As everyone but Rowena and Crowley—who didn't need to eat and wanted some time alone—gathered in the kitchen, Dean gingerly made his way to the pantry to get the spaghetti while Jody headed to the freezer to get the garlic bread. Sam started to help while everyone else congregated around the table and the island. Mary placed Jack in his highchair and Emma sat on her father's lap.
"So, what do y'all wanna do after this?" Gabe questioned, flipping his chair around to sit on it backward.
"Well, Dean wanted to do something outside, so what do we have that we can do outside?" Charlie asked.
"Is there even anywhere to do anything outside?" Kevin questioned.
"There are no grassy areas around, but if you lay some sleeping bags out, the road right outside the front door should be nice enough," Cas clarified.
"Add some lanterns and it'll feel like camping," Claire added.
"True," Gabe nodded. He didn't think the Winchesters owned any lanterns, but they should be pretty easy to create. "I think we're far enough from the city to be able to see stars when it gets dark enough."
Emma, previously more interested in tracing the design on Cas's shirt, looked up at the mention of stars. "Oooh, I've always wanted to see stars. There weren't any in Purgatory."
Dean looked over his shoulder and locked eyes with Cas, the angel holding their little girl tighter. The poor girl had never had a normal life, having only been alive for a few, horrible days before having to fight to survive in Purgatory. The hunter would never forgive himself for how her life ended, even if it wasn't his fault, and leaving her in Purgatory was going to haunt Cas for the rest of his immortal life.
"What game do you guys wanna play? I don't think we could handle another game of Monopoly, especially with this many people."
"What about Uno?" Gabe suggested.
"I don't know what that game is, but I have a feeling it might end in bloodshed," Cas noted.
"You would be correct," Charlie pointed at him, "but that's what makes it fun."
"I remember the boys playing it with just the two of them and it would get pretty heated," Bobby reminisced. "I think I remember Dean tackling Sam at one point."
"He would tackle me if he lost any game," Sam corrected.
"That's not true," Dean cut in.
"It so is. You're such a sore loser, Dean. Even against the kids."
"Yeah, remember that one time we played mini golf?" Claire reminded him.
"I was not a sore loser. I was impressed if anything."
"Uh-huh."
"Anyway, enough talk. Dinner is served. Come get a bowl."
Dean, being the gracious host he is, waited until everyone had some to take a bowl for himself. He hadn't had to move a whole lot while making dinner, so he was a little stiff as he tried to make his way to the table; the stools at the island were too high for him to sit comfortably without agitating his wounds. Gabe had decided to forgo eating tonight and noticed Dean struggling, so he hopped up and grabbed the hunter's arm, guiding him to sit between their brothers. The man mumbled a "thanks" before digging into his meal.
As everyone enjoyed their spaghetti, Dean noticed his brother staring and pushing around his food more than eating it. Nudging him with his elbow, he asked "What's up with you?"
Sam sighed before looking up. "We never really talked about it."
"Talked about what?"
"Why that shifter was here, why he looked like Dad, and why we're watching out lives in the first place. I mean, God explained it to us, but we didn't really question it. We question everything, especially if it comes from God. We got home from a case and just decided, 'ok, we're doing this.' Since when has that ever been how we do things? I mean, God hasn't been in the equation since the Apocalypse, and that's a maybe, and we're suddenly cool with him ordering us around?"
"Wow, how long have you been thinking about this?" Mary asked.
Instead of answering, he turned to face his brother. "What was the last hunt we did? Before we started watching this?"
Dean let out a disbelieving laugh. What, did Sam forget? "It was the... the..." Dean furrowed his eyebrows. Of course, he remembered what it was. Didn't he? But the more he thought about it, the less he remembered. Then something clicked. "Wait, we weren't on a hunt."
"We weren't?" Cas questioned. "I remember mentioning something about our hunt before."
Sam shook his head. "We'd all been here for hours by the time they showed up. Whenever I try to remember what we were doing before they showed up, it's like I hit a wall."
"Like the wall Death put up when you got your soul back?"
