🚨TRIGGER WARNING - mentions of unhealthy eating habits, unhealthy coping mechanisms and suicidal tendencies 🚨
PREVIOUSLY ON: Dawn of New Change
We have the final battle and get to see all of the Avengers fight against Ultron's army. S.H.I.E.L.D. and War Machine help make sure to take care of the citizens of Sokovia. Ultron, whose numbers are starting to dwindle, tries to run away but the Avengers take on each and every single version of him. Taeyong tries to help the Hulk get back to the Helicarrier when Ultron shoots at them both. Pietro doesn't die, because FRIDAY is a legend and protects him!
Taeyong, with his dad and Thor, manage to destroy Novi Grad. But he falls into the water, his suit in stealth mode and unable to be tracked, dissociates too hard to help any of the Avengers find him.
The next time that Taeyong woke up, it was in a familiar setting. He was lying in the Avengers infirmary, looking upwards at the fluorescent lighting. He squinted slightly, but kept his eyes open whilst he listened to the happenings around him. There was someone shuffling around the room and when he eventually turned his head to the side he found a doctor.
"Doctor Cho?" he said, feeling his throat dry up and he tried to clear it, blinking slowly.
She looked up from her clipboard, giving Taeyong a smile, relieved. "You're up," she noted, setting her clipboard down and walking over to him, bringing a hand out and looking over his vitals from a screen beside his bed. "You gave us all quite a scare down there for who knows how long," she said, finally bringing up a chair and sitting down on his bedside. She let her shoulders drop and gave him a small smile, "Your father is probably being notified as we speak, so he'll be here soon."
"What happened?" he croaked.
She pressed a few buttons on his bed and slowly, the top half started to move upwards. Taeyong shuffled, letting himself sit properly and look over at all the wires sticking out of his arms. He tried to breathe in deeply, feeling a pit grow in his stomach as he stared at the pale and unhealthy flush that had overtaken his skin. He looked so sickly, all grey instead of his usual tan skin tone.
"I need you to breathe in deeply for me," she said, bringing over a bottle of water with a straw in it. Taeyong let her hold the water to his lip, drinking it eagerly as he bobbed his throat, trying to rid the dryness. "This can be a bit scary, but you're awake now and in recovery."
"That's right," Tony said, voice jovial but eyes darting and tracking Taeyong's movements. The teen was blinking up at his dad, who had adjusted the lights and let them dim for a moment. Taeyong appreciated the gesture as he tried to settle down. His eyes remained on his dad, chin tilted upwards so he didn't have to look at his arms.
His pale and sickly arms that looked more like skin knotted around his bones than actual arms. With wires that were connected to injections that were pumping unknown fluids into his body. Taeyong tried to breathe in deeply again, but it came shaky. He cracked. Tears glistened around his eyes and he started to cry, biting on the bottom of his lips to keep from making a sound as Tony walked the rest of the way into the infirmary and sat beside him.
His dad took his hand, squeezing it softly and Taeyong let out another shaky breath, feeling his shoulders rise and tense. "Dad," he cried, squeezing the man's hand. "Dad there's-"
"It's okay," Tony whispered, reaching over and wiping his hair away from his face. "You're okay buddy."
"No- Dad- I'm n-"
"It's alright Taeyong," Tony said, his voice cracking and eyes taking on a sheen of water. Taeyong shook his head, with tears rolling down his face. "It's going to be okay, bud."
"Dad," Taeyong whispered almost harshly. "I'm- I fucked up," he cried, hiccuping. "I'm really not okay, I haven't been for a while," he confessed. Tony closed his eyes, ducking his head and Taeyong brought another hand up, caressing his father's hair. "Please, dad..."
"I can help," Tony muttered, squeezing his hand. "I can help you."
"No," Taeyong shook his head, wiping his eyes quickly. "No you can't," he stressed. "This- I can't get help from you, Not you dad."
