Chapter 19: Lies in the Dark
Hanggang sa makabalik kami sa bahay na tinutuluyan, ay hindi nawala sa isip ko ang nangyari. Binabagabag ako ng nakitang alaala, ang sinuot kong singsing at maging ang lalaking naka-hood na 'yon. Alam kong napapansin ako ni Erina dahil kanina pa ako tahimik pero ni minsan ay hindi siya nagtanong.
"Bukas ulit, Agatha. Magandang gabi." nilingon ko si Erina matapos niyang magpaalam sa akin, ngunit kaagad na siyang naglaho sa paningin ko. Naiwan akong nakatayo sa harap ng pintuan ng bahay.
Instead of heading inside, I chose to sit on the stair in front of the door as I watched the starry sky. I was amazed at how lively it was; the stars were shining, and the moon was so bright and enormous. It's intriguing to imagine as if the sky were holding the stars and the moon together. And while staring at it, my eyes slowly shifted to the castle. Tanaw ang tuktok nito mula rito, and the works of magic rebuilding the castle were like fireworks when they were far away. It is magnificent. Just like the moon, it was so distant, but I wonder... Is Lucien watching the moon right now too, from one of the windows of Castle Sinclair? I don't know, but there's part of me that wishes we were both staring at the same thing right now. Bakit ko ba nararamdaman ang bagay na ito? Sumisikip lamang ang dibdib ko.
"Nakabalik ka na pala," I was startled by Grim's voice behind me. Hindi ko siya tiningnan at bumalik muli ang tingin ko sa kalawakan. Shooting stars started to show up; it was like a meteor shower, and I am so sure that my eyes were glistening right now with the reflection of them.
"Wow," I cannot help but utter, amused by how beautiful the sky is right now. It never stops becoming magical.
"How was the work? Hindi ka ba niya pinahirapan?" Naramdaman ko ang pagupo ni Grim sa tabi ko. He took my hand as if he were examining it, kaya bahagya ko siyang nilingon before turning my gaze back at the sky.
"Hindi naman, nag-ayos lang ako ng mga libro kanina." I lied. I don't want to, but I have. Ayaw ko siyang madamay sa ginagawa ko. Bringing me here was enough; that's enough. Ayoko nang gumawa pa siya ng mga bagay para sa akin, or kung para sa ano mang reason. It's me and myself now. Sapat na ang naitulong niya, hindi ko na nga alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin para lang mabayaran siya for helping me.
"Do you have any wishes, Grimoire?" wala sa sariling naitanong ko, naibaba naman niya ang kamay ko at ginaya na rin ako ng pagkakaupo. Tinukod niya ang dalawang kamay sa pagitan niya at tumingala.
"I have," he lowly said, enough for me to hear it.
"What was it? Possible or not?" he chuckled as if I said something funny.
"Walang imposible sa mundong ito Agatha. This world is full of surprises, magsasawa ka na lang." Yeah, maybe he's right. Halos araw-araw ay nararanasan ko 'yon na para bang sasabog na ang utak ko sa kaguluhan nito. Habang tumatagal ay maraming nakakalito at hindi ko maintindihan o maipaliwanag na pangyayari. Akala ko dati noong nasa mansion ako sa Crescent ay unti-unti ko nang nauunawaan. Pero noong malipat kami sa Nightfall at makilala si Arioch ay nagsimula nanamang magulo ang isip ko. Para silang libro na may iba't ibang version ng kwento na hindi mo malalaman kung alin ba ang totoo, kung alin ba ang paniniwalaan mo. Everything here is a conundrum, a puzzle I couldn't find the pieces to put together; some pieces don't fit right, and some are missing—an unsolved mystery.
I can't even find the answer to the question of how Trevor and Arioch met; what about the things I experience and encounter here in Blizmoor?
The memories of Agatha are like the gushing water that I was trying to cage with my hands. No matter how I try to hold it, it keeps on dripping, escaping from my grip—it's uncontrollable. At hangga't nangyayari iyon, hangga't nakikita ko ang mga bagay na dapat ay nasa nakaraan na, hindi mababawasan ang bigat sa nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung kailan ba ang susunod na eclipse. I don't have any assurance that I will be able to leave this world as soon as possible. Patuloy akong mamumuhay dito ng nagtatago, bilang isang replica ng Agatha na matagal nang wala... matagal na nga ba? Hindi ko alam. Walang masyadong nak-kwento sa akin si Grim, tungkol kay Agatha. It was like he was being careful not to talk too much about her. Why?
