Later that same day at around 3pm
Donny-
This is crazy. EVERYTHING! Everything, everything, everything is batshit fucking nuts! I don't usually like to cuss, but I'm at my fucking wits end! It's been a crazy day, a crazy week, hell, it's been a crazy couple of weeks. Ever since I met Carolynn just three weeks ago my life has been a whirlwind of emotions, most of them negative.
I'm almost glad I went and saw Russ today, it gave me a break from the stupid nonsense that I've allowed myself to get wrapped up in. And now, my father has given me even MORE to think about on top of his own current situation.
(BTW, he insisted I call him Russ since he's been in prison for two reasons; he feels he doesn't deserve to be called Dad after he let himself get thrown in jail again and secondly, to this to day, Chester doesn't know Russ's first name or that he's in jail and we don't want Chester to think differently of him so I tell him that Dad's working in another country, that's why he hasn't come to visit him.)
I had a long discussion with his court appointed lawyer and the parole board. The date is set for the hearing and the guards and the warden have positive things to say about Russ. He hasn't caused any trouble and if someone tried to start up with him, he knows how to handle himself. He's never spent a day in solitary, they told me.
I'm thinking all this as I wait for him to be brought back to the visitor area so I can say goodbye because I do have to go back. I have a lot to think about.
"So, son," Russ says, "no matter what happens with this parole hearing, I want you to know that everything is the way it's supposed to be. Your mother would not want you to be living like this. You have an opportunity, here, to find happiness and success. Fate has brought you this chance to honor her memory instead of tarnishing it by wasting away your life because you're too stubborn to move passed what happened to her. I've told you a million times, her accident wasn't your fault."
"Yes, it is, Russ," I retort, "if it wasn't for me being irresponsible and partying too late and sleeping in, she'd still be alive."
Russ pauses and looks at me confused,
"What are you talking about?" He asks, "That's not how I remember you relaying the story at the time."
"What do you mean?" Now I'm confused.
"That's not why you missed your flight," Russ explains, "I know your memory is fuzzy when it comes to that time period, so I'm going to remind you. On your way to the airport to California you helped a young lady with her flat tire."
Oh my God, that's right! This hits me like a ton of bricks.
"You missed your flight because you were helping someone," Russ continues, "your mother would be so proud of you for that. But like I told you earlier she would not be proud if she knew you were living the way you are now."
"I realize that, Russ," I start to cry, "I just miss her so much!"
"I do too, kiddo," Russ says calmly, "but you're still young, it's not too late to turn things around. If you truly love this Carolynn like you said but she's with someone else, even if you say he's a dick, she chose him, so you have to let her go and find another girl. And you also need to see if that job at her Dad's law firm is still open."
"I told you, he recsinded his offer because of the kiss thing." I plead
"Then change his mind." Russ concluded just when the guards said time's up. So with that I hug my dad and I go outside and hop in the car with a new lease on life with a determination that I haven't felt in a long time. Russ is right. Too long have I wallowed in self pity and gotten in my own way, but no more. It's time to bring the old badass Donny from before the accident who was driven and motivated to change the world, not the miserable and jaded Donny I am currently. I can't wait.
***************************************************************************************
before we get to Carolynn's present day POV, we need to rewind the clock a week to show what happened between her and Donny following the events of the last friday night after Spencer's party and the subsequent kiss they shared to close out that scene. This is the next day, Saturday and it's around 1pm.
Carolynn-
Wow! What. A. Kiss. I've kissed a lot of guys in my life (before Spencer) but I've never felt such intense passion fused with need and want while at the same time soft and gentle. It happened so fast I don't think either of us realized what we did, truly (other than tricking Spencer). Do I have feelings for Donny now? I don't know.
Does it really change anything even if I do? Not really, I'm still engaged to Spencer even though he's been so weird lately. Although he won't admit it, Spencer views Donny as a threat to our relationship, but I keep telling him he doesn't need to feel that way and that Donny is no threat at all. This is what I tell my fiance to assure him he has nothing to worry about. However, somewhere down deep in my mind, I wonder if I'm not only lying to Spencer, but to myself, especially after that kiss.