Taeyong had never seen his dad so devastated, it was heart wrenching watching his father completely vulnerable and helpless. Tony had not always tried his best with Taeyong, not when he was first brought over from the police station all those years ago, but he had been trying so hard ever since Afghanistan. Taeyong cried harder, not wanting to hurt him more than he had already done but couldn't say anything. Neither Stark's could.
***
Taeyong had stayed under Doctor Cho's care for the better part of two weeks, with certain visitors flowing in and out of his room. His dad tried to help but Taeyong didn't want to see him so Tony would sit on the side and they would remain in uncomfortable silence. Something neither of the Stark's wanted.
Pietro and Wanda knocked quietly and sat next to Taeyong whilst they tried to keep him company. Taeyong looked at them both, eyes switching between them as he tried to determine what their intentions were.
"We mean no harm," Wanda said finally, breaking the tense silence.
Taeyong blinked and then narrowed his eyes at her, "you read my mind?" She gulped, looking down at her knees, expression guilty. Taeyong felt his hands turn into fists, "I told you not to do that."
"It's not her fault," Pietro defended. Taeyong wanted to scoff, he turned to face Doctor Cho, who had come in and was assessing his vitals. "She can't control it."
"Then she should have thought about that when she got them," he spat, feeling his hands clench even tighter. Taeyong breathed in deeply and turned to glare at Pietro, "what do you want? To make peace? To ask for forgiveness, or do you want me to apologise?"
Pietro frowned, "what are you sorry for?"
Taeyong rolled his eyes, "I'm Taeyong Lee-Stark, fucking shit up comes with the name. That was my name on the side of that bomb, remember? The one that destroyed your lives. Would you like my apology?"
Wanda shook her head quickly, "that was not your fault."
"It was not my fathers either-"
"He made it-"
"I made Ultron," Taeyong said easily. He fell back against his pillows and winced as Helen Cho started to replace his fluids. "We're not friends you know?" He looked up at the fluorescent lights. "Just because we fought together and you realised that you want to be an Avenger- just because we work together now, doesn't make us friends. I don't care what happened on that battlefield," he turned to stare at Wanda, feeling helpless. "This is your fault."
Her jaws were clenched, but she put a hand on her brother's arm. "Your fear was always there. I simply brought it to light."
Taeyong scowled, "I was fine before-"
"You didn't fight before," she tried. "You stayed behind a computer and watched the Avengers. You train and train, but that was the first time you were ever in actual danger-"
Taeyong scoffed, "guess someone didn't hear about two years ago."
"I guess someone finally realised the danger he was in," she spat. Taeyong rubbed his eyes, flinching when his needles jostled. Wanda stilled, "...your mother." Taeyong gritted his teeth together. "She overdosed... I remember your vision-"
"Shut the fuck up," Taeyong hissed, getting up. He shoved Helen's arm away from him and leant forward, towards the twins. "Get out," he seethed. Pietro frowned, but grabbed his sister's arm and guided her out of the room.
Taeyong turned back to where Helen was standing, she was quiet but observing him. "What?"
"Nothing," she said. "Is there- sorry. No. Nothing."
***
"Well, well, well," Taeyong gave a lazy grin, "if it isn't my second favourite Avenger."
Steve grinned, walking in with a tray of 'pure' food that was supposed to give Taeyong all the nutrients and healthy stuff that would help him. He absolutely detested whatever food item was brought to him each day, but he'd still rather eat physical food than being back on fluids.
He sat up comfortably, letting Steve lift his pillow up and helped bring the tray over to the bed and latched it on the fold-out table. Taeyong lifted the plastic lid and gasped, "pizza?!"
Turning to face Steve who chuckled lightly and nodded, "yep. Figured you could try some good ol' thin crust with somewhat healthy toppings. Right Brooklyn-style this is."
"Oh Steve," Taeyong bent down forward and breathed in the cheesy, greasy, tomato-y scent like he was starving and moaned. "Okay, you're officially the best Avenger. Sorry Clint..."
