"We'll look who's smiling and happy." Kerry announced as I walked in.
I rolled my eyes but I couldn't help the smile that has grown bigger on my face.
"Just yesterday you were lower than a ankle bracelet on a flat footed pygmy now it's like you got married or something." Kerry said as he put a hand a my shoulder.
I was surprised at the pretty close guess from
him. But I knew he didn't know anything about what happened so I wasn't gonna make him question further.
"Who's the lucky gal?" Kerry asked.
"Not a gal." I said.
"Ahh ok... Did you get a new car?" Kerry asked obviously not getting the hint.
"I'll tell you later Kerry." I said politely. I wasn't gonna tell him later.
"Yes yes I know, you're a private person who likes to keep his secrets." Kerry said with an eye roll. I laughed at his dramatic observation of me and got to work.
"But seriously, are you okay? Cause yesterday was a lot for you." Kerry asked.
"Yeah i'm all good now. I know it's weird, I handled it. I'm better now." I said. I was scared he would push more but he nodded and got to work.
I was working on this Javelin. It was nice and I kind of wanted to get one like this. I don't know why. But it was beautiful. It was black with a white stripes across the hood. It reminded be of James and then I felt sick again.
I pulled out my phone and called James. I knew I was overreacting but I wanted to just be sure.
"What's wrong?" James asked.
"Oh uh nothing nothing uhh..." Fuck fuck think of something!
"Do you like Chinese or McDonalds?" I asked. I knew I just set my self up but it's whatever.
"Oh uhhhh Chinese." James answered.
"I'll pick something up when I get back. What do you like?" I asked as I slid a hand across my face.
"Mmm I don't really know. How bout you chose for me." He said.
"Alright. Do you um do you like shrimp?" I asked.
"Yeah, shrimp is amazing." He said.
"Ok." I said with a slight laugh. I loved hearing his voice.
"Yeah ok i'll surprise you. I'll see you in a bit." I said. It was silent for a second before I opened my mouth again.
"Love you." I said. I squeezed my eyes shut and my heart stopped. James was quiet for what felt like forever and I thought I said the wrong thing.
Instead, I heard a laugh on the other end.
"Love you too Kirk." He said. He hung up and I felt blush crawling on my face. I bit my lip and opened my eyes back up. I looked up at the ceiling and let out a sigh. The words were replaying in my head and they just made me so overwhelmingly happy.
Kerry seemed to notice the gigantic smile on my face and wiggled his eyebrows at me. I turned away from him and tried to focus back on what I was doing.
————
"Soooo.... Kirk." Kerry started.
Scott rolled his eyes at Kerry and let a hand slide over his face in annoyance.
"Not a girlfriend, not a car..." Kerry listed with his fingers.
"You really won't give this up?" I asked.
"No, I'm morbidly curious now Hammett." He said.
"You sure you weren't saying I love you to a girl?" Kerry asked. It felt like an interrogation almost as Kerry positioned himself with his hands on the table and his body leaning inward.
"Nope." I said popping the P.
It was lunchtime and I didn't bring any food so I guess I had no choice but to entertain Kerry and his morbid curiosity.
"Your mom?" He asked.
I shook my head no and he looked completely stumped. His brain is definitely conditioned to straight relationships. Kerry didn't seem homophobic he just would probably ask me uncomfortable questions.
"Damn Kirk. Why can't you just tell me? I know you have a girlfriend." He said.
"Not a girlfriend." I said.
Scott seemed to take the hint and looked like he wanted to beat Kerry for being so oblivious. Kerry noticed our annoyed staring and put his hands up in defense.
"What?" He asked.
Scott then whispered in his ear and the shock and realization set on his face.
"Holy shit you're gay?" He whispered yelled.
"Well technically-" I tried but Kerry interrupted me.
"I've known since the 12th grade and you liked girls, you love girls. What the fuck happened?" He asked.
"I like both guys and girls." I said.
"So do you have like a boyfriend?" Scott asked.
I nodded my head in response and Kerry had an oh my god moment.
"Oh Ok, so who is the lucky cowboy?" Kerry asked with a mischief grin.
I gave him a look that hopefully got my point across.