So here I am, back in New Jersey after taking the train in even though Spencer told me he'd take me but he denies ever saying that. I really want to believe he's trying to gaslight me his fiance. I know he does this at work but I'm not stupid, I know he said he'd take me first thing. He's still acting like a child even though he apologized last night; maybe I should've gone home with Donny after all.
I'm actually walking to Donny's apartment so we can have a serious chat. I went to the restaurant and Kenny told me that Donny's taking the day off since he got in late last night but Kenny gave me Donny's address.
I approach the building Kenny said. It looks run down and raggedy. I open the front door to the building and my senses are assaulted by the sound of people laughing and shouting, dogs barking, babies crying, smells like burning food. There's old timy Italian music playing.
"Hello? Excuse me?" I get closer and the first room I see on the right is the source of all the chaos. There's a group of older men laughing and playing cards and speaking in Italian while all the other things I mentioned are happening in the background.
I clear my throat and say loudly, "Excuse me, gentlemen!"
They suddenly stop and turn around to look at me. One of the men frustratingly waves his hand to an elderly woman cooking by a stove and she turns the music down.
The same man gets up and approaches me
"Yes, Miss?" he says with an Italian accent, "Are you lost? A pretty lady like you shouldn't be hanging around in a neighborhood like this."
"Well, I'm looking for Donny." I say
He pauses for a a second like he doesn't know who I'm talking about. I'm beginning to think I'm in the wrong building.
"Oh, Donald!" he says with excited realization, "Why d'fuck would you want to see that lowlife for? You look too classy to be one of his one night stand skanks he brings home." All his friends burst into a roar of laughs.
This statement surprised me when it really shouldn't have because I've been so wrapped up on me being spoken for, I never once asked if he's seeing anyone. But one night stands? I have to ask him about that.
"Well, I'm Carolynn, and Donny's a friend of mine." I say.
"Well, my name is Benny, I'm d'landlord and that boy owes me rent big time." Benny said, "I don't know how he managed to get a friend like you but any friend of his is still a friend of mine even though he's not a friend of mine." the guys laugh again, "He lives upstair, first door on d'right."
"Thanks, Benny!" I say brightly. And then I head upstairs. As I approach the door that Benny said, I can hear the sound of Donny strumming his acoustic guitar and singing something. I shouldn't be feeling like a giddy schoolgirl but I can't help it. For the first time since maybe high school, I'm having butterflies and that feeling also twists a knot in my stomach because it feels like I'm betraying Spencer in some way.
I take a deep breath and I knock on the door.
Donny-
I think someone's knocking at the door. I put aside my acoustic. Who could be coming to my apartment now? I'm only wearing my black sweatpants. I peak through the peephole. Oh my God, it's Carolynn! She's the last person I want to see right now! She's the reason I got no sleep. I'm gonna kill Kenny I know he told her where I live!That kiss last night solidified what I already knew to be true deep down. I can't lie to myself anymore. I'm in love with Carolynn and I don't know what to do about it.
I quickly pull on my flannel and take a deep breath and slowly open the door. I see her. Man, she's beautiful no matter what she's wearing (baggy pants and a white t-shirt with some paint stains). Hey, Mr Frog, would you please get out of my throat?
"Hi, Donny, " she says softly with a bit of a shy smile on her face, "can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure." I answer, feeling a little caught off guard. "There's not many places to sit here, but you can sit on my little couch here. Just be warned it's very dirty."
"Donny, look at what I'm wearing," she said looking down at her clothes "you think I'm worried about getting dirtier than I am now?"
We both chuckle and she sits down.
"Do you want any soda or iced tea or water bottle?" I begin to ask, "I have some beer if you're interested in that." I say with a smirk.
"No, thank you," she says, "I don't plan on staying long, I just thought we should talk about what happened last night." She pauses, "Y'know, ... the. Kiss." The last word she's quietly almost like she's embarrassed to say the word 'kiss'.
"I actually would like to talk with you about that, too." I say. She gives me this look like she wasn't expecting me to say that.
"Well, let me go first, please?" She asks and I motion for her to go right ahead.
"Let me start by saying once again, I'm terribly sorry about Spencer's behavior, that's not usually him. This new promotion is making him very stressed and nervous. I've never known him to be jealous but there's something about you that rubs him the wrong way. So, before I go any further, I'd like it on record so I can go to Spencer and tell him not to worry or if we need to have a very different talk." I rub my head in confusing. What's her question already? "Donny, yes or no," she begins again, "do you have any romantic feelings for me?"
