how to be a pureblood 101...

By urlostchapstick

33.2K 1.2K 3.6K

when draco malfoy's muggle one night stand gives birth to his daughter he decides to carry on the family trad... More

housekeeping
"ruler of all the testosterone"
"dilfoy"
"is leo going country?"
"you know how Slytherins are"
"are you jealous"
"blowing bennetts off"
"any publicity is good publicity"
"different scarlet letters"
"it's not creepy it's romantic."
"nice grip"
"it's a date"
"a quidditch tactic"
"some bloody validation"
"it's pronounced sirius"
"reasons why chase mclaggen sucks"
"stay bitter"
"break out some pirouettes"
"mr prongs jr's responsibility"
"it was all fake"
"keep up appearances"
"taylor swift on the highest volume"
"james's room and clothes"
"alfredo"
"i have a boyfriend"
"so incompatible"
"cold hand"
"happy christmas eve"
"so fucking in sync"
"i just have to stay"
"overstayed your welcome"
"malfoy manor"
"don't get expelled"
"hermosa"
"new girl for the playboy"
"prince charming"
"jimbob"
"auras and shit"
"spiked milk"
"blueberry pomegranate smoothie"
"my bra is next to you"
"swan lake"
"it's everyday bro"
"head of house"
"jealousy is a bad look"
"red is your color"
"back off"
"don't drown"
"happy and in love"
"little miss competitive"
"gardening"
"jimmy fallon"
"my mum"
"if that's even your real name"
"vain narcissistic woman"
"happy birthday"
"down bad"
"with love"
"stop walking away"
"cheating"
"childless unmarried woman"
"the end"

"going to murder"

518 18 59
By urlostchapstick

// a bit more pg-13 in sexual content for this book than the last (always r for language obvi) but i'll never write smut i refuse it's awkward


Leo left her dad and tried to make her way back to James so they could discuss what had just happened. Tried is the key word there.

"LELE!" Bianca yelled slamming into her. "I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"

"I'VE MISSED YOU TOO!" Leo replied hugging her tightly.

"I feel like we've barely even texted."

"I've been busy trying not to get expelled." Leo said pulling back.

"What?" Bianca exclaimed.

"Yeah I used underage magic in a muggle area." Leo said flashing a rocker hand sign.

"You dumbass!" Bianca said hitting her arm.

"It's all good now. I'm not expelled." Leo reassured her.

"Good because I would perish without you." Bianca said dramatically.

"You'd still have me." Fred suggested with a raised hand.

"I didn't even see you there." Leo said turning to him.

"Right not like I'm six foot three or anything." Fred said bitterly.

"He's only six foot one and he knows it." Bianca told Leo as Fred gasped insulted.

"Leooooo!" Marco said running over and picking her up.

"Marky mark!" Leo responded with a laugh, "Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year to you too babes!" Marco beamed at her, "Merlin I've missed you."

"Missed you too baby girl." Leo winked.

"Hey Leo." George waved from next to him.

"Hi George."

"Where's James at?" He asked.

"He was outside last I checked. I was just with my dad."

"I see him." Fred said excitedly as he pointed over the other party goers.

"I think he mouthed meet him in his room." George said squinting.

"Okay swell." Fred said grabbing Bianca's hand, "Let's go."

Bianca in turn grabbed Leo and pulled her behind them as the five went up the stairs to where James was supposedly meeting them.

When they entered his room, Leo could smell pine once more. She didn't know if it was his cologne or if he spent a lot of time in trees. With James it could be either.

Leo looked around and saw on his desk the sketchbook she got him, open with half a drawing of a hippogriff. But stuck to his wall were the letters she sent him for Christmas and his birthday. And the note she left back the first time she stayed in his room.

"Happy New Years Bitches!" James announced entering his bedroom with a bottle of firewhiskey in the air.

"Not it!" Bianca, Marco, and Leo said at the same time.

"Not it what?" James asked.

"Who stays sober enough to talk to the adults." Bianca explained.

"Not it!" Fred and George both said immediately.

"Seriously? I got this for nothing then." James said throwing it to George and sitting on the ground to pout.

Leo desperately wanted to chug half the bottle to calm her nerves. However, if James wasn't drinking then she couldn't either.

Because he wouldn't kiss her if she was drunk.

