on the court, and Renee had finally found a stable (if not slightly culty) home after being raised on the streets as a drug runner. And while they didn't say it, Allison knew they didn't think of her struggles as real struggles. Being raised in a split-household, surrounded by billionaires and their wandering hands on one side, and paparazzi waiting for her to fail on the other. Being sent away to the Canyon Treatment Center after Dad's third wife saw photos of Allison kissing her 'best-friend' on TMZ, being abused there by the hands meant to save her and nobody believing her stories when she finally got free. Vowing to eat 500 calories a day on her fifteenth birthday to fit into a double-zero by her sweet sixteen. Having her first nose job at thirteen, her second at fifteen, and her first round of lipo a year later. Being disowned was the best thing to ever happen to a girl who wasn't pretty enough, wasn't sweet enough, wasn't good enough. Being disowned was the best thing that ever happened to her, and being set loose on Palmetto State University came in at a near second. That first year, though, was tough. With Dan and Renee breathing down her neck 24/7, Allison hoped and dreamed and wished that she could be back in her pretty pink Malibu cage.)
(And then Daisy came. They clung together almost instantly, because Allison needed a way to set herself free and Daisy needed a way to stay high. Dan didn't like Daisy's erratic nature, Renee didn't tolerate her hatred of religion, and so it was Allison and Daisy from then on. They met between classes, they organised study period and gym circuits together, they waxed each other's eyebrows and fake-tanned each other's backs every Thursday night. And, sure, friendships eventually blossomed between the other two, and the four girls became inseparable, but it was always Allison and Daisy. Clinging onto each other to stay afloat in a world that didn't want them alive.)
Daisy stares at Allison's contact in her phone, sniffles. She fucking misses her best friend.
She misses when things looked normal from the outside.
Then, an idea. She trots downstairs, looking very much the part of Traumatised Teenage Girl, and finds Randy in her office.
"Do you have a phone book?"
A quick search, a panic attack, and a few wrong dialled attempts later, Daisy finally gets through to the right person. From her spot in a window seat at the top of the stairs, she holds the phone in a shaking grip.
"Bergmann household," a male voice answers. When Daisy is silent, he repeats, "Is anybody there?"
"Hi," Daisy murmurs. "Is-- uh, Marie Bergmann there?"
"MA!" the voice shouts down the line, causing Daisy to flinch. "She's coming."
A few moments of silence, and then, "Hello, this is Marie?"
Daisy starts to cry almost immediately. "Hi Mrs Bergmann," she says shakily, barely able to hold the phone to her ear.
"Who is this?"
"It's-- uh, it's Daisy--" she manages to stammer out, scrubbing furiously at the tears pooling on her cheeks, "--uh, Margaret Cohen. Isaac Cohen's daughter?"
"Oh!" comes the soft reply. "Maggie, what a lovely surprise! I haven't heard from you in... what, five years?"
"Probably," Daisy whispers. "I just.. I'm in New York right now. I came with some friends. Do you think we could get coffee, or-- or lunch, or something? It's okay if you don't want to, you don't ever have to hear from me again--"
"Maggie, it would be a pleasure to see you again," Mrs Bergmann replies. Daisy can imagine her plump cheeks wrinkling up into a smile. "Shall we say tomorrow-- oh, but it's Christmas? Do you have any plans?"
"No," Daisy answers, too quickly. "I can come to you, if you'd like? Do you still live on the same street?"
"I'll live and die in this house," Mrs Bergmann chuckles. "But, yes. I'll see you tomorrow, let's say about noon?"
"Sounds perfect," replies Daisy, and she can hear the smile in her own voice. The line clicks shut, and she jams the heels of her hands into her eye sockets until she sees stars.
What on God's green Earth did she do that for?
Footsteps coming up the stairwell, and then an awkward cough. Daisy takes her fists away from her face and stares at Aaron through the haze of tears. "Do you want me to get Kevin?" he asks flatly. Daisy blinks.
"Why would you need to get Kevin?"
"Because you're fucking, right?" he says with half of a shrug. "Or at least, he really wants to be. He's half-hard at the mention of your name, let alone when you're actually in the room. That's what you guys do when he goes to your room every night, huh?"
"You little shit," Daisy mutters. "We're not-- we aren't having sex."
"Then what?"
She stares him down, straight into those dead eyes of his. "He's got too much trauma to sleep in a room alone, and he was too embarrassed to ask you guys. You're such shitty friends to him that he had to ask to bunk with me."