"Yes I really need to know." Kerry said with an eye roll.
"Do you remember that blonde guy that came in like months ago?" I asked.
"You know how many blonde fellows come in here every hour. Everyone here is blonde." Kerry said sarcastically.
"Does the name James Hetfield ring a bell in your head?" I asked.
Kerry looked up like he was thinking for a moment.
"No not really." He said.
"Is that the guy that the guy was talking about yesterday?" Scott asked.
"Oh yeah that's him." I said.
"Ew that short guy?" Kerry asked.
"No dumbass the guy that he was talking about." Scott said.
"Still doesn't get the cogwheels turning." Kerry said.
"Good." I responded.
"Is he okay? The guy seemed to be really desperate and worried." Scott asked.
"Yeah he's doing better now. Very long story but I fixed it, hopefully." I said.
"Is he hot?" Kerry asked. I rolled my eyes but smiled as an image of him popped up. He looked really good with longer hair.
"Ahh so that's a yes huh?" Kerry teased.
"Yeah, he's okay." I said casually.
"With a smile like that I don't think he's just okay." Kerry teased again.
I threw my head down to try and hide the smile on my face.
"How did you even meet this guy?" Kerry asked again.
"He needed his truck fixed then we hooked up. Then I saw him at a bar and we hooked up again and then he gave me his number then I started seeing him regularly and yeah." I explained.
"So like do you take it or does he take it?" Kerry asked.
I rolled my eyes and got up. I could hear Scott tearing Kerry's ears as I got up and left to go work some more. I know it's an innocent question from Kerry but if I tell him then he's gonna ask me how it feels and shit and I really don't want to have to explain that.
But that did bring some ideas. I haven't slept with anyone in like ages. I noticed since I've seen James yesterday i've been kind of fiending for it. But I want it to come naturally and not me forcing anything, if that makes sense.
—————
"James?" I asked as I walked through the door.
There was no answer and I felt sweat dropping down my face. I placed down the few bags of groceries and the takeout on the table. I couldn't see him in the living room and I got kind of worried.
"James?" I asked with more urgency.
I walked to the hallway and saw his door was closed. I quickly walked to it and opened the door. I saw that James was lying on his bed and sleeping. I let out a sigh of relief and closed the door back.
I walked to the living room and sat down for a few before I got up to put the groceries away.
As I was putting the groceries away I felt arms snake around my torso and a soft kiss with the addition of hair on my neck. It was weird for a second until I heard a grumble in my ear.
"Good morning." I said as I looked up at James.
He gave me a kiss and walked to the takeout bag. Hopefully he likes what I got him, if not I wont get it for him next time.
"What's this?" James asked.
I turned around towards him and saw him looking at the food I got him.
"Teriyaki shrimp." I said.
"I thought you'd get me shrimp fried rice or something." He said.
"Then why didn't you tell me?" I asked with annoyance in my voice. But I could never get annoyed with James, at least not for long.
"Hush. This better be good." He said as he flicked my forehead. I blushed and watched as he slowly ate a shrimp.
He nodded and put a thumbs up indicating that its good.
"There's noodles if you want." I said as I turned back to doing what I was doing.
James hummed in response and walked to the living room. I eventually joined him with my food and we watched TV together.
"Thats fucking stupid." James huffed. We were watching some war movie that was in black and white.
"What happened?" I asked as I looked up at the TV.
"This guy is incapable of like anything; can't see, has no legs, can't speak and they're tryna keep him alive even though he just wants to die." James explained.
"That's sad." I said. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
"It's inhumane. He's practically already dead." James said.
I hugged him to calm him down since he was getting a little worked up. It's a very sad story but I don't think I want to hear him yelling right now.
"I'm sorry, that's just such bullshit. I truly feel bad for the guy. Hopefully he finds peace by the end of the movie." James said.
"Is that my hoodie?" James asked, now focusing all of his attention on me.
I looked and saw a grin on his face. I looked away quickly to avoid the teasing bound to come.
I felt his hand on my cheek, slowly pulling my face towards him.
"Looks cute on you." James said.