Whoa, what? I certainly wasn't expecting that question but this brings up a question with me, too.
"What does it matter if I do or don't?" I question, calmly raising an eyebrow.
"Please, just answer the question; yes or no?" She asks more sternly. I very much want to say ,'yes yes yes!' but something about her tone isn't sitting well with me.
"Again, I ask you; why should it matter to you how I feel?" I say. I don't want to sound too suspicious but she's not making this very easy, "you're engaged to him; you love him; you want to marry him. So what difference does it make how I feel about you? You shouldn't care what I think because I'm not a threat to him. How could I be? Look at this place; I live in squalor and I flip burgers for a living. While, Spencer? He's taller than me, he's better looking than me, he's more charming than me, obviously, he's way more successful than me and he's got a beautiful, smart, funny, annoyingly positive woman who absolutely adores him. So I ask for the third time; why do you care what I think, or more importantly, why the hell does Spencer care?"
"Donny, please," she's starting to sound anguished, "please don't make this more difficult for me. You're right, I'm engaged to Spencer and do want to marry him. So that kiss we shared, while wonderful, it can't go any further than that."
"You'll hear no argument from me." I retort. This conversation is getting irritating.
"Okay, you don't want to answer the question, Donny; Fine." Carolynn retorts, "I just want to make one thing clear; no matter how either of us feel about the other, it doesn't change the fact that I'm engaged to Spencer."
"You came all the way here to tell me this?" I'm trying real hard to maintain a calm demeanor but she's making it real difficult,l. "I already know all that and you know I know that so why are you really here?" This is at all how I thought this would go like this, do I'm getting a little pissed off.
"Well, I guess I'm here to say that all though I've enjoyed getting to know you and becoming friends with you, I think it'd be better if we don't spend any time together anymore." She begins to answer, "We should go back to a week ago when we were just strangers and when we were ignorant that we have a different connection. I'll still come to your restaurant and you're certainly welcome to come to my store's grand opening but that's it. You need to stay away from me and Spencer. He never acted like this before you came along so I think it'd best for everyone. I'm sorry, Donny, I really am."
I stare at her stone faced for what seems like an eternity. She's really got some nerve.
"Ok, I'm gonna go, now," she says, "it's been nice knowing you, Donny. Goodbye." She turns to leave and I realize I didn't really get a turn to speak and I'm really pissed right now.
"Wait, wait, wait, hold up" I say sternly, she stops and turns back around, "you can't leave yet, I haven't had my turn to speak."
"There's really nothing you can say that will change my mind," she says calmly, "so whatever it is you have on your mind would be pointless."
"Pointless!?" I shout, she jumps back like she wasn't expecting me to react this way, "Listen, princess, I didn't ask for any of this! I didn't ask you to literally crash into my life! You're the one who wanted us to be friends! I was perfectly being happily miserable in my own little life! You're the one who was talking all this nonsense about fate and destiny and all that crap! And guess what?! In the short time I've known you, your optimism has rubbed off on me!" I don't think I've ever been this seething mad before in my life
"Well then, it's a good thing I came into your life when I did!" She's got the nerve to shout back at me!?
"Again, I didn't ask for that! I didn't ask for you and I damn sure didn't ask that sociopath of a man you have!" Now she looks real pissed and offended
"You don't get to talk about him like that!" She screams, "You don't know him like I do; no one does! I ge6 that he hasn't been very nice to you, but you must understand that he's my soulmate!"
Soulmate!? WTF!? is what I'm thinking but don't say.
Instead I tell,"How can someone so smart and down to earth possibly be this blind!? And you may think this is jealousy talking but I don't care cuz you need to hear th-" she cuts me off
"Well, I don't want to hear it!" she yells, "And you just answered my question, dumbass; talking about jealousy! You DO have feelings for me, but guess what, I think I have feelings for you too! Which makes this even more importnt that we stay away from each other! I'm not going to cheat on my soulmate!"
