I've been sitting on a swing at the park for over an hour now, thinking, trying not to cry while simultaneously hating life.
I grew up coming to this park.
It was where my parents used to take Mitchell and I every weekend, well, almost every weekend. Sometimes we would spend our weekends elsewhere. But this place... This place was one that felt, oddly enough, safe.
Does that make any sense?
The sun was now setting in the west as I slightly swayed on the swing with my hood over my freshly shaved head.
Whenever I had imagined myself with a buzz cut, if ever, I always saw myself as looking too weird, that my head shape simply would not suit having short hair. Which, let's be real, was an accurate observation.
It's a good thing I had no near-future plans to socialise.
"Hey." His voice caused my heart to skip a beat.
Grayson?
"How did you know that I was here?" I asked him, wiping away my tears in a panic.
This is embarrassing.
Then again, I've pretty much nailed the art of embarrassing myself at this point.
I hear his tongue click. "I may have snapmap stalked you." He admitted, taking a seat on the swing next to me. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I say, sniffling.
"No you're not." He says.
"It doesn't matter." I reply.
"It does to me." I can feel his eyes on me as mine were glued to the ground beneath me.
I take a deep breath, allowing the fresh and cool night air swim inside of my lungs before I calmingly release.
"What if my mom doesn't make it?" I questioned, tears falling from my weary eyes.
"Dal." He says, standing up and walking over towards me. He kneels down in front of me, placing each of his hands on my knees. "You can't think like that."
God I'm pathetic.
I'm so upset that my chest was starting to hurt.
"Your mom is an amazing person. She's strong, and she will beat this thing." Each of his thumbs move in a consoling, circular rhythm.
I sit there for a few minutes, the night air numbing against my face.
"Did you... did you get a hair cut?" He asked.
I had almost forgotten that I was angry with him.
I snap out of my weak minded state and moved backwards a step, away from his touch. I stand up from the swing and start to walk away. "I have to go."
"Wait, Dal." He gets up from the ground and walked behind me.
"Leave me alone." I tell him.
His hand grasps my wrist, sending chills to my spine.
"Please, talk to me." He implored.
How dare he.
I pull my arm out of his grasp as I turn to face him, allowing myself to be completely vulnerable. "I've never liked anyone before." I admit to him. In the moment, it seemed less embarrassing. "You're the first person I've ever liked. And you hurt me."
"I'm sorry. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you."
"It doesn't matter now." I say.
He clenched his jaw as a gust of wind breezed through his hair. "What are you saying?"
I sighed. "We're done."
"Dal...."
"I don't want to see you anymore..."
"Dal." He tried interrupting me again.
"And I don't want you to come around my house anymore."
"Can you let me fucking talk?" He said both angrily and desperately.
"It was nice knowing you, Grayson Scott." I give him a dejected smile before turning away.
He takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers together. "Please." He choked. "Don't leave."
He gently pulls me towards him so that our faces are only inches apart. Tension between us lingers in the air like invisible currents of electricity.
"Stay."
"I'm sorry." I pull away from him, and his hand that was clasped in mine slackened as he returned it to his side.
Overwhelmed, I speed walk away from him, tears blurring my vision.
I did the right thing.
We were doomed right from the start.
I wipe tears away as I cross the sidewalk and make my way to cross the street when Grayson cries out my name, followed by the deafening sound of someone's horn blaring through my ears.
I was stunned, like a deer in the headlights.
The car is going too fast to stop.
I'm not going to make it.
Holy sh—
Two hands come from behind and shoved me forwards, out of the way of the oncoming vehicle.
My face collided with the asphalt as the car's tires screeched, followed by the sound of shattered glass and scraping metal.
Dazed, manage to get up off the ground. My face tingled, and my right shoulder hurt.
Grayson....
Fuck.
I turn around to look at the aftermath.
The car was flipped on it's side, and Grayson's body was by the gutter.
I rush over towards him, and I notice that he's not moving.
Why isn't he moving.
"HELP!" I screeched.
FUCK!
I slid onto the ground beside him and reach into my pocket for my phone so that I could call 911.
"911, what's your emergency?" The operator says.
My voice quivered. "Help," I take a breath. "There's been a car crash. My friend-"
I look down at him. His face is grazed, and he's bleeding.
"He's not moving. And there's a driver, the car flipped." I cried.
"Where are you?" The operator asked.
"Swanston street, by the park." I say in a panic.
"Help is on the way. Could you please stay on the line, I'm going to try to help you through this."
"Okay." I respond.
"Firstly, I'm going to ask you to check if your friend is breathing. Do you think you can do that, sir?"
I look down at Grayson and his eyelids are fluttering rapidly, his eyes rolled into the back of his head.
"Fuck. I think he's having a seizure!" I cried.
"Alright, try to remain calm. Help is on its way."
"How the fuck can I remain calm!?" I snapped.
"I know he's your friend, but I need you to try to-"
"Hello?" I panicked. "HELLOOOOO?"
Fuck.
OF COURSE MY PHONE DIED!
FUCKKKKKKK!
All I could do was sob as Grayson was seizing, unable to do anything else but wait until the paramedics arrived.