Why can't I know the whole fucking story? I can't know if Dakota's version of the story is the one I must believe. I don't have any basis. Pero wala naman siguro siyang dahilan upang magsinungaling sa akin hindi ba? Or there is?
"Hindi na ba masama ang pakiramdam mo?" I was drowning in my thoughts when Grim suddenly touched my forehead; he was like feeling my temperature if it were high.
"Hindi ka naman nilalagnat, sana pala ay natanong ko kay gagong Calum ang mga bagay tungkol sa mga mortal." pinagmasdan ko siya, he cares for me, I feel it. But is that because he really cares for me or because I am Agatha's... Hindi ko na magawa pang dugtungan ang sinasabi sa isip dahil nakakasawa na.
"Mabigat lang talaga pakiramdam ko, siguro'y itutulog ko na lang ito. Saka maaga pa ako bukas na papasok sa shop ni Erina, maybe we should sleep now?" tumayo na ako at lumingon kay Grim na nakatingala sa akin. Tumayo na rin siya at tumango.
"Before that, I think you should eat dinner first. Nagluto ako kanina, may stock kasi ng mga pagkain dito. Pinakain ko na rin si Calcifer, I think okay na rin ang paa niya." Tumalikod na ako at naunang pumasok. Bukas ang ilaw ng buong bahay at natanaw ko kaagad mula rito ang dining table. Mukhang nagluto nga siya dahil may mga nakahayin dito na tinakluban lamang niya.
"Kumain ka na ba?" I asked him while removing my cloak. Ipinatong ko iyon sa couch bago sumunod sa kaniya na naghahanda na ng kakainan ko.
"Yeah, but I will eat again para may kasabay ka." tumango naman ako at naupo na. Roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, and garlic rice, ang niluto niya. Gumawa rin siya ng juice at ipinagsalin pa ako sa baso. I didn't know, maaasahan pala siya sa lahat ng bagay.
"Dapat sa 'yo nagaasawa na e. You know how to cook, marunong ka rin siguro sa mga gawaing bahay? Ilang taon ka na ba?" akala ko tatawa siya o mapipikon kasi parang inaasar ko siya pero nanatili siyang tahimik kaya napaangat ang tingin ko sa kaniya. He was looking down at his plate, his brows shut, and his hands were balled into fists. Kinabahan naman ako kaya natahimik na lang. Nagalit ko ata talaga siya.
"I almost married a woman, and was so ready to spend my life with her, but... she was stolen from me. After her, I promised not to marry anyone. Kung hindi siya, 'wag na lang." I swallowed hard as I heard him say that. Hindi nakaligtas sa pandinig ko ang pagkabasag ng boses niya like the woman he's talking about matters to him, to the point na kung hindi lang din naman ang babaeng 'yon ang mapapangasawa niya, he'd rather live alone than marry a woman na hindi naman ang babaeng ginusto niyang mapangasawa. How could a love story end tragically? I pity him.
"Iba ang edad ng mga taga rito sa mundo niyo, I am living a thousand years already, but too young if you will base it on how I look. Mabagal ang oras dito. Matagal kaming tumanda," he explained after taking a short rest from telling me about his beloved.
"Paano?" Hindi niya agad nakuha ang tanong ko kaya napatingin siya sa akin. Magkaharap kaming dalawa, hindi na namin magalaw ang pagkain dahil sa pinaguusapan.
"Paano siya nawala sa 'yo?" akala ko'y makikita kong muli ang kaniyang galit na mukha ngunit sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan, ngumiti siya sa akin. Isang ngiting puno ng sakit. Sa mga oras na iyon, hiniling ko na sana kaya kong pawiin ang sakit na 'yon, but I realized I can't.
"Because our love is just a fragment. Our relationship is just temporary. It is not the kind of relationship that would last forever... for it's forbidden." natulala ako sa kaniya ng sabihin niya 'yon.
