It's been exactly three days since the ball and I wake up in my new room in my new house in my new pack. Everything and everyone is new to me and finding my bearings and feeling like I belong has not been and will not be easy. Amari Nash, my mate, because apparently that's still a thing that I didn't dream up, is lovely and I feel the pull of the bond, but she gave me my own space because things at the Ball did not end on such a pleasant note.
We danced for a while, and I was in heaven with her. I just felt so free, so seen. As if I mattered the most in the world, an unfamiliar sentiment. I didn't want the evening to end. I held onto every moment I could with her because I knew that if I let her go, it would all go away, and I will be thrown back into insignificance and I dreaded it.
But like all good things, it came to an end along with the night. The music stopped and farewells were said, and I now had to confront my reality. My mother came to meet us after the ball, after all, introductions had to be made. We needed to sort of do a hand-over-take-over. My mother greeted Alpha and Luna Nash with all the respect that befits them. Then she greeted my mate with the excitement of a mother-in-law and I became hopeful. I thought I'd finally done something worthy of her attention. Worthy of her affection.
I was mistaken. She pulled me to the side under the guise of final goodbyes and took me a distance she was sure even the super hearing of a wolf would not be able to discern.
"Can you not do anything right Charlotte Odair?" She began, "Do you not get that if you're mated to the Nash family, it is of no benefit to Grey Valley? We already have an alliance; we needed a union. If our two neighbouring packs came together, imagine how big our territory would have been? Then you had to show up here and ruin it!"
I couldn't believe it! She was actually mad at me for something I have no control over whatsoever. I don't facilitate the bond. I am subject to it, just like anyone else. I told her that in the hopes of appealing to reason.
"Then you should have stayed home. I didn't know it when I left you, but now I see it was for a reason, but you've always been so stubborn!" Obviously, she was not in the mood to be reasonable.
"What do you expect me to do? Apologise? As if I'm the one who did this? As if I'm the one who wanted this?" I defended.
"Yes! Apologise, for stealing your brother's destiny! For taking away your Pack's chance at security! For dishonouring the memory of your father by not making sure that the attack that killed him never happens again!"
"Me? Dishonour dad? When he died you threw me away like I never even mattered. He'd have never allowed that. So, it is you who dishonours him!" I had hardly got the words out when I felt the hot slap across my face.
We were silent for a while, both reeling from what just happened. Both shocked for different reasons, I'm sure.
"You think I wanted this?" I began, "To be mated to this family? To move from being in Kane's small shadow to Amari's huge one? If I could turn away from this, I would. But where would that leave me? Back home? With you? No. At least being a nobody here will hurt less. So, I'm going to stay, not for this stupid bond or this girl or this pack, I'm staying here because you hate it so much. Because it makes you so angry. Because me being here makes you the insignificant one."
She tried for another slap, but Kane, who had been there and silent the whole time, held her hand. "That's enough mom, you've done enough." He said as he pulled her away from me. "Goodbye Letta, I hope you find more than what you hope for."
Those where his last words to me before he and my mother left me at the Silver Moon and I have not heard from either of them since. When I got back to Amari she looked at me very differently, and treated me very differently. She looked at me with pity and treated me with caution, and I didn't know why until we arrived at this house and she led me to a room that wasn't hers.
"Since you're only here to spite your mother, I think this distance is needed until you find a better reason."
She'd heard me. I don't know how but she had, and she was hurt by what I said. I could have explained. I could have told her that I didn't mean it. That my mother brings out the worst in me and I would have said anything to get under her skin. I could have told her that at that moment I needed more than anything that closeness we shared when we danced. That I needed to be near her because she grounded me. But I didn't. I just stayed where I was and allowed her to think I didn't really want her because a part of me felt like she didn't really want me. She handed me a change of clothes and showed me where everything was, and she left.
We have not talked much since. Just pleasantries and awkward looks at breakfast. Her Beta, Brianna, I think, and her mate are friendlier to me. But then again, I guess it's because they didn't hear what I said. They try their best to make me feel welcome and I'm grateful for it.
This morning, I've decided to immerse myself into the pack. Since Amari has not yet sent me away, I figured it was time I acted like I wanted to be here, and maybe she'll see the effort and welcome me like her friends seem to have already done. I get up and take a shower before I have another awkward breakfast with Amari. I go to my room and get ready for training. I hear she is very involved with this so maybe if I keep showing up, she'll start to like me more.
I get dressed in sky-blue biker shorts and a matching sports bra. My brother sent most of my stuff here, so I didn't have to ask Amari for her clothes which has been bitter sweet. I head out to training with Amari, Brianna and Monroe, and there is conversation happening, but nothing is said between Amari and I. We are talking, just not to each other.
"Okay Charlotte," Amari finally says to me when we arrive at training, "Since this is your first day, you will fight against some of our warriors so we can assess your level, then we'll see where you fit in for training."
"Yes ma'am," I say, and regret it almost immediately, but it makes her smirk a little.
"Don't be nervous, okay?" she says, patting my shoulder, "These are some of the best trained fighters in the world, so I don't expect you to overcome them, these fights are diagnostic so don't put too much pressure on yourself," she reassures before walking toward a taller dark haired man. They talk for a little and then he looks towards me and that's when I realise I'd been staring her the whole time, and I look away.