And for fuck's sake Leo wanted him to kiss her again.

"Leo?" Marco said offering her the bottle from on the carpet for her to take a swig.

"I'm good actually. Scorp is sneaking out and I need to be good to cover for him."

"You're too nice of a sister. I wouldn't be caught dead doing that for my sisters." Marco said shaking his head.

"Your sisters are twenty-two and twenty-five." Leo retorted.

"And what about it?" Marco said, "I still wouldn't."

"Such a younger sibling thing." James said judgmentally.

"Yeah that's how I feel about Roxanne too." Fred added.

"You're older by like a half hour." George retorted, "And besides where even is she?"

"She went to Alice's family's thing." Fred explained.

"I thought I saw Professor Longbottom downstairs?" Bianca asked.

"He always comes for a little then goes back to his wife's family party. They'd all be invited if they wanted but whatever." James explained.

"Imagine being invited and not just a plus one." Marco responded.

"You were invited-," James began.

"I NEVER GOT AN INVITE!"

"IT WAS IMPLIED!"

"IMPLICATIONS DONT MEAN SHIT!"

"Okay Marco calm the fuck down." Leo interjected, "Only the adults get real invitations because they eat that shit up."

"Well I eat that shit up too." Marco replied bitterly.

"You can have the one off of my fridge babes." Leo said sympathetically.

"Thank you." Marco said glaring at James.

"You gonna sit down Lele?" Bianca asked. Leo looked around and noticed she was the only one still standing.

"I suppose yes." Leo agreed sitting down as the conversation shifted.

"Ooo Marco did you see that ......"

Leo quickly stopped listening as she sensed James scoot over closer to her. Leo looked over and he was already staring at her.

He leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Can we talk later?"

Leo nodded smiling slightly.

"Lele." Bianca said bringing her attention back to the conversation rather than James.

"Yeah?" Leo asked having missed everything.

"If I was a cereal what cereal would I be?" Bianca repeated.

"You'd be cinnamon toast crunch and before you ask, Marco you'd be Froot Loops." Leo answered immediately.

"I told you." Bianca yelled at Fred.

"You premeditated that! Or she was just listening!" Fred exclaimed.

"I definitely was not listening." Leo responded.

"Yeah she was too busy- OW!" Bianca yelped as Leo threw her phone at her. "You couldn't have used a pillow."

"I don't have a pillow." Leo shrugged.

James waved his wand as a pillow floated down from his bed onto Leo's lap.

"Next time I'll throw a pillow." Leo corrected with a smirk.

Knock Knock.

George quickly slid the bottle under the bed while James did a spell to get rid of any odor.

"James have you seen your brother?" Harry asked opening the door.

"No." James shook his head.

"Him and Scorpius were just in here." Leo lied, "James and Andres got in a tiff now he's just being sulky."

"He was the bad guy in this situation." James said following the lie.

"They're probably hiding out while everyone's anger dies down." Leo said to Harry.

"Alright, tell him I'm looking for him if they come back."

"Of course." Leo replied. As soon as he left she pulled out her phone.

"What are you doing?" James asked getting even closer to peer over her shoulder.

"Texting Scorp to come back."

"You're much better than me."

"Clearly." Leo said turning to him. He was so fucking close. It took everything in her not to kiss him again.

"I only told Andres I wouldn't snitch." James replied as his eyes flicked down to her lips.

"I told Scorp I'd keep them away from him." Leo responded.

"I don't understand how you and Scorpius are so close. I can barely get Dre to talk to me half the time."

"That's because you're annoying and I have a wonderful personality."

"Oh I see." James said smiling while shaking his head.

"I could gladly teach you how to be more charming." Leo teased.

"Mhm." James hummed as he glanced down at her lips once more. "Could we actually have that talk sooner rather than later?"

"If you get us out of here without being suspicious." Leo replied trying to hide her desperation.

"Hey guys Andres is back so I need to go have a pretend fight with him so he can leave again." James said to the rest of the group as he stood up, "Leo want to come mediate?"

"Yeah I owe it to Scorp." Leo responded taking his hand as he pulled her to her feet.

"After you then Leo." James said stepping aside for her to leave the room.

As soon as the hit the hallway Leo turned to him, "You just let me go first because you wanted to look at my ass while we walked out."

