The next morning as I woke up I saw Charles sleeping next to me but somehow it didn't feel the same way I thought it would. This was what I'd wanted for months ' wasn't it? ' I thought to myself.
Or maybe I was just used to seeing Lewis sleep besides me every morning by now. Maybe it was just that I wasn't used to seeing Charles besides me but if it was only that why did it feel so wrong. ' why doesn't this feel completely right ' i thought to myself as I stated at Charles who was still sleeping peacefully besides me.
Was this the right thing for me? Yes it was Quinn! ' Get those stupid thoughts out of your head! ' I loved Charles he was the right one for me. He was the one I wanted to start a family with, that's that.
I just wanted to stop thinking about everything so I decided to go up slowly as not to wake Charles up. As I finally stepped into the steaming shower I suddenly missed the times where I'd feel Lewis join me in the shower just keeping me company. Making me feel loved no matter what, somehow I didn't feel that feeling with Charles. It was like how much I even tried I saw Lewis in everything Charles did which made it hard to know I wasn't allowed to meet or even talk to him anymore.
Charles had sent someone to get my stuff and I just got to sent Lewis a quick text about it all before Charles took my phone. He didn't want me to spend time on Instagram or anything like that unless he gave me permission too. I missed Lewis in some ways, I would do anything to only have him as a friend right now even though I didn't want to have him as only a friend.
' no! Charles is my soulmate he's the one I'm gonna settle down with! ' I told myself as I sat down in the shower feeling lost in my own thoughts.
I decided to give it a few weeks right now I was just not used to Charles. I would get used to it and we could maybe get married again hopefully in a few months then start our little family.
— — — —
Two weeks later..
Suddenly I felt very ill out of nowhere so I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I heard Chloe running after me the second I stood up.
' god not again ' I thought to myself.
Chloe came behind me holding up my hair as I was throwing up.
' what's going on Quinn? ' she said.
My hands were shaking ' I don't know I have been feeling sick recently ' I said as I threw up again.
Chloe was silent for a moment.
I looked at her as she had a nervous look in her eye.
' what is it?? ' I said.
' you know, you could be pregnant.. ' Chloe eventually said.
' what nooo I don't think so I've only had it once with Charles I don't get pregnant so easily ' I said as I laughed.
' well maybe take a test, just to be on the safe side Quinn '
' okay fine, the tests lays in the top counter ' I said as I sat there on the floor still feeling ill.
' why do you have pregnancy tests at home? ' she said looking at me confused.
' my sister in law and my brother are both living here for the moment as their home is getting renovated and they are trying for a baby so they always have those at home ' I said as I laughed lightly.
Chloe laughed as she gave me the test.
I took the test eventually, then we both sat there on the bathroom floor nervous. I think Chloe was as nervous as I was if not even more nervous, when the test was finally done I was too nervous to look and Chloe was also too nervous so we just called on my brother.
' what is it idiot ' he said as he entered.
' shut up and look at the test on the counter there were both too nervous too ' I said.
My brother looked at it and for a moment was stunned. Not gonna lie it worried me a bit seeing him so stunned but then eventually I got some words out of my mouth.
' so?! What does the test say! ' I said as I looked at my brother intensely.
' it's positive. ' he said.
In that moment I had a lot of emotions going through me. I didn't know if I was going to be happy or sad, this was what I'd always wanted right? Well maybe it was the fact I didn't know who's baby it was.
' congrats!! I know how much you've wanted to be a mom! ' Chloe said as she hugged me excitedly.
Her excitement quickly disappeared when she saw i wasn't as happy as she was.
' what is it? ' my brother asked.
I felt tears run down my cheeks.
' I don't know who's the baby's father ' I said with a shaky voice.
' it's gonna be okay! ' Chloe said as she hugged me.
Suddenly I felt a whole flood of tears coming out of my eyes. This moment was supposed to be one of the happiest I'd ever have but it didn't feel like that to be right now.
I was sacred and felt so alone even though I knew I had Chloe and my brother I still felt so alone in it all.
I didn't know why but I felt alone and scared.
That feeling was unlike any other feeling I'd ever had before. It was definitely the worst feeling I'd ever felt, it just felt like I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.
— — — —
New years..
' brother I'm not sure I think Charles wants me at home he isn't gonna like it ' I told my brother as he dragged me to the car all dressed up.
' come on it's only a little party ' my brother said.
' I don't know, its a Hamilton party those parties are never small ' I said with my eyebrow raised.
' Lewis invited me and told he me I could bring any guests I wanted and I wanna bring my sister together with my wife cause she haven't had fun in months especially not after you found out your pregnant '
I eventually budged and went with him.
He was right I hadn't had fun in over a month so maybe I could go just for a little while. It wasn't so that I could drink anyway, so I would be there for a little while then go home.
How I missed my home, we just left and I already missed home. Or I missed my bed and my couch where I could take it cool, but I loved parties too so it could be fun to just go for a little while. Plus Charles was busy with some other stuff apparently so I could have fun with my brother and sister in law for once.
As we got to Lewis house where the party was held I saw his sister who stood at the entrance greeting people.
' please don't be awkward ' I told myself before I greeted her with a smile which she returned with a hug.
It wasn't awkward between us, she was actually very nice and seemed excited to see me. Not gonna lie I was excited to see her too, I hadn't seen her in months.
' it's many people here ' I said to my brother.
' yeah, I didn't expect less from Lewis ' he said as he laughed.
I also laughed, He was right Lewis always did go big with the parties.
I saw Lewis standing there talking to many people and somehow my heart sank seeing him there.
Later on.
As everyone was about to take shots I just said I didn't feel like drinking.
Oh how stupid that was.
' why don't you want to? You always drink shots and wine ' I heard Lewis say.
I for a moment tried to come up with an excuse.
' do you want us to bring you wine instead? ' Lewis sister said.
I didn't have any excuse why not to drink, Lewis kept questioning why I didn't drink. I mean with all right he did I always used to drink something but how the fuck was I supposed to say I couldn't drink because I'm pregnant.
' I just can't ' I said.
' why can't you?? What's up with you ' Lewis said.
' I'm pregnant okay! ' I eventually screamed.
I didn't mean to say it but it just came out.
' your pregnant?.. ' he said
' yes I am that's why I can't drink '
Lewis looked at me before everyone went back to theirs. I sighed but I noticed Lewis kept looking at me from time to time, ' fuck did he think the baby was his? ' I thought to myself as I headed for the exit to get home.
Just as I almost was at the door I felt someone pull me into an empty room..