"Nut, I think I blew it with Kirk." I said.
Lars and Peanut gasped in unison and I just laid my head in my hands since I wasn't feeling it today.
"Why?" Lars asked.
"He hasn't came around every day like he use too and I know I shouldn't expect him too but I can't help but panic." I said.
"What did you do?" Peanut asked.
"Nothing, I don't know what I did." I said. And it was the truth. I didn't know if I did something to push Kirk away. Maybe he didn't like all the kissing or couple stuff but sometimes he would instigate it.
"When did it start?" Lars asked.
"After the day when we literally had the best time of our lives." I said.
"Was he having a good time?" Peanut asked.
"Yes, we showered, I cooked, I let him ride on Ktulu, we chilled, watched movies. I'm just so confused." I said. As a slammed my hat down in frustration.
"How about I talk to him, I see him at the bar a lot i'll talk to him and whatnot." Lars said.
"You better not tell him anything I wouldn't tell him." I said.
"Of course Jim, I'm not an asshole." Lars said with a laugh.
"Well I'm sorry baby, but don't give up on love. You love him right?" She asked.
I thought about it, I knew the answer. I am. I am deeply in love with Kirk, but do I want to be is the only relevant question.
"Yeah." I said.
"Well then don't pretend it's the end of world, go get him." She said.
I nodded and wiped my hands over my face. I was really out of it and I just wanted to confront Kirk. Especially since the days he comes over he's distant, he always tries to fuck or something and it was such a weird switch I knew something was up. So I decided to trust Lars, I sat around in silence waiting for my phone to ring and for Lars to tell me what's wrong. What was taking him so long? I don't know. But finally my phone rang and I quickly picked up.
"Lars, what did he say?" I asked.
It was silent for a minute until I heard Lars stammer.
"Lars? What is it?" I asked again, I got worried. I knew it was goin to be something I wouldn't like.
"I don't know how to tell you this Jim, um. Kirk is here but he is talking with this girl. His hand is on her thigh and they seem to be hitting it off." Lars said.
I sighed and put my phone down. I rubbed my hands through my hair and tried not to break anything. That tow guy did say he was popular with the ladies.
"Where are you?" I asked coldly.
"Jimmy's brother's bar." He said.
I hung up, not even bothering to take that shit with me. I grabbed my hat and my gun not caring about putting it on the holster. I made sure I had one the chamber before cocking it and putting it behind my back and covering it with my shirt. I was scared for what I was going to do but I didn't want Kirk to be with other people. It's stupid I know, but would you wanna see the love of your life with another person? Love of my life? I'm fucking going crazy. But the girl always wins the guy in the end so I don't know why i'm gonna try.
I pulled up to the bar and I saw Lars sitting at the bar near Kirk and that girl. I was infuriated, his hand was practically in her tight skirt. They were too focused on each other to even realize me walk past them.
"Jim, don't do anything you will regret." He warned.
I nodded and got a heavy drink, I had a few before I was basically tipsy. I laughed uncontrollably and smashed my head on the table. Lars tried to calm me down but I was too angry that it was funny. I'm tripping over a guy, a fucking guy. What happened to never falling in love again? I knew I was just going to get my heartbroken in the end yet I did it again.
I saw them leave and I got up and didn't even care about paying my tab. I was blinded by rage and I followed them all the way to Kirk's car. Kirk opened the door and I shut it.
"Kirk, what's going on?" That bitch asked. I wanted to shoot her for just talking.
"Nothing, this is a good friend of mine. What's up?" He asked.
"Oh you know what's up." I said. I could see him flinch from the coldness in my voice but I was too drunk to care.
"Uhh, no?" Kirk said as he tried to backup. I just got closer, more in his face and more intimidating.
"What's you're problem? Why have you been avoiding me?" I asked.
I saw him open his mouth and I already knew what was going to come out. 'oh i'm not, i've just been busy.'
"Don't even say that aren't cause you are. Why? What did I do wrong? Why are you fucking around with some whore? Am I not good enough?" I asked.
"Hey!" She said as she shut the door with force.
"Shut up bitch!!" I yelled. She ultimately shut up with a scoff and crossed her arms.
"James-"He tried.
"No! Fucking tell me!!" I screamed. I grabbed onto his collar, I felt a tear roll down my face and if we weren't making a scene then we are a making one now.
He look remorseful until his face turned into this anger. He pushed me off of him and I was taken aback.
"We are friends!! James." He said, that felt like a stab through the heart. "You said it yourself! We are fucking friends! When I asked you if we were a thing I would've loved to been more, I wanted to be more! I can't be just you're fucking friend James! Then you come over here an insult my fucking girl and make a scene? Now I definitely can't be your fucking friend!" He said. His voice was loud and it wasn't that soft-deep voice I was use to. It was different, a bad different. I didn't like it. I felt bad and I wanted to apologize but that was the sober me talking.
"Oh so it's over like that?!" I yelled back.