"Exactly."
"Wait, you lost your soul?" Mary questioned.
"It's a long story," Sam waved her off.
Dean was trying to remember what they were doing when he felt a hand on his arm. Looking down, he found Cas holding onto his right arm. The arm was harshly rubbing a very specific spot on his left arm, right below the inside of his elbow.
"Did it have something to do with the Mark?" He mused.
Charlie's head snapped up at the mention of the thing she died for.
"Possibly," Sam agreed, "but I'm not sure. I can't remember anything about what we were doing. Not even a hint."
Gabe leaned forward and placed his hand on Sam's cheek, his eyes closing as he let his Grace flow through his boyfriend. After a moment, Gabe took his hand back and opened his eyes.
"Looks like there's a wall there alright. I'd take it down, but it's a little above my pay grade."
"Father?" Cas questioned, already knowing the answer.
"Dear old Dad, indeed," Gabe nodded.
"So, I guess the only thing we can do is wait to see if he removes them or they break down themselves," Sam settled. "But that makes me wonder, what were we doing that was so important that God had to change our memories of it? Cause he didn't just block them, he straight up changed them."
"I am worried about that as well," Cas agreed.
"Dammit, I hate it when entities mess with our heads," Dean groaned, taking a big bite of his spaghetti. "Does privacy exist to these fuckers?"
"How often does that happen that you have an opinion about it?" Mary questioned.
"Way too damn often. And, anyway, God hasn't done anything for the last forever, and suddenly now he's here and fucking with us? I don't get it."
"I don't, either. But I think our best bet is to let this play out. Hopefully, our memories come back with time."
Despite the grim topic, the mood was left unaffected, and the conversation drifted into a more easygoing territory.
After dinner, the teens helped clean up afterward while Sam, Dean, and Cas looked through various storage rooms for lamps and thick blankets or sleeping bags to lay on the ground outside. When they came up empty for lamps, Gabe conjured them and everyone headed outside.
It was a serene night, one of the only ones the group had had in a very long time. To be able to just enjoy quality time together was something that people in their profession just couldn't afford.
Claire, Charlie, Kevin, Gabe, and Emma were gathered on one blanket as they played Uno while Dean, Sam, Cas, Bobby, Jody, Jack, and Mary were gathered on another. Crowley and Rowena still hadn't shown up, so who knew what they were doing.
Dean lay between Cas's legs against his chest, the angel's arms wrapped around him. Sammy was lying on his back beside them watching the stars. Mary was playing with Jack and his toys while Bobby and Jody quietly chatted about the boys and hunting. From his spot leaning against Cas, Dean smiled at the laughter he heard coming from his little girl across the way. He had so little time with her on Earth and he'd only gotten a few giggles from her in Purgatory, but nothing like this. She was full-on belly laughing as Gabe tickled her little sides.
As the game continued, it got more and more heated. There were more reverses and plus fours called out than regular number cards and the first game ended with Charlie as the victor. Emma had sat in Gabe's lap for the first game, just watching and helping him play so she could learn, but she joined in for the second.
The kids' laughter echoed around the clearing. It was a beautiful sound. As Dean let himself enjoy the moment, his mind began to wander. That never ended well.
"You act like I wanna be cured. Personally, I like the disease.
Let's finish this game!"
Flashes of chasing Sam throughout the Bunker assaulted his brain. His chest began to tighten as more memories appeared before his eyes.
"I can't trust you—not the way I thought I could, not the way I should.
I'm saying, you want to work? Let's work. If you want to be brothers... Those are my terms."
His brain decided to ruin his peace with some of his most recent horrible memories.
Being told Sam and Dean were no longer brothers then becoming a Demon and nearly killing him would haunt him forever.
Unbeknownst to him, his breathing had become erratic and a few tears started slipping down his face. Cas took notice and gripped his fiancé tighter.
