CINDY
It's about six in the morning when my mom calls me, waking both me and my beautiful boyfriend. Except Levin tries to go back to bed while I actually have to answer the phone and speak to another human being.
"Hello?" I answer groggily.
"Please tell me you're not asleep still, Cindy."
"Not anymore."
God, this phone call is already giving me flashbacks to high school when my parents would call me from work to make sure I was up early for school. I thought I was past this. But apparently, being in my mid-twenties with my own house and soon my own child doesn't entitle me to beautyrest like I imagined it would at thirteen.
"Cindy! We're taking pictures today!"
Pictures? Is it someone's birthday? Is one of my cousins getting married? I'm so fucking confused. The last time I was awake this early was... I can't even think. As far as I'm concerned, it was never ago.
"Huh? Pictures for what?"
"The little maternity shoot! Now, hurry and get up, we have to be there by seven. Do you need a ride or can you drive?"
"Um... I really can't do this today, Mom. Maybe another day? Preferably not at the ass crack of dawn, please?"
"You're getting too close to your due date, baby. We gotta do it today. Marley is booked for the rest of the month, she can only do this for us today."
"Marley?"
"Uh-huh..."
"I thought she broke up with Dahlian?"
"Yeah, well, she broke up with your brother. Not me." I can practically hear her tapping her foot. "So, are you coming?"
"I... Fuck." I groan as I sit up, rubbing my hand down my face. "Sure. What's the address?"
"Just come to the house. And wear something white, please."
"All right. Love you."
"I love you. Thank you, honey. See you in a bit."
"Mm-hmm."
I feel Levin tossing and turning next to me, and then a moment later, he sits up too. I look over at him and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The bathroom door was left open last night and... dear God. He loves me and I look like this in the morning?
He smiles sleepily, leaning in to kiss me once on the lips.
"You look so sexy in the morning." I tell him, pushing hair out of his face. "I look like fucking Buddy Pine and Rick Sanches's love child."
He tilts his head at me, obviously entertained. "Who?"
"Incredibles? Rick and Morty...?"
My boyfriend blinks at me, shaking his head like he has no idea what I'm talking about, but I know he's messing with me. We've watched both together on numerous occasions. It's too early for our games, so I wave my hand dismissively and get out of bed.
Once I've done my makeup and I'm dressed, I ask Levin if he wants to be in the pictures, and he says:
"Of course, I do. That's our baby, now."
Then, I tell him he needs to match me, trying to hide my smile because being moody in the morning is a personality trait of mine. Him being cute shouldn't change or disrupt that.
He changes into a white button up and khaki shorts, and I can't help but laugh at him through the mirror when he's putting on his cologne.
Smiling, he says, "What?"
"You have your dad outfit! It's perfect."
Levin rolls his eyes at me. "Oh, shut up!"
"I love it!"
"Whatever, man."
I know he's trying to act cool because he's blushing. Did he really think I wouldn't notice? Or was it not even on purpose? It's almost exactly what I described to him two days ago when we had our little talk.
"It suits you, Lev." I tell him, bumping his hip with mine.
"Everything suits me." Right when I'm about to agree with him, flirt with him a little, he speaks up and beat me to it, saying: "Especially you."
And it's true. So, so true.
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We get there right at seven. Everybody but me has their coffees, and I wish that I could have caffeine right now. I feel like I'm going to pass out any minute now. Like, when you were in math class and couldn't keep your head from lolling or keep your eyes from closing.
Anyway, Marley has a white screen and a bunch of lights set up in my mom's living room, all of the furniture pushed aside. Mom's bouncing Eryn on her knee, watching me excitedly. And I don't get why she can be so happy about this when I'm so so miserable.
I miss sleep.
Marley hugs me, greets me, tells me where to stand, how to position my hands and legs, comes up to me to fix my hair, tells me what kind of expression she wants for me to wear. And then at some point, she asks me if I'm comfortable doing one in just my bra and panties, and I've never been more glad that I'm a matching set kind of girl in my whole life.