"I never expected you to nor did I ever want you to!" I continue shouting; starting to lose my voice now, "I know what it's like to be cheated on! So although I think Spencer is a grade A toxic narcissist, no one deserves to get cheated on!" I pause to catch my breath she doesn't say anything she just looks at me with a mixture of anger and crying, "and another thing, enough with this shut about destiny and fate and no you're talking about soulmates!? How the fuck do you know he's your soulmate!? I used to believe Brooke was my soulmate but guess what, she cheated on me, I tell you, sweetheart, wake up! There is no such thing as a soulmate and I certainly don't think Spencer is anyone's soulmate but his own. In the short while I've known him, he's shown that he doesn't care about you."
"What are you talking about, of course he cares about me!" She finally retorts, loudly, "We've been together for four years and engaged for two!"
"Oh, yeah, he's so noble," I shout sarcastically, " if I was in his shoes I'd have married you a long time ago no matter how busy I'd be!"
She looks stunned by this statement and she brings on the full waterworks. I think I should quit while I'm ahead. Damn me, I didn't mean to make her cry.
"I'm sorry," I say sympathetically and try to hug her but, understandably she swats me away , "I didn't mean to take it this far. I'll get you tissues."
"I should go," she says quietly through sniffles as I hand her the tissue box, "I'll make sure Spencer doesn't bother you but please leave us be. It hurts to be around you now." I'm not sure what she means by that.
I just nod my head but then a question popped into my head that I feel stupid for not thinking of it now.
"I will leave you two alone forever," I say in my regular tone of voice, "but before you take your cute little ass and leave my life forever, I want to leave you with something to think about."
"...Ok..." she says meekly
"Did Spencer know me when you first told him about the car accident?" I ask. She gives me a quizzical look like 'what am I getting at?'
"Uh, no." She answers quietly.
"Remember, I heard the whole conversation over your speaker." I state. Again, she scrunches her eyes at me.
"Ok? What are you getting at?" She asks.
"What I'm getting at is this," I start to say as I take another deep breath, "what was his first reaction when you first told him?"
"Uh, uh, uh. Shhhh, no, you don't have to answer now," I say, "I don't want you to. I just want to leave you with something to think about as you waltz out of my life."
"I'm not sure what you're talking about but okay." She says. She turns to leave but as she's heading toward the stairs, I say one last thing.
"Goodbye, Carolynn," I say, "I love you. You have a nice life." She doesn't turn around but she stops dead in her tracks. With her back facing me I see her shoulders begin to slouch like she's crying again. I have no regrets about saying it because it's true. This declaration is the most serious I've ever been about anything.
She doesn't say anything, she just resumes walking. Walking out of my life forever (or so I t6).
This ends the flashback.
***********************************************
Now back to the current day, exactly a week later, The same day as Donny's trip to see his dad in prison.
Saturday same day around 5pm
Carolynn-
"Carolynn! Hey, Carolynn!" Ashley's (my art agent) voice pulls me from my daydreaming for the millionth time today and I know she's noticed, "What's the matter with you!? This is the biggest day of your career and you've been a space cadet all day!"
She saying all this after things start winding down. Thankfully, because of Ashley and new wonderful hitch and I met some wonderful new customers and clients, despite of me being distracted sporadically.
"It's nothing, Ash," I say, "just a little tired."
"Honey, I know tired and this ain't tired." she protests ,"is this about your man or that other boy you were telling me about?"
I can't lie to Ashley, she's one of my closest friends aside from being my agent.
I give a little shrug, "both, I guess" I say weakly.
"You guess?" she says mockingly, "Girl, I've seen you look out the window at that burger place all day. I know you ain't hungry, I provided this food myself. You're looking for somebody. Talk to me, girl."
"It's been a crazy week, Ash; hell it's been a crazy hell of a couple of weeks." I say.
I don't know why but I treated Ashly like she's some sort of therapist because I just unloaded to her about everything that happened from when I met Donny until our fight exactly a week ago. Everything; the car accident, us becoming friendly, Spencer's party, Spencer's behavior, the kiss, the fight; everything. It was really cathartic. And bless Ashley she just stood there and listened. She ushers us to go outside in the back because I'm starting to disturb the people in the store. Before I forget, Spencer's still here and he's taking a nap in my apartment upstairs.
"So go on, girl," Ashley says once we're outside, "you said more happened this week; what happened? Let it all out to me, honey, this is good for you. You sound like you've been bottling all that inside you. You gotta let it all out."
