Y/N's POV
By the time Friday rolled around, I was feeling like absolute shit. I have no idea what to do. I'm just so exhausted. I know Mel is trying to help me and all that, but I just don't want her help. I've been trying to avoid her as much as I could for the past few days, because she's trying to make me eat. I mean I know she means well and she isn't forcing the food down my throat, but still you know...
I've been cutting a lot lately, trying to get rid of all the pain and gulit or whatever I've been feeling. If Mel only knew about my cutting problem, she'd probably flip. Why am I so fucked up, couldn't I just have one illness? Why do I have so many stupid fucking problems? God, I hate myself!
My father has left me alone, so at least something good, but I don't know how long that's gonna last. I bet he misses his human punching bag.
My thigh is getting better, walking doesn't really hurt anymore and I'll be taking the stitches out in a few days.
Anyway, today is Friday, finally. I need to get away from all the people at school. I'm currently sitting and trying to get through English without falling asleep. I'm scribbling on a random piece of paper, not really drawing anything just stupid lines, just to keep myself awake. Is it working? I mean, not really. My eyes are totally not closing.
The bell finally rang and as I was getting ready to walk out the door, my fucking English teacher called after me. Ughhh! Why?! Just why?! "Umm yes?" I said annoyed. "Ms. Y/L/N, can you please explain to me why you never pay attention in my classes and often sleep through them? And as far as I know, my classes aren't the only ones you do that in." The teacher explained as he waited for my response. Well what am I supposed to say to that? "I'm sorry Mr. Miller, I'm just going through some... stuff, but my grades are quite good, so I don't see the problem." I raised my eyebrows at him. "The problem is your behavior Ms. Y/L/N. If everyone in this class was acting like you, school would be pointless and I would be useless here." I chuckled a little at his response. "Well, aren't you kinda useless here though?" He raised his eyebrows, taken aback by my response. Then I saw a hint of anger in his eyes. "Excuse me?! I will not tolerate this behavior Ms. Y/L/N. I have no other choice than to give you detention and now get out of my classroom." He pointed at the door as he took a deep breath to calm himself down. I just walked out without saying anything else. Great, fucking detention. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut? And the best thing about all this, is that Ms. Benoist usually manages detention, so just great, note the sarcasm.
And to my bestest of luck, I happen to have Art now and of course I'm fucking late, 'cause of Mr. fucking Miller! Can't I have any luck?
I walked into the classroom without knocking and saw all the faces looking at me. God, I hate people. "Sorry I'm late Ms. Benoist, I got held up by Mr. Miller." I explained to her whilst sitting at the front seat. I guess this will be my seat for the rest of the school year. "That's okay Ms. Y/L/N, stay after class." She demanded before getting back to her teaching. Annoyed I slumped into my seat and put my head on my arms that were laying on the desk. This is quite comfortable actually. I started getting really sleepy again and at this point I didn't really care about the consequences, 'cause I already got detention, so I just let the sleep take over me.
"Y/N... Y/N wake up." I slowly opened my eyes, confused about who was shaking me awake. I looked up and saw those ocean blue eyes, Melissa's hand was on my shoulder drawing circles on it. "You fell asleep again. What's going on Y/N? Talk to me. Please." Melissa sighed as she looked into my eyes, searching for any kind of clues in them. "I'm not gonna get angry or anything, so please be honest." She added with pleading eyes.
I sighed giving up. "I'm just so tired and exhausted Mel. And honestly the whole 'you have to eat' thing is really not helping either. And to add to that, I keep worrying about everything, like if my father will find me, or if he hurts you, etcetera. And I can't even fall asleep most days and I just... I don't know what to do..." My eyes were filled with tears as I watched Mel's expression. Her eyes were filled with soft blue colors and worry. "I'm so sorry you're going through that baby. And I'm sorry I'm making it worse." She looked down with sadness. "You're not making it worse Mel." I stated as I put my hand on hers. "I know you're only trying to help me, but sometimes it's just hard. But honestly you've helped me a lot Mel. You're a really good person." I saw her smile as she looked up at me. "Awww, look at you, saying nice things about me." She teased me and I chuckled at her cute voice, shaking my head.
"Oh I almost forgot, I actually got detention today. So I was wondering if you're gonna be with me for detention or if some other teacher is managing it today?" I asked hopefully. "Yeah I got a message about you having detention today. Mr. Miller's message seemed a bit harsh. I'm guessing you two had an argument or something again?" She asked, already knowing the answer. "Yeah, he's such an asshole though." I whined, remembering the argument, taking place like an hour ago. "Don't whine princess. Come on, detention awaits." She tapped my arm before getting up. "Can't we just stay here?" What is it with me and whining today? I'm like a fucking child. "Stop whining and get up. Come on baby, we'll get through detention and then we can go home and do whatever you want, hm? How does that sound?" She raised her perfectly shaped eyebrows. "Sounds good or at least the getting home stuff." I chuckled and finally got up even though I REALLY didn't want to.
Once we got to the right classrom we both got seated and I got my sketchbook out whilst thinking of things I could draw. "So I'm guessing you wanna draw?" Melissa more like stated as she looked over to me. "Umm, I dunno. I don't really know what to draw though, I just feel like doing absolutely nothing." I sighed, feeling all sleepy and tired again. "Okay, could you come here?" Mel gestured with ger hands. I obeyed, walking slowly to her, until I was standing right in front of her. "C'mere baby." She tapped her lap, gesturing for me to sit on her lap, so that's exactly what I did, straddling her lap whilst hugging her. "Good girl." I blushed, hiding my red face in the nape of her neck. "Awww princess, don't get all shy on me now." She smirked teasing me. She really likes teasing me. "Shut uppp." I whined again, feeling flushed. "Hey, don't be mean baby. Now shush and close your eyes." She rubbed soothing circles on my back, making me even more sleepy, if that's even possible. "You're safe Y/N. You're okay, I'm here now. You don't have to worry about anything right now." She kissed my forehead and at this very moment I finally felt at peace. I felt like a little child that doesn't have to worry about anything yet. I felt safe. I felt like I was finally home. Home. The place that I've been searching for my whole life, only to find a person instead of a place.
Is this what love feels like? Am I even capable of loving someone?