"Dean? What's wrong?" When he didn't respond, the angel leaned over the hunter's shoulder to get a better look. It was clear what was happening from the tears on his face and the faraway look in his eyes. He grabbed Dean under the arms and pulled him up so he was sitting up, his head resting on his shoulder rather than his stomach. Trying to keep from making a scene, though Sam had taken notice and sat up, Cas held Dean tight and kept his lips pressed against his temple to keep him grounded. When that didn't work and Dean eventually began to hold his breath, Sam grabbed his brother's hand and Cas began to gently rock them, whispering in his ear.
"Breathe, Dean. C'mon, breathe. It's ok, just breathe."
Moments later, Dean came out of his stupor with a quiet gasp, his lungs quickly refilling with oxygen. Now that he was no longer in danger of hurting himself, Cas told the group that they were going to get some drinks.
Cas helped Dean sit at the island in the kitchen before getting them both a glass of water. The hunter was silent as his angel sat beside him.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
He shrugged. "What's there to talk about? One moment of peace and my brain decided to fuck me over with my greatest hits."
Cas knew there was nothing he could say to make this situation better, so he wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulders and pulled him close.
Never one for sitting in silence if he wasn't drinking, and water didn't count, he quickly broke the silence. "I almost killed him."
"Sam?"
"Yeah. I chased him around the place he's supposed to be safe and nearly beat him to death with a hammer. And I didn't feel bad about it. I told Cole to kill him."
"You were a demon. They don't care about anything other than their own enjoyment." The angel grabbed his financé's hand. "But that is not who you are. You are a loving man who cares for your family more than anything in the world, including yourself. You never would've done that had you been you." Cas took a sip of his water as Dean absorbed his words. He knew there was something else the hunter was reminiscing about, but it was best to give him the time to figure out how to talk about it.
Eventually, Dean was ready to talk.
"Did I ever tell you about the time Sam didn't want to be brothers?"
Cas turned to look at the hunter. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Family was the most important thing to the Winchesters, it felt unreal that one of them wouldn't want that with the other. "No, I don't believe you ever did."
"Yeah. It was right after the whole thing with Gadreel. He was so mad at me for that stunt. Not that I blame him or anything; I mean, look what it led to. "But, at one point, he made it clear that if we were gonna work together, it would be as partners, not brothers. If we wanted to be brothers, we would have to go our separate ways." Dean sighed and dropped his head in his hands. "That was over a year ago, I should be over it. He didn't even fucking mean it that way."
"One thing I've learned about you Winchesters is that despite your inability to use your words half the time, you're both very good at using them to hurt others, including each other."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Dean chugged his water. "Still, that's not the deal now, so it shouldn't be affecting me."
"Dean, has anything traumatic in the past ever left you unaffected years later?"
The hunter glared at him in response. Returning it with a cheeky smile, Cas grabbed their now-empty glasses and got up to refill them.
"Castiel. Don't. Do not. Don't! Please!"
"Morning, handsome!"
"I feel the spell just cutting deeper and deeper, and I'm trying to fight it. I'm trying, but—"
Memories flashed before his eyes, the faint sound of glass shattering not even reaching him as he collapsed to his knees. He saw glimpses of himself with blood dripping from his eyes alongside a peculiar device on his head with what looked like bolts drilled into his skull.
What the hell had happened to him?
He remembered now.
"—As? Cas! Can you hear me?"
The memories faded and his hearing returned as he emerged from his stupor. He looked around once he could see again and found Dean kneeling in front of him, one hand on his shoulder and the other cupping his face, an eerie reminder of one of his returned memories.
"Cas, what the hell just happened? One minute you're fine, the next you're in a ball on the ground clutching at your head."
He spent a second catching his breath. "Some of my memories returned."
"You mean, the memories God took?"
"Yes. They seem to be of only one event though, so I still don't know what we were doing. I'm not even sure how long ago these memories are from. They seemed to take place over many days."
"So, we're looking at up to a few weeks of missing time. Great." Dean helped Cas up, though he wasn't much use with his own struggles, and they both plopped down at the table. "Wanna talk about it?" He smirked at the angel's glare. "What? You can ask but I can't? What a pair we make, huh? Both knocked around by our own mem—"
He was cut off by a pair of lips pressed upon his own in a sweet and gentle kiss, which he quickly reciprocated. Though, just as quickly as it started, it was over, Cas pulling away and gazing at him with a love-struck look.