I pull off my dress, do the poses she instructs me to do, and I try not to look at Levin because he's looking at me like he's the inappropriate kind of hungry, and I don't want to look flushed in any of these photos. My misery might as well produce some good fucking pictures to hang up in my house.
I'm in the middle of putting back on my dress when the doorbell rings and my dad opens the door to reveal Tommy.
Mom texted me when we were on the way saying she invited him, but I didn't think he would actually come. He's never been a morning person.
Everyone greets him, me and Levin included, and then I take pictures with Tommy first. Surprisingly... It isn't terrible.
We don't pose "intimately," just pose in ways where he's touching my belly or something. And then when Levin and him switch, I notice this look pass his eyes. It's almost sad, and I feel a little guilty that he has to see this. Especially when I haven't talked to him about what he would think about Levin being involved.
His opinion on it wouldn't change how I want things to go, but I could have at least warned him. I just didn't know that today was going to go how it's going so far.
I take pictures with my parents, and then Cole comes downstairs, so he joins us. And at some point, Dahlian shows up and he joins us as well. Then, we take the last few photos including everybody. Levin, Tommy, my brothers and my parents.
"Okay!" My mom claps her hands together. "Who's hungry?"
I swear everyone in the room makes an almost animalistic noise, following my mom into the kitchen. Dahlian stays back to help Marley pack everything up, and I wonder for a second if this is a second-chance romance in the making or if my brain is just never to be cured of the beautiful damage that romance novels have done to it.
Either way, I'm too hungry to fully care.
Apparently, Mom had prepared a huge breakfast for everyone last night, so it's a cute little breakfast date with the whole family. And it's beautiful, the laughter and jokes, the way everyone here just makes sense.
Tommy and I laugh as stories are told, Levin and I tell our newer stories, Mom and Dad bring up baby stories, and my brothers start recalling every bad thing I've ever done to them to everyone at the table. And then, before the arguing and bickering can begin, we've all finished our food. We say our thanks and bid farewell, all that good stuff, and part ways.
Levin and I are on our to the car when Tommy jogs up to us and asks if he can speak to me for a moment. Kissing my temple once, Levin tells me he's going to start the car and leaves us to it.
"What's up?"
"I just wanted to say thank you, Cin. For including me."
I want to tell him that it was my mom who invited him, not me. But I think if my mom hadn't, I would have. Not immediately, but I would have realized that this little photoshoot would have been wrong to do without him. Soren is his kid too.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
"Things are still tense, is all."
"Yeah, well, it really sucked what you did, Tommy," I say, crossing my arms. "And I know that we 'sorted' it, that I told you I forgive you, but... It still sucked."
"I know. But I love you, okay? Maybe not like I used to, but I still love you. I hate that I hurt you, Cindy, and I just hope we can be better to each other in the future. For Soren's sake."
I nod slowly. I've been good to him... mostly. He's the one who needs to "be better" to me. But I guess it was one mistake with a few stupid actions to follow it. Just a mistake. It would be stupid not to forgive him.
When I don't say anything else, he says:
"It's a beautiful name by the way. Soren. I keep thinking about it, imagine calling it to him."
I've been doing the same thing in my mind. How I would say his name when I'm mad or when I'm worried. I think it's the only thing that's going to be keeping me sane through the rest of the pregnancy.
"Beautiful name for a beautiful person," I say.
He places a hand on my shoulder, squeezes it once. "He would have loved you naming our son after him."
I smile a little.
He would have. I always imagined that if Sawyer had grown up, if he had never done what he did, that he would have only grown into his personality. He would look exactly how he acted. Stubborn, a little cocky, hilarious, and a million times more kind hearted—if possible.
If he were here to see me decide to name my son after him, he would gloat about it. He would brag to everyone he knows, he would be the world's greatest uncle.
My eyes burn at the thought, and I have to blink about a thousand times so I don't end up crying.