I gulped and tried to keep looking into his eyes. He was grinning and his hand slid up to the back of my neck. He then leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed back gently and allowed his tongue to enter my mouth. I put my hand on his thigh as his other hand found it's way up my shirt.
I moaned gently and leaned by body onto James's. I felt his hands on my belt eagerly pulling it apart. James then grabbed the hoodie I was wearing. I pulled away but eagerly kissed him back but had to pull away again so he can take of my shirt and wife beater. I laid my head on his shoulder. I was breathing really heavy and I was pretty turnt on.
"Is this too soon?" He asked.
"No. I want this." I responded.
I felt him adjust on the couch. He was now laying on his back. He slowly took off the joggers he was wearing and I blushed like a girl. I felt so perverted watching him undress but I couldn't pull my eyes away. He seemed to enjoy me watching him. I was biting my lip as he finally slipped his underwear off. I decided to do the same and quickly threw my jeans and my briefs off.
I got on top of him and kissed him. He grabbed onto my hips and rocked so my dick would brush over his semi-hard on. I pulled away and planted kisses on his bare torso before stopping at his pubic hair. I looked up at him and he seemed pretty into what I was doing.
I licked along a vein on his cock and teased him before I put the whole thing in my mouth. It's been a while since i've sucked a cock but I quickly found my rhythm. My head was bopping up and down along with James's thrusts. I let him grabbed my hair and lead me. He was pushing my head further down on his dick and tried my hardest to swallow around his length. He cursed my name as the tip of his cock hit the back of my throat. I choked and tried to pull my head up but James kept me there. I felt tears in my eyes and I clawed at his thighs. His pubic hair was tickling my nose and he finally let up.
I coughed as I wiped saliva dripping from my mouth. I was heavily turned on with James's roughness and he seemed to notice as he eyed me with a hungry grin on his face.
"You liked that huh?" He asked.
I sheepishly nodded my head yes and he got up and pulled me into a kiss.
"You like it rough?" He asked. The talk that was probably unintentionally dirty but it was driving me insane. I moaned instead of saying yes. I was embarrassed but James laughed at me and pushed me down onto the couch.
"Do you need anything? Prep?" He asked. The idea of James fingering me or eating me out crossed my mind but I just wanted him to hurry up and fill me to the brim.
I shook my head no even though it's been a hot minute since i've done it with a guy. He lifted my leg over his shoulder, like always, and planted his arms either side of me. I got a nice view of his chest and ran my fingers down his body. I smelled his cologne and the cross necklace hanging from his neck.
It reminded me of something and I wrapped my arms around James neck and pulled him into a soft kiss whilst he was breaching me. I winced at the pain of being stretched.
"Do you need me to stop?" James asked.
"Fuck, no." I panted. I adjusted myself and James slowly moved.
I moaned quietly at the tingling feeling now. James started with steady thrusts with an occasionally hair tug or gripping me really tight. It took me back to my passionless hookups I had with other guys in the past but this felt a little better since it was with James.
James pulled out then motioned for me to flip. He got off of the couch as I got onto all fours. He smacked my ass and I yelped and bit my lip down so I wouldn't make anymore sounds I would come to regret. He then pushed my head down so that my ass was just in air and then pinned my arms behind my back.
I groaned in pleasure and he started to wildly fuck me. I couldn't contain my screaming and I knew his rough grunting meant he was getting close. He pulled my hair and I whined as I came on the couch. He then pulled me up and hugged me then I felt a warm sensation oozing in me and I knew he had came in me. This wasn't the first time but it felt special. A lot of guys came in me before but James felt the most heartwarming.
He was panting my name as he buried his face in the crevice of my neck. I leaned back and let him place a hickey on my lower neck. He sucked on my skin with a few occasional bites. The he finally pulled out and hugged me tighter.
"I've really missed you." He whispered.
"I've missed you too." I whispered back.
We stayed like that for a while until James got up and hopped into the shower. I knew I definitely had to shower but I decided to wait for him instead of joining him. The idea of James dying still haunted me. I know we're well past that but I couldn't help but still think about the 'what ifs'. I bit my lip and he came out with a towel around his waist. I got up and walked into the bathroom that smelled distinctly like lemon.