"I'll be sure to pass the message along."
Taeyong grabbed a slice and bit into it happily, chewing and savouring the flavours. He grinned wickedly and let Steve have a piece of his own. Steve started to talk, letting Taeyong simply eat his greasy meal with minimal participation. He was going on about music that Taeyong had introduced to him, they were going through the decades and because of the whole Ultron debacle, had to put a stop to their 1970s research.
Which was basically blasphemy, putting David Bowie on hold.
"He was amazing," Steve gushed, having started to set up their little walkman. Taeyong leant against Steve and they both started to listen to Bowie's 'Space Oddity' sharing earphones. Taeyong bobbed his head along with Steve's, finally munching quietly to the bowl of grapes that were left over.
Neither of them noticed Helen Cho walking into the room until she was standing just before them, arching an amused brow. "I haven't seen one of those in a while," she said, once they had finished and were just about to pick out some new music. "What are you listening to?"
Steve blushed, "David Bowie..." Taeyong grinned, nodding.
Helen gave a light humming sound and moved forward, hand extended towards Steve. He showed her all the CD's he had brought with him and she grinned a little wider. "Gosh, I remember Queen, I loved them so much... There- there's something about 'Bohemian Rhapsody' that just resonates with your soul you know? Like- like," She clicked her fingers.
"I don't know how but one day, I remember in class-" at this, she sat down next to them and started to put the new CD into the walkman- "it was in Physical Education, our teacher put on some music. We were running track, and suddenly 'Bohemian Rhapsody' came on and I kid you not, every single child in that class sang every lyric. I did too," she chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck. "I didn't even know I knew the lyrics, English wasn't my first language but I remember singing along to every single word. Every. Single. One," she emphasised.
"Whoa," Taeyong whispered.
"Whoa indeed," she pushed play and let the song start. "Queen, Bowie, Elton John... these are some great British artists."
Steve gave a shy nod, still embarrassed. "We're in the 1970s, next week it's the 80s."
Helen grinned, "also really good music. Taeyong... you ate your food?"
Taeyong nodded quickly, looking down at his empty tray. All that was left were some grease stains and crumbs. His glass of water was half empty already. "I have. Steve got me pizza."
"Pizza is good," she murmured, looking down at his food with a critical eye. "And you ate it all?"
"I did," Taeyong said, feeling anxiety crawl in his stomach.
But unlike a line of questioning that he was expecting, all he got was a carefree smile. "Good. Was it Chicago style? That's my favourite."
"Brooklyn," Steve answered.
Taeyong nodded along, "I like Chicago style though... Obi used to fly some in, it was good."
"Yes... food holds memories I think. My Eomma used to say that at least," Helen then turned to Steve. "What about you? Favourite food?"
Steve gave a soft smile, "ahh... there was a sugar ration for a while, so anything sweet is always nice?" Taeyong looked between the both of them and shrugged, turning to lie back on his pillows.
***
When Taeyong was finally discharged from the Infirmary, he had his dad to help him with physical therapy. Taeyong and Tony were on 'speaking' terms, at least whenever they had to record new successes that is. Like when he had to take Taeyong on a walk for the next thirty minutes around the Avengers compound whilst everyone else was actually training.
Taeyong looked over longingly as Steve and Natasha whipped up everyone into shape. Rhodey was there and he had the most experience which meant he was just better. Wanda was the most unstable, not knowing how to fight without her powers and then not really knowing how to control her abilities anyway. Vision was also in the same boat, never really knowing the extent of his strength. Pietro was a dumbass, Taeyong concluded, watching the Sokovian pass out on the ground from too much exhaustion.
Johnny was also on the side-lines, watching on and with some of his homework off to the side. He had on sunglasses as was occasionally flipping through some pages of his textbook, before inevitably going back to watching again. That was a new development, Taeyong had Johnny stuck to his side ever since he was discharged.