"It's not my problem he's an arrogant prick with a god complex--"
"Well, it sorta is," Daisy responds before he can finish. "He's a product of nurture, not nature. Andrew seems like the only person in your fucked up posse that gets that."
Aaron rolls his eyes. "Whatever. My rooms is below yours. I don't want to hear any nasty shit."
"Fuck off," Daisy grumbles, flipping a hand towards him. He turns and jogs back down the stairs, and she stares after him until he's gone. The window beside her shows the same view as her bedroom: Central Park, a great black smear through the middle of Manhattan at night time.
As oppressive as the darkness seems, it's almost inviting. It beckons cruel twisted fingers towards her, whispers 'come closer, get lost within and never escape', and it's hard for Daisy to not listen. Making smart decisions has never been her forte, and finding herself in places she might be killed really is a talent. That's how she ends up wrapping into a hoodie and beanie, stepping into those old beat-up running shoes, and descending to the front door of this ridiculous house.
"Where are you going?" asks the voice she really didn't want to hear.
"For a run," Daisy answers through gritted teeth. "I want to go by myself."
"You'll get stabbed," Kevin replies, stepping into her field of vision with folded arms and a smug look on his dumb fucking face. "Or drowned in the fountain."
"I've been stabbed once and waterboarded twice," she answers. "Wasn't, like, my fave activity ever, so I'll try and keep it in my past. Thanks for the concern, though."
"I'll come with you." It's not even a question, he's not asking if he can intrude on her plans. Daisy waits, seething, while he laces his shoes (bunny-ears, not the real way) and shrugs into a sweatshirt.
"You hate running," Daisy reminds him as she pulls the door closed behind the both of them. "You should stay inside and do Christmas shit with them all."
"I avoid cardio because it's pointless," he corrects. "And I don't celebrate Christmas either, you aren't the only special one here."
Oh, right. Of course they wouldn't have done Christmas in the Nest.
Daisy shuts up after that. She's got nothing to say to him; it's not necessarily anger, but maybe a resentment that he stopped her from doing something risky? She'll never understand how her emotions work, but at least she's getting better at it.
They jog up to the 65th street entrance, and south along East Drive, all the while in silence. The sounds of the city are swallowed by nature, and it's just them and the silence of the park in the depths of winter. They pass by the ice rink, where Nicky had bruised the side of his face in a freak skating accident only days before, and Daisy had managed to impress even Aaron with her figure skating skills. She'd taken classes every winter until Dad died, and apparently not yet forgotten how to twirl her way across the ice.
Her teeth are chattering as they reach The Pond, with no illumination other than the towering buildings surrounding them. The yellow streetlight bathes the water in an amber glow, and Daisy makes the final icy trek up to the bridge overlooking the small lake.
"Did you know there used to be a town here?" Kevin tells her, elbows brushing as they overlook the water. "Called Seneca Village. It was mostly low income residents, freed Black Americans and Irish immigrants and such. But rich folks in the city wanted a nice park, so they bulldozed the neighbourhood to build this place. They only figured out what was here before the park in the 70s."
"Wow," says Daisy. However sarcastic it sounds to him, she means it. And she listens intently as he runs his mouth for the next twenty minutes, teeth chattering on the bridge over the water.
"Sorry," he says after a little while. His eyes avoid hers, and he turns to face away when she looks at him.
"What for?"
"You can tell me to shut up, I don't care."
Daisy's eyes narrow, and she shoves him. "I'm going to tell you to shut up, but not because of that. I like listening to you talk. You make boring shit sound super interesting."
"I... thank you?"
"Yeah," says Daisy. Shut the fuck up, she tells herself. Then, Daisy does her second stupid thing of the day. "Kevin, you know I like you, right? Like, I like-like you."
He stares at her. "Uh, yeah. I do."
"So do you actually like me back, or should I give up? Because I'm sick to god of pussyfooting around you, afraid you'll find out about my big dumb crush."
"I-- Daisy," he tries to level, but she grabs both of his arms and squeezes hard.
"Do you like me or not? I'll leave you alone right now if you don't, and I won't try anything again. I just really want to know."
She doesn't realise the tears gathering in her eyes until she feels the warmth on her frozen cheek. This being-human bullshit sucks, can't I go back to being a drugged-up shell of a being?
"Of course I like you back, dumbass. I told you last night why we can't be together, but I still think you're hot."
"I'm blushing," Daisy deadpans. "So, what? You're just going to pine over me from afar?"
Kevin seems to consider his options, then says, "Yeah."
"You're kidding."