"What was that for?" Dean questioned, "Though, I'm certainly not opposed to it."
"Thank you for sticking with me all these years. For not giving up on me despite all my mistakes."
Now Dean was worried. "What were those memories about?"
"It seems that Rowena cursed me at some point, though for what reason I'm unaware. And you and Sam had to save me. Again. I would've killed someone if it wasn't for you."
Though Cas had gained a lot of good things from his time with the Winchesters, including the love of his life and a family that truly and deeply cared for him, he'd also gained a few negative things, including their perpetual negative thinking regarding themselves
The hunter turned to look fully at Cas and cupped his face with both hands. "I don't care what happens, I will always love you. Honestly, it should be me thanking you for staying with me. And I told you once, I would rather have you, curse or not."
Cas smiled and leaned into his fiancé's hands. "Being actually crazy and killing people are two very different things, but thank you."
Dean leaned forward and placed his own kiss on Cas's lips. When he pulled back, he noticed a certain glint in the angel's eyes. "There's more, isn't there? What is it?"
He sighed and leaned his forehead against Dean's shoulder. "Some angels managed to grab me while I was cursed. Hannah managed to rescue me but it was a ruse to get me to tell her where someone is. I don't remember who she was asking about, though."
"That's ok. We'll find out eventually." Then a thought occurred to him. "Wait, did the angels torture you? While you were cursed?"
"Do you remember the device the demons used on Samael when he was taken? And the one we used on Gadreel when he was possessing Sam?"
It took Dean a minute to figure out who Cas was talking about. "Oh, you mean Alfie. They used that fucking mind-drill shit on you? Sam was perfectly fine before we used it on him and it nearly killed him. How did you even survive?"
"I don't know. What I do know is that it is in the past and presently, our family is outside enjoying their time. We should go join them. It is a good sign that our memories will return with due time, but there is nothing we can do about it now."
Dean leaned forward and kissed him again. "When did you get so wise?"
Cas raised an eyebrow and it took everything in Dean not to react in some way. "I've always been wise. You just never seem to listen to me."
He let out a gasp and placed a hand over his chest. "I am offended. I listen to you plenty." ... "Ok, most of the time. Let's go." He gave Cas one last kiss before standing up, with Cas's help, and heading back outside.
It seems no one noticed they were gone other than Sam, Bobby, and Jody. When the two of them sat back down, Sam gave his brother a pat on the back and it was returned with a smile. He knew he wouldn't want to talk about it, so that was as good as he was gonna get.
"Some of my memory has returned," Cas started once they were settled."
"Wait, really? What triggered it?" Sam questioned. Everyone else on the blanket was intrigued.
Cas shared a look with Dean. He had a feeling about what triggered it, but he wouldn't divulge if it upset Dean. It was very personal for him and he wouldn't share something like that without his permission.
"The memories he got were primarily bad ones, and we think they were triggered by my panic attack," Dean answered for him.
"It makes sense," Bobby stated. "Though, I don't know how that would work to trigger other memories. They might just randomly come back with time like we originally thought."
"That's probably what's going to happen," Cas agreed.
"Well, whatever's going to happen, it'll happen. We just have to wait and see. And while we do, we'll enjoy our time together."
Cheers rang out another game of Uno was won, it appeared by Emma this time. Dean was so proud of her.
"I think that's a great idea, Sam. And because of that, I'm gonna kick your ass at Uno." He got up before Sam could respond.
"What? No, you're not. Dean, get back here. Dean, you've never won a game of Uno in your life." Sam got up to follow his brother.
There weren't enough cards for the two of them to join, there were barely enough to begin with, so Gabe created another set and a new game started. Other games soon joined the roster and everyone was out there late into the night. When it came time to head inside, Cas and Dean put the kids to bed before crashing in their own for the night.