"Do you know what's forbidden in this world, Agatha?" marahan akong umiling, nakatulala pa rin sa kaniya.
"Abomination—two different creatures are not allowed to be together, it will cause chaos—a war. Kahit mahalin niyo ang isa't isa, hindi kayo magiging pwede, you cannot mate, you can't have a child. Mahigpit na ipinagbabawal ang hybrid. Vampires are for vampires, werewolves are for werewolves. Too bad, I fell for a vampire, and now, I am loving her forever." a lone tear escape my eyes. That was deep, but I can hear him tormenting inside. It was like he was being tortured by everything, including the fact that he was loving a woman he could never have.
"So, more like she wasn't being stolen. You let go of her." matiim niya akong tiningnan bago siya ngumiti. He reached for my face and caressed it, or was he wiping away the tear?
"No, she was stolen at first, forced to marry a prince. She fell for him, they married each other, and then... that's it. I let go. End of story." My lips parted as part of me ached for what he said. How terrible.
"I guess, we're done with my story, hmm? Can we now eat so you could rest already?" malambing ang boses niya na animo'y hindi iyon nababasag kanina. How can he even do that? He's masking everything. Pero hindi ko na lamang din ipinilit at bumalik na lamang din sa pagkain.
Habang kumakain kami ay napansin kong napatingin siya sa kamay ko, nang sundan ko ang tingin niya ay nahuli kong nasa suot ko palang singsing ang tingin niya, kumunot pa ang noo niya habang nakatitig doon kaya mas lalo akong nabahala. Hindi ko alam kung itatago ko ba o hayaan na lang na mapansin niya. Bakit ko naman itatago? It's not like I stole this!
"Where did you get that ring?" nahinto sa ere ang kamay ko hawak ang kutsara na papasubo na sana.
"Napulot ko lang sa may shop, baka nahulog ng isa sa customer ni Erina. Ibabalik ko rin ito sa may-ari kapag may bumalik doon at naghanap." katwiran ko trying to hide the truth.
"It looks. . . nevermind. Wala ka man bang naramdaman from that ring?" kumunot ang noo ko sa naging tanong pa niya.
"Wala naman, bakit?" mabilis naman siyang umiling at sumubo na.
"Nothing, may mga bagay lang talaga rito na hindi maipaliwanag. You have to be very careful sa mga bagay na napupulot at isinusuot mo, some of them are cursed, some are curse itself." Kinilabutan ako sa sinabi niya but I tried to act like I was not scared until we're finished. Siya na rin ang nagpresenta na maghugas at pinauna na ako sa kwarto ko.
Sumunod na lang ako sa kaniya. I locked the door of my room and planned to take a half-bath first. Buti na lang at komplete ang toiletries dito. Nagpalit lamang din ako ng damit pantulog pagkatapos at kinumutan lamang si Calcifer bago pinatay ang ilaw. I laid my back on the softness of the bed as I slowly closed my eyes. I shut my mind from thinking too much as I was slowly drowning in nothingness. But before I could finally doze off. I heard weird voices whispering. Napabaling baling ang ulo ko sa magkabilang side hanggang sa tila may humihigop sa akin kaya kaagad akong napamulat at napabangon. My chest was rising harshly as I roamed my eyes around.
My brows shot up when I saw the thin curtain swaying. Bukas ang bintana ng kwarto ko. Hindi ko 'yon binuksan! Nakasara iyon kanina! What the hell?
Kinakabahan man ay nagawa kong buhayin ang lampshade. I immediately closed the window as I slowly walked back to my bed, but I almost jumped when something moved inside the darkness. Galing ito mula sa may bathroom kung saan ang pinakamadilim na parte ng kwarto.
"W-What are you?" my voice trembled. I don't have anything here to use, but I know how to fight, and I will fight. Kahit pa sabihin na mas malalakas sila kumpara sa akin, lalaban ako kahit mapatay pa ako.
"Relax. . . it's me. My baby." Someone from behind me punctured my flesh with two fangs before I could even strike and flee. My vision became increasingly fuzzy, and my knees began to quake. I wanted to shout, but I couldn't... My lips were covered as my consciousness began to vanish.
. . .