"How 'bout we take five?" Tony asked.
Taeyong didn't deem his dad with an answer, instead, walking away from him and in the direction of his oldest friend. Johnny greeted Taeyong with a tense smile and patted to his side. Taeyong slumped down and lent against the wall, sighing because they were in the shade and he was sweating from all that walking.
"You doing good?" Johnny asked, taking his empty notebook and lightly fanning Taeyong.
"Yeah," Taeyong nodded. He lay on the ground and let Johnny continue to fan him, "just thinking."
"About what?"
"Everything... nothing... Bruce?"
"Doctor Banner?"
Taeyong nodded, "I just wished I could've done something." He had heard from Natasha and then Fury and then Tony on all separate occasions that after the Hulk had set him down on the helicarrier, he had taken Ultron on the Quinjet but never made it back. The Quinjet, also rigged with Stark's stealth mode technology meant he could've been anywhere.
"He'll turn up," Johnny said encouragingly. "It's a little hard trying to hide the Hulk anyhow."
Taeyong nodded, biting his cheek. "Gotta think about the Vision thing too. He- I think-" Taeyong groaned. "I missed Jarvis."
Johnny was quiet, staring down at his lack of homework, before he took off his sunglasses. "Yeah man, I miss him too." Taeyong exhaled deeply, almost feeling as if he were sinking into the ground and he let them both settle in the silence for a while. Taeyong knew that something had happened in the Seo household and that's why Johnny was tense lately.
There was a nagging ache of guilt that had nestled itself comfortably in Taeyong's spine, just at the top of it. That's where his guilt lay and that's what he kept holding onto whenever he saw Johnny. Ultron was a mess and the Avengers were busy but Johnny was going through something. Something big enough that he hadn't actually gone home since Taeyong got dispatched.
He was practically a permanent resident at the Avengers Tower and was starting to talk to the supers with ease instead of awe. Taeyong, as curious as he was, decided to let Johnny tell him at his own pace. So whilst he lay there, in the shade, with the sounds of the New Avengers training in the background, he waited for Johnny to finally muster up the courage to tell him what was going on in his life.
"I hate my dad," Johnny whispered quietly.
Taeyong opened his eyes, squinting slightly in Johnny's direction. He had stacked his books away and was sitting with his chin on his knees, arms around them with a pout adorning his youthful features. Taeyong tilted his head, thinking slowly. He had still not met Mister Seo and didn't know a lot about the family situation, other than the fact that Johnny hated him, Mrs Seo didn't and Mark was indifferent.
"I hate him so much," he whispered, voice quivering. Johnny closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "I just- want him gone."
"Did he do something?" Taeyong asked, deciding to sit up, he leant back on his hands.
"No... Not to Eomma or Mark."
"He did something to you?"
"He did nothing to me. He did nothing and he left," Johnny said with such hatred Taeyong blinked, stunned. He had never seen Johnny like that before and for a second, Taeyong wondered if that was what Wanda was scared of whenever Taeyong was near her. His hatred at what she had done to him, what she left of him. It was all her fault.
"He left and then he waltzed back into our lives and I didn't even try. I just decided to ignore him, you know?" Johnny sniffed. "I didn't give him the time of day and he must have thought 'oh, well if my only son doesn't want to be a happy little family then I won't try' and he did just that."
Taeyong frowned, "did- do you want him to be your dad?"
Johnny wiped his eyes, "I don't want him to be my dad. I just-" his voice cracked- "I just want a dad."
"Oh," Taeyong said, feeling out of his element. He turned back to look at the rest of the Avengers. Tony was standing on the side and watching over them. His eyes had heavy and dark looking bags under them, he was not wearing his classic get up and he hadn't shaved in a while. His usual goatee was fuller and unkept. Not only had Taeyong left him, but Pepper had too. Taeyong felt a lump in his throat.
"I hate him so much," Johnny said finally, turning back to his books. "There's not a place on this planet fucking far enough away from him..."