Most of the other pack members are polite but I don't know them and they don't know me well enough to socialise with me, so I stand alone for the time that Amari is not with me. Brie and Monroe are already training their classes so they can't save me either.
Soon enough, The tall man walks towards me with a huge smile on his face.
"Hi, I'm Timothy!" he introduces, "I'm the head warrior and it is so lovely to meet the beautiful mate of our dear Amari." I look over his shoulder and see Amari roll her eyes and smile at his intro, she stays where she is, but she's paying attention to our interaction.
"Hi, Timothy," I reply, "It's a pleasure to meet you!"
"I'm sure it is," he says with a wink and I let out a quite laugh. He seems nice.
"So, since you are of Alpha blood, we won't waste time having you fight easy fights, we'll hit the ground running with Trevor."
When he says that, a young looking warrior steps up and introduces himself. He seems friendly enough, and on Timothy's instruction, the fight begins. He is a tough competitor. I know I can beat him, but I also know it is going to be a little difficult. He is very skilled and I would say is on par with some of our top warriors.
After a fight that lasted a little longer than ideal, I manage to beat him. He taps out and I look at Amari, hoping I had impressed her, but although she is looking towards the fight, her expression is unreadable. She looks deep in thought and I make a mental note to try harder for the next fight so I can at least get some sort of positive reaction from her.
The next fight begins, and I am up against a huge guy. I was too far in my own mind to get his name, but I am already dreading it. The fight begins and its obvious I'm going to lose. I try my best, but he is much stronger than I am so my blows have minimal impact and his blows really take a lot out of me. It's not even a long fight. It is humiliatingly short and in my shame I turn to look at Amari and all I get is her back as she's already turned to leave the training grounds.
She didn't go to another corner, or look away to not watch me be embarrassed she left the entire training. She just left. No word, nothing. I feel worse that I think I would have felt had she been there. An all too familiar feeling creeps into me. I feel like I disappointed her. That's two bad impressions in a row. What type of Luna will I be when I can't even fight properly. I lost in the second round!
How pathetic
I decide to remain at training. I'm too ashamed to confront Amari right now and besides, I don't want to invade her space any more than I already have since she seems to not want me around. I do everything I'm instructed to do at training, and it doesn't take long for me to understand why this pack is superior to mine and why mine will never catch up. They are like a well-oiled machine, working together and not competing against each other. Even when they spar, they push each other to be better fighters, whereas back home, it was always a competition. No one wanted anyone to win or be better, so we were consequently a disorganised collection of individualistic fighters.
Additionally, everyone here is friendly. Some of the warriors call me Luna, although I ask then not to since I'm not yet there, and others call me by my name. My name, not my brother's name or my family name, but my name. I'm Charlotte here, granted, I'm still attached to a bigger name, however insignificant I may be, I am at least somebody.
After training, I make my way back with a person named Deidra. She says that Amari asked her to take me back home since Monroe and Brianna had to attend to other business. I'm grateful for the company and Deidra seems amiable and we easily fall into conversation.
"Sorry, if you don't mind that I ask this, but what's up between you and Ames?"
Ames
I wonder if Amari would let me call her that, but before I get distracted, I respond to the question Deidra just asked with a simple "What do you mean?"
"Well," she begins, "Usually, at this time, mated wolves would be walking around sporting each other's marks, but you and Ames aren't really doing that."
We halt for a moment as I think it over. I know the reason, I'm the reason, but I'm not going to tell her that.
"I guess we just want to take things slow. None of us were hoping to find a mate at that Ball, I mean Amari was looking to someone in the Royal family," that admission irritates Venus, "And I was there as my mother and brother's unwanted plus one. At Grey Valley, which I'm sure you've heard, forced mates are kind of the norm, so I figured after my brother got his, then I'd get mine. Then I was mated to Amari, and although the pull of the bond is powerful, there's a lot of psychological adjustment needed. I want to know her more and know her pack, and besides, there's no rush. I'm her mate, and everything that comes with that will come."
And, also, Amari heard me tell my mother that I didn't care about the bond and that I was here just to spite her so now she's keeping me at arm's length because she doesn't trust me.
Deidra seems satisfied with the answer I managed to say out loud, but the silent part brings back the worry I had before. Now I have to confront Amari and I resolve to actually finally talk about what happened. I spend the rest of the walk in my thoughts and it seems so does my companion, to my relief. She manages to pull me out of my head by saying something that catches me a little off guard.
"I guess that all makes sense. Also given everything her dad said happened to her growing up, it makes sense that she's a little careful about new people, even if it is her mate."
I want to ask follow-up questions, but we arrive at the house too soon and I don't want to say anything because now I know that Amari can hear me from very far, so I just nod my agreement despite my confusion.
When I get into the house, I greet Rita, who has also been really friendly to me, and make my way to our wing. I get into my room and after a shower decide to go and talk to Amari. Before I can knock on her office door, I hear her tell me to come in, so I do.
"Hi," she says, looking at me as make my way into her office and sit down on one of the chairs opposite her.
"Hey, I think we need to talk," I say, and she leans back, giving me permission to proceed.