i chewed my nails profusely.
i could barely stand. there's no way i could just leave.
but the door is open.
where did mom even go?
weakly, i got to my feet. everything felt so heavy, yet when i looked down, i'd never seen myself look so thin. pale. bruised.
every silent footstep was a triumph, my body trembled in anticipation and fear.
i moved slowly up the staircase, my breath shaky, using my hands on the bannister to support my frail body.
i stopped on the fifth step, halfway up.
"this is crazy", i thought to myself, "this is fucking insane".
but if i'm going to die, i will leave this world kicking and screaming.
i continued to slowly and cautiously travel up the stairs. just before i reached the top, i ducked down rapidly and my heart started to pound out of my chest.
i could see my mother, phone gripped tightly in her hand.
"could you please tell me if frankie feranna is in your care?" she asked with that sickly sweet voice. "i'm um..i'm one of his relatives, we're so worried about him."
terrible liar. she could've said friend, something less dumbassy than 'relatives'.
shit wait. that could work in my favour.
"well i-...yes, i just want to know his condition right now..but sure, yeah i can give you my number for updates, it's.."
as i honed in on the conversation, i stopped to notice something i'd been deprived of for so long: daylight.
the sunlight poured into wherever we were. i saw shadows of birds flying past on the white walls. the air was fresher up here, i'd gotten so used to how musty it was in the basement where i was kept.
i'd been so immersed in the sight of it all, the close doorway of freedom, i hadn't notice the tears running down my face.
"why do you need my name? i'm his family!" i could hear her become agitated. "can you tell me if he's okay or not? can you do your damn job?!"
i waited with baited breath to hear her responses.
"he's been dispatched? so he's okay? so why did you ask me for my...well why can't you tell me more?! useless fucking assholes!!" she slammed the phone down, the bell of the handset dinged quietly before fading completely as a result.
john appeared behind her. i quickly but quietly crawled back down the stairs, trying with every inch of my life to be silent when clicking the door shut.
once in my room, i practically collapsed in a heap on the floor with exhaustion and adrenaline combined. everything was too much.
i should've ran when i had the chance. i should've fucking tried, at least.
she'd been a part of my kidnapping, that's probably how she knew which fucking hospital he was in back when they took me. nearest fucking one to the nightclub that me and the guys were at before i left and met dewy and sam.
i closed my eyes tightly and thought of the one person i wanted to be with.
mick.
how would i make it out of here?
i've got to get away.
i drifted into restless, barely unconscious sleep.
-
SMASH. what the- BANG!
i forced my red raw eyes open and sat bolt upright as the sound of something breaking came from upstairs.
"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!" i heard him shout like i had never heard him shout before. it made me terrified even when safe behind two doors - well, for now.
"baby i..i wanted to see if my son was okay!!"
"WHEN DID YOU EVER CARE ABOUT THAT LAIRY BASTARD HUH?"
i didn't have to try hard to hear their conversation. it made me shake.
i tensed up even more as i heard feet crashing down the stairs, the door practically broke off it's hinges as he forced it open in pure rage.
he stopped and looked at me, his face burned red. i felt hunted. a predator watching its prey. beads of sweat worked down his face.
through gritted teeth, his voice was much lower, "get up."
i didn't know how to react to this. i simply watched as he waited. out of sheer impatience he came over and grabbed me by my forearm, forcing me to my feet.
"we're leaving."
what?
"diana, pack your fucking bag, NOW."
i followed him sheepishly as he thundered back up the stairs.
he moved quickly, throwing what looked to be a fat wad of cash into a duffel bag hidden under the kitchen sink.
i didn't recognise where we were, but clearly i'd been asleep for hours, the sky was jet black outside.
my mom was nowhere to be seen. then she appeared from another room with a large bag - i proceeded to watch as they both darted around grabbing various valuables and essentials from within the house.
"hon, i really don't think this is necessary-" my mother started to say before john turned around and stopped what he was doing, towering over her. i hated the pure look of fear in her eyes.
"just get in the car."
"what about-"
"i will not ask you again. stupid bitch."
she flinched at his words, but headed for the car.
he put his bag down on the floor and faced me slowly.
what is this bitch gonna try and pull.
"i've come to a decision, lillian." he approached me slowly until he was right in front of me. all the hairs on my body stood on end as he grabbed a lock of hair from the back of my head, pulling my head back. "you're not fucking worth anything. especially not our fucking time."
i gasped as he held a blade right in front of my face.
"lets see how micky likes you with no fucking face, eh?"
in a split second, i felt the blood surge through my arms, my eyebrows furrowed together.
i bit his fucking hand. caught my cheek slightly with the blade in the process, but i clamped my jaw on that hand with all my strength, leaving him shouting in agony - the blade dropped from his hand.
using the other hand he threw me against the wall of what appeared to be the living room, my head banging off it.
i felt blood dripping from my forehead. he'd broken the skin of it, my face now throbbing as i struggled to remain standing from the impact.
i faced him as he moved towards me, his hands clenched in fists.
at the last second, i ducked as he swung for me, his hand bursting through the wall.
i scrambled for the blade as he pulled his hand from the hollow wall.
i heard him struggle as he grabbed my leg, yanking me to the floor before i could reach the blade.
i don't want to fucking die.
"MOMMM!!" i screamed at the top of my lungs as he got me on my back, holding my wrists together.
"you know she never gave a shit about you!" he spoke viciously, his spit flying everywhere, evidently breathless. "no one is going to miss you, the only thing i'll miss is my doped up dumbass fucking punching bag!"
he launched a fist towards my face. i lost all hearing in one ear, all sound replaced by a singular pitched ringing in my ear.
someone needs to save me.
i'm not going to make it.
i thought of mick. the damage he would do to this man if he was here.
but that's just it.
mick isn't here...it's just me.
in that moment, the anger surged through my veins as i knew i had to fight with everything i had.
i smiled at him wickedly before launching my knee towards his nuts. in an instant, he crumpled onto the floor next to me - wheezing in pain.
my time to go was now. i stood up as best i could, my head feeling as though it was splitting in two. the blood from my forehead had ran down my face and was now dripping onto the floor.
"you weak asshole." i spat at him.
he got to his feet and starting to reach for me, screaming as he did.
with all my strength, i ran towards him and shoved him down the staircase to the basement, screaming in return.
this wasn't with the intention of killing him, he deserves worse. prison.
and it didn't kill him. i could see him still breathing whilst unconscious.
lillian, get the hell out of there.