———————
your fault. your fault. Your fault. YOUR FAULT.
I shot up and my breathing was heavy. My heart was beating out of my chest and I took a couple breaths of relief as my gaze shot towards James. He's alright.
God I can't do this anymore.
The nightmares are becoming out of hand. Maybe its because this is around the time my dad died?
"Kirk?" James asked softly as his hands softly rubbed my shoulder. I looked at him and saw him supporting himself with his elbow.
"You alright?" He asked. He sounded worried and he sat up.
"You're crying." He said as he wiped the tears away.
"I... I had a nightmare. It's nothing." I said as my voice quivered. I frowned at myself but tears rushed out my eyes.
James pulled me into a hug. He laid down so I was lying on his chest and he cradled me softly. I held onto him for dear life and vowed to myself that I'd never leave his side ever again. I've missed laying with him in bed while its early morning and pitch black outside. I've missed everything.
"It was my fault James." I said.
"What was?" He asked.
"I... I k-killed my..." I tried but I couldn't utter the words.
"No. Don't say that. It was accident." He said.
"How do you even know? I never told you." I asked with a hint of anger in my voice. How could he know?
"Then tell me. What happened?" He asked.
I bit my lip and breathed James's scent in.
"He was teaching me how to change the pipe. I put the jack on but I took a shortcut cause I wanted to hurry up and go play with my friends. My dad always scolded me for not doing things properly but I never listened. He was under there then all of a sudden the jack collapsed... and he... while he was under the car." I tried but I ended up crying again. James rubbed my back and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"That wasn't your fault. Not your fault at all. Don't say that." He said as he wiped tears off of my face again.
"But James-" I tried.
"Hush. Nothing is your fault. You weren't wrong. It was a freak accident that had nothing to do with you. No matter what the shortcut on the jack or your dad under the car it wasn't your fault. I love you Kirk and I don't want to see you beat yourself up." He said.
I nodded and laid my head down on his chest. I let a finger trace on his chest.
"I was scared." I said.
"Of course you'll feel scared." He said.
"No. Not about my dad. About you." I said.
He went quiet and he stopped rubbing his hands on my back.
"I kept thinking about my dad and when Lars came and said you went through 5 bottles of Jack and Whiskey I thought you were gonna die." I said.
"It got too much for me to bare and I spilled guts everywhere. The thought of you lying in a pool of your own vomit wasn't the best image for me." I felt his hand squeeze my waist tighter and I exhaled.
"I ended up passing out and I was so scared that because I took the extra 2-3 hours you were gonna be dead, and would be all my fault. Just like my dad and I couldn't lose another person."
"It still worries me so much to the point where it feels like my heart is sinking. I want you to be okay. I don't want your... I don't want it to be my fault." Again.
James was silent and I looked to see if he dozed off but he was looking straight at me with an emotion I couldn't quite make out. Anger? Fear? Embarrassment? Resentment? Love?
"Kirk... You're smile is the brightest i've ever seen." He started with a serious voice. I blushed at the sudden compliment and continued to stare into his eyes that were looking at me with that look.
"Your laugh is about the cutest thing i'll ever hear and the way you moan when you're extremely pleased. You're so talented and intelligent it shocks me someone could be as amazing as you." James said. His gaze turned into a more love able stare and his features softened. I was in shock and probably all red from the things James said.
"I'd never throw that away, throw you away." He said. I could feel the warmth in my face from his words. He lifted my head up towards him and I could see him with a serious look on.
"Do you understand?" He asked in a serious voice. I gulped and nodded my head. He smiled and kissed my head.
"I love you.. James." I said, i still wasn't used to uttering those words without cringing.
"I love you too." James said. I smiled and inhaled his scent once more. I kissed his chest softly and laid my head on it. I found out I liked being held like this and I think I like the roughness of a man more than being rough with a girl. Girls were still pretty and interesting to me but I think I like guys more.
I hugged and snuggled closer to him. He rubbed my back and I felt my eyes growing heavy. He said something but I was too tired to know what he was saying.
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A/N: I was gonna write kirk opening up next chapter but i kind of didn't. I'll still do a next chapter but it probably won't be too long.