Taeyong nodded slowly, "Yeah..."
***
"Hey dad," Taeyong said, leaning against his father's doorframe, looking into the man's bedroom. Tony was messing with the sheets but had stilled at his son's words. He looked up, eyes just as tired as Taeyong had remembered but lightly glistening in the low glow of the lamps. He was hopeful.
"Hey bud," Tony cleared his throat, standing up straighter and letting go of the comforter. "Need anything?"
"I wanted to talk," Taeyong said, stepping further into the room.
"Yeah- yeah sure," Tony motioned over to the bed and Taeyong gave a strained smile, crawling into it. He looked back up at his dad and patted over to the other side. Tony grinned, walking around and crawling into the bed, giving them some space.
Taeyong didn't look at Tony, instead staring ahead at the desk space and wall-hung TV. He let the silence invade him, knowing it made his dad squirm before he inevitably broke the tension. "I enrolled in a Sixth Form course... in England," he said, voice clear and practised. He had been saying those words over and over again in his bedroom for the better part of twenty minutes.
"Right," Tony said, staring at Taeyong. "You still want to study in England-"
"Sixth Form, which is at my age level, so I'd be with kids who are also turning seventeen this year," he said. "I'll start university at 18 like everyone else, I want to go to Imperial. I want to study and..." Taeyong turned, facing his dad head-on. "I've decided to go to therapy there too."
Tony was silent, "you did all this without me?"
"Dad-"
"No, I get it. I mean, at least you have a choice right now. My old man shipped me off, but you're willingly leaving-"
Taeyong frowned, "don't be like that-"
"What do you want from me?"
"Dad, I'm killing myself," Taeyong whispered, feeling his shoulders tense. "I can't- I haven't-" he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He was not going to cry. "I'm not an Avenger. I'm not a hero like you dad and this is going to get me killed. I need to go away, a fresh start. I-" he opened his eyes and shuffled so he was sitting and facing Tony- "I don't eat properly. I'm sure you've noticed."
"Taeyong," Tony whispered, hands coming forward, almost to cradle his face but stopping. "This- we can fix this-"
"No we can't. I can't- I need to control something in my life and that-" Taeyong clicked his tongue. "For the longest time the only way I could control anything was my food intake. I couldn't stop Obadiah from going off the rails, or you from almost killing yourself during New York. I couldn't help with Whiplash or even Killian. I can't- I can't do any of that."
"None of us expect you too, you're just a kid," Tony reached forward, finally touching him, holding his face softly. "You're my kid."
"I know," Taeyong said. "But I want this, properly. I want to leave, get my SATs-"
"I'm pretty sure they're called A-levels," Tony whispered.
Taeyong chuckled, "shut up. I need to set my boundaries... I've been reading."
"You have, have you?"
This was good. Tony joking was always good and Taeyong knew his dad. Knew that he was warming up to the idea. "You can't visit, no holidays and no birthdays. Only calls when you miss me, but I don't- I'm going cold turkey," he nodded, cheeks squished from between his dad's hands.
"I'm... also taking Johnny with me."
"Um... okay what?"
Taeyong grinned, hands coming up and curling around his dad's wrist. "Johnny needs a break too and you trust him to take care of me. We'll look after each other, like you and Rhodey."
"Those days were very different but, okay... Okay." He groaned and pulled Taeyong closer. The younger teen yelped, face falling into his dad's chest, nose pressing against his arc reactor, just there for the aesthetic over the health complications. Taeyong closed his eyes and let his body sag against his dad's, letting Tony manoeuvre him so they were both lying down.
"FRIDAY? Get the lights."
NEXT TIME ON: Dawn of New Change
"Brilliant," Taeyong reached forward and wrapped his arms around Vision's middle, catching the AI off-guard. "You can hug me back, you know?" He smiled as Vision's arms wrapped themselves around him.
"I shall await for when you return from England... big brother."
"...Neat."