I am about to drop into one of the plush leather chairs Chase has across from his desk but I watch him stride over to the wall of windows instead and slump against the pane before sliding onto the floor against the mountain view. I follow and drop down onto the hard floor next to him. I am glad I am in a long casual cotton dress and not a tight skirt or this would not be comfortable.
The last time we sat against the glass with our legs and sorrows out in front of us was when Chase put Duke down. He sat tucked away from view almost all week and I would drop down beside him to check on how he was holding up.
He finally releases a sigh, one that sounds like it's been pent up for days finally glad to escape. He pats my thigh as he asks, "Are you okay?" I snap my eyes over to him and blurt out, "Me? What about you?"
"You left Cabo without telling me why. Something awful must have happened for you to leave."
I bite my lip as I look at him and wonder if Logan told him anything. He came all the way into the office to talk to me and that's what he starts with? Nothing about what caused him to leave? I look away from him as I ask, "Did you talk to Logan? He saw me before I left for the airport."
"Yeah, I talked to him. But I want to hear about what happened from you."
I scoff out a laugh, "Chase you ran away from your wedding and you're asking about what happened to me? You know I have been in agony since Sunday, right? I haven't heard from you or Logan. Eloise just said you vanished and Ainslee was distraught. I know it's not like me to walk away from a work function, but it certainly isn't like you to leave your own event. I also wasn't expecting you in Denver. I thought for sure you would have gone to Connecticut to be with your parents."
Our eyes meet and his brown eyes hold mine for a second before he breaks away. He drops his head against the glass and then says, "Trust me, my parents wanted me to go home with them and let this blow over, but I wasn't sure if Ainslee was going to come back here and burn my house to the ground."
"So, things still aren't good there. Wedding is still off?"
"Oh yeah," Chase says with a scoff. "I didn't feel like me the whole time I was in Cabo. Like I did, but I didn't. I kept waiting to get excited but this knot in my chest never subsided."
"The barrel of whiskey you drank didn't loosen the knot?" I joke but he doesn't laugh.
"I was drunk the whole damn time," he mutters as if he can't believe it himself. "Ainslee got pissed that I was drunk at the rehearsal dinner. My parents weren't thrilled either. My mom asked if I was going to be hung over at my wedding and I answered that I intended to stay drunk. She said if I needed to be drunk to get through my wedding, I was marrying the wrong girl." He looks back at me and then rubs his hands down his face. His hair is still slightly wet from his shower and it's weird not to see it slathered with gel. Chase looks normal for once. Casual. Vulnerable. It's...weird.
"Were you marrying the wrong girl?" I gently ask as I look at him but his gaze is now on the opposite wall. He's silent as he ponders my question and he finally nods.
"I got swept up in it. I was shit-faced when I proposed, still drunk when I bought the ring. I hardly remember it all. And then she's announcing our engagement on Facebook and I thought if I stayed swept up in the excitement and romance that I would eventually stop feeling... regret."
"I'm not going to lie, I was a little hurt when I found out you were engaged through social media. The whole thing seemed to happen so fast."
"Trust me, I was shocked when I saw it. I started getting texts and calls of encouragement and excitement. I was nursing a hangover when the reality of what I did set in. I kinda kept thinking you'd step in and say something..."
"Me?" I ask in shock which forces him to look at me again. "Why would I say something?"
"Stel..." he says with a laugh, "You never liked her. You tried to, I could tell you were trying but I know you and your facial expressions well enough to know you didn't. You're also always transparent with me, it's why I trust you so much. But you held back about her."
"It wasn't my place to insert myself into your love life. You and Ainslee kept doing it, but I never asked to be involved."
"I know, I wanted you involved because I thought you'd eventually be honest with me and ask me what the fuck I was doing. If you thought it was a mistake, I thought it would be confirmation to end things. But you kept acting like you were happy for me and that Ainslee was great. I mean, you met her friends right? But you never pulled me aside and said anything."
"Chase, the way you looked at Ainslee and the way you talked about her made her seem like an angel on Earth. No way was I going to say anything otherwise. It would have been crossing a line."
"You're my friend."
"Co-worker."
He glares at me, "Don't say that. I told you in Mexico that you're more than just a co-worker. We've confided in each other and you know Ainslee as well as my other friends do."
"I thought you were in love with her and she was going to be your future wife. I was happy that you were happy, I would have never said anything otherwise."
"Will you tell me now? Unfiltered honesty? Was I right to walk away?" His eyes are pleading. He wants to make sure he did the right thing. We have each other's backs here in the office and when we have to make tough decisions. This shouldn't feel any different. I should be able to be bold enough with this just as I am with projects we are on together. He's right, I usually speak up when I think things aren't right.
"I thought she was too young for you. You seemed to always have a drink in your hand when you were with her and she seemed like she saw money bags when she looked at you. I thought maybe you liked the immaturity and lightness she carries around. She's pretty but I've seen the girls you can pull."