I take a deep breath, "Okay, Ash, but I warn you, it's going to be long." I say at the start and Ashley motions for me to spit it out already. "This past week has been the toughest so I guess I should start with what's been happening during since my fight with Donny. Please be aware that the majority of what I went through was all in my head. So like I said, I went over to his place to talk about the kiss.
"Everything that I was going to talk to him about went out the window when I heard him sing and play his guitar through the door; and then it got worse for me once he opened it. He was wearing nothing but black sweatpants and an unbuttoned flannel shirt with his gorgeous brown hair all disheveled.
"I tell you, Ash, in that moment he looked so hot but in the most natural way I thought I was going to melt right then and there. He's not classically handsome (along with tall but not dark) like Spencer; he's skinny and wiry and has ruggedly clean look. I think I was already starting to develop feelings for Donny even before the kiss, and while that only further complicated things, seeing him there in his natural element is what did me in so, I knew I had to do a 180 on him by doing something drastic and tell him we have to leave each other's lives for good so I could preserve my relationship with Spencer.
"But when he started arguing with me, it brought me back to Earth a little bit, because it reminded me of his brazen attitude. I realize I was making the deal very one-sided on my end but at the time I felt it was the only way because if I didn't get as much distance from him emotionally then I knew I wouldn't be able to help myself. I wanted to leave right after I said my piece.
"But then he launched into the most heartbroken, emotionally raw, angry rant about how I came into his life without warning. I really couldn't blame him, Ash, I was the one who wanted to be friends with him. But it wasn't insults he was hurling at me it was very flattering compliments. I've never seen someone be this angry and sweet all at the same time.
"I was almost going to succumb to my undeniable affection for him but then he started insulting Spencer when he barely knows him (I'll get to Spencer in a minute, Ash) and I said Spencer was my soulmate Donny got even more upset."
"I'm gonna interrupt you for a minute, hun." Ashley says, "You know I don't believe that mumbo jumbo you always spouting, I agree with Donny, sugar. That man ain't nobody's soulmate. This whole time I've been your agent, this is the only time he's come to one of your events even though you go to every one of his and the only reason he's here is to confront Donny. Just like you've been staring through the window of the restaurant all day, so has he and we both know it's for different reasons. What kinda guy walks around in the burning summer heat wearing a full suit and never takes off his dumb sunglasses when he's inside?"
"The kind that doesn't ask if I was hurt as the first question he asks after he hears his fiance was in a car accident. That's the question Donny asked me before I left his place. And by the way, the last thing he said to me that broke me was that he loves me."
Ashley has a bit of a happy but shocked look on her face. "Y'know, I wasn't gonna say nothing but I have noticed how happy you get when you talk about Donny and you get nervous and on edge when talking about Spencer."
"For my own sake and sanity, Donny needs to believe that I chose Spencer. To be honest I meant what I said to him; that I no more contact between Spencer and me, and Donny so Spencer can calm down. Some people have told me they think it's because of this new promotion that's stressing him out. But he's been more than in his element in this job. You know he now has the power to fire people? And he wasted no time exercising that power, he fired half the staff for absolutely nothing. What makes this worse is that my father fully supports any decision Spencer makes. My father set us up in the first place and it would break his heart if I did this and I still don't want to completely give up on Spence because he wasn't always like this and I still love him. (My mom hates him though and is the first person I've heard to openly ship me and Donny)
"After this passed week when I finally started to notice how Spencer really is, I wanted to end things, especially when it was clear that he had no desire to marry me because even though he's the one that brought up setting a date on the way to his party on the way to his event he's still giving me the old 'I'm too busy right now' that he used to say. Can you believe he tried gaslighting me into thinking that it was me that brought it up on the way to his party?" I shake my head.
"Sorry, sweety but is this almost over, because I gotta get going back to the City." Ashley says glancing at her wrist watch."
"You're the one that got this ball rolling, Ash," I say with a smirk, "it's just a couple more things."