"Sue me." James smirked as he scanned her body, "I have been meaning to tell you that you look absolutely gorgeous today, but you interrupted me last time."

"Why thank you." Leo replied giving him a spin. "You look okay yourself."

"Okay?" James responded putting a hand on his heart insulted.

"Hmmm." Leo hummed pretending to thinking it over, "You look very pretty James." Leo corrected as she ran a hand through his hair to fix it. It had gotten messed up when they were making out earlier.

"I don't think I've been called pretty before." James replied looking down at her.

"I see pretty, I say pretty." Leo said as her eyes drifted from his hair into his own that had been staring at her intensely. "Maybe a hallway isn't the best place for a chat."

"Probably not." James said as he bent to kiss her anyways.

Leo put a finger to his lips to stop him, "I am not going to kiss you out in the open for my dad to catch us again."

"Ugh." James groaned tilting his head back, "You're right I don't want him to hate me. I do want to rub this in his face though."

"What do you mean?" Leo asked concerned.

"He told me I wasn't your type. Obviously he was wrong." James teased as he pinched her cheeks.

"I don't know what he was going on about because you're pretty consistent with my type."

"Excuse me?" James said loudly placing his hands on his hips.

"Dramatic, Quidditch player, a bit of an asshole, tall, dark hair, do I need to go on?"

"I don't like you very much right now."

"Why not?"

"Because you're putting me in the same category as fucking Goyle and McLaggen."

"You're not near as bad as them." Leo reassured him.

"I should fucking hope not!" James insisted as Leo just laughed.

"Come on, let's go find a room to talk."

"To talk or to talk." James said wiggling his eyebrows.

"Play your cards right and maybe both." Leo flirted as James couldn't contain his smile.

"We can go to a guest room then." James replied taking her hand and guiding her down the hallway.

"Leo there you are!" Scorpius said as him and Andres ran up the stairs.

"Fuck's sake." James mumbled.

"Hey what's up?" Leo asked as she let go of James's hand.

"Where'd dad go?" Andres asked.

"I don't know man, just be glad I didn't tell him you left." James replied annoyed they interrupted his time with Leo.

"He went back downstairs, haven't seen him again." Leo answered. "We told him you had a fight with James. He believed it obviously."

"What did we fight over?" Andres asked.

"He didn't ask."

"Then Imma tell him you were being rude to me."

"Do it." James said just wanting Andres to leave, "I don't really care."

"Who are you and what did you do to my
brother?"

"Let's just go find him so we can leave." Scorpius said putting a hand on Andres's arm.

"Fine, but I'm watching you James."

Scorpius shot a knowing wink at Leo as the pair of them went back downstairs.

"This is why Andres doesn't talk to you." Leo scolded lightly hitting his arm.

"Sorry for prioritizing you right now." James replied brushing the hair out her face.

"I mean I won't complain about that." Leo replied as she fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt.

"Guest room?" James asked.

"Yep." Leo nodded as they separated to walk again.

"You guys done with Scorp and Andres already?" Marco asked as the group of them came out of James's bedroom.

"I'm going to murder." James said under his breath to Leo.

"Uh yeah we are." Leo replied a bit disappointed herself.

"Wonderful." Fred said cheerfully, "We were able to avoid them at Christmas but now the rents are insisting on meeting B and Marco so you guys can come help it not be terribly awkward!"

"What if I don't want to?" James asked defeated.

"As if you have anything else better to do." George scoffed.

"I do have something better to do!"

"Or someone better to do." Leo mumbled for only James to hear.

James snorted then quickly recovered, "Fine I'll help diffuse the tension."

"Perfect!" George said clasping his hands together, "Let's go then."

"Swell." James mumbled as he walked behind Leo.

Despite how much she wanted to just spend some alone time with James, Leo was grateful for the silent agreement between them not tell their friends what had happened. She'd much rather be able to talk it out with James before everyone else's opinions came flooding in.

"I'll get us out of this." James mumbled in her ear then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before they came into view of the rest of the party.

"There they are!" Fred and George Sr. said in sync.

"Pleasure to meet you." Bianca said to George Sr.. Since he lost the ear it was much easier to tell them apart- to their own disappointment.

"Oh she's a polite one." George Sr. said as he straightened his posture, "I am delighted to make your acquaintance as well Madame."