Chase lets out a surprised laugh and he wipes his face with his hand as he absorbs my honesty.
"You asked for my opinion. I thought you were rushing into things and it seems like she wanted to get you to the alter so she could start a whole new cushy life with you. I think she's manipulative and catty. Did you rush Mexico because you were afraid? Did she rush things because she was worried you'd change your mind?"
He shrugs as he looks away from me, "I thought I would eventually feel how I was supposed to feel. That the planning and tux rental and bachelor party would get me excited to be a groom. It's so stupid Stella. I just have a hard time letting people down and I didn't want to let so many people down because I was drunk and impulsive."
He goes quiet and I digest this new information.
"You seemed happy, Chase. I would have never guessed you felt anything other than excitement about your new bride. You never let any other emotion show other than happiness."
He snaps his eyes over to me and with a scoff says, "Says the queen of hiding feelings."
"What?" I ask in confusion and he gives me a knowing stare, like he's in on my secret. Because he probably is now in on my secret. Between Ainslee and Logan, there is no way he doesn't know. My body is on fire again and I am sure the color on my face is betraying my secret as well. I flit my eyes away from him, I cannot look at him as I say, "I hid my feelings because they'd never be reciprocated. It was self-preservation."
"Stella..." Chase quietly says while placing his hand on my thigh again. His tone says everything. It's sad, or aware that he doesn't feel the same way. We're sitting on the floor of his office, his hand is on my knee and he's being vulnerable. I can just put it out there, just say what I want to say and move on.
"No Chase, it's fine. I..." I finally get the balls to look at him as I say, "Yeah, I had a bit of a crush on you, but...I get our work comes first. I get I'm not your type or that I am not good enough for you, that maybe you didn't see me as anything other than your second in command-"
"Stella," he interrupts. "I can't. I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with attraction or being good enough for me. Trust me. You're too good for me. It's just that if I would have ever crossed that line, there is no going back. I trust you, completely with this office and your job and...I know I would be the one to fuck it up and I could never forgive myself for hurting you. You mean more to me than you know. This place and my company wouldn't be the success it is if it weren't for you. You have to see that and you have to understand why I put that before any feelings."
I gulp down all emotion and nod. I'm glad to finally hear it from him. Some sort of explanation as to why he would never give this a shot.
"Chase, it's fine now. I promise. I just wasn't sure how it would be when you came back into the office though. Especially after I found out Ainslee never had any intention of letting me be a part of your wedding day."
"That's what I didn't want Stella, I was so fucking scared after everything Logan told me that I'd come back to you putting your notice in. You make this job better and I feel like our work chemistry is so amazing. People joke that you're my work wife but honestly, that's the only kind of wife I think I am looking for at the moment. But I also get if this is now too complicated and you'd feel more comfortable working elsewhere."
He's staring at me and I am contemplating what I want to do. I have been debating whether I should look for a new job since the blow-up in Mexico but it would also feel wrong not working at Havicore. I fucking run this place.
"I think there is one more thing you need to know before you decide if you really want to keep things as they are here?"
"You want a raise. Done."
I laugh, "I'll take that but...no." I dart my eyes away from him as I find more courage to just be honest. I want to cross the line again, shifting things from business to personal. I blow a long breath out and then say, "I am really into Logan and I really want him to want me again."
Chase laughs, his full-eyes-crinkling-loud-bark of a laugh as he shakes his head.
"Again? What makes you think Logan doesn't still want you? He's been a full-blown mope since you left. I had no idea real shit was happening there, I just kinda thought it was some hooking up in paradise."
"Okay...so what all did Logan tell you?" I ask, wondering if he knows about Ainslee's scheming.
Chase drops his head against the glass again and looks to the fluorescent lighting above us as he answers, "I know he devised a plan to fly out with you and that Ainslee was playing matchmaker."
"I thought they were making fun of me. And that Ainslee was threatened by our friendship and was going to come after my job. I took it out on Logan and didn't trust him. I thought he got me into bed so I would stop crushing on you. That I was just a game. One he was playing really fucking well."
Chase shakes his head, "He asked for, I dunno, intel on you last year after his launch. And if I was holding back any feelings I had for the sake of our jobs, I sure as hell wasn't going to let Logan near you. But, I saw how he was with you in Cabo, Stel. You were laughing, and loose and you seemed like you were genuinely having fun around him. I don't think I have ever seen you so relaxed and swept up in anything ever. And he's actually gotten his shit together. He pays all of his bills on time now and uses a calendar. He's a big boy now. He's grown since I told him it was never going to happen." I laugh and it's nice to see Chase's smile again. "But I also saw how he was with you and it wasn't a game to him. I should have never thrown Tessa in his face."
"I told him I didn't know how we could date if there was going to be an issue with you and Ainslee. I really thought I was going to have to quit when I came home. I didn't know how I was going to be around you knowing your wife and I hated each other."
"Okay, well what's your excuse now?" Chase asks me with a smirk and I roll my eyes away from him. "You don't have a good one to hold you back and I know for a fact he wants you. You better just go for it."
I'm staring at the back of his door when I confess, "I haven't been serious about anyone since Brian."
"Brian was a turd," Chase jokes and I chuckle.
"I know, but our biggest problem was that I work a lot of weekends and almost all holidays. I hope Logan understands."
"Logan is running his own company. I think he'll be thrilled if you understand his commitment to the office. That, and he works hard and is now playing harder. You do the same thing. You two could...I dunno travel all around. You wouldn't be taking Central American cruises alone anymore."
"I asked if he'd be my Amazing Race partner," I tell Chase with a sly grin
"You're still serious about doing that, aren't you?" He replies with a laugh. "You always said you were subconsciously looking for a race partner when you'd go on dates. It's like your version of asking if he'll marry you. "
"Logan said he'd do it. No hesitations."
"He'd lose your passports before you left the States. You know that right? Or he'd forget his backpack on a train."
"I thought you said he was growing up?" I ask and Chase gives me a knowing look.
"Did he forget anything on his way to Mexico?"
I giggle, "He left his Airpods in the Uber. Didn't realize it until he was through security."
"He's growing up but he's still himself in a lot of ways. He'll need some patience."
"So will I," I agree. "I haven't been in a relationship in a long time. It's going to take me a minute to allow him fully into my space."
"Oh, well Logan may not be mentally organized but he's not messy. I whipped his ass into shape in college and he's still a clean guy. His house is nice, so is his car."
"I know how you feel about a messy car," I tell him with a smile and he shudders.
"I will never drive with Eloise again." We both smile at each other and the lightness that usually is between us is back. I bump his shoulder with mine and then ask, "You sure you're okay? Do you want to go get a matcha? Or a chocolate cake?"
"I'm good. I wanted to talk in person. I hate texting. I wanted to be clear when I told you I appreciate you and don't want you to leave Havicore."
I nod, "This," I point between us, "Is an important friendship to me. I have to confess the Chase I saw in Mexico didn't seem like the one I see in the office every day. The one I am seeing right now."
"I wasn't dealing well. I'm also done drinking for a while."
"Your last cleanse lasted like two days," I joke and he smiles.
"Well, I am asking for your help to keep me on track. That and I have to ask that you'll reach out to Logan."
My smile fades and I shrug, "I called him last night, he didn't answer and he hasn't said anything to me all day."
"I may have asked him to let me talk to you first. I wanted you to hear everything from me and I was sure you were going to ask about Cabo."
I nod, "Well before we get off this floor and shake life into my legs again, I have one last question for you."
"Shoot," he says as he starts to peel himself off the ground.
"What finally made you leave Ainslee? There were lots of red flags before you got to Cabo."
He reaches down to help heave me off the carpet as he answers, "Logan told me about Ainslee coming out of some guy's room. Ainslee denied it of course but I already didn't trust her. I was becoming that guy who wanted to check her phone all the time and I didn't want to be that guy."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know if I should have said anything because I didn't know if anything happened."
"She was in a guy's room days before our wedding. She crossed a line. That and she said my mom was being a bitch at the rehearsal dinner." I wince, Chase is a mama's boy. That couldn't have been good. "Didn't sit right with me."
"I'm sorry, Chase. I really am."
"Now, before you leave to go get your man, you have to answer one last question for me." I laugh and he asks, "What made you finally leave Mexico? What was the last straw?"
I shrug, "I just couldn't watch you marry her." He slowly nods and then pulls me into a hug. For once I am not breathing in his cologne or feeling how I fit against his chest. It's just a hug between two friends.
After I pull away, he nods to his door, "Logan was going into work today to check on things. Morning traffic is over, so you could get to Boulder in forty-five if you leave now."
"I should go do the big gesture thing huh? Show up unannounced at his work?"
Chase nods, "Yeah, or he'll come here tomorrow and it's all glass walls here. The whole office will watch him declare his undying love for you. You'll hate it." I laugh and we start walking out of his office. I watch as Kate spots us through the conference room's glass walls and Chase is right, there is no privacy here.
"It would take over the office gossip from your canceled wedding you know? Everyone is wondering what the hell happened."
"I plan on coming back to work on Wednesday. I'll deal with it then."
"I was also helping Kate with her themed party. I should wrap that up first."
"Stella..."
"What?" I ask and Kate is still pretending not to notice us on the other side of the glass.
"As your boss, I am telling you to let Kate handle it today."
"But I can just-"
"Stella, as your friend I am telling you to go after my best friend." I sigh and we've locked our determined eyes again. "Go."
"I'll get my purse," I tell him as I turn around and start toward my office.
"Don't you dare check your emails!" Chase calls after me and I shake my head as I snatch my phone from my desk and my purse from the floor. Big Gesture, here I come.