"Alright." Ashley says tiredly
"So my views on Spencer's behavior toward me lately changed a little when he came last night and he surprised me with flowers and we had sex for the first time in months." I explain. Ashley gives me a curious look like 'how was it?' I shake my head and say, "now I remember why we haven't done it in so long, not because he didn't want to, it was me. Granted, I haven't been with many other guys before Spencer but I'm pretty sure the guy is supposed to satisfy his partner, too, and not just himself. He never wants to do oral or hand stuff and I want to explore other positions but he treats me like a ragdoll. Now, I'm not a prude, I wouldn't mind him manhandling me if he was able to get me off but this way I'm just sore. This morning I told him he was great because he thinks he's a sex god and when I've talked to him in the past about my issue with his lovemaking style, he gets defensive and calls me a prude and says it's my inexperience talking." Ashley's getting more frustrated. I raise a finger for her to wait
"One last thing, Ash. It's not just today that I've been looking out the window, I've been doing it all week, but true to his word, Donny's left me completely alone and treats me like any other customer off the street when I go over there to order. This whole week I must've gone through the 5 stages of grief like three or four times and not once did I reach acceptance. I was shocked and numb and happy and confused and obsessing over Donny's love declaration. Then I yell at myself for how that argument should've or could've gone. I irrationally get angry that Donny's not fighting for me, even though I'm fully aware that I asked him to leave us alone, and I've been seeing him hanging out with other women all week. Oh, and I skipped a stage; depression. I'm really depressed because I've fallen head over heels in love with him and now I've driven him away and I won't get to tell him."
I start panting and gasping for air, leaning against the wall of my store outside holding my knees. That was a lot to get out. I'm about to tell Ashley she can finally go but I hear her say, "I think you just told him, girl." I look up and I couldn't believe it; it's Donny! standing and looking at me a couple of feet away with a smile that could make me melt. Here's the thing, I was so wrapped up in all the stuff I was telling Ashley, I didn't realize I attracted a bit of an audience. Not only did Donny hear me, but Spencer and my parents were right there. So was my whole staff and Chad and Janine, and Kenny and Gina.
I'm looking around at everyone with a stunned and confused look on my face when I feel someone grab my waist; I look up and I'm staring deep into Donny's mesmerizing eyes.
"You want me to fight for you," he says, "well here goes." He kisses me even more passionately than the first time. I'm fully aware of who's watching but I don't care. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and kiss him back.
Donny-
We break apart and I say calmly but loud enough so that everyone especially Spencer, can hear, "I'm happy to hear you love me, too, Carolynn. But you love him, too, yes?" I point to Spencer who's expressionless. Carolynn gives me a weak nod. I turn back to Spencer and say,
"Yes, Spencer" I say, "I'm going to fight for her but I'm going to fight fair. She's yours...for now." Carolynn has an expression on her face that's a mix of both joyful blissfulness and apprehension. Probably because she doesn't where this is all going and how far it's going to go. Guess what, neither do I. I haven't done anything this bold since before my mom died but my Russ's talk lit a fire in my ass and I've decided I'm not going to live in denial or on the sidelines anymore and not just on the Carolynn front.
"One last thing," I let go of Carolynn and make my way toward Spencer, "Spencer, I know you don't like me and I really don't like you but I'm willing to win Carolynn fair and square." I reach to shake his hand and as I predicted he just stands there and looks at my hand in disgust and does nothing. "I know what you're thinking, Spence. You're thinking 'how can this little putz compete with me when all he does is flip burgers and cries about his mommy'." I notice the corner of his mouth is giving the closest thing I will get to a smile from him in this moment. "Well, guess what, bud, not anymore. Y'see on my way back from visiting my father in prison I had a little chat with her father" I motion to Carolynn and then Carl. The I say, "by the way, folks, that's where I really was today, not in the City for a gig, but thanks for covering for me, Kenny." Kenny holds a thumbs up.
"Will you get to the point already?!" Spencer finally shouts
I slowly turn back to Spencer for dramatic effect. I turn so I'm side by side with Spencer and I put my arm around his very broad shoulders, and to my surprise he didn't swat me away, he just looked forward; annoyed look on his face.
"My point is, Spency." I slowly move to the front to face him and grab his arms, "You better get used to my face, Spency," a look of dread forms on his face; he knows where this is going (the ironic thing is he reacts more to this than he did when I kissed his fiance). "Because you and me?" I say wiggling my finger back and forth between us.
I lean in pretending to whisper in his ear and instead I say in a loud booming voice,
"Spency?! We're going to be co-workers! I'll see you on Monday!"
End of chapter please comment and vote below