"I already told you why, D. I'm not putting you in any more danger than you already put yourself in on the daily. I mean, going for a run alone at night in Central Park? You're asking to get dragged into the back of a van and never seen again--"
She grabs the sides of his head with both hands, pulls him down towards her, and presses her lips firmly against his. His eyes close instantly and he falls into her, hands dropping low to sit on her waist while she clutches fingertips into his hair. For a few moments they just kiss, sweet lips pressed against each other with nothing but the icy air biting at their bare cheeks.
"That didn't feel very dangerous to me," Daisy whispers against his mouth, opening her eyes to see him staring down at her. Green eyes flare red with lust and his grip on her waist tightens.
"I was trying to not do that, Cohen."
"But you wanted to."
He tugs at her waist so that she steps forward, pressed flush against his body. "Of course I fucking wanted to."
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Scarred fingertips flutter over her skin, barely grazing flesh in a way that makes every hair on her body stand on end. Her nerves are on fire. His lips are on the side of her neck, suckling on top of where the blood is thudding straight to her brain.
"Do you want this?" he asks her, pushing up so their heads are side-by-side on the same pillow. Daisy rolls onto her side, pressed up against him in every way that she can be.
"Yes," she whispers. So he leans forwards, closing the millimetre between their lips. It's a sweet kiss, gentler than anything they've shared before. All previous touches have been in fits of passion, full of unspoken hatred and unbridled lust. But this... this is something different. One of his hands rests on the pillow to prop himself over her, the other ghosts above her hipbone. She raises her palms to cradle his face, her touch so gentle yet she feels every part of him all at once.
"Once we do this, it's going to be different," he says into her mouth.
"We've had sex before, Two."
He pulls away, a thin strand of saliva threading them together. "You know what I mean."
Daisy smiles, rubs her thumbs over the dark circles beneath those green eyes. "You'll just be glad you don't have to pretend you only want me for what's between my legs."
He scowls, but she can tell he's considering the thought. So she reaches up and kisses him again, this time biting down gently on his bottom lip. He gets the message, puts a hand underneath her shirt to cradle her breast, fingertips icy cold in the unheated room. The rest of his body is on fire, hovering over her and keeping her from feeling anything other than him. The kisses get feverish, he's itching to go further but a hand to his bare chest stills him. Something akin to a whine bubbles in his chest. Daisy raises her eyes.
"Can't wait, huh?"
He rolls his eyes. "You're so fucking annoying, D. Take off your shirt."
As soon as the thin fabric is pulled from her body, he begins an ungodly assault at her chest. Wet kisses leave a shining trail down the front of her throat, traces her sternum, then veers to the left as he mouths at her nipple. Daisy's fingers find their way to her underwear, tracing gentle fingers over the sensitive spot as he kicks out of his briefs and raises his face to hers again.
"Hey," she asks him, pushing her head deeper into the pillow to look at him in the lamplight. "Am I the first person you've had sex with?"
"That I've really wanted to? Sure," he replies, arching down to suck at the corner of her jaw. "But I wasn't a virgin before you, if that's what you're asking."
"Huh," Daisy says, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck. "Who was the first person you had sex with?"
"Is this really what you want to talk about right now? Having sex with other people?"
"How am I supposed to know if you've got any transmissible diseases? When's the last time you were checked, hotshot?"
"They test our blood samples every semester," he deadpans. "And I had sex with a couple Ravens over the years. Riko let me fuck whoever I wanted as long as he could watch."
"Yikes," Daisy mutters. "You're not, like, into that sort of thing, are you? Because the only person I would even consider inviting up here is Matt, and that's only because he and Dan and I once--"
He places a hand over her mouth, effectively quieting her. "Daisy," he begins, staring at her like he can see what's behind her eyes, "You have got to be quiet. You're really making me reconsider this entire thing."
She blinks. "I'm... nervous. We really are changing our entire thing right now, aren't we?"
"If you've changed your mind, I'll go."
"No," she blurts, too quickly. He tries to hide a smile, fails miserably. "I mean, you have a big fat crush on me. I wouldn't do you wrong like that."
"Sure," he mutters, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. "I like you, Daisy. I really do. But if you say one more word, there's going to be consequences you won't like."
"Oh, I double dare you to try find a consequence I won't like, Two."
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hiiiiiii i'm sorry i went missing for like two months again. college and work are kicking me in the BUTT and i have the WORST burnout imaginable. but here u go, a mediocre chapter. actually important stuff happens here that will affect the rest of the story, get ready for literally nothing to get better for daisy than this!!!!! ily all, lmk thoughts and feelings i miss u all sm and will try my darndest to get the next chapter out before i die xoxoxo