I lean in to hug him, and we stand there for a few moments.
When he pulls away, he says, "We should take Soren to see Sawyer's mom. Once he's here and things have been settled."
Tommy didn't know Sawyer very well. They'd spoken (mostly argued, actually) a few times, but I love that he's thinking of his mom. It reminds me that, as much as he's kind of sucked in recent months, he still has a pretty heart. He's still a kind person... When he wants to be.
"That's a great idea. I haven't seen her in ages."
"Yeah..." He tucks his hands into his pockets. "Well, I should go. I have sleep to catch up on."
I frown. "You're not going to stream?"
"I'm cutting back on the hours. You know, to prepare for Dad duties."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Speaking of, Tommy, we should talk about how Levin's going to fit into all of this. I—"
He shakes his head all fast, eyes wide. "No, no. Not at all! Cindy, I want you to be happy, and you seem like you are with him. It would actually be amazing knowing there's someone to take care of you and Soren when I can't."
It's probably the most genuine thing he's said in a long time. And I don't know if I'm tearing up right now because I'm so proud that he's finally growing or because he's wearing that cologne that used to give me allergies.
Whatever it is, I don't exactly want to stick around to find out, so we say our goodbyes and I head back to my man.
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Once we got back to his parent's, house we both fell back asleep.
Now, it's the middle of the day and Levin went to go meet up with his people about hiring, like, a scarecrow or something? I'm not sure.
Levin thinks it would be best to have someone on "our side" to make sure no one else disturbs me at my house. At least while he's going to be gone again now that he has to get back to training tomorrow.
I told him I've been thinking about moving anyway, that I could just start looking for a place now, but he said that if I'm going to move out of my place, it's going to be because he's going to be the one buying a better place for the both of us. And he thinks we should wait a while longer before we even think about any of that.
It's stupid, though, isn't it? Going from having about twenty people parked outside my house to just one guy is definitely way better, but I miss when my biggest problem was freaking solicitors.
Finally, after thinking about this whole thing for an hour straight, I decide I need a snack break. Levin and his parents have made me feel so welcome that I don't get that anxious buzz walking all the way to the kitchen, not like I did when I was fifteen and would enter a friend's kitchen alone for the first time.
Levin's mom is sitting at the island counter, on her laptop as she sips something from a small mug.
She looks up from the screen. Her eyes settle on me and she smiles all big at me. Like my mom does when she hasn't seen me in a while.
"Hi, Cindy."
"Hi." I respond as I make my way to the fridge. "How's your day going?"
She shrugs. "It's going. Today's been a little boring."
"I wish I could say the same. My mom called me at five AM, telling me that I had a maternity shoot to be at. I don't even remember ever hearing about it!"
"Classic Mom thing." She chuckles. "I wish I could have gotten all of my girls to do a cute little photoshoot. Maybe I still can with Mandy."
I laugh softly, grabbing a tub of yogurt from the fridge. "I doubt she'd like that."
"You're probably right... Oh! How did the photos turn out? Have you gotten them yet? I'd love to have some to hang up. You took some with Levin, right?"
"Mm-hmm. They turned out pretty good, but I'm not going to have the actual photos until Monday."
"Oh, alright. Send me them when you do so I can get a big one printed for the entryway."
She wants me in a picture to hang up in her entryway? It's insane to me how these people already treat me like I'm apart of their family when Levin and I haven't even been together for a whole year. But it's also kind of beautiful. I haven't felt like I've belonged like this in a very long time.
I nod and smile, telling her I'd love to see myself up on her family's "Hall of Fame" wall.
After I serve myself my little snack of yogurt and fruit, I head back to the room to watch some TV. I'm at the bottom of my bowl of yogurt and halfway through a Ben 10 episode when my phone rings.
Without looking at the caller ID, I answer... which is my first mistake.
"Hello?" I say.
"Cindy? It's Alexa. Can we talk?"
Not hanging up immediately is my next.