He got in the car and I was so angry, so fucking angry I reached for my gun. I was going to shoot him. I was going to kill him. I felt torn inside, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. Lars tackled me to the ground. That tiny European.
"Let me fucking go!" I roared. But Lars held on tight until I gave up and just cried. I sobbed on the sandy concrete, it was a different sob. It was more painful than Cliff and Jason's death. I knew the answer now, I would leave Jason for Kirk. I loved Kirk more than I did Jason. Kirk always made me feel butterflies, he made me feel whole. Now I just feel empty again.
I got up and wiped the tears off of my face. I closed my holster and dug around in my pockets for my keys only for me to realize I walked here.
"James." Lar tried.
"Not now, give me a, give me a week or 5." I said.
I walked away and headed home. I didn't like the walk since I was forced to think. To think about those times with Kirk, I wish I could just go back. I feels so stupid, friends with benefits. Why couldn't I just call him my boyfriend, I do in my head. In my head he is mine. I felt so stupid, so fuckin stupid. I passed the liquor store and decided to pop in. I got 6 bottles, 3 whiskey and 3 Hennessy. The guy obviously saw my distraught face and decided not to comment, not even speak at all.
I opened a bottle and took a sip. It tasted too good and before I knew it I was stumbling into my apartment, barely awake. I sat my hat down and my gun landed on the floor. I stumbled to the couch and turned on the TV. I tried to call Kirk but of course no answer. I was half way down the bottle when the Princess and the Frog, came on. I felt tears rum down my face and burn my eyes as I thought about Kirk's head resting in my lap and my hand up his shirt. I cried basically through the whole movie. I didn't think I would miss anyone so badly like I do now, I did with Jason and Cliff but I was able to move on. But at this rate I didn't think I would be able to live anymore.
I woke up and my head was aching, there was 5 empty bottles laying around and beer cans and junk all over the fucking floor. I haven't been outside in weeks, Lars tried calling and he even came to my house. But I didn't feel like talking. I haven't showered in weeks two, I was still wearing what I was wearing nights ago, I was still laying my ass on this couch, I was still drinking like crazy. I barely even ate too. I thought about getting up and getting my life together but I didn't have the energy to, it was easier to just lay down and drink all day. I don't even care if my liver fucking collapses because i'll know it'll happen. My abdomen was aching and I had painful aches just under my chest. So I knew a few more sips and I would die. So I opened the bottle and drank it. It was 3 something in the afternoon and it was hot. I turned on the fan and turned on the TV. I didn't pay attention though, I thought back to when Kirk would just sit on the couch and watch it but I'd be watching him.
I walked to the shop, 'Hammett Mechanic', sounded stupid but I knew I had to. I tried to help James but I knew it couldn't be me who could help him. I needed him to, James was obviously in love with him, hell he was gonna shoot him cause he knew he couldn't get him
back.
There was multiple men working, I didn't spot Kirk anywhere and so I decided to go this desk that was just there. There was a guy with long brown hair there and I decided to approach him.
"Hello, how may I help you?" He asked. I saw his badge and it read Tom. He was a fine looking man so I figured he would be kind enough to help.
"Hey there I need to talk to Kirk, it's an emergency. I really need him, a life depends on it." I said.
"He's on break, there are other mechanics here to help assist you-" He tried.
"No it has nothing to do with cars, an actual life depends on it. It's personal I really need to see him." I said.
"Well I have to ask if he-" I decided to just go and find him myself since Tom obviously wasn't helping. I heard him call out to me but I opened a door and it was some sort of lounge. I saw a couple of guys sitting and then I spotted the curly haired man sitting with a couple other guys eating a sandwich.
"Kirk, I need to talk to you. It's important you really need to help me." I said.
"Oh um i'm on break there's other mechanics to help you." He said.
"No, no it's not car related. It's about... it's about James." I said quietly. His eyes seemed to dim and he looked up at me.
"Did he send you? Tell him I want nothing to do with him anymore." He said.
"Please-" I tried.
"I think you should leave." He said.
"He's gonna kill himself!" I shouted, the room got silent real quick and I felt eyes on us.
"Please, i'm not asking you to do anything but just please see him. He... he always talked about you and it pains me to see him this... depressed. He's my best friend please man." I begged.
I could see Kirk really think, he looked sad too. I could sense that he was as pained as much as James is. He loves James as much as James loves him, it was obvious.
"Will he hold out until after i'm done with work?" He asked.
"I don't know, maybe. The guy who owns that liquor store told me he bought 3 bottles of whiskey and 3 bottles of Hennessy. He's gonna drink himself to death." I said.
He nodded and I put my hands together and prayed that he would at least see him.
"I'll talk to him, I don't want him to kill himself." He said. He looked down and picked at his fingers.
"I know, I don't want him to either. I've tried, it's up to you now. Thank you." I said.
He nodded and I left. I was given the evil stares by that Tom guy but I felt better knowing that I was going to help my best friend. I figured I would let Kirk surprise him, not that he would answer the phone anyway.