Bianca took his hand in a firm handshake.

"Ow." George Sr. said pulling back dramatically.

Next to them Marco and Fred Sr. were having a similar conversation and Leo and James stood off to the side near the twins' wives.

"I'm not sure why we have to be here." James whispered to Leo.

"Couldn't tell ya." Leo responded.

"We could just leave."

"That would be rude, they're our friends."

"I don't really care about being rude right now." James replied honestly.

"A little desperate there aren't you." Leo teased as she turned to face him.

"For you I'll always be desperate."

Leo blushed a little before giving in, "Fine let's just go I'll text B."

"Brilliant." James said taking her hand and pulling her away from the party back upstairs.

As soon as Leo turned to shut the door behind them at the guest room, James waved his wand to lock it. When he heard the click he spun Leo back around to face him and pulled her by the back of the neck back into a kiss.

Leo immediately melted into him and grabbed onto his shirt to bring him even closer. But soon she remembered why they actually came in this room. She pulled back from his lips and he followed her slightly before he went to kissing her neck again instead.

"James we came in here to talk not makeout." Leo told him.

"Go ahead and talk." James murmured as he continued what he was doing.

"James I can't-," Leo did her best to suppress a moan from escaping her lips, "I can't think straight when you're doing that."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." James said as he stopped to look up at her. "Let's talk." James agreed sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Okay." Leo agreed as she sat down next to him. She turned to look at him while he was already gazing at her lips intently, "James stop that!"

"Sorry! I'm not even trying!" James said putting his head in his hands to not look at her, "I've wanted to kiss you for so long I just can't stop now. You said I couldn't do drugs but let me tell ya, you're the strongest drug I know and I'm fucking addicted already."

"We just need to talk this out first." Leo replied, happy that James wasn't looking at her to see how red her face had gotten.

"Right okay, what about?" James asked as he tried to compose himself.

"Okay so is this just like a physical thing to you? Because that would be okay-"

"You did not just ask me that." James looked back at her with his mouth hanging open.

"It's a reasonable question! I've known you were attracted to me and I just wanted to clarify whether that's all this was."

"Leo are you fucking dense? I have been absolutely obsessed with you since the first day of classes when you called me sweetheart and said people wanted to fuck me because I looked like my dad."

"That's what did it for you eh?" Leo asked with a laugh.

"That among other things yes." James agreed, "I made it extremely obvious what my feelings towards you were. I fucking got detention just to hang out with you all the way back then. You were the one being all coy about it. So what about you? You just attracted to me?"

"I mean you are kind of hot." Leo said as she pretended to think, "But I suppose I like you for your personality as well."

"Really?" James asked as a smile grew on his face.

"No I take it back." Leo said sarcastically.

"No no no, you are not allowed to do that." James insisted shaking his head, "Fuck." James said as laid down on the bed. "Leo Malfoy likes me. And she fucking kissed me."

"And she might kiss you again." Leo teased looking down at him.

"I really couldn't tell if you did half the time."

"I didn't know about you either!" Leo said defensively.

"That is utter bullshit I was so obvious."

"I thought you were!" Leo sighed, "But I couldn't believe that someone like you would actually like me for me."

"You didn't think I would like the coolest, funniest, dumbest person I've ever met?"

"One of those is not like the others."

"I'm not joking though Leo, why didn't you think I'd like you?" James asked propping himself up on his elbows.

"Because you might be a dick at times but you're a good guy. And I don't really attract good people."

"Says who?"

"I mean my track record."

"All in the past."

"And I mean, I've been told before that I don't."

"Who the fuck told you that?" James asked angrily.

"Just a family friend." Leo replied.

"Well I'd like to meet this family friend and tell them how bloody stupid they are because who wouldn't fucking like you." James declared.

"Not necessary." Leo said knowing that the chances of James ever meeting her mum were slim to none.

"Very necessary! They deserve to be called out for their stupidity."

"You're cute." Leo smiled at his protectiveness.

"Leo." James said pointedly, "I'm being serious. That person is clearly deranged for thinking that only assholes could like you."

"Yep." Leo agreed as moved to straddle James's lap.

"You can't distract me Leo." James stated.

"Of course not." Leo agreed as she leaned down and started to kiss his neck.

"I'm not distracted." James reiterated as he mindlessly ran his fingers through Leo's hair. "I still want to have a word with this person... You can't distract me."

"Wouldn't have dreamed I could." Leo mumbled as she left a mark on his collar bone. "Although your dick would disagree."

James glanced down out of instinct but couldn't see through Leo on top of him. "For fuck's sake Leo." James said as he grabbed her jaw and pulled her up to kiss him on the lips, which Leo happily obliged to.

"So are we telling our friends about this?" Leo asked pulling back after a bit to just sit on him.

"What is there to tell them?" James asked curiously as he sat up in his elbows again.

"I mean I don't know...." Leo drifted off suddenly embarrassed for bringing it up.

"Because we're not dating." Leo felt her heart drop as he spoke, "At least until I get to take you out on an actual date. Instead of just making out in a random room in my house."

"So we tell them we're just hooking up?" Leo inquired.

"We haven't fully hooked up yet." James countered.

"Yet? You're real confident that we will." Leo teased as she leaned forward to begin playing with the curls in his hair.

"I can be irresistible if I want to be." James replied arrogantly.

"Oh can you now?"

"Oh absolutely." James nodded, "But you tell Bianca and Marco whatever you want and then they can repeat it back to Fred and George. All I ask is that we don't post anything about it. I don't want to watch the Internet put you on full blast."

"I can take your fangirls James."

"I can't. I think I'd knock each of them out for saying one bad thing about you."

"Okay well can I post just without your face in it? Because I'd rather like to show you off."

"You want to show me off?" James gawked, "Is it Christmas again already?"

"Oh shush it." Leo said pushing him back down on the bed.

Knock Knock.

James' and Leo's heads both whipped to the door.

"Scorpius are you in there?" Draco called out from the other side of the door, "If so you're about to be in a lot of trouble for locking the door."

Leo quickly put a hand over James's mouth to keep him quiet.

"I already heard people talking in there!" Draco called, "I'm about to unlock the door so you better be clothed!"

James and Leo quickly stood up and James waved his wand to fix Leo's hair, cover up her hickeys from when they first walked in and smooth out her dress and Leo just shoved him into the closet.

Draco swung the door open, "Leo?"

"Daddy?" Leo sniffed as she rubbed her eyes like she was crying. Her dad was extremely gullible and she knew he'd believe it.

"Oh honey are you okay?"

"Yeah I just-" Leo sniffed again and tried to think of every sad thing in her life to bring tears, "I can't even say it."

"Is this about-,"

"You don't have to say it either." Leo said quickly as she knew James was listening. "I don't want to hear it aloud, but yes. It is."

"Oh sweetie come here." Draco pulled her into a hug as she pretended to sob, "We're both home now, it's all okay."

Leo sniffed and pulled back acting all okay, "Thank you daddy. You make everything better."

"I try kiddo." Draco said ruffling her hair. "Bianca and Marco were looking for you then."

Leo nodded, "Is my makeup messed up?" She gestured to her mascara which was completely dry since she wasn't actually crying.

"No but your lipstick is a little smudged. Was it like that after I caught you kissing James?" Draco asked full of suspicion.

"Not, but you know adults, they love the cheek kisses." Leo lied.

"Right." Draco said narrowing his eyes. "I still need to have a talk with that kid."

"You'll get to eventually, don't worry." Leo reassured him. "I'm going to touch up my makeup in the mirror, I'll catch you later."

"Okay, let me know if you see Scorp." Draco said as Leo practically shoved him out of the room.

"Will do!" Leo said cheerfully as she slammed the door behind him.

"You deserve an Oscar." James said stepping out of his hiding place.

"Thank you." Leo bowed dramatically. "Now we should go find the group."

"That's lame." James said approaching her and and tilting her chin up to him.

"Lame, maybe, but necessary." Leo pulled him down and gave him a quick peck. "Come on."

"Ugh." James groaned as she pulled him out of the room.

"Such a baby." Leo taunted.

"Such a bitch." James retorted.







//an

part 2.... looking like we'll need a part 3 bc this chapter was so long even without it

i said i wasn't posting today and guess what i lied

i started this to procrastinate finishing my other school work but IM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY SUMMER CLASSES WOOO

hope y'all are enjoying the fact that they're together bc who knows if it'll last teehee

luv ya <3

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