Despite how angry I wanted to be, I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him. I just wanted was us back. I wanted to be home in our apartment together, laying in bed in nothing but our underwear, eating takeout like we did every Friday night, our legs intertwined in whatever way they could manage as we discussed whether we hoped for a boy or a girl, and our extensive list of the most adorable baby names we could think of.
"I hate to say it, but no matter what name we decide on, it's never going to be as cute as they are, so we're just setting them up for failure." He'd always say, as he'd reach over and pick at my box of food, despite me offering it to him a million times before, always insisting that it just tasted better coming from my carton.
I sat down on their front steps and waited, knowing that he should be back soon. The store wasn't that far away. I'm sure he just needed some time to cool off. I did too. And then we could talk about this. Couples fight. It was normal. But that didn't mean it had to be over between us. It was never going to be over. Not fully. No matter what happened.
I would wait for him.
No matter how long it took.
"There you are." I heard from behind me, their front door creaking open. I quickly wiped my eyes, turning around to see Jake standing in the doorway, his smile quickly fading when he noticed my crying.
"Jaime, w-what happened?" He asked, sitting down next to me. I shook my head, trying my best to contain my tears but it was no use. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me in closer.
"It's okay." He whispered. "You can cry on me. I don't mind."
And I did.
I cried until my eyes stung, I could barely breath, and even then he didn't ask what it was about. And I was thankful for it, I'm sure assuming that he already knew, which hurt even worse.
"I'm so sorry, Jaime." He whispered, gently running his fingers through my hair, pulling me in. I cuddled closer, now feeling myself melting into his arms.
"You have nothing to be sorry about." I sighed, reaching over for his other hand. He hesitated for a moment before slowly intertwining our fingers, pulling them up to his lips, gently kissing to top of mine.
"I have plenty to be sorry about. And.. maybe if I was better.. things wouldn't be like this." I held my stare on him, now thinking about what Josh had said. If everything hadn't happened on tour.. who was to say that Jake and I wouldn't still be together? What if he was right? So, he fucked up. Everyone fucks up, and I was in no way perfect either. Maybe I was too harsh when it came to him, and even still.. he was always there for me.
"Jake, I-"
"Yes, I still want a family with you." He giggled to himself, his lips curling into a flustered grin. My heart jumped, a smile finally escaping my lips.
"Noted." I laughed. His smile grew as he reached up, gently wiping my face again.
I don't know what it was about him, but even when I felt my most empty, how effortlessly he always managed to swoop in and fill me with such love, such light when I felt like I had been submerged within the dark, giving me that inkling of hope just when I was ready to give up.
He stayed quiet as I carefully wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him in closer, his eyes moving down to my lips as his tongue subconsciously grazed across his own. I was instantly hypnotized, remembering just how it felt between mine, how sweet he tasted and how badly I wanted to taste him again.
And he could tell.
He slowly leaned in, his lips gently brushed against my neck, until they turned to gentle kisses, my heart jumping at the feeling of him against my skin, igniting something in me that I hadn't felt since that night in his dressing room. My grip on him got tighter, pulling him in closer as his kisses got harder, making their way up until finally I just couldn't take it anymore.
I moved away, finally pulling him into a passionate kiss. He didn't hesitate to reach up, holding my face in his hands, kissing me back harder. His fingers traveled into my hair, tangling themselves within. I slowly climbed into his lap, letting myself get lost in this moment with him, having dreamt about it for months.
He tasted even sweeter than I remembered, his soft lips coating mine in such desire that I'd pushed down for far too long, that I had mistaken it for disappearing completely, but once it was ignited again, it combusted into a raging fire, making it impossible to resist him.
When he finally pulled away, he sighed, leaning his forehead against mine.
"You wanna.. go back inside?" He asked, now biting down on his lip to contain his flustered grin. I nodded, leaning into another long kiss.
"How about.. your room?" I asked, feeling my heart beat faster. He nodded, taking my hand and helping me up, leading us in, up the stairs and into his bedroom where he shut and locked the door behind us.
Josh's P.O.V
I quickly sped off down the road, trying my hardest not to look for her in the rearview mirror despite the fact that I knew she was already gone. This wasn't fair. I was doing this for her. I could tell how she felt, everyone saw it. So the longer we pretended like it wasn't true, the stupider I felt.
Even still, despite all of that, all I wanted was her. And she was right. What was I trying to prove? If she didn't want to be with me, she wouldn't have said yes, right? Maybe I was the one who was scared. Maybe we both were. Maybe it didn't even matter at this point, because now I was driving away, alone, having left her there, alone, crying.
I felt like I was going to be sick. How could I be so stupid? We had everything and I let my overthinking get the best of me, and now all I probably did was push her further into Jake's arms when she had said that all she really wanted was to be with me.
But that didn't change how she looked at him. How she lit up from the inside out when he stepped into the room, how she smiled in such a way, that I had never seen when she looked at me. It was indescribable what they had, what they've always had, and I would be selfish to keep her from that happiness that he clearly gives her.
I just wanted her to prove me wrong.
After zoning back in, I realized I didn't even know where I was. I had lived here my entire life and somehow I had managed to find myself down roads I had never been before.
Pulling into the next driveway I could find, I quickly turned around, knowing that.. this was stupid. We were better than this. The last thing I should do at a time like this was run.
All she wanted was to be with me, to talk to me, and I just took off. No wonder she was scared too. That's not the kind of person anyone would want to marry. And I wasn't that guy. Especially not to her.
I just hoped that it wasn't too late.
I turned down another street, trying my best to maneuver around, searching for the next exit to the highway.
Where the hell was I?
Josh: I shouldn't have taken off like that. I'm on my way home now, and we're gonna talk about this. It was always meant to be us and I know that now. I just got scared. But we can figure this out together. I just want it to be us again.
I read it over what felt like a million times, trying my best to keep my eyes locked on the road, peeking out onto the highway.
Josh: I'm so sorry. I love y
Before I could press send, the last thing I remembered was the deafening crash of the windows, the blinding headlights filling my